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Hope Together with Dr. Joshua Straub
October 24, 2024 · 54 min
In this special episode, Haley and Dustin sit down with Dr. Joshua Straub at our 2024 Hope Together Conference. This is part two of a short series with guest speakers and interviews from the conference. Dr. Straub and his wife, Christi, are co-founders of Famous at Home, a ministry focused on helping families become stronger and healthier through biblical resources, coaching, and more.
Joshua shares how he found hope in Christ during a difficult season when he and Christi first became parents. They also discuss the stresses and difficulties facing many families today, along with the cultural shifts that have led to much of our stress today. With personal stories and practical steps from God’s Word, Joshua shares how we can strengthen our families and find rest in our noisy, busy world.
Subscribe to the podcast and tune in each week as Haley and Dustin share with you what the Bible says about real-life issues with compassion, warmth, and wit.
So you have every reason for hope, for every challenge in life. Because hope means everything.
Hope Talks is a podcast of the ministry of Hope for the Heart.
Listen in to learn more :
0:07:12 - Overcoming Family Health Challenges Together
0:11:16 - Fatherhood and God's Delight in Us
0:18:28 - Importance of Emotional Safety in Parenting
0:24:20 - Leading With Grace and Truth
0:31:27 - Community-Based Hosting Culture
0:36:03 - Evolution of Family Structure
0:42:04 - The Life-Giving Impact of Sabbath
0:47:49 - Living With Hope in the Gospel
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Helpful links and resources
Learn more about Dr. Joshua Straub’s ministry, podcast, and books – www.famousathome.com
Learn more about our 2025 Hope Together Conference at www.hopetogether.com
Connect with us on social!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hopefortheheart
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopefortheheart
Learn more about the ministry and resources of Hope for the Heart: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/
Learn more about Hope Talks and submit a question for Haley and Dustin: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/podcast
Want to talk with June Hunt on Hope in the Night about a difficult life issue? Schedule a time here: https://resource.hopefortheheart.org/talk-with-june-hope-in-the-night
God’s plan for you: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/gods-plan-for-you/
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Bible verses mentioned in this episode
Genesis 1:5, 10 – “God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day … And God saw that it was good.”
Psalm 37:23 – “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 103:13 – “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him”
Psalm 121:4-5 – “He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you”
Psalm 145:8 – “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
Proverbs 31:15-18 -- “She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”
Isaiah 58:13-14 – ““If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD.”
Matthew 6:10 – “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”
Mark 2:27 – “Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”
Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
1 John 4:9 – “We love because he first loved us.”
Revelation 21:5 – “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’”
Series Hope Talks
Hope for the Heart is a worldwide biblical counseling, coaching, and caregiving ministry founded by June Hunt in 1986. We’re passionate about helping people
October 24, 2024 · 54 min · Hope Talks
In this special episode, Haley and Dustin sit down with Dr. Joshua Straub at our 2024 Hope Together Conference. This is part two of a short series with guest speakers and interviews from the conference. Dr. Straub and his wife, Christi, are co-founders of Famous at Home, a ministry focused on helping families become stronger and healthier through biblical resources, coaching, and more. Joshua shares how he found hope in Christ during a difficult season when he and Christi first became parents. They also discuss the stresses and difficulties facing many families today, along with the cultural shifts that have led to much of our stress today. With personal stories and practical steps from God’s Word, Joshua shares how we can strengthen our families and find rest in our noisy, busy world. Subscribe to the podcast and tune in each week as Haley and Dustin share with you what the Bible says about real-life issues with compassion, warmth, and wit. So you have every reason for hope, for every challenge in life. Because hope means everything. Hope Talks is a podcast of the ministry of Hope for the Heart. Listen in to learn more : 0:07:12 - Overcoming Family Health Challenges Together 0:11:16 - Fatherhood and God's Delight in Us 0:18:28 - Importance of Emotional Safety in Parenting 0:24:20 - Leading With Grace and Truth 0:31:27 - Community-Based Hosting Culture 0:36:03 - Evolution of Family Structure 0:42:04 - The Life-Giving Impact of Sabbath 0:47:49 - Living With Hope in the Gospel -------------- Helpful links and resources Learn more about Dr. Joshua Straub’s ministry, podcast, and books – www.famousathome.com Learn more about our 2025 Hope Together Conference at www.hopetogether.com Connect with us on social! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hopefortheheart Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopefortheheart Learn more about the ministry and resources of Hope for the Heart: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/ Learn more about Hope Talks and submit a question for Haley and Dustin: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/podcast Want to talk with June Hunt on Hope in the Night about a difficult life issue? Schedule a time here: https://resource.hopefortheheart.org/talk-with-june-hope-in-the-night God’s plan for you: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/gods-plan-for-you/ -------------- Bible verses mentioned in this episode Genesis 1:5, 10 – “God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day … And God saw that it was good.” Psalm 37:23 – “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 103:13 – “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him” Psalm 121:4-5 – “He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you” Psalm 145:8 – “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” Proverbs 31:15-18 -- “She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” Isaiah 58:13-14 – ““If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD.” Matthew 6:10 – “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Mark 2:27 – “Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” 1 John 4:9 – “We love because he first loved us.” Revelation 21:5 – “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’” ...more Show the full description Show less In this special episode, Haley and Dustin sit down with Dr. Joshua Straub at our 2024 Hope Together Conference. This is part two of a short series with guest speakers and interviews from the conference. Dr. Straub and his wife, Christi, are co-founders of Famous at Home, a ministry focused on helping families become stronger and healthier through biblical resources, coaching, and more.
