Skip to content Verbal and Emotional Abuse Apr 14 · 7 min ...more
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The Hidden Wounds of Family Abuse 0:00 Hi. This is June Hunt from Hope for the Heart. When I was a teenager, the turbulence in our family became explosive. Yet rather than being part of the0:11 solution, I was part of the problem. I remember my mother earnestly exhorting me. June, it's not what you say. It's the way you say it.0:23 Oh, how I hated those words, hearing them repeatedly numerous times. Mentally, I mocked that phrase a half octave higher. It's not what you0:35 say. It's the way you say it. Then 1 day, I heard my caustic tone. And finally, I understood. I got it. Slowly,0:47 I admitted, that's true. It's not what I say. It's the way I say it. I didn't realize my unresolved anger had turned into bitterness, then my0:58 bitterness into hatred. Yet I felt justified in my hatred, absolutely justified. The object of my hatred was my father whom I considered heartless.1:10 My teenage sense of justice couldn't tolerate his verbal and emotional abuse, especially toward my mother. Under the onslaught of his frequent,1:23 demeaning words, she felt more and more devalued, and I felt hurt at his devastating impact on her heart. She was my Achilles' heel,1:34 my soft spot. Consequently, I became consumed with thinking, how can I protect her? How can I stop him? My mindset was logical.1:46 Somebody has to let him know how wrong he is. Since no 1 else seems willing, I guess it has to be me. Initially, I used my indirect tactic, which I1:58 called, if looks could kill. I looked at him with daggers shooting from my eyes. Of course, all that did was make matters worse. The only direct tactic I2:10 employed was my verbal confrontation of his adultery, which resulted in severe repercussions. First, I was beaten. The next day, sent away to2:22 boarding school. And finally, sent away to camp for the summer. I hated being sent away. Then back home, multiple times, he said, you're a bad influence on2:34 your mother. Later, he made this pronouncement. All of you children are a bad influence on your mother. After dinner, you will have no contact with her. In2:46 truth, he was successively jealous of anyone taking her time away from him. So following dinner, we, 4, were sent upstairs, forbidden to come back down. Mom felt2:58 torn by being isolated from us. At some point during the evening, she would excuse herself, quickly ascend the stairs, make the rounds to all 4 of us, give each of us a warm3:09 embrace and a gentle kiss, and lightly sprinkle us with soothing words. Everything will be alright. I love you. However, in the midst of her3:21 tender touches, I felt the heaviness of her heart and the pain of her isolation. Numerous times, my sister said, you're the lightning rod of dad's anger because3:33 you're mom's protector. On occasion, after his harsh words toward me, her eyes would fill with tears. Honey, I'm so so sorry. He doesn't mean to be this3:45 way. Yet in my mind, I would say, oh, yes. He does mean to be this way. Years after my father's death, as we talked about those earlier years,3:57 mother confided, there was nothing I could do. Just nothing I could do. I didn't counter her because I knew she genuinely believed that was true. But is4:09 that accurate? When someone is being verbally or emotionally abusive, is there anything we can do? More importantly, is there something we can do in aHealing Through Boundaries and God's Word 4:20 healthy way that could lead toward healing? I say yes because I've learned to do it. We do have choices. We can have boundaries.4:33 We can have healing. If only I had known these truths years ago, I would have acted in a much healthier way and been saved much heartache. There's an old4:45 saying, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a lie. I believe the more accurate truth is sticks and stones4:57 can break my bones, but words can break my heart. The Bible says, above all else, guard your heart. That's Proverbs 45:09 23. Therefore, we need to learn how to guard our hearts against the hurtful words of others and open our hearts to the healing Word of God.5:21 Notice Psalm 107 verse 20 says, he sent out his word and healed them. Healed them. Personally,5:32 you may identify with this reality instead. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words have mortified me. If so,5:44 this too can change, and this change can begin with you. Don't allow yourself to be in bondage to bitterness like I was. As5:56 you allow Christ to be in control of your mind, your will, and your emotions, you will become whole in your soul. It's true. Sticks and6:08 stones may break your bones, but the truth will set you free.6:15 This devotional is a sample of June Hunt's book, Letters from June, Stories of Hope on 40 Real Life Issues. You can order your copy today at hope for the heart dot org slash June, or text the6:27 word June to 7 0 9 1 9 to learn more.
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Hope for the Heart is a worldwide biblical counseling, coaching, and caregiving ministry founded by June Hunt in 1986. We’re passionate about helping people
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