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GOD'S PLAN FOR RESPONSIBILITY: A PURPOSEFUL ROLE
October 28, 2024 · 49 min
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Series Families Fortified October 28, 2024 · 49 min · Families Fortified
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Pastor Jeff Schwarzentraub serves as president of Pastor Jeff Ministries, a national and global ministry designed to equip believers and challenge them to take
139K followers
In this video 0:00 The Divine Design of Family and Marriage
The Divine Design of Family and Marriage 0:00 And with that, let's continue our worship as we go before the Lord. Father in heaven, thank you so much for all that you're doing. And Lord, we are a privileged people because we have your word. And Lord, we believe as a0:11 people that every time your word is faithfully and accurately proclaimed that you are speaking, which is anytime we want to hear you, we can open your word, read it, hear it, and when it's spoken, it is you0:23 speaking to us. And so our way today, our prayer is speak, Lord, for we are ready to hear. And so now, for all those who have gathered, who desire to hear the Lord Jesus Christ, speak directly to0:35 you, who will believe what he tells you, and who will, by faith, put into practice what he shows you. Will you agree with me very loudly this morning by saying0:43 the word,0:44 amen. Everything that is designed has a purpose. When a designer sits down to put something together, there's a reason that he put it together. When you design a watch, a watch has a purpose0:56 to tell the time. If you design a phone, a phone has a purpose to communicate with other people. If you design a vehicle, a vehicle has the purpose of getting you from point a to point b. Everything that's designed has1:08 a purpose. And even even within that framework of what's being designed, there's different kinds of designs. Very used vehicle that's very inexpensive, or you can spend1:19 hundreds of thousands of dollars on a vehicle to accomplish some of the same things. You can get a vehicle that allows you to haul things around. You can get a vehicle that's only for 1 or 2 people.
1:34 Design different athletic activities. I mean, when it comes to the the sport of football, you can be 300 pounds or you can be 150 pounds so you can play, but you're designed to play a different position. You're designed
1:45 to play a different role. So every design has a purpose. As we started this Families Fortified series, we talked about what design looks like. How God is the designer. God's the 1
1:57 who designed us. And we took a look the very first week at what God is after, and how God is after a covenant family, because it's through families that he's gonna get the most glory on the earth. But we started with
2:07 you, and we said that the reason that you have inherent value is that you were created by God. And when God created you, he created you with a design. And that's the design is that you were created in the image of God.
2:17 So unlike the stars, the moon, and everything else that God created, he created you, male and female, in his image, which means intrinsically, you bear the image of God. So every single human being
2:29 has value and worth, because God says that they do. And then what we learned is that God created 2 genders, male and female. We took a look at Psalm 139 and selected other scriptures. So God is the
2:41 1 who designed the gender. There's only 2 according to the word of God. And when God created those genders, whatever he designed you in utero, that's what you are. Definitive of the purpose that God has
2:53 for you on this planet, which ultimately is the mission of having a family, creating a family to propagate the gospel through your family. That's why there's always an attack
3:08 and so today we're going to take a look at your purpose. And how we talked about the first week, your purpose. It comes from your gender. Today, we're gonna take a look at gender within the family and how those gender
3:19 roles play out. Now, this is 1 of the most controversial topics that we can talk about, but I'm not a PR agent for the Lord. I'm just a pro. I'm not apologizing for what God says. I love what God says, and our world
3:31 needs to hear what God says. Amen? And so, as you're opening, open your bible up to Ephesians chapter 5. We're gonna be in verses 22 to 33. Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 33. And as you're turning there,
3:43 let me just set this up for you. Because we talked about we not only talked about how your purpose is rooted in gender and your mission is established in a godly family and God's the 1 that resources that. But last week,
3:54 we took a look at what a vow to oneness look like. When God creates marriage, what happens at the altar when a priest or pastor proclaims that you are now husband and wife by
4:06 the power vested
4:06 in them. What happens
4:06 is those 2 individuals become 1. And when What happens is those 2 individuals become 1. And we talked about at length how as singles, there's always a push and a lie from the enemy as a single to
4:18 act as though you're 1 with another even though you're not 1 with another. Move in together, you can sleep together, you can fornicate, you can do all these things. Pretend you're 1, even though you're not 1.
