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Dr. Jim Garlow is a lifelong pastor who most recently served in San Diego, California, and now leads Well Versed, a ministry dedicated to bringing biblical
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The Rise and Harm of No-Fault Divorce 0:10 Well, welcome to chapter 18 in our discussion of the book Reverse from Culturally Woke to Biblically Awake. That's part 2 of the 2 volume set, Well Versed0:22 Biblical Answers Day Tough Issues, and, of course, Reversed, the book we're working on now. You can get copies of them by going to well versed world dot org. Now chapter 180:34 deals with something very controversial, divorce. Specifically, no fault divorce. I I wanna ask you a question. How many sermons have you heard on no fault divorce?0:46 You've heard virtually none. What was the rationale for no fault divorce, which is a rather modern phenomenon? They said, well, we were unhappy in our marriage. Well, we weren't getting0:58 along. Well, it'd be better for the kids if we were separated. Well, it'd be better for us just to dissolve it. The rationale goes on and on. Previously, before that,1:10 marriage was always seen as only dissolvable in the case of adultery, or abuse. It had a distinctly religious understanding or biblical understanding1:22 to the nature of it. But along came the year 19 69, the state of California, no fault divorce. So a single party could end it1:34 and, for any reason. Didn't have to prove anything. There didn't have to be any reason of fault at all. Ronald Reagan signed it into law. He would later say, it's the greatest mistake of his1:46 political life. And he is absolutely right. 5 years later, 45 states had embraced no fault divorce. Why? What is going1:58 on? Because the shift had changed substantially in contemporary America to an issue of fulfillment. My personal fulfillment2:10 over the issue of my obligations. Now I'm not saying there are not some complex situations, And certainly, a person should not stay in the same premises if a person2:22 is physically abusive. We're not suggesting that. And we do recognize legitimacy that the Bible is saying in the case of infidelity, divorce is tragically,2:35 1 of the options. We don't like to see divorce, we like to see couples heal when they go through that kind of experience. But that is the legitimate option for divorce, scripturally.2:47 Scripture it's interesting that before 19 60 19 60 was kind of a watershed. We've been in a sort of a cultural Marxist overhaul from from that time on.2:59 Marriage was always seen distinctly when the framework of its biblical or religious rootage. After all, who was 1 who thought of marriage? Was it not God himself? But by the time you get to the 193:11 seventies, the sacredness of marriage, the religious underpinnings, the biblical foundation was removed. And vows were no longer taken seriously, which is really tragic.3:24 I performed a lot of weddings in my lifetime, performed 1 very recently, And I emphasize over these vows are for real. I I'm very, very firm with a young couple or a couple of any3:36 age getting married. These vows mean vows. They're to be kept, period. Why are they not being kept? Why do people blow off vows so3:47 easily? Well, part of it is the human autonomy. In other words, it's all about me. It's about my personal fulfillment. I'm not saying that some marriages are3:59 not very painful and very difficult and very challenging. I I I pastored too many years not knowing that. I recognize that. I've met with too many couples in wounded wounded situations. But I've4:11 also seen the glory of God and the power of God and the power of the Holy Spirit restore marriages and bring couples back together and rekindle that which they once had. But the number 1 enemy that causes4:23 divorces, no fault divorces, is this, it's all about me. Now the result of Ronald Reagan signing into law and then sweeping across the country, other states besides4:34 California, was divorces have increased substantially. No fault divorce, where 1 party could do it and no reason had to be given. No longer was it a case of adultery or abuse4:47 for any reason. No reason had to be provided. No fault divorce. The result is a lot more of divorces taking place. And contrary to the5:00 I I don't know how many conversations the pastor I've had with people say, oh, my children are handling my divorce very good. No they're not. You just don't see all this bubbling within. That's hurtful and very painful5:11 and challenging to children. Let's listen, I'm in the middle of page 152. Significantly higher incidence of behavioral problems, drug abuse, poverty, alcohol5:23 abuse, and psychological distress. And, the bureau National Bureau for Economic Research shows that divorce is very, very hard for children. The economic5:35 realities are another thing. Divorce is not a good