Joshua shares how he found hope in Christ during a difficult season when he and Christi first became parents. They also discuss the stresses and difficulties facing many families today, along with the cultural shifts that have led to much of our stress today. With personal stories and practical steps from God’s Word, Joshua shares how we can strengthen our families and find rest in our noisy, busy world.
Subscribe to the podcast and tune in each week as Haley and Dustin share with you what the Bible says about real-life issues with compassion, warmth, and wit.
So you have every reason for hope, for every challenge in life. Because hope means everything.
Hope Talks is a podcast of the ministry of Hope for the Heart.
Listen in to learn more :
0:07:12 - Overcoming Family Health Challenges Together
0:11:16 - Fatherhood and God's Delight in Us
0:18:28 - Importance of Emotional Safety in Parenting
0:24:20 - Leading With Grace and Truth
0:31:27 - Community-Based Hosting Culture
0:36:03 - Evolution of Family Structure
0:42:04 - The Life-Giving Impact of Sabbath
0:47:49 - Living With Hope in the Gospel
--------------
Helpful links and resources
Learn more about Dr. Joshua Straub’s ministry, podcast, and books – www.famousathome.com
Learn more about our 2025 Hope Together Conference at www.hopetogether.com
Connect with us on social!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hopefortheheart
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopefortheheart
Learn more about the ministry and resources of Hope for the Heart: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/
Learn more about Hope Talks and submit a question for Haley and Dustin: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/podcast
Want to talk with June Hunt on Hope in the Night about a difficult life issue? Schedule a time here: https://resource.hopefortheheart.org/talk-with-june-hope-in-the-night
God’s plan for you: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/gods-plan-for-you/
--------------
Bible verses mentioned in this episode
Genesis 1:5, 10 – “God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day … And God saw that it was good.”
Psalm 37:23 – “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 103:13 – “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him”
Psalm 121:4-5 – “He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you”
Psalm 145:8 – “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
Proverbs 31:15-18 -- “She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”
Isaiah 58:13-14 – ““If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD.”
Matthew 6:10 – “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”
Mark 2:27 – “Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”
Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
1 John 4:9 – “We love because he first loved us.”
Revelation 21:5 – “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’”
Series Hope Talks Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
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0:00 So, yes, the last hundred and 50 years of the cultural tide we find ourselves in, does it look bleak? Does it look hard? Are you in a hard moment? Potentially right now, yes. But you know what? There is so much hope.0:11 Mhmm. And he is with us. He loves us. He's chosen us to join him in this journey. And when we invite our kids into that, that's the beauty.0:23 Welcome to Hope Talks. We're your hosts. I'm Haley Scully along with Dustin Anderson, and we wanna give you every reason for hope for every challenge in life because hope means everything.0:37 Dustin, today we have we always say a special guest, but I mean it every time. Like, hearing your story, having you here with us today at the Hope Together Conference here in Allen, Texas. Yeah.0:48 You're 1 of our speakers, Doctor. Josh Straub of Famous at Home, Famous at Home website, Famous at Home podcast. Josh, we are so thankful that you took the time to come and talk with us today, and we look1:00 forward to the conversation.1:01 Oh, thanks for having me. It's an honor to be with you guys.1:04 So a little bit of introduction about you for those who don't know. So, again, Famous at Home podcast, book, author of a number of books and children's books.1:13 Mhmm.1:13 A lot around family, marriage, parenting, emotional intelligence, and things like that. And so we'll probably get into a little bit of that and talk about marriage and family and parenting and some of the struggles1:25 facing families today. But first, we're here at the Hope Together conference. So I think this is your second year here. So we just wanted to
1:32 ask Yeah.