4:30 There's always this pull to come together. The reality is, once you're declared 1, and once you are 1, the lie of the enemy is pull everything apart. And so last week, we spent the entire week taking a look entire
4:42 day taking a look at how do we keep oneness? How do we bear the image of God in a marriage? We highlighted 5 things that all married people can apply, and even singles can begin to work on these together. We talked about
4:53 valuing 1 another by listening and preferencing 1 another, giving honor and trusting 1 another. That's how you have great intimacy and interceding for 1 another as we pray for giving 1 another as we release them.
5:05 And married couples have a chance to do this every single day. And this is how we grow. And it's important before we get into gender distinctions that we understand 1 ness. Because too often, when gender distinctions
5:17 are talked about, we start thinking that we have 2 individuals in this marriage and the husband's the head and the wife's underneath and we got this kind of thing going. And that's not a problem. In a marriage, we have
5:28 this. So when you have a head and you have 1 who submits, it comes out of this relationship of 1 ness that both of you are fighting for. And so God, because he designed marriage, and God, because he has a lot to say
5:40 about marriage, is gonna tell us if you're gonna get married. This is how it works. Electric car you try to fill up with gas, it doesn't work. Right?
5:53 You have to use the what the designer designed it to do. God designed marriage. He designed marriage. And in Genesis chapter 1, he said, here's what marriage is. It is male and female united
6:05 together till death do you part. And you are That's his That's his That's what it is.
6:24 And And the first is when you do it God's way, when you do it the way he wants, number 1, you you have honor for Christ. When God says this is what you need to be as a wife or this is what you need to be as a husband and
6:34 you do those very things, you're bringing honor to the Lord. It unleashes supernatural power. When you do things God's way, then God says, okay,
6:46 I'll go to work. When you do things your way, you keep God at bay. Say, okay, how's it working for you? Keep trying it your way. But when you're ready for me to do it, you have to operate in the way I wanna operate.
6:57 It also provides freedom for you to live your God given identity. If you're a woman, God wants you to be fully feminine in every possible way, and not have to worry about doing anything other than
7:09 being a woman. And if you're a man, God wants you to be masculine in every possible way, and just concern yourself with being that. And it gives you the freedom to do it. And number 4, it does this. It trusts the Lord's
7:20 design. You're really saying, God, I take you at your word. This is what you say. This is what I'm gonna do because I believe in you. Now, I wanna tell you before I get started, what I'm about ready to teach today is
7:31 hated by our culture. Our culture hates everything that I'm about to teach. Okay? And here's why the culture hates it, because our culture hates God. And they hate everything that he stands for. So anytime you talk about
7:42 a man's role, anytime you talk about a woman's role, it's always toxic to the culture because the culture hates. Further than the opening ceremonies in our Olympics this year. I mean, you got drag queens
7:53 running around. What in the world does that have to do with sport? It has nothing to do with sport. It has to do with the world declaring we hate God. That's all that was. And And if you look at any sitcom or movie that
8:04 sells, all you have to do is get the man to be a total buffoon and an idiot that everybody makes fun of, and the woman is the smart 1 that fixes everything up, and the kids are all out there. And even today, you don't
8:15 even have biblical marriage in different sitcoms that we have. You have 2 men living together or, you know, 2 women living together or a trans person, you got this. And it's called the modern family. It's not a family at
8:27 all. And so what I'm gonna do is show you what God says the family is and what those roles need to look like and what God says. Because if you do it this way, this is where you receive God's blessing. Now let me start by
8:38 saying this. As we're talking about building the family, you got to get this part done or we can't even move on. You have to be born again to believe what I'm about ready to tell you. This
8:50 will sound like hate speech to you. It will sound like hate speech. So I just want to share the gospel with you. I told you that God valued you and that he loves you with an unconditional love. Here's the problem that we
9:00 have. The Bible spells it out clearly to us, is that all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I have and you every single 1 of us has fallen short of the glory of God. And from the time that we're
9:10 conceived and we come out, we demonstrate all the different ways that we make our life a track record that's the most important person in my life is. And for some, we've managed to keep our sin on
9:22 the back burner, or we do socially acceptable sins that everybody's like, well, everybody does that. It's not a big deal. And we kind of fit in with our sin. Blatant with our sin. But here's the reality. It doesn't
9:32 matter what your sin is. It's what keeps you separated from it. It's your sin that separates you. It's the reason why you sometimes ask the question, where's God? How come I'm not experiencing God? How come I don't have
9:43 a relationship with God? How come all these other people talk about God like they're actually talking to him and he feels so distant to me. That's your and the bible says it's because of your sin that you will die.