thing for our children. What does it take to keep a marriage together? Marriage is not an easy thing. God knows that.5:48 In fact, marriage and having children, 2 aspects of family life that are the most glorious, how wonderful it is to have a husband or a wife, how wonderful it is to have children. But those are also what I call5:57 sandpapering events. They're sanctification events. Having a marriage Ruth Graham says it this way, A happy marriage is a union of 2 good6:09 forgivers. If you go into a marriage and you think it's gonna be fiftyfifty, that marriage isn't gonna make it. You're gonna have to feel a lot of the times as if you're giving more, like, 90 instead of 506:21 percent. If you make it 50 50, your marriage will not make it because you'll always not agree on where that 50 50 line actually is. Oftentimes, it's giving a whole lot more to that. And you're gonna6:33 feel like 90 percent some of the time. Research has shown that divorce is actually harder on children, oftentimes, than the death of their father or mother.6:45 Why is that? Because divorce is kind of an ongoing, what I call a living death. It's very, very, very painful. I'm not here to criticize any of you who are listening who've gone through6:57 divorce. The past is the past. I'm not gonna focus on that. But I am trying to make the case in the future for everyone who are listening. Do everything possible to sustain a7:08 marriage. Now I recognize that there's a case of physical abuse, and I have encouraged people to get away from a spouse immediately if there's physical abuse. Get away.7:21 Illegal separation is is is very, very appropriate. You don't stay in a situation. I'm not talking about where verbally abusive. Well, what does that actually mean? It's hard to define sometimes. I'm talking7:32 about bona fide physical abusive situations. I have, I've looked in the eyes as a pastor. I've looked in the eyes of husbands and saying, your wife has just reported something to me. If I ever hear of it again, I will7:44 report you to the police myself. This is not appropriate, and it's not gonna be tolerated by me or, I hope, anybody else. And so I understand the need to for a wife to protect herself or sometimes a husband from married7:56 when they're married to an abuser. But the the fact is marriage is an institution established by God, and when you make vows, we need to mean them mean them, and we need to keep them.8:08 Once you have no fault divorce, you've removed the incentive in the part of a husband or wife to work hard to restore that marriage. And the good news, the great8:19 news, is if a husband and wife, under God, wants that marriage to work, and they've been through a truckload of pain, it's amazing what God's able to do.8:31 His transforming power by the Holy Spirit can do to restore a marriage. No fall divorce is 1 of the worst things that's ever happened to our country. It left a lot of kids without8:43 daddies, primarily without daddies in the home taking care of their own biological fathers. Let me give you an illustration I've shared with almost every married couple I've ever performed a wedding8:55 for in my duration. Here is Jesus here, and he's the apex of a triangle. This is an old illustration. You've probably seen it. Here's the husband.Impacts on Families and Keys to Lasting Marriage 9:08 Here's the wife. Here's the distance between the 2 of you. There's the distance between the 2 of you. You wanna close that distance. The closer you draw to9:20 Jesus, the shorter the distance comes between you. Rewind. The closer you draw to Jesus, the shorter becomes the9:31 distance between the 2 of you. This right here is the answer to no fault divorce. Draw close to Jesus,9:43 and that distance between the 2 of you gets smaller and smaller. That's hopefully helping us to go from being culturally woke to biblically awake.9:56 Let us pray. Oh god, protect marriages from the forces that seek to divide them. Remind married couples daily of the vows they made before you.God's Design and the Path to Restoration 10:08 Restore their commitment, reignite their passion, and renew their love. In your mighty name, we pray for healing, for understanding, for unity. You10:20 are the God of restoration and reconciliation, and we implore this anointing upon the couples of this nation and around the world, father,10:32 that those who've come in marriage covenant will remain united and never divided. In Jesus' name, amen.10:43 We hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you so much for watching. Hey, don't forget to check out the discussion questions that are attached. Have a fun time studying and we will see you in the next chapter.In this video 0:00 The Rise and Harm of No-Fault Divorce9:00 Impacts on Families and Keys to Lasting Marriage10:00 God's Design and the Path to Restoration
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