1:33 How is it going? What do you like about it? What do you look forward to? What's your kind of big takeaways on things here?
1:38 First of all, this is the 1 conference that my son comes to where he has an exhibit hall separate from where I'm speaking. And so he's 12 now. He's 11 last year. It was his first time doing it. And so
1:50 he gets to walk around on his own and get some independence.
1:54 Oh, that's awesome. And he kills Yeah.
1:56 And doing those types of things. And so it's a really cool to get to do this with him is an incredible joy. And it's a safe environment for him to be able to come because the people here I think we were talking about
2:08 this earlier, but this event is the word I described. People ask what I felt this week, it's wholesome.
2:15 Yeah. That's
2:15 It's wholesome. People are wholesome. Everybody in an amazing like, when you're in the kingdom of God, you're walking in and out of the elevator, you're seeing people that you don't know them, but you see the
2:27 lanyard and you're just like, there's a kindredness. There's a spirit there that's like, it's wholesome. That's what I experienced here. So to bring my son here and to experience that is just a true
2:39 joy.
2:39 I feel the same way. As you were saying that, I'm thinking, you know, part of this conference is those like, the tagline is answering the call. These halls are filled with people who are answering the call
2:51 in ministry in hard places, some counseling, coaching, pastors. We've been called and equipped, and it's really an evidence of the nurturing side of God. So true. It's like
3:03 we're a hotel full of people that have that peace of Him. And sometimes that peace can be heartbreaking. You know, our compassion for others, our care for others, our nurture for others,
3:15 We're a bunch of feelers. Yeah. But it's so good to be empowered and inspired
3:20 ripped But it's tool that keeps us like, yesterday I was speaking and the number of people I did a quick introduction with some people. Mhmm. And I said, what is your assignment? You know, because our identity and our
3:30 assignment are 2 different things. Exactly. And often in our culture, and we do this with our kids, we train them from the very beginning. What do wanna be when you grow up? Yeah. And we confuse identity with assignment.
3:39 That's good.
3:39 So just said, is your assignment? And a lot of them are serving the homeless community. Whether they're serving widows or they're it's like, this is truly the gospel. Like,
3:51 orphans and widows and the homeless community. And I'm the 1, you know, I'm called the family. No matter what each of us are individually it's exactly to your point. Yeah. We're all called to areas that can feel broken,
4:02 but we carry as the kingdom of God. We carry the hope. Yeah. And that's what this is all about. Yeah. Hope together.
4:09 I'm so blessed that that's what your experience is.
4:12 Yeah. Oh, so good. There's been an incredible the word that keeps coming back to mind for me is kindness. Mhmm. The kindness of God here and the kindness of the people. Mhmm. It's just like 3 days of,
4:24 like, literal encouragement. Yeah. It's 1 thing, like, I do a lot of the writing and marketing and stuff, and it's like, oh, join us for 3 days of encouragement. And that means something on paper, but like But when
4:35 you're actually with people and you're sharing your stories Yeah. And then knowing you're you're not alone in whatever the particular
4:42 And it's fascinating too because to your point, I think, you know, the bible says you shall know them by their fruit. Yeah. And when you talk about kindness, I mean, that's a fruit of the spirit. Yeah. And what I
4:50 experience here is the fruit of the spirit. It's like you you know the people here by their fruit, and it's just cool.
4:56 Amen. That's so good. That's so good.
4:59 Well, 1 of the things we love hearing on Hope Talks are people's what we call their hope stories. And sometimes that might mean their salvation story of how they came to know the Lord. But a lot of times, it's might be
5:11 something, a suffering, a loss, a struggle, a trial they've went through, and how they really learned to hope in the Lord in that particular circumstance. So we wanted to hear from you what Yeah. Your hope story would
5:22 be. Doctor Josh Straub, what is your hope story?
5:25 So God humbled us in the very thing that he called us to. Our greatest opponent came into our marriage weighing 8 pounds and 1 ounce. And that's the little boy that's the young boy who you see running around these halls
5:36 here at this conference.