9:53 Everybody dies. We know that a new infant that we hold is terminal. Someday they're gonna die. They may get to live to 101 like my nana did or they may die at an early age, but they're gonna die. They're not gonna live
10:03 forever. Because they're born in sin and iniquity. But God loved us so much that he sent his only begotten son to do something that we couldn't do for ourself. God, became incarnate
10:15 flesh, came to the world, fulfilled the law, and then he went to the cross and died on the cross for all the sin of the world. And the reason you couldn't get to God is because of your sin. Jesus Christ made a way for
10:26 you to get there. That's why the Bible says he's the way, the truth, and the life. And there is no 1 that comes to the father except through him. Jesus rose from the dead authenticating that he was indeed the son of God
10:36 and then began to offer life to anyone who would do 2 things. 1, turn from their sin and repent of it and recognize I'm wrong. The way I've been living is wrong. And 2, trust in Christ and say, I need Jesus to save
10:48 me. And when you turn from your sin and you trust in Christ, the Bible says you've been born again into a new life. You are a new creation of God, and his spirit comes to indwell you till you get to
11:00 heaven, until you're presented faultless before the father. Joining a church or getting in a small group or doing all these different things. It's about you repenting of your sin and trusting Jesus. And we have to start.
11:12 Now if you're repenting of your sin and trusted Jesus, then the question becomes, well, how do I grow in that? And that's what we're setting up here in Ephesians chapter 5. Talk about God's
11:23 plan and his responsibility for marriage, and the purposeful role that he wants you to have, he starts talking about how we're to live. In Ephesians 5 18, he says, and do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation.
11:35 But, with the spirit. He says, you know what it's like when you or someone else that you know has been inebriated. They've been drunk. It means they're controlled by a substance that's not themselves. They say things and
11:47 do things that are not them, because they're being controlled by the alcohol. They're being controlled by the liquor. They're being controlled by drugs. They're inebriated. He said, don't do that. That's not how you're
11:57 gonna be filled with Christ. But instead, be filled with the spirit. Let the spirit who's resonant in every single believer come alive. And here's how you know the spirit of God has come alive in your life. Here's how
12:07 you know that you're born again, because you'll speak to 1 another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing, making melody with your heart to the Lord. It's a delight to sing praises to God. Amen?
12:19 Amen. Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the father. You'll be thankful. There's a thankfulness that comes when you're filled with the spirit. God, thank you for who you
12:30 are. Thank you for loving me in spite of me. Lord, thank you. And then notice this final 1, and you'll be subject to 1 another in the fear of Christ. Because I love Christ, and because I know I'm gonna answer to Christ,
12:40 and because I know I'm gonna see Christ, I'm gonna submit to 1 another out of reverence for Christ. In the fear of Christ, that's what I'm gonna do. I mean, even in Philippians 2, it says, preference 1 another. Consider
12:52 other people more important than yourself. Only a believer can do that. Natural self, we can we can do it with people that we love, but we have limits to where we're gonna do that. But a believer that's filled with the
13:02 spirit can preference somebody else, can submit to someone else. And he said, that's what it means to be filled with the spirit. And here's the reality. The roles we're gonna talk about today in marriage, you can't live
13:11 them unless you're filled with the spirit. That's right. It's impossible. It's not just difficult. It's impossible. So now let's get into the roles. And for ladies, I have 1 point for you today, and men, I have 3 for
13:22 you. Okay? And that's really the way that the Lord set it up. And we live in such a backwards feminist culture that when we talk about these role this role for a woman, the
13:34 world is singing, oh, you don't believe in women? No. This is the best place for women to be because this is how God designed you. So here what the word of the Lord says. It says, wives be subject to your own
13:46 husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so
13:58 also wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. So ladies, here's the point. If you're married, you need to willingly choose to to submit and be
14:10 subject to your own husband because he is your authority. That's the only point. That's it. Submit and be subject to your own husband because he is your authority.
