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How to Stay Connected When Life Gets Busy | S3E27 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
April 16, 2026 · 47 min
Life gets loud—work, schedules, pressure, responsibilities—and before you know it, you and your spouse are in the same house but living on two different planets. In this episode, Adam and Ashlee keep it real with a wide-ranging conversation that lands on one big idea: staying connected in marriage takes intention, not just feelings. They talk about what it looks like to keep choosing each other in small ways, how to communicate when you’re tired, and how to reset when you feel off.Whether you’re in a busy season, feeling emotionally distant, or just trying to keep your relationship healthy with everything on your plate, this episode is for you. It’s honest, practical, and encouraging—reminding you that healthy marriages aren’t built by big moments only, but by consistent rhythms and the humble choice to keep showing up.--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
Article · 8 min read How to Stay Connected With Your Spouse When Life Gets Busy Pastor Adam Mesa and his wife Ashley share how a 24-hour getaway, a deck of questions, regular dates and fewer screens help them stay close in a full season. April 16, 2026 · 47 min · Beyond the Letter
Life gets loud—work, schedules, pressure, responsibilities—and before you know it, you and your spouse are in the same house but living on two different planets. In this episode, Adam and Ashlee keep it real with a wide-ranging conversation that lands on one big idea: staying connected in marriage takes intention, not just feelings. They talk about what it looks like to keep choosing each other in small ways, how to communicate when you’re tired, and how to reset when you feel off.Whether you’re in a busy season, feeling emotionally distant, or just trying to keep your relationship healthy with everything on your plate, this episode is for you. It’s honest, practical, and encouraging—reminding you that healthy marriages aren’t built by big moments only, but by consistent rhythms and the humble choice to keep showing up.--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com ...more Show the full description Show less Life gets loud—work, schedules, pressure, responsibilities—and before you know it, you and your spouse are in the same house but living on two different planets. In this episode, Adam and Ashlee keep it real with a wide-ranging conversation that lands on one big idea: staying connected in marriage takes intention, not just feelings. They talk about what it looks like to keep choosing each other in small ways, how to communicate when you’re tired, and how to reset when you feel off.Whether you’re in a busy season, feeling emotionally distant, or just trying to keep your relationship healthy with everything on your plate, this episode is for you. It’s honest, practical, and encouraging—reminding you that healthy marriages aren’t built by big moments only, but by consistent rhythms and the humble choice to keep showing up.--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://www.instagram.com/amesa/https://www.instagram.com/ashleemesa/--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
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0:12 Look. He's printing as if we're gonna say something extremely You0:15 sounded like0:16 news where I know what voice you make. Oh. About to start. So Wow. Oh, wow. That's sharp, man. He's very sharp. I did that sound so I could I could test myself in the microphone is what it was.0:28 But that was very, very sharp of you, Andy.0:30 I feel like I gotta go down more even. There we go.0:32 Do this every time, then you just look like a midget on0:36 think the table's gonna be0:39 Right. It's gonna be on the ground. Stop. Yeah. You're like, I0:44 don't even need a chair, actually.0:46 Ashley's just gonna stand.0:47 Good. Well, it's my bun that didn't make it in.0:51 Yeah. We gotta have0:52 bun. The bun. Gotta have bald.0:54 Super important to have the bun.0:56 See, I wanna tell you something. So I wore this But0:58 now you're now you're below the microphone. So now it's like the mic is in your nose.1:01 Oh, there you go. Like, all I gotta do is adjust it. Oh my god. You I'm gonna do it right here.
1:05 But you see how me, it's like my my nose is above the microphone even even from it established. And then for you... Yeah. See? Looks like part of your
1:17 nose, like a Squidward nose. Looks like it's like Squidward.
1:20 I'm just gonna talk like this.
1:22 Yeah. See? Yeah. That's what Ashley's clip on social media is gonna look like.
1:26 I'm gonna just talk like this. Oh, goodness. So people just think you're super tall and then I'm short and then I'm not taller than you.
1:33 Yeah. Might be the case. We already know I'm taller than you. We already know this. We know No.
1:38 Because who... Whoever was sitting here had to be a midget because it was like this. They're sitting like this. Who's who's sitting?
1:45 It's just Sammy, and then Sammy just chill... He leans he leans back when he does beyond the letter. He does. He does.