5:37 Yep. Selling books, doing a good job.
5:39 He just turned 12 3 weeks ago. But when he and his sister were younger so we're I'm gonna fast forward to about the 2 he's 2. Kennedy, our daughter, who's 10 now, she was
5:51 about 6 weeks old. So the hard part in those first 2 years, we have 3 kids. We have a 12 year old, a 10 year old, and then Micah is 4. Okay. And so there's an age gap there for a reason. And that age gap
6:02 is because those first 2, Christy had and I don't even know the name of it. If she were here, she'd be able to tell you what name of it was. But during her pregnancy, she was sick, basically flu like symptoms throwing up
6:12 all day every day for the entire pregnancy, first 2 pregnancies. And then when she had them, she can only breastfeed Landon for the first 6 months. She had real sharp pain, mastitis, all these things. But then it was to
6:24 the point where she couldn't breastfeed Kennedy at all. So Kennedy goes on formula and she is sleeping in 25 to like 48 minute increments. And we know because we timed it. Like, actually
6:35 wrote it down. Yeah. So I'd be bouncing her around the house trying to get her to sleep. I'm ever so careful at laying her down. I finally get her down. And about 30 minutes later, you hear her screaming. And her scream
6:47 I remember Christy being introduced 1 time by a friend as, hi. This is my friend Christy. She has the baby with the worst cry I've ever heard in my life. Like, sounded like she was being kidnapped every time. And we have
6:58 it recorded. We play it for people sometimes and they're like, oh my word. Like, you couldn't discern whether it was hunger or what it was. And the problem was is because she was on this formula that we had no idea she's
7:09 having stomach allergies. So we have call acid reflux, not sleeping. Christie had a back injury in college. So at 6 months old, Kennedy is 6 months old, Landon is 2 years old. Christie, my wife, was on bed
7:20 rest for 3 weeks with a porta potty right next to the bed because she couldn't even walk to to the bathroom. Our accountant is coming for meetings for our finances in the bed. And so I'm trying to take care of the 2
7:32 kids. I'm trying to work. Like, it was and in that season, my dad also had congestive heart failure and had a heart pump surgery. So he's in Pennsylvania. We were in Missouri at the time, and we were
7:43 just exhausted. Yeah. We were absolutely fried. And where it started to turn a corner a little bit is about 6 months into our daughter, I was preaching at a church and I was sharing
7:55 some of our struggles and this woman came up and she said, hey, can I come alongside you guys? And turns out she was a nutritionist. She was allergic to everything except I think like 16 different foods. It's the only
8:07 thing she's allowed to eat. And so long story short is she put our daughter on pure raw goat milk and immediately our daughter came to life and started sleeping. It was unbelievable. And so awakened our
8:18 eyes to a lot of different things during that season. But the hope out of it is that so often as parents, we get stuck in the trenches, those survival years,
8:30 those Yeah. Just really difficult years. Here we are. They are 12 and 10. They are doing so well. They are thriving. They don't remember those early years. We remember them very
8:42 well. We know what they were like. And again, it wasn't overnight, but over time, the Lord just was always present. The Lord was always with us. The Lord was just showing us
8:54 there's hope on the other side. There's hope. And to the point that it was prophesied over Christie, you'll have another boy. And she's like, I don't wanna she fought God on it for 2 years. Yeah. And finally,
9:06 she surrendered because that's what you ultimately do when you walk with the Lord. Yep. No matter how much big our deal is Yep. And Micah has been an absolute redemption. She wasn't sick during the pregnancy.
9:19 She had a home birth. God bless my wife. Healthy. He's healthy. Like, it was just a complete opposite redemption from what those first 2 were. And it was just, so the
9:30 hope there is he's our like, oh, wow. Like, this is really cool. And so here we are in this beautiful season of seeing them and here we are.
9:39 What did it look like that God was always there? How did you know he was there? What did that feel like? What was the evidence?
9:47 I can tell you at 3 o'clock in the morning, 3, 2, 4, 1, whatever it was.
9:53 Every 30 minutes.