14:22 Now it's interesting here because I've heard people teach this passage and all these different things, so I'll just lay all the cards on the table. I mean, you see the verse, be subject to 1 another out of reverence for
14:31 Christ in verse 21. It's a Greek word hupatasso. Being subject means to fall underneath, to be assigned a rank, to to obey. That's that's what it means. That's what we're to do to 1 another. And then it borrows that word
14:41 in verse 22. So it would literally read, wives to your own husbands as to the lord. So it's not really the subjecting and submitting that is really what I see upsets women. It's that next verse, for the husband is what?
14:53 He's the head of the wife. The husband's the head of the wife. That means he has high status or superior rank. About and you say, well, how would I ever submit to my husband? How would I ever see him as
15:05 having higher rank than me? Because it's in the oneness relationship that he does. He's not higher rank than you in value, but in that marriage, in that oneness relationship, he has higher rank. But I want you to think
15:16 about the trinity for a second. Our Godhead is father, son, and holy spirit. The father is not the son of the spirit. The son is not the father of the spirit. The spirit is not the father of the sun. They are 1. The
15:25 Godhead is 1 entity. And yet, eternal Jesus The Godhead is 1 entity. And yet, eternally, Jesus Christ, the second person of Trinity, has eternally submitted himself to the father. And the Holy Spirit, who has always
15:36 existed, has eternally submitted himself to the father and the son. Is the Holy Spirit of less value than Jesus? Is Jesus of less value than the father? Heavens no. They just have a different order, a different rank, a
15:47 different function. That's why when Jesus was on the earth, he said, I only do what I see the father doing.
15:59 That's why in the Garden of Gethsemane, when he was praying, before he went to the cross, he it's a sewn away, dad. But your will, dad, but your will, Dad, if you're sending me to the cross, I
16:11 will do what you say to do because you're the authority and I'm falling under your leadership, not because I'm less than you, because I'm God too, but that's my rank and that's where I am. So it looks like I'm
16:23 gonna use a word here that we don't like in our culture. It's called patriarchy. Patriarchy means led by a father. The Trinity is a patriarch. It's led by the father. A marriage is a patriarch. It is led by a
16:35 father. That is not toxic masculinity as you will find out later today. That is biblical marriage. Amen? And here's the deal. So wives, you're called to submit and be subject to
16:46 who? To your own husbands, not everybody else's husband. You're not called to be subject to anybody else's husband. Now, first Corinthians chapter 11, Paul spells this out even further. First Corinthians eleven:three
16:58 says, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man. We get that. Christ is my head.
17:22 Verse 8 says, for a man does not originate from woman, but woman from the man. For indeed, man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man. Man
17:34 was created first. Everything in the world's good. God creates everything.
17:38 That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good.
17:41 That was good. You know, it's not good for man to be alone. You know what you're saying? Everything's good except for a single guy. That brother needs help. So God fashioned a woman from his side to
17:53 say, help him. Right? Don't be his boss. Don't be under his feet, but help him. That brother needs help. Right? And that's what's going on here. And that's what we see here in the
18:05 text. So we see this that we're called to, as wives are called to submit to their husbands. You said, well, in what? What do I have to submit to them? Don't you love
18:17 how clear the scripture is? The last words of verse 24, wives ought to be submitted to their husbands in what? Everything. That kinda covers it,
18:29 doesn't it? Why? Because the man is gonna be responsible on judgment day for how he led his family. And from the time of the garden, we've seen passive men not do this well. Right? What
18:41 if Adam had seen the serpent talking to his wife and taken leadership and either loved his wife enough to bring her away or cut the head of the serpent off or just said, baby, we're not listening to that. We're going
18:50 back to the Genesis 3 would be the end of the bible and we'd be living in la la land right now. It'd be awesome. Instead, the man didn't do his job, and sin entered the world because of it, because a man
19:01 didn't lead the way he needed the way he needed to lead. So women be subject to your husbands in everything, everything. Let me make an exception to that. Let me make an exception to that. If your
19:13 husband asked you to break 1 of God's laws, a moral law, or the law of the land, you don't have to listen. Hey, baby. Let's rob a bank. We can be rich together. We can go you do not have to rob the bank.
