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What Makes a Man a Great Husband? | S3E35 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
August 13, 2026 · 56 min
What do happily married women say their husbands are doing differently?In this episode of Beyond I Do, Adam and Ashlee react to answers from married women about the qualities that make their husbands stand out—from apologizing when they’re wrong and showing patience, to communicating with kindness, providing for the family, and making their marriage a real priority.The conversation also gets into what healthy support actually looks like in marriage and parenting. Adam and Ashlee talk about how different couples divide responsibilities, why helping your spouse doesn’t always look the same in every marriage, and the importance of finding a rhythm that genuinely works for both people instead of comparing your relationship to someone else’s.They also unpack trust, social media boundaries, friendship influences, stay-at-home parenting, and what it really means for a husband to make his family a priority. At the center of it all is a simple question: what does it actually look like to be a great spouse over the long haul?----Get the Acts Study Guide at adammesa.org----Join our study on the book of Acts on our Bible Club Podcast!https://www.youtube.com/@bibleclubpodcast----Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo--_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do----Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/----Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido
Series Beyond the Letter Article · 8 min read What Makes a Great Husband? Lessons From a Marriage Podcast Pastor Adam Mesa and his wife Ashley play a Chuck Swindoll clip and a thread of wives describing their husbands. Along the way they talk about apology, patience, trust and purpose. August 13, 2026 · 56 min · Beyond the Letter
What do happily married women say their husbands are doing differently?In this episode of Beyond I Do, Adam and Ashlee react to answers from married women about the qualities that make their husbands stand out—from apologizing when they’re wrong and showing patience, to communicating with kindness, providing for the family, and making their marriage a real priority.The conversation also gets into what healthy support actually looks like in marriage and parenting. Adam and Ashlee talk about how different couples divide responsibilities, why helping your spouse doesn’t always look the same in every marriage, and the importance of finding a rhythm that genuinely works for both people instead of comparing your relationship to someone else’s.They also unpack trust, social media boundaries, friendship influences, stay-at-home parenting, and what it really means for a husband to make his family a priority. At the center of it all is a simple question: what does it actually look like to be a great spouse over the long haul?----Get the Acts Study Guide at adammesa.org----Join our study on the book of Acts on our Bible Club Podcast!https://www.youtube.com/@bibleclubpodcast----Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo--_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do----Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/----Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido ...more Show the full description Show less What do happily married women say their husbands are doing differently?In this episode of Beyond I Do, Adam and Ashlee react to answers from married women about the qualities that make their husbands stand out—from apologizing when they’re wrong and showing patience, to communicating with kindness, providing for the family, and making their marriage a real priority.The conversation also gets into what healthy support actually looks like in marriage and parenting. Adam and Ashlee talk about how different couples divide responsibilities, why helping your spouse doesn’t always look the same in every marriage, and the importance of finding a rhythm that genuinely works for both people instead of comparing your relationship to someone else’s.They also unpack trust, social media boundaries, friendship influences, stay-at-home parenting, and what it really means for a husband to make his family a priority. At the center of it all is a simple question: what does it actually look like to be a great spouse over the long haul?----Get the Acts Study Guide at adammesa.org----Join our study on the book of Acts on our Bible Club Podcast!https://www.youtube.com/@bibleclubpodcast----Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo--_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do----Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/----Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido
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Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
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0:00 Hey, Beyond I Do family. Before we jump in today's conversation, I wanna tell you about a resource I created for anyone looking to grow deeper in their relationship with God. It's called the Acts Study Guide. It's an0:10 expository guide that follows along with our bible club podcast series going through the book of acts, and it helps you spend more time in scripture, better understand what you're reading, and continue to grow in your0:22 faith. You can get a copy today of that acts study guide at my website, adamessa dot org. Let's jump into the conversation.0:39 Hey, Meta. Stop playing music.0:42 Look at her. She Ashley's a tech person now. Wow. Wow. Look at her.0:47 Hey, Meta. Take a picture. Look at that. I'm not gonna be suspicious, though, because I'll let you know I'm I'm recorded.0:57 They lie no. They lie I think0:59 they Hey, Meta. Record. Is1:04 it recording?1:05 Is it light is it blinking?1:06 No. It's discreet.1:09 Oh, no. No. Hey, Meta. Take a video.1:12 Okay. No. Oh, there we go. Now it's blinking. And there you go. Yeah. Yeah.1:16 Yeah. Don't say nothing crazy.1:19 We're we literally have 7
1:20 cameras on us right
1:21 now and a microphone.
1:24 Hey, Meta. Stop recording.
1:26 Wow. So fancy. Ashley's got her little Kylie Jenner meta glasses. You see them new little Kylies with the little diamond in the lens?