9:54 Every 30 minutes. I'm sitting on that glider and rocking a child, and I would just close my eyes, and I his presence was there. I I can vividly remember
10:06 his presence. It wasn't that he was fixing it. It's what I learned about God. There's a lot of times he comes alongside us, but he doesn't leave us. He never forsakes us. He never leaves us. It's not that he's fixing
10:17 things. Yeah. Because usually what he's doing is he's trying to teach us things in the middle of our circumstances. Right? It's like that you rejoice in suffering. With suffering comes perseverance perseverance character
10:28 and character hope. Right? Romans 5 3 through 5. And hope into Christ Jesus will not disappoint. And it's like so it's his presence that's in the middle of those circumstances that constantly kept me
10:39 moving forward. And I think those middle of the night moments were key for me. Yeah.
10:44 That reminds me of there's a handful of times with our firstborn daughter, Carys, who not the extent of the sleep problems, but many late tonight with that shrill, just loud
10:56 scream. And Yep. The only way she would fall asleep is if I were standing, like they know something. You're sitting Oh, they do. There's no dismay. There's no Oh, yeah.
11:05 You have
11:05 to just stand and I'd be leaning against the wall. But the Lord would bring to mind, I remember like Psalm, I think it's 1 21, where it says, he neither slumbers nor sleeps.
11:15 He you
11:16 know, the Lord keeps watch over you. Yeah. And it was just like, the screaming would go on for another hour, but it was just like, we're being reminded of the word and his presence in those moments.
11:27 And to your point, like, think the other hope component of this, and this is the part that has really challenged me through the years, is it is being a father and the love of my kids that I have for my kids.
11:39 And Psalm 103 says, how much more fathers you? And I'm like, there are so many moments. There was a moment, our youngest Micah, he's playing soccer this past spring and it was his very first soccer game ever and he
11:51 scores a goal. And I just played it here at the event for some folks. And it's like this 13 second clip, he scores his first goal, and he just starts sprinting with the biggest smile on his
12:03 face right back to me, his Oh, damn. And in that moment, the Lord spoke to me. And he said, you know, Josh, you know how much joy you have right now by just
12:15 experiencing the joy in your son's face? Yeah. For a guy who takes life too seriously sometimes, a lot of times Yeah. How much more joy do you think I have when I watch you enjoy? And I'm
12:26 like, man, forgive me, God, for not being so joyful. And so
12:31 the best.
12:31 That's ugh. Mhmm. Being a father, that's
12:34 Oh, yeah.
12:35 Much more the father loves me, you know? Like ugh.
12:39 Yeah. That's 1 of the most, like, amazing truths I've learned and I have to continue to learn is that on some level, we understand God loves us, but the idea that he actually delights in us. Why do you think it is people
12:50 struggle with that? Because every time I've heard that, there's this calm that comes over the room where it's like, we know that's true.
12:56 For me personally, so Psalm 37, I think it's Psalm 37 23, if I'm not mistaken. It literally says, he delights in every detail of your life. And where I've struggled is when
13:08 I don't go back to the truths of scripture. Yep. And I think that's where we have to like, I read book of Psalms every morning because those truths in the book of Psalms remind me, he will not leave me. He will not
13:20 forsake me. He delights in every detail of my life. And I find that when I'm feeling alone, when I'm feeling fearful or whatever, it's like I have to resort back to the truths of scripture. And I think that's why it's
13:31 important that we absorb those scriptures and absorb them and so that we have those truths.
13:37 Yeah. Yeah. That was gonna be kind of my question because a lot of people, we go through really hard times. And when you have your children, it's supposed to be this beautiful moment. We have all these expectations, and
13:47 yet it sounds like it was really hard. I have aunts and uncles that have joked about me being colicky.
13:53 You know? I'm like, still to this day, have no stinking clue what colic is. You know? I just know that it kept me awake.
13:59 Yeah. So it's hard. But so what was it that happened before that that kept you leaning into his presence instead of getting angry? You talked about how a little bit of the Psalms and what
14:11 kept you from being like or did you? And if you did, how did you work through that?
14:15 Yeah. No. That's a great question. I mean, especially in those early, early years. So my dad's going through all of his stuff. Yeah. Christy's experiencing what she's experiencing. And of course, remember the guy today,
14:26 he's in the young years, he's in the trenches. And that's when marital satisfaction dips the lowest is when you have young kids. And I can remember Christy feeling like you even said like, oh, it's supposed to be a
14:37 beautiful thing when you have kids. But yet Christy sat there going, I'm not enjoying this at all. Right. And then feeling guilty for feeling like, oh, I should be experiencing joy here and I do not And she was at a
14:48 point where she's just like, I just don't like it. I don't. And so I think during those years, I think back on it, I've always tried to be in the word. I would say that where I would get
15:00 not angry, but I think fear is what would creep in for me. Mhmm. I guess I don't tend towards anger as much as I tend towards probably fear. Yeah. And for whatever reason, that fear
15:12 will typically lead to my fight or flight. When I'm in fight or flight, which is what I was in during those years, is to just do the next thing and just do do do do do
15:21 Oh, yeah. Knuckle down.