19:25 Hey, baby. This will spice up our marriage if we do this immoral thing and add this. You do not have to do that. Right? You do not need to be a mor You can't go to church. Oh, yes. You can. He can't keep you from doing
19:37 He's You're doing You're submitting as unto the the Lord. Let me give you another way that you don't submit. Because I need to be clear on this in our culture. If you're being abused by your husband, God is not
19:49 calling you to submit to that. I'm talking physical abuse. The time and down God's not calling you to submit to that. And you need to talk to a pastor or
20:01 somebody that can help you and get you the help you need. I wanna be crystal clear on that. We're talking about spirit filled marriage here. And I know what gets said. Like, listen. Every premarital couple that Kim and I
20:12 have ever counseled, when we talk about this oneness relationship, and the man needs to lead, and they're all like, oh, that's great. And But you don't understand, Pastor Jeff. We agree on everything. We'll always agree,
20:25 And you will until you get married. And at some point in time, there could be a decision where you could go this way or this way, and they're both good choices. And who needs to make that decision? The husband.
20:38 Submitting doesn't mean that you don't tell your husband, here's what I think. And I I think you're making a wrong decision if you do that. Submission doesn't mean you're you're you're in the back room, just whatever you
20:47 wanna do. No. Submission means you're intentional. You're there because your husband loves you, and you need to voice your opinion and men you need to listen up. When your wife tells you something, I've found from
20:56 personal experience about 95 percent of the time and up, she's right. So, but there comes a time. Don't like the way we're going,
21:07 but I'm gonna submit to him out of reverence for Christ. Now, when you submit to your husband's lady, not because you enjoy it, not because you want. You're saying, God, I'm submitting to this man that you gave me that
21:18 I'm 1 with because of you. I don't even like him right now. So you go to work on that guy. You see what I'm saying? You unleash the power of God. I've told this story many times.
21:30 My wife's a very godly woman. When Kim and I were moving to Denver, we prayed together. We talked about it. You know, she was asking a lot of questions because all our friends and family were back in Illinois. Things
21:38 were starting to flourish in Illinois. Our kids were growing up getting to be around their grandparents. She was not feeling it as we prayed. I don't know that I wanna come, she said. But I'll I'll do what you want. But
21:47 so we kept taking 1 step after another after another. We came out to Denver and visited. We met some of the people that would be in the church. All these different things. And as this go is going on, Kim kept telling me,
21:56 I'm just not feeling it. I'm not hearing God say anything until 1 day. And I remember I was out doing something, and she called me and she said, I I I heard the Lord. I said, good. Well, what would he say? She's like, I
22:07 don't know if I wanna tell you because I think you're gonna hold it over me. And I said, I promise I won't do that. I said, what'd you hear? She's like, the Lord told me that I wasn't gonna hear what we're supposed to do
22:16 as a family because you're the head of our house, and he's gonna tell you. So if that's where we're going, I'll submit to you and go. Now on the end of the phone as I heard that, it wasn't a, oh, yeah.
22:28 No. I was terrified because I went back and started praying like, God, are you sure that I heard you? Are you sure this is what we're gonna do? Because, like, if we move out there and we tank this, she's gonna say, that
22:37 was on you, brother. You know? Do you see what I'm saying? So submission is not a point of weakness. Submission is a point of strength if you're doing it for the Lord. Amen?