1:34 Oh, man. So do you. I said I wanted to take more 1 of our podcasts, I wanted to take more videos of the kids and everything and make sure I'm in the moment and taking pictures. So now my mom hasn't does I'm like, mom,
1:45 I'm gonna take just take pictures constantly.
1:47 Yeah. Look at you. You got your little your little Meta glasses.
1:51 I'm glad you got your headphones on this week.
1:53 Josh fixed the audio for me, so I'm good to go. I'm listen. Listen.
1:58 Listen, Linda.
1:59 When when when you got the issues I got, everything's gotta be perfect. Right, Alex? Mhmm. Which Alex just gifted me this new all metal fidget thing. It's heavy. It's called on a I you can't I don't know if
2:11 I could trust you with this.
2:12 What what am I gonna do?
2:14 You can't break it. You better not break it. Honey It's important. Oh.
2:18 0, yeah. That one's way better.
2:20 See, don't say Nancy got me the other
2:21 Sorry. Sorry. Nice. Nancy got you those
2:24 Yeah. They got all the
2:26 Wait. Wait. Hold on, Nancy. I still love yours.
2:28 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alex was like, oh, I see your little, your little ones. I got I got the real deal fidgets thing for you. I'm like, man, that's fair. I'll take it. Yeah. That one's making too much
2:40 noise. Yeah.
2:42 Oh gosh. How I need help because it's it's talking about how do I turn meta talking off? What is it saying? Keeps telling giving me notifications in my ear.
2:54 Well, you ought to put your phone on do not disturb.
2:56 Okay. All these smart things.
3:00 We'll see how long Ashley lasts using those glasses.
3:03 Wait. How do you do that? Glasses.
3:05 Right. Oh, do you even have do not disturb on? I don't know. Okay. So what in the world? Yours did look. Your other phone looks different than mine. Oh, there it is. More tech savvy? You weren't even no.
3:17 Oh. Not more tech savvy. There. I get it. More tech savvy. No. Yours isn't. Mhmm. Well, everybody, welcome. Look. Hey. We got, Andy's got an angle on him now too. I mean, that is if you're watching this on YouTube or
3:29 Spotify. I forgot we do the video on Spotify. So look. Nancy and Andy got a little camera on him. Look how fancy that is.
3:34 Oh, hi, man. Hey. Hey, guys.
3:36 So we've been talking about that forever on Beyond I Do when Andy or Nancy jump in. Now we can actually see them, and they're not, voices from afar is what it is, which is very nice. So welcome
3:47 to Beyond. I do everyone, this is the not the 2nd episode of the season, but 2nd episode since we've come back.
3:53 Yep.
3:54 Yeah. Did you have anything prepared today, Ashley?
3:56 I did not.
3:57 Of course. We know this. We know this of you. She just show she's got the easiest job. She just shows up. We're all here uploading videos.
4:05 I thought of certain things, but then yeah. It's probably boring.
4:09 Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Thanks for coming so prepared today. Well, 1st, before I got a couple videos. Alright?
4:15 K.
4:16 But I thought I would share. You bought you may have not noticed or anything, but truly is we we hit a milestone in our relationship this past week. And I don't know
4:28 if anything comes to mind, but after 13 years, we've been we've been married 11 this year, together 13 years. Something happened that's a mile stone for us. Can you think of it?
4:41 Are you anyone home?
4:43 I'm thinking. That's my thinking face.
4:46 I don't think anything's inside there.
4:51 A milestone. K. It's July. July. July just passed.
4:59 No. Not a dating milestone. An activity milestone.
5:06 You taking your kids to practices?
5:08 No. This week? No. I I've done that before. That's they're just trying to put me on blast. I've done that before. Mm-mm. I I
5:20 took your weave out for the 1st time.
5:22 Oh, yes. Gosh.
5:24 That that was a yeah. That was something else.
5:27 And I almost cried. I was a little
5:29 I was left with nothing. Ashley came, and was like, I can't get this weave out. Normally, her sister does it for her or she does it herself.
5:37 Yeah.
5:37 And she sat down, had to sit there with pliers, and I had to take out this
5:41 whole weave
5:41 out thinking to myself, I don't like this. This is not fun.
5:47 It was the 1st time that you've ever done that.
5:49 Yeah.
5:50 Because normally, I'd yeah. I I'll clip it out myself or Ali will come over. And then even my braids, I think I've had you do too, and I was like, get out of the way. And then
5:58 This 1 was a weird 1, though, because what I've seen before because a couple times in the past, you'd have me, like, cut. Cut. It was on its
6:03 own. Mhmm.
6:04 This 1 had, like, little clampies
6:06 Mhmm.
6:06 In there. Yep.
6:08 And I had It would be it was beaded in.
6:10 Yeah. Whatever that is. And so had to loosen all the feet. That was not fun.
6:14 It's not it's not it's not doing it.