15:22 You just knuckle down and just do. And that's what I did. Whether it taking care of my dad, taking care of Christy, and where I would get it wrong is when I wasn't prioritizing Christy, my wife, because I'm taking care
15:33 of the kids or prioritizing my dad. Because I see Christy as this rock, and then I'm taking her for granted or thinking she's gonna be okay. Mhmm. But she's the 1 who's just feeling lost.
15:44 Yeah.
15:44 And Yeah. Yeah. So there was a lot back there where I can remember a time I'm walking into the kitchen, and she was in her mom uniform, she calls it, sweatpants, you know, that she wore to bed the night before, no
15:55 makeup, hair in a ponytail. She's got sweet potato purees just speckled over her sweatshirt. And she's just like I walked in, she said, I come in waffeting in the smell of a sweet latte from Starbucks, comes sauntering
16:06 in. And I was talking all about my day, all the cool things I had going on. And she broke down in tears, and she said, why don't you ever ask me about what's going on in my heart? And that was a defining moment for our
16:17 day. Yeah. Like, I remember that in those early years, and I just held her because I didn't know what to do other than to hold her. We had some really good experiences come out of that. So
16:25 I think that's so good. Because so many times, I like how you said you kind of expected her to be a rock. Mhmm. Like, we have these expectations, and I kind of sometimes think of it as, our frontline. You know? We have
16:37 our frontline, and, like, we're in it together, and I'm persevering, and you're persevering. And we do kind of look past those people that are right in the trench with us That's
16:49 right. To the people that we feel are the ones we're supposed to be caring for. Like, a lot of times in marriage, it would be your kids. So, like, you're supposed to be side by side, neck and neck in this, and we're
17:00 focused on this out here. Yep. And sometimes that's in ministry. It's in our organizations. Like, and we step on, and I don't mean that in, like, a most terrible way, but we just kinda step on those right
17:12 next to us. I love that hundred percent true. There was that moment that you're like, oh, wait a second. Yeah. You're my partner here.
17:18 And the hope for us is that, I mean, our marriage is stronger than it's ever been and we learn to prioritize that. Yeah. We do learn to prioritize and fight for each other in all of it because we knew that that was the
17:30 anchor. We didn't have that, know, things were gonna fall apart Yeah.
17:33 Everywhere else. That's awesome.
17:35 Yeah.
17:35 So you're obviously have started a lot of this ministry around marriage and family, and this is what we're talking about today. So what led you into this calling to focus on
17:47 that? I mean, especially here at the conference, I'm hearing stories about, like you said, people involved in homeless ministry, helping orphans, international stuff. Like, what led you to your calling to focus on that?
17:59 So I think if you go all the way back, my parents were divorced when I was 10. And so divorce was very prevalent in my family. And that was a ship I wanted to write after going into counseling field, realizing a lot of
18:11 that dynamic. But I think the other component of that, I was working with juvenile delinquents and troubled families when I got out of school. I was a criminal justice major originally, wanted to be a state trooper. And
18:21 so I was working in adult corrections facilities, juvenile justice facilities, things like that. And so I had my PhD in counseling. I was working in the area of attachment. And when we were in these early years, I'm
18:32 gonna go back to that hope story. When we were in our trenches, I remember looking back at the research. I was like, Lord, I know parenting is not easy Mhmm. But could it be simpler? Because there were techniques
18:44 and books out there that all contradicted 1 another, and it was just like, who do I listen to? What do we actually do here? And so I took a 30000 foot view, which I enjoy doing, and I think we're
18:56 in a day and an age where as families, we have to pull back 30000 foot view. We have to look is what we're doing today working? Yeah. And I thought if I'm 80 years old, I'm sitting on a rocking chair, and I'm looking
19:06 back and I see my grandkids running through the yard, what will have really made the biggest difference? Mhmm. And everything that I found through research linked back to this phrase of emotional safety. Mhmm. And so I
19:17 said, okay. Like, I wanna raise kids who have good grades, they're great in their extracurricular activities, a child who can come sell books at a conference and interact with adults at 12 years of age. I want a child
19:28 who gets married, stays married, and actually enjoys their marriage, has high marital satisfaction, finds a career that they stick in, and have a faith that sticks. Have a career that they love and a faith that sticks.