22:51 And by the way, it should be stated as I'm talking right now. I'm talking to wives. Like, this is not information for husbands to teach your wives this material. This is for wives to hear the Lord, and then you get to
22:58 act on it. The you
23:01 get to
23:02 act on it. This is not for husbands to go home and say, did you get that point? I mean, Jeff only had 1 for you. I mean, put it in this is not for us to coach our wives in. This is for our wives to hear the Lord and then
23:13 for them to be obedient to Christ in. And by the way, you can't do this apart from the spirit of God resident in your life. It's a it's an impossibility. You you just can't you can't do it. And you look at this and
23:25 like, well, how would I do this? Because this is exactly what Jesus did for us. He came and submitted himself to the father and did all sorts of things that he wouldn't have otherwise wanted to do. And the reason he did
23:34 this and the way that he paid for our salvation was because of his eternal submission to the father because he loved his father. Of power that he submitted himself to his
23:46 dad. Amen. Ladies, you're not weak to submit to your husband who is your head. Maybe many ladies in the world will tell you your and you're not I am woman hear me roar. But
23:58 you know when God looks down on you and he sees the power that you have and the strength that it takes and the spirit filledness that you need to have to do it, he says, that's my daughter and you're doing great.
24:11 This is exactly opposite of what you hear the culture say. Culture will say, control your husband, bash your husband, get with other women and talk bad about your husband. Don't ever do that. You're you're gonna submit
24:20 to your husband in the same way you would submit to Christ. The same way you talk about Christ. The same way that you'd honor Christ. Listen, listen. Yeah. But that's Jesus. He's perfect. You haven't
24:32 met my husband. Yeah. He's a sinner for sure, but so are you. And you're modeling your love for your husband, and that's demonstrating your love for Christ. And that's what brings strength into your family.
24:45 And ladies, I wanna encourage you to hear the word of the Lord and not hear the word of our culture. And to not think that you're less than because you're not submitting to your husband as under him. You're submitting to
24:54 your husband because you're 1 with him. And so there's a massive difference. You're equal in value in every possible way. Having a wife and 2 daughters, I want them to hear this. And as my 2 daughters get
25:06 married someday, I want them to put this into practice. Not because they're less than, but because they're powerful, godly women. Amen? And that's what God tells us.
25:15 Now, that's all I had to
25:15 tell the women today. That's about that's all I had to tell the women today. That's about it. And now, if you're married or thinking about getting married, you can put this into practice for the rest of your life. Now, a
25:24 word to the single ladies out there before we get rolling. If you're dating someone or you're going to be dating someone and you're saying in your heart of hearts, there's no way I could ever submit to this guy. There's
25:35 no way I'd ever want this guy to lead me. There's no way I'd ever want this guy to lead our family.
25:52 Ladies, you want to marry someone that is your spiritual head that's doing the things that I'm about ready to talk about. So don't marry somebody that you can't if you know already, no way I'm submitting to that guy,
26:03 then don't date him. Save yourself pain and trouble. Go after the guy that we're gonna talk about here. And now, onto the role of the husbands. We'll talk about 3 starting in verse
26:15 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. That means men, when you're married, you get to willingly choose to sacrifice and suffer without limits
26:27 even when she's unlovable. You get to sacrifice and suffer without limits even when she's unlovable. I mean, think about what Christ did. Love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.
26:38 How did Christ love the church? Well, he died for the church. That was the easy part. He suffered his entire life on the earth for the sake of the church.
26:53 Him, told him he deserved to be crucified, didn't listen to his teachings, were rebellious toward him in every possible way. And yet, what did he continue to do? He continued to entrust himself to his dad and even
27:04 stretched out his arms at his weakest moment when people were shaming him and saying, father, forgive them for they do not know what they're doing. Because I've heard guys say, well, I'd die for my wife. I'd
27:16 die for my wife. Most men would die for their wife. That's not a big ask. But would you daily suffer for and sacrifice for your wife? Because sometimes it'd be easier just to die, wouldn't
27:27 it? And listen, I talked to a lot of different people and I realized sometimes you marry somebody and perhaps she is acting unlovable. Perhaps she is being unlovable.