6:16 It's maybe it's a meta thing. It's wouldn't be your phone then.
6:20 It's Hey, Meta. Stop all messages.
6:23 All notifications, probably.
6:24 Meta, stop all notifications.
6:27 Yeah. They're
6:30 cute. Thanks, Alize. Those are the Kylie Jenner's Alize.
6:34 Oh, the
6:35 Okay. The new fancy 1.
6:36 Okay. I think we're good.
6:37 Did she say okay?
6:38 I think I think we're good because my mom just tried calling me, and it didn't go through.
6:42 That's the do not disturb in your phone, though.
6:44 Okay. Well, hopefully, she'll see. I just don't want it to come, like, text messages if people They can't hear that. Okay. No. Can't hear anything?
6:51 Do do you know what bone conduction is?
6:53 Bone conduction? Yes.
6:55 Mm-mm. Okay. Not Well, that's what's happening right now with your glasses. The glasses are vibrating audio. It's the there's not actual, like, odd there's not a speaker. It's going through the the the glasses of, like,
7:06 a it's vibrating audio, and it's going into your bones, and you're hearing it from your bone, not your ears.
7:13 My bones?
7:14 Yeah. You're you're it's vibrating on your bone, on your skull, which is reaching your ears.
7:19 That's crazy.
7:20 There's not a speaker on that.
7:21 That's that's revolutionary.
7:24 Not really. It's been around for decades. It's just
7:29 Well, welcome to Metta.
7:30 They can't hear you. Nobody can hear that. Yeah. Nobody's gonna be able to hear that.
7:33 That's so cool. Maybe
7:34 we should have done a tutorial. Next to yours.
7:36 Maybe you shouldn't do it.
7:37 It'll be fine. Yeah. You should just ask more questions.
7:41 I asked tons of questions. I just thought I was smart.
7:44 Yeah. Thanks, Allison. Yeah. Yeah.
7:46 Yeah. Yeah. It's the right 1. Yeah. Yeah. She's not asking the right ones. Yeah. Okay. I think I like myself with glasses on because I don't feel like I have a twackled eye when the camera comes on it. Because last week,
7:56 I felt like I had a lazy eye. But you just say I have a lazy eye. Anyways, alrighty.
8:01 Hey. You got 1 1 of your eyes is a little lower than the other. I don't know if it's the of mascara that goes on or
8:05 it's just like heavy eyelashes. I wear lashes.
8:08 Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's heavy lashes. Yeah. You might need some, like, lighter eyelashes.
8:14 What are you saying? You don't like my eyelashes? No.
8:16 Here we go. I like the eyelashes.
8:19 Nancy, be quiet.
8:24 Yeah. They're good. They you know, that's the thing about women. They they think we care about what they care about. They look great on you. Ashley's always like, what do you think about I'm gonna do wispy instead of the
8:33 I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know. Should I do this 1? I'm like, whatever one's your favorite. It's like, which 1 do you like? I don't I don't think about what I've never before I met you,
8:45 didn't walk around and be like, wow. That girl has really nice eyelashes. That girl has really nice eyelashes. Our mind don't go there. Okay. Yeah.
8:52 You probably says, what?
8:53 Yeah. It they'd go to other things. Yeah. Yeah.
8:58 Okay. So so you taking out my weave, it really made you mad, that 1.
9:04 Yeah. I mean, it just wasn't my preferred level of entertainment for the day. I was in the middle of a movie. You're always in the middle of a I can't do so I can't I couldn't watch it while I was doing that because you
9:15 have to actually look and pinch the little clamp thing.
9:19 Yeah. It's it wasn't that difficult.
9:21 It wasn't hard. It was just it took time, and it was irritating.
9:25 So then what?
9:26 I was in the middle of something.
9:27 You're watching a movie, what you do every day. And it probably wasn't even good. I
9:32 don't remember what it was,
9:33 but Exactly.
9:35 Listen. If Alex was still here, I think Josh could understand. Josh, you're a big movie guy. Right? Oh, occasionally. Occasionally? See, no. Nobody is then. If Alex was in here, he would understand. Alize is a little
9:46 movie person. She raised her hand.
9:47 She Alize she saw Spider Man 3 times.
9:49 Show that's very TV shows are any good. TV shows aren't good.
9:53 They're Ted Lasso's very good.
9:56 Yeah. You don't tell me you watched it already.
9:58 Nope. Yeah. Are you lying? No. Oh. When would I have time to watch it?
10:02 I don't know. I'm just saying tell said very few TV shows are good. And to me, even if a movie isn't great, like, it still has the budget that it's gonna might
10:11 be something like We saw we watched a movie the other day that I was mad that you started watching because I didn't know it was that movie. And then when we got to the end of it, we were like, what the heck?