19:39 Every single 1 of those led back to relational warmth or emotional safety in some way. And when you filter that through the lens of scripture, you find that as a father has compassion on his children, so the father has
19:49 compassion on us. Yeah. He's slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. He is a safe God. He's a loving God. And so when I pray the prayer, you
20:00 know, the Lord's prayer on earth as it is in heaven with my kids, I'm going, how do I relate to my kids on earth as it is in heaven? And so out of that, in 20 15 came a book on emotional safety with kids, and that's just
20:12 kind of what started the process. Because I just started writing about it and turned that into a book. And then marriage and family ministry from there took off as we started to really prioritize how do we raise kids
20:24 well and what does that look like. Yeah.
20:26 So talk to us a little bit more about emotional safety. Like, what does that look like? How do we like, I'm thinking about my own kids now and the big feelings we have in our home.
20:37 Yeah.
20:37 And just how do you create that kind of environment in that space so that kids who are just feeling a lot of anger and all the different emotions for the first time, like Yeah. Making sense of
20:49 that for kids. Like, how do you do that? And then how do you I mean, even as adults, we're still dealing with that.
20:54 It felt
20:55 like we reached 18 or something, and it's like, I figured out my
20:58 emotions. Security. That's right. Yeah. Well and that's why a lot of our ministry is now geared towards parenting is because you can sum up all of parenting research into 1 primary conclusion, and that's that our kids
21:07 become who we are. Like, there was a MAID analysis done that looked at top 10 parenting strategies. It was out of Harvard University, where the top 10 parenting strategies get the outcomes we most desire in our children.
21:18 And MAID analysis is where you take all kinds of data and you sum it up and then you look at the average of everything. They then took that data and they asked parenting experts what they thought it would be. And all the
21:29 parenting experts got it wrong. The top of the top 10, the top 3, number 1 was love and affection. Number 2 was a parent's ability to manage his or her own stress. Interesting.
21:41 Number 3 was how you treat your spouse or how you treat a co parent in a divorce situation. Wow. I would argue that of the top 4 Yeah. The fourth 1 is raising independent kids, by the way.
21:50 Okay.
21:51 We haven't even touched discipline. Was like 8 on the list. Wow. Oh, wow. Of the top 3, I would argue Yeah. That none of them have to do with a direct relationship with my child. They have everything to do with who I'm
22:00 becoming as an adult. Interesting. How I'm treating my spouse Yeah. That's my responsibility. How I'm managing my own stress, that's my responsibility. How well I'm showing up with love and affection is my
22:11 responsibility. And what's the very first thing that you're asked when you go to a therapist? What's your relationship like with who? Mom and dad. In other words, let's translate that. How well were you loved? Mhmm.
22:20 Mhmm. Bible first John 4 says, we love. Why? Because he first loved us. Our ability to show up and love our kids well is a reflection of how well we've received the love. And to answer your question about
22:32 emotional safety and what that actually looks like, I genuinely believe Brendan Manning wrote a book in 19 93 called Ob is Child.
22:39 Yeah. I love that.
22:40 In that book, 2, he talks about the imposter syndrome. And there's a phrase in there that just really stood out to me that I was I think it sums up emotional intelligence, emotional safety better than any other
22:51 phrase. And really what he was talking about is your true self. Yeah. And he said, are you walking into a room showing up going, here I am. Or do you walk into a room going, oh,
23:03 there you are. And I think that is as it relates to our children, and as it starts with our children, is that it comes down to am I as a parent walking into a room
23:15 going, why are you doing that? What are you doing? What are you thinking? Or am I walking into because a child's overwhelmed, as you even talked about in the early years of toddlers, they're trying to make sense of and
23:25 organize their own emotions. Yeah. And so we as adults are the ones we're the mature ones supposed to be. Right? It's like how
23:32 I am.
23:33 Yeah. Are. I am. Yeah. There's no question in my mind.
23:36 That's right. That's right.