1:52 He keeps saying he
1:53 rolls back.
1:54 There we go.
1:55 There you go. There... That that... That's that's good. That's good. We'll take it.
2:00 You happy with that? Wait. What were you gonna say? I'm a little... Welcome first so then I can say what I gotta say. Okay.
2:10 Well, welcome everybody to Beyond Ideal. Thanks for joining us. Hope you had a great week so far. Depending on when you're listening to this, we drop on Thursdays. Mhmm. But you could be listening to this the following
2:22 week. You could be finally... You know, some people watch Okay. You know, a few at a time, and so they catch up. So we're shooting this in April, first week of April. But
2:33 Did you... It was full of joke too?
2:36 No. I think that's kiddish. I think I think I think joking like that is for children. So Oh, sorry, mister Grinch. No. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I do think it's
2:47 weird, though. I think there's a line for April fools. And so, like, I think, like today. Yeah. Yeah. It's today. So I think when it comes to April fools, like, you know, it's one thing just
2:59 to just to do, like, you know, like, I like my friend, pastor Daniel Groves. He has a beard. He did a AI, like, took his beard off.
3:07 Because what was like I was... I I Yeah. I guessed, and then I kept reading, and I was like, is that her son? And I looked closer, I was like, no. That's pastor Daniel. And then I was like, oh, he
3:16 didn't He's got this he's got, like, a two foot beard. They took it off. So to me, that's a funny April fool's joke. It's like it didn't it doesn't mess with anyone. I mean, it that... You know, like, it done crazy
3:27 thing. But then when people make these, like, full blown, like
3:31 Pregnancy one. Yeah. Yeah. Just
3:33 like, what? Like, why? You know? Like, I did. I I saw, like, a thing on account I I follow because, like, I'm into weapons and stuff like that, like guns and stuff. So
3:45 this account I follow was like, oh, California finally legalized something. And it was like something was like, oh my gosh. It's really cool. They're like, it look like, hey, swipe up to, you know, submit
3:56 your documentation to apply for what California just legalized. I'm like, oh, sweet. I swipe up, and it was like that Rick Roll, how you get Rick Roll.
4:05 It's like
4:05 the guy just dancing. Yeah. And I'm like, well, that was legit. Like, I legitimately got excited.
4:10 I was excited.
4:10 Like, well, now I'm not... And then you... And then it it doesn't even say April fools. You just gotta put two and two together. Oh my And I'm like, that's whack. I'm not... We're too grown for that. Come on.
4:19 You you were just bad that you got played.
4:21 Yeah. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. We're too grown for that.
4:23 Was the fool.
4:24 But I don't participate in such foolishness. I don't I don't participate in any foolishness.
4:30 Oh, you do all the time. And you know who else participates in a lot of foolishness? Your friends.
4:35 No. Whatever foolishness I participate
4:37 in, I'm sure. No. I was saying something. You cut me off before because you were trying to do all the whole welcome and welcome of of friends and family. And I was gonna say, you know what? I had a bone pick with pastor
4:46 Heron. Today, I asked my husband. I said, oh, because my husband bought me this little cute little outfit.
4:50 They don't know who Heron is.
4:52 He's the... He... He's on Beyond the Letter. Yes. He's been on Beyond Ideal ones with Cass.
4:57 Oh, yeah.
4:57 Yeah. Stop interrupting me. So, he walks in... Well, I asked Adam this morning. I was like, okay. Because it's a little bit chilly and I wanna be comfy cozy today with a little chilly
5:09 weather. And I was like, is this like too much? Like, because it's not super cold, but like, is it... Am I good? He's like, yeah, you look fine. So your friend Heron, I'm sitting there minding my own business, doing my
5:20 work. He leans over to me and goes, you look like a big old pickle.
5:26 It sounds about right. Yeah.
5:30 Right? And now I'm sitting here in that long view looking like a big old dill pickle. Yeah.
5:36 It's fair. That's fair. I mean, I wasn't I wasn't assuming we were shooting today. So, you know, I wasn't thinking about that.
5:43 My outfit? You picked it. You bought it.
5:46 I think it's great. I think it's a great lounge outfit. Yeah. It's great. It was rainy today. It's it's perfect. It's sunny now, but it was rainy.
