Skip to content How to Develop Your Child's Full Potential, Part 1 Oct 22 · 28 min ...more
How to Develop Your Child's Full Potential, Part 1
October 22, 2025 · 28 min
Did you know that God has a dream for your child that is higher and even more amazing than yours? Join Chip and find out how to develop your child’s full potential.
Series Uninvited Guests October 22, 2025 · 28 min · Uninvited Guests
Did you know that God has a dream for your child that is higher and even more amazing than yours? Join Chip and find out how to develop your child’s full potential. ...more Show the full description Show less Did you know that God has a dream for your child that is higher and even more amazing than yours? Join Chip and find out how to develop your child’s full potential.
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Chip Ingram is an American Christian pastor, author, and teacher. He is the founder, teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry.
618K followers
God's Dream for Your Child 0:01 We all have dreams for our children, but did you know that God has a dream for your child that is higher and more amazing than anything that you could ever imagine? The question is, how do you0:13 cooperate with God so that his dream becomes a reality in your child's life? That's today. Stay with me.0:22 Welcome to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Our mission is to inspire Christians to be genuine followers of Jesus and to empower them to be active disciple makers in our world. Well,0:34 coming up today, Chip continues our series, Uninvited Guests, by highlighting the 1 crucial habit every child needs to learn that'll help fulfill the dream God has for them. Him. Well, Chip's got a lot of ground to0:46 cover, so if you're ready, let's settle in for his message, how to develop your child's full potential.Understanding Your Child's Needs 0:52 When I was a young dad, I remember, have 4 children, and I remember, at times coming home late from a meeting or maybe being out of town and house is quiet.1:04 And we had a a small little house with real tiny bedrooms that were all 1, 2, 3, and then ours was over here. And I could turn off, the bath all the lights except the bathroom light and get1:16 just enough light. And I'd been out and saw it sort of gaze and see my little girl there, you know. Little girls when they sleep look like angels. Then my my youngest son,1:27 he looks like he and the covers have been doing battle, you know? And then the the twins were in the last bedroom and, you know, sometimes when you're really sort of keyed up, you're not really quite ready to go1:39 to bed and had to go out sit in a chair and turn on a little light and I would just think, oh God, what are you going to do in these kids? What's their future? And then I would have this terrifying thought, and what part1:52 are we as parents supposed to play? What what's my role to help them become all that you want them to be? I know you have a dream for them. In fact, your word says eye hasn't seen or ear2:04 heard or entered into the heart of man all the good that you have stored up for those that love you. And then the years went by and, all my kids got older and older and2:16 I would, have the light on and I would sit in the chair and I'd be ready to go to bed and they were all out. Right? You know? The teenagers are out doing their thing, and they decide it, you know, like 9 30 or 10, what2:27 do you want to do tonight? The ones are away in college, and and I had that same terrifying thought. It was just a different 1, like, oh, man. I got a sophomore in high school. I got a senior. I've got 2 in2:38 college. What am I supposed to do? How do I cooperate with you? Does anyone here ever share those kind of fears and feelings? Yeah? Well, we're going to talk about how2:50 to cooperate with God to develop your child's full potential. God does have a dream. He has a plan. He's got a plan for all the world, but he has3:02 a plan for every 1 of your children and mine. If you'll open your notes, we're gonna look at 5 specific keys. And I just wanna warn you, we have been inundated with3:14 thoughts and culture about what we ought to do as parents because we care and we want to raise our kids well. But what you're about to hear is God's agenda and often it's3:26 counter to what a lot of us have been told. And for those of us like myself that I I didn't grow up as a Christian, I never opened the Bible, what God has to say about being a parent was really different than what I3:38 experienced or what I heard. So we're gonna sort of do a top line picture of what that is, and then we're gonna go on a journey together. And I I3:50 will just tell you on the front end, you'll probably need some other parents and some other support to actually do what we're gonna talk about. But if you do, God really does have a great plan4:02 for your kids. Key number 1 is that you must understand your child's 2 primary needs are for significance and security. The little human being whether it's aTeaching Obedience and Moral Development 4:14 brand new baby a 2 year old a 12 year old a 22 year old a 32 year old I have learned they're still your kids and they still have the same 2 needs significance and security significance4:25 is am I a somebody do I really matter security is am I safe and do I belong and so intrinsically your children are always asking 24:37 questions 1 do you love me Basically, by your body language, by your actions, by your words, by what you do, by what you don't do. Do I belong? Do I matter? Am I valued? Am4:49 I wanted? Am I accepted? Inside, they're always asking that question. The second question they're asking is where's the boundaries? And that's like who's in charge? Is there some5:01 place safe? The little hearts they have and the big hearts they have. You know, you tell any kid, here's the line. Don't cross that line. What do you know in 3 minutes? Right?5:13 Because I've got it in me and you've got it in you. And what they need to know is there's boundaries. And what that produces, those boundaries when you're consistent about no, you can't have5:24 your own selfish way, produces security and safety and self esteem. The perfect parent God, when he created us as his children, you'll5:36 notice in chapter 1 of Genesis, he said, you're significant. You're made in my image. Here's all that I have for you. I've created all this for you. I'm gonna walk in the garden with you. You matter. You're5:48 loved. Accepted. And then in chapter 2 he said, now here's the boundaries. All of this is available, but don't go there. Significance, security.6:00 The second key to developing your child's full potential is you must recognize your child's primary responsibility is to learn obedience. And6:12 just kinda lean back because there's a huge implication. That means your number 1 priority as a parent, your number 1 priority is to6:24 teach your child to obey. Your number 1 priority is not to make them successful. Your number 1 priority is not to make them happy. Your number 1 priority6:36 is to teach them to obey you and then later obey God. There's only 1 verse in the bible that I can find in all the New Testament that speaks directly to children. I've put it in your notes. Listen carefully. This6:48 is what God says to your son or your daughter. Children, it is your Christian duty, and underline this word, to obey your parents. Well, why? For this is the right thing to do.7:01 Then quoting 1 of the 10 Commandments, respect your father and your mother is the first commandment that has a promise added to it. Notice why God wants your children to learn to obey7:13 you and ultimately learn to obey him. So that all may go well with you and you may live long in the land. Obedience is the channel to7:25 which God's best plans get fulfilled for your son or your daughter. Definition I have of obedience here in your notes is obedience is teaching your child to come7:36 under the hearing of your voice. That's different than they just need to do what's right because you said so. The word for obedience in the New Testament is a compound word. Hupo that means to be7:48 under and a kuo that means to hear. You can see some a kuo guitars. Right? Acoustic guitars? And see, what God really wants your children Here's obedience.8:01 When you speak, not yell, not scream, when you speak and you tell your child do this or don't do that, they come under the hearing of your voice