27:39 But sometimes the guys will come and talk to me as if I can fix their wife and make her more lovable so that they can have a better marriage. Fixer. Like no, no, no. You don't get it, bro. You got married not to be
27:50 happy. You got married to be holy, and Jesus is giving you a phenomenal example to love her the same way that he loves you. So if you get to suffer every day for the rest of your life and sacrifice all your dreams for
28:01 her, you're doing exactly what Jesus has done for you on an ongoing basis. And you prayed that you'd be a lot like Jesus, and now you have an awesome opportunity. Go for it. Right? Amen? That's
28:13 what it means to be ahead. That's what it means to be a leader. It doesn't mean putting your wife under your feet. It means, I'm willing to put her needs ahead of mine. And if it's uncomfortable for me, and I have to
28:25 suffer a little bit, or I'm having to sacrifice the things that I want, that doesn't really matter because you're putting her first. By the way, no matter how many titles you have in your life, no matter how many how
28:35 much education you have, how many initials you have behind your name, all that stuff, your most important title if you're married is husband. There's nothing more important. It's not like, I leave work, I leave to go to
28:45 work at 5. I get home at 7 at night. So between 7 and 9, I help out a little bit. That's my role. No. Your role is 24 7. Your wife's more important than any other role in your wife life. She can interrupt you. She can
28:57 talk to you. She can call you. Her needs are more important anything else you do in the world. Because you chose to get married, and you chose to honor God. And as a husband, that's your number 1 role. Yeah. Pastor Jeff,
29:09 you don't understand. We're dating, and we get along perfectly, and she's so awesome, and she's so great, and she is until you get married. And you love her no matter what. And what you learn is
29:21 so many things that God wants to chisel away in your own life. I was texting a friend after last week's service that I've known for 40 years. And I'm like, all this stuff I'm teaching, because we know each other growing
29:29 up. We've been through every stage of life together. I'm like, I didn't know any of this stuff that I'm teaching. I said, I didn't put this into any relationships really until I met. So I lived out of the selfish,
29:38 prideful motif and blew up every relationship I was in. And I'm like, selfish and pridefulness don't help relationships. Marriage is a little different. I mean,
29:50 some people get married. It is bliss for a while. And you get in like this is the best thing that ever happened. And then all of a sudden you hit a hiccup or a bump down the road.
30:02 Because we're trying to figure out how to do what God's telling us to do. And we're trying to get other people to help us to change the other 1 until we realized the other one's not gonna change, but God can change me,
30:12 so change me. At the same time, keep us like change me, and then all of a sudden, stuff comes back together, like, oh, we really do love each other. But this is what God has. So as men, number 1, be willing. So don't
30:21 come and say, well, I'm really suffering in my marriage. Good. My marriage. Good. That's a good thing. I'm really having to sacrifice a lot. Good. That's why you got married. Because you're preferencing
30:33 your wife. Amen? That's exactly what Jesus did for us. And like I said last week, if you go before the Lord and say, Lord, have you ever had to sacrifice or suffer for me? He will give you a download of all sorts of
30:43 things that are way harder that he did than you ever have to do for your spouse. Number 2 is this. This verse 26. Why would he do this so that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing
30:55 of water with the word? That means, husbands, you willingly choose to sanctify and shield your wife by modeling a holy life. You're willing to choose to sanctify and shield
31:07 her by modeling a holy life. He goes on to say in verse 27 that he might present to himself, the church, in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and
31:19 blameless. I love this. I love this. I'm more familiar with my sin than anybody else's sin in the whole world. The the longer I live, the more I see how deep the depravity runs, and the more I see how great
31:30 God's grace is, and the more he reconciles in us. And I'll yearn for the day. He says at the end of Jude, when he will present me faultless before the father. There's coming a day in my life where when
31:42 Jesus Christ presents me before the father, he presents me with no blemish, no stain, no wrinkle, no shame, no yeah buts or any perfect before the father. He can do that for me. If he can do it for
31:54 me, he can do it for anybody. I'm I'm excited about that. And he's saying in a marriage, husbands, you get to play the role of sanctifying her until she's living more holy.