5:55 Anyways, you made me look like a pickle. Just have a fun pic with your friends. He's a fool.
6:00 Well, I... Listen. You only... You really only got two people that you gotta deal with. It's me or h if anyone's ever around us. So if we're not around, then you're safe. Anyone's safe. You're... If me or him aren't
6:10 around.
6:10 Yeah. But I I couldn't even get a good morning. It was like, hey.
6:13 Yeah. No. That's not
6:14 gonna like a pickle.
6:15 No. That's not gonna happen with h. Yeah. That's not gonna happen. Yeah.
6:20 Well, anyways,
6:21 we we have a busy week this week. It's a... We're shooting this on April first
6:26 Mhmm.
6:26 Which for us is Easter weekend coming up. And what we did... Not really for the... I wouldn't say it was, like, a big intentional thing, but from... We knew this is crazy week.
6:38 I gotta speak about seven or eight times in the next three days, starting tomorrow, four days starting tomorrow. So a busy week. And so it's gonna be a really tiring week. So
6:50 you and I up right after service this past Sunday, Palm Sunday, we're like, hey. Let's let's just get away for twenty four hours. Mhmm. Have one day off and and and rest, but me and you together. And so Mhmm.
7:02 Babysitter for the kids. We went over to Palm Springs, and we just hung out at a hotel and, you know, went to the pool, whatever, spent time, ate ate ate
7:13 We had In N Out.
7:14 We were gonna have dinner.
7:15 We were. And then we're like, let's
7:17 just take it probably gonna go to bed early.
7:19 When we did.
7:20 We did. We did. So we had every intention, like, let's bring a nice dinner outfit, this or that. And then we're literally on our way to Palm Springs. And I'm like, so we can go to dinner tonight, and I'm like, or we can,
7:30 stop at In N Out right now
7:32 Mhmm.
7:32 And then just be at the hotel the rest of the time and probably go to bed early. We voted for that.
7:37 Yeah. We both... We agreed.
8:08 And Nancy? Stay
8:09 protein up. What did Nancy say?
8:11 Whose side are you on?
8:12 I have my headphones on. Extra spread. Oh, for... That's what I'm saying. See?
8:16 She's... Not the extra spread. Y'all... You know, y'all got... Come from Nancy because sometimes I'd like, that's my girl. And then sometimes I'd like, who girl are you? I'm neutral.
8:25 Yeah. She just
8:26 You just she just called me a big buck without calling me a big buck. I did it. And not the not the extra spread. That's because I relate. That's why.
8:33 It's a... It was
8:34 it was a See, now you're trying to backtrack. You can't backtrack. It
8:37 was a little overindulgent. It it was. It was. Yeah. It was a
8:43 Do we do we wanna turn the podcast into one of those?
8:48 And then later on that night, you DoorDash bacon ranch fries from, like, Nathan's famous hot dog.
8:55 And a hot dog.
8:56 And a hot dog. Cheese
8:57 with queso cheese. Toad it. Toad up.
9:02 She had animal style fries, single cheeseburger, then later on that night.
9:07 A lot of woman demand.
9:08 Bacon ranch fries. Like She's grow... She's a growing I'm
9:12 a growing I'm a growing girl. It is a growing. It's a it's a Hear that. I'm feeding it. Right. I I don't I don't know about that tone on the cheek dick. I was... This is a little
9:24 aggressive. I'm I'm... Which
9:27 one said that? I
9:27 was angry. Oh. Both of them. Kick them out.
9:32 Listen. Kick
9:33 them out. I'm a pick... I'm a thick pickle, apparently.
9:37 I mean, I didn't say it. Thank god. Thank god I didn't say it.
9:43 Everybody's canceled. Actually
9:44 looks... Actually, she works out she she works out at five AM every day. Today. You did two classes at four AM.
9:52 Wait. Where's the where's the April fools after all of this?
9:55 Actually, yeah. See, look. April fools. Don't feel good. Right? Thank you. Don't feel... Right. Yeah. We planned that. We all met earlier. Said we're gonna get you.
10:02 You said, oh, you said good to get you.
10:05 Speak of itch, before we jump in, it's quite interesting. You know what also was on the agenda this weekend because you and I hung out really important spend time with your spouse, but, you
10:17 know, I I had on my Instagram some stories that really popped off is because I discovered another scratch on your rim. This time, it was about fifty percent of the rim, which means once you
10:29 felt it scrape, you just continued to to move forward and adjust. I just fit everywhere.