10:22 Yeah. That was the got
10:23 79 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and you were saying that they were trying to say that they that that was Spielberg. Spielberg was going to what was the statement?
10:33 Question the
10:33 existence of Yeah.
10:35 Watching this
10:36 movie is stupid.
10:37 It's 1 of the worst alien movies I've seen.
10:39 Movie, and she was getting all emotional that there was aliens. I was like, girl.
10:43 Talk closer to Mike.
10:45 All emotional that there was
10:46 I mean, you're real you're you're real new to this. You took a couple months off. You were you're starting over again.
10:53 Anyways, yeah. Stevens, that if you saw that and you liked it Disclosure Day. Yeah. Disclosure Day, I let's have a conversation because I thought it was terrible.
11:03 Listen. Yep. It it was. It was bad. Yep.
11:07 Just didn't make any sense.
11:09 I got a video. Okay?
11:10 So aliens go.
11:12 Yeah. Yeah. That I was just that was just a life update. Yeah. Yeah. Since you didn't prepare anything, I had to come in prepared today.
11:19 Well, did Okay.
11:20 I have 2 videos. 2? Yeah.
11:22 My goodness.
11:23 Yeah. I got 2 1 might I don't know. 1 may make you cry. I don't know. I don't know if you know the legend pastor Chuck Swindoll, but he's, like, in his nineties.
11:32 Don't ask me all these questions.
11:33 Well, you don't, but he was recently on Greg Laurie's podcast and clipped about his marriage.
11:38 Is that the 1 you were listening to yesterday?
11:40 No. Oh. That was Sean Morgan. Yeah. I need to get some meta glasses so I can have them in my my bones Yeah. Rather than on speaker in in in the kitchen.
11:51 Yeah. And me listening to Yeah.
11:53 You know the muffin mac?
11:56 It's not how my podcast sound.
11:59 That's literally what it sounded like. Alright. Like, Put me to sleep.
12:03 Go ahead, Eddie. Play the Chucks Windell 1 if you know which 1 that is.
12:08 She suffers with dementia. Yeah. And slowly slowly, I'm watching that that
12:20 beautiful mind fade. I hold her in my arms every day. I caress
12:31 her. I tell her what she means to me. We had such a marvelous romantic marriage and fun and and travel and so many of the things that
12:43 she came up with and and they worked out beautifully. We were able often to take 1 or more of our kids and when they were married and
12:55 and they came along. Oh, it was so great. Yeah. So my advice to you, love Kathy.
13:07 Yes. Tell her often how much. Set aside time for romance. Splurge a weekend or 2
13:19 or a few weeks of the year and and do something really expensive and really tell her it's for you. This is for you. I can never ever
13:31 repay you, so this is for us to enjoy together. Because she may not always be exactly as she is today, and you will never forget
13:43 those times. I'm so glad Cynthia and I did that.
13:48 Aw. That how old are they, you said?
13:53 Chuck Swindoll is probably in his nineties. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Yeah. So it's, like, maybe 8 eighties, nineties That's crazy. But going through dementia. Yeah.
14:03 Yeah. Dementia is something that, like, I think about just in the older generation as far as individuals having it. We talk about you and I have many conversations about as our parents get older, praying
14:14 that their memory stays, that their thoughts stay, that that that doesn't go away because that's something that
14:27 is is definitely hard because I think that once and I'm sure he he is always reminding his wife of who they are, who she is. And I've seen things on TikTok that come up of
14:38 young people. They just keep talking. They keep talking. That they're trying to get their their grandparents to remember them
14:50 so they take them on daily things and everything like that. But to have a sharp mind in an old age is is very I wouldn't say rare, but it it it it is. And so for the fact that
15:02 he is doing these things with his wife and still continually loving on her, caressing her, sharing how much he loves her, I think that is the form of sickness and
15:14 in health. Mhmm. Because dementia is an illness, and as a man that's in his older age and and and and still still
15:25 seems very well wise and and and all there, there's some people that are like, I I don't I don't have time to take care of somebody. And and he's like, I'm old. She's old.
15:39 Yeah. What are we to do? You know what I mean? And so we you and I always joke around. We're like, don't let our parents piss us off. They're gonna go into the nursing home. But it's 1 of those things where it's like,
15:49 no. You you really you really you and I have had those discussions even about our our parents as as making sure, like, that we're there for them, that they know that they're loved, they know they're caressed, and and and
16:01 cared for. But I would even say that the things that he said were very were very honest because those are the memories that you have with with your spouse. Those are the those are the things that are important of
16:13 traveling and and having those special moments with their their kids and their grandkids still. Even if someone is ill, it's it's 1 of those things I think
16:24 was very interesting when my dad was sick, we never acted like he was sick. And I don't know I don't know to the degree of dementia or not, but when my dad had cancer, we didn't live eachShow more
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