32:06 So how do you do that? You live a holy life. You model a holy life. Now, guys, we're task oriented. We tend to be. So our wives will say, well, you're not leading devotions, and you're not tucking the kids in, and you're
32:17 not praying, and you don't pray with me, and you need to know your bible better, and you need to do this. And all we hear is guys is this list, and they're like, I can't do that. But here's really what your wife's
32:26 looking for.
32:39 Important to you. You may not know the bible as well as everybody else. You may not be the most phenomenal prayer. You may not think you're the best dad. But when she sees in you that you're wanting Christ to lead your
32:49 life, and she sees in you that you're wanting to model that for her and for the kids, and she sees in you that you're growing, and you're willing to listen to her and do all those things that impresses her. She wants
33:01 that. That's why she asks you a lot of questions when you come home from work. How was your day? She's really asking not for you to give a list. She's asking because she wants to hear your heart and how are you growing
33:10 in the Lord and what are you doing and how is he shaping you. Amen? And growing your wife in holiness means that the longer she's around you, she's gonna have a desire to be more holy.
33:22 More I get to know who Jesus is, the more I desire to see him change my life. The more I want him to change your life. And your wife is around you. She should want to be more like
33:36 guy and you're like, yeah, I I don't get more godly when I'm around him, he ain't the right guy. Well, he kind of goes to church sometime if I bring him. That's not the guy you want. You want the guy that when you're
33:46 around, you love Jesus more because you're around him. And helping your wife grow in holiness doesn't mean this either, that you're such an idiot of a husband that she has to pray and cry all
33:58 the time for God to change you, and she's growing in holiness because you're never around. Around you, she wants to be with you. When she sees how you're living, she sees what you're doing, she
34:10 wants to be more like that. There's an attraction. You're the salt and you're the light in your marriage. She wants to grow in that. And the only way that you can grow in that is pursue the Lord. It's your number 1
34:20 responsibility as a husband to pursue the Lord to change you. So you can grow in Christ and honor Christ. You can learn to love, like Christ. And then notice this, He's gonna protect
34:33 her. As he's sanctifying her, he's washing her with the water, with the word, in order that he might present to himself the church in all of her glory having no spot or wrinkle. Listen. I know theologically every single
34:44 1 of us is a sinner. I'm a sinner. You're a sinner. All the men in this room, all the married men in this room, you're sinners. All the single men in this room, sinners. Single women, married women, you're all sinners.
34:53 We know that. When you get married, you know more about the person's sin you're married with than any other person on the floor. Sanctified life? What does it mean to shield your wife? It means you
35:04 don't let anybody else ever see any of those things. You protect her from those things. You may see them. You may know them because you will because you live together, but nobody else is ever gonna hear those things.
35:16 When I'm around guys that bad mouth their wives, I don't hang out with guys that bad mouth their wives. I don't wanna hear about that. That's spiritual maturity. I wanna hang around with guys that talk about how awesome
35:25 their wife is. Now my wife's a sinner. You know that theologically, but she's incredible. I love my wife. Never run her through anything. Never talk about her things. Because she's my wife. And talk about all
35:37 the things that your wife doesn't have. Don't talk about don't make them feel bad. Don't make them wonder, can I trust you? Because when you're around somebody that's gonna shield that and know that love covers over a
35:46 multitude of sins and they love me no matter what, and they know all my weakness. Christ knows all my weakness and he never shames me. I should know all my wife's weaknesses and never shame her. I should elevate her,
35:55 build her up, encourage her, do all those things. That's what you should do. Amen? Shield her from that. Not talk down to her. All those different things. It's you showcase her. You highlight her
36:07 strengths. Now, I learned this long time ago. I'm growing it. I told you as I started this series, I'm a practitioner. I'm not perfect in any of these things. None of them. I remember when I started this series, I'm a
36:15 practitioner. I'm not perfect in perfect in any of these things. None of them. And I remember to listen to a guy that spoke for a living. It was about 30 years ago, and I knew I was gonna be speaking for a living. And heShow more
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