10:36 I'll tell you where I was. Yeah. Where were you? I was at the... I I don't... Y'all are gonna laugh even more because I had no business being there because I have no money. I was in the Chase
10:48 Chase Bank drive through putting putting thirty dollars in my
10:52 account because
10:56 I didn't wanna get overdrafted by any unknown purchases I've made. I said, Adam, I need thirty dollars to go put in my account. And he had this cash and... Well, he had an ask. I just took the cash that I sent him. So,
11:06 like, you
11:06 can talk to me about that.
11:07 And then so then I pulled in the cash cash bank, and I think the boys were with me because I was killing time. And I was like, and then Matthias goes, uh-oh. I was like,
11:19 hey. So I scratched the rim again. I said it immediately, but I text Phil. He didn't respond. So then I was like, oh, no. I'm in trouble. He probably told Adam. But then I think I told you right after. I think I told you
11:30 immediately.
11:31 I mean,
11:31 but
11:31 you No. I did kinda undersold it.
11:33 I did. You told me, but you didn't... You kinda Oh, I scratched the rim again.
11:37 Like, okay. You know, probably
11:39 No. That whole rim
11:40 was scratch. Yeah. That thing was all the way around.
11:43 It got down to the bare meat.
11:44 Which I had to pay for to get fixed today.
11:47 Oh, you did?
11:48 Yes. And so... But here's the thing. This is what's interesting is... Yeah. You know, good job. We got your rims fixed, which will last for thirty days. Well, there's two things. People
11:59 were DMing. They're like, pastor Adam, you know, like, I'll recommend you a place that could fix Ashley's rims. You know, they're really good. I'm like, well, I don't think you guys understand. We fix these rims
12:10 probably... I asked Phil, and Phil went into his cat because normally, my buddy Phil, he takes it for me because he's got a guy. So I... We Cash App Phil, and then he... And then... So he went and looked at his Apple Pay
12:21 with that guy, and he said it was about nine times he's paid this guy to fix your rims over the past... What have you had it for two years? Over two years, we've had to fix that
12:33 rim, like, eight or nine times. But when I... So people were like, oh, I gotta... I'm like, I got a guy. We... We're gonna get... They're gonna get fixed. But the problem is this is now, like, number ten
12:45 of these bridges. Is I know that they can get fixed.
12:48 Yeah. That... That's gotta be it, Ashley. Not the fact that you just don't know how to park next to a curb. But
12:54 It's stressful. It really is. But at least, I... Okay. So I'm I'm pretty bad, but at least there were some people that did show us, and I'm not calling them out because I was like, I didn't see anything. And we don't see
13:06 nothing. But there were some where I saw some rims, and they they they legitimately took the paint from the curb, and it was now on the rim. Yeah. They straighten yellow.
13:16 Stripped that paint.
13:17 Yellow. But then I had some people show me. I was like, oh, girl. You don't even got a hubcap. What what happened? What happened to that tire?
13:24 But I had I had dozens of men that were like, Adam, I could never post that online. My wife would be so mad at me. And I'm just like, you need to break that spirit of fear. You know? Like, you guys gotta
13:36 You need a sound mind.
13:38 Right. You got Go to scripture. Yeah. You guys gotta laugh a little bit more often. You can't be getting all tense out there and be like, oh, I could never. My wife can never. And I know you and I have a unique
13:49 relationship that's fairly Yeah. You know, transparent. But, you know, sometimes I'm just like, I mean, y'all might need to go laugh a little bit more. You sound sound... But you guys both sound very tense on the type of
14:00 conversations you can't have without just having a laugh about it.
14:04 Oh, yeah.
14:05 And I
14:06 And you don't ask her, like, can I post this?
14:08 No. Nancy asked if I post stuff like that, do I ask her, like, if she's okay with it? And now... And no. No. Yeah. No. Maybe once upon a time, maybe early on.
14:20 Maybe. Maybe early on in the marriage, I'd I'd ask, you know, if she was comfortable with... If I said said something or what... Whatever it is. But I don't care. Yeah. Ashley doesn't care. Well... And there's
14:32 things she does care about, and I'm aware of what those things are. And so I don't... I wouldn't, you know
14:37 Yeah. Call me a big bag and say I had to
14:39 Like a big pickle. I would
14:40 never I
14:41 would never call her a big pickle.