23:37 But, you know, you and you walk into the room, are we taking it personally that they're losing their mind, or are we like, I hope that my hope story in the beginning encourages you
23:49 because, listen, when we were in the trenches in the middle of that, this is like 10 years ago. We're 10 years later, and we just practice these things day in and day out. Mhmm. 10 years
24:00 later, we're on the other side Yeah. And it's beautiful. And as parents, I think we get caught in the day to day. We see our kids thrown a temper tantrum, and the fear comes up. What if my kid turns out a certain way,
24:11 and what if this happens? And yet when we show up consistently over time Yeah. Oh, there you are. What's really going on? Yeah. Let me help you. That doesn't mean that we're not supposed to implement truth and
24:22 boundaries. That's critically important. But when we lead in grace with, oh, there you are, then we can follow in truth. But if we lead in truth, John Townsend writes that
24:34 truth without grace will always be received as condemnation. And we know there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. So if your children are experiencing all truth and no grace, they're gonna receive that
24:44 condemnation. And I think that's where emotional safety is. If I could sum it up, it's walking into the room going, oh, there you are.
24:51 Here you are.
24:52 Versus
24:53 Not how are you impacting me?
24:54 Here am I. Here am I. That's right. That's right.
24:56 How are you yeah. So for people that are listening, because there's a lot of people that didn't grow up that way, and they can feel like, well, how do I get there?
25:06 Yeah.
25:07 Like, what's 1 of the first things, some of the your top encouragements for people that that's not their experience, but they want to create that with their kids? What do they need to heal
25:16 and think to scripture again. I think we live in a culture we surveyed over 700 parents, and what is your greatest parenting struggle? And the greatest parenting struggle is we're too busy and there's not enough time.
25:27 Mhmm. And the surgeon general just put out on August 20 eighth of this year, 20 24, he just put out an advisory a month ago, put out an advisory that said, an advisory to parents, the mental health and
25:39 well-being of parents. The government is now putting initiatives forward to support parents, the surgeon general. Because 33 percent of parents in the last month, 1 third of parents Yeah.
25:50 Have reported very high stress. So Right. We are seeing and we know if our kids become who we are, look at that trickle down. This is where I go, okay. We have to take a 30000 foot view
26:02 back Mhmm. Yeah. And go, are these systems that our culture has imposed upon us? Yeah. Are they working for our family? Right. And so where we have pulled back to when you go all the way back to
26:14 the Genesis chapter 1 in the creation of the world. Yeah. It started with day 1. First, there was evening, and then there was morning day 1. Yep. There was evening, and then morning day 2. There
26:26 was evening and then morning day 3. And you walk through Genesis chapter 1 Yeah. And what do you notice? The very first pattern. The day starts when? In the evening. Now imagine starting your day as a parent.
26:39 I know you mean to get into the emotional stuff. Right? Because that I don't know where you're at emotionally right now. Yeah. But what we need as a culture is rest. We weren't designed to work for rest. We were designed
26:50 to work from it, to live from it. And I know we weren't supposed to sing on this podcast, but I'm going to anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Right? It's like, we're living for the weekend. Right? Yeah.
27:00 That's why theology. Okay. Yeah.
27:02 Right? Yeah. Live from the week. Let's live from the weekend. Right? Yeah. So if you imagine starting your day with the most incredible meal of the day. Yeah. And then imagine God saying, I want you to go sleep.
27:14 I want you to go rest for
27:15 8 hours. Go take a nap.
27:16 Go have a big long And while you're working, I'm not gonna be napping. I'm gonna be doing things in your life and setting things up. So then it says, Adam and Eve walked with God in the cool of the day. So when you wake
27:26 up, I want you to walk with me, and I'm gonna explain to you what I've been doing while you've been resting and asleep. And now just for the rest of the hours that you have left, go carry out what I've asked you to do.
27:34 Wip of your hands. Yeah.
27:35 And then let's look at the other rhythm. At the end of every day, what does God say? It is good. It is good. Mhmm. It is good. Yeah. It is good. Mhmm. So when you get to the end of the day with your dinner, with your
27:47 family, with your kids Yeah. What are you celebrating at the end of the day? We're living in a culture today that's going, there wasn't enough time. I'm not enough. Not enough of this. Not enough of that. We gotta hurry.
27:57 We gotta rush. We gotta right? And part of this is because the screens are imposing upon us, and that's a whole other conversation. So you have those daily rhythms Yeah. And then you have a weekly rhythm. What did Adam
28:08 and Eve do in the very first day that they were created? They rested. Mhmm. Yeah. They were created on the sixth day. On the seventh day, God rested. The very first thing right? So, yes, the law was abolished when JesusShow more
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