14:42 He's gonna call me back. He... This... The the camera's gonna go off, and he's gonna call me a big pickle.
14:46 Yeah. Our our our our household has a language around, big back. You know? All the boys will call you Big Mac. Our kids.
14:55 Victim. I'm a victim. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nancy's a she's
14:58 a big
14:58 Nancy's a victim. Alize is a victim.
15:01 If our boys see you enjoying food, they're calling you a Big Mac.
15:04 One hundred percent. It could even be strawberries. It's gonna be like, dang, big bag, eating strawberries. You're like, I'm just healthy.
15:10 Yeah.
15:10 Yeah. Yeah. I... For me, when it comes to, like, anything that if he were... Majority of the time, I think Adam and I, like he said, we have a really good relationship, but we we love...
15:22 We're each other's friends too. So, like, the same thing how Heron was so comfortable to call me a pickle. I'm not gonna be like, oh my god, Heron. I'm so offended. And, Adam, can you tell him not to call me a... Who
15:34 cares?
15:34 Yeah.
15:35 Who... I'm not I'm not a sensitive type of person. My dad was one who would bag on you. Don't come around him with no dirty shoes. He'll give you a toothbrush and some soap and tell him not to come back in and tell them
15:47 shoes is clean, but he'll bag on you. And that's just what our... That's what I feel like our love language became is banging on each other or making fun of each other and all in laughs to a degree of not knowing... Of
15:58 knowing, like, when it's too far. And we don't do it to poke the bear. Mhmm. We don't we don't do it to poke at each other to get each other irritated or to rage bait each other. That has never been
16:09 like, the last thing I wanna do is rage bait the silverback. That... For what?
16:42 We love to joke with each other. We love to play around with the boys, but I believe too, for us, I I believe that builds between us of just being in ministry as long as we have and things that we have...
16:54 People have probably said about us or things that we've heard that people have said about us that have genuinely hurt us, we have now... Later in our life, but just even the joking between... We have thick skin to where
17:06 we roll it off. Even if someone were to genuinely be upset or say something hurtful, we're like, alright. Mhmm. Mhmm. Like, Adam and I know for... And I've said this multiple times, I do not go home with you. I go home
17:18 with Adam. I go home with Matthias. I go home with Thomas. And as long as we are good, as long as our relationship is healthy, as long as communication is good, as long as we're honest when we do hurt each other's
17:29 feelings, that's all that matters. It's like, I I do care about people and what they say, but at the end of the day, this is my family. And as long as my family is good, I'm good. Yeah. And and
17:41 that's not to say that outside if I were to hurt someone's feelings or anything like that, I wouldn't go apologize or or correct myself. But all to say is, like, when you've gotten to know Adam and I well enough, like
17:52 Nancy and Alize and Andy have seen, we don't joke about you. But that just makes people laugh, and it's not genuinely to hurt anyone's feelings. It's... I think that's just our love language we have. But then we're also
18:03 we're also mature enough to say, like, hey, Ashley. You may have went too far on that joke. I'll be like, oh my gosh. I am so sorry. Mhmm. That that was... So we're we're we're comfortable also with apologizing to each
18:14 other. It'd be like, I'm sorry. I did not... I'm I'm gonna stop. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I made you feel that way.
18:21 Like how recently my wife said she wants me to look like Jack Reacher, which is actor Alan, Richson. Do you know do you know Jack Reacher? He's the guy
18:30 googling him.
18:31 It... It's the actor Alan Richson. He's Jack. He's like six five, four percent body fat for the first time in eleven years with my wife.
18:40 Is it Tom? Tom Cruise is like five
18:42 to Tom Cruise is in the movie Reacher. It's a television show Reacher. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's two Reacher there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's... And Nancy said, oh, yeah. Yeah. I know that guy. Know that guy.
18:53 Me and Ashley are watching something that... Oh, it's Netflix. It's warm... War machine. He's on war machine, new movie. And Ashley's like, Ashley, she... First time, eleven years. Like, we've had... You
19:05 know, like, we've always talked about fitness. I used to do CrossFit, all that stuff. You have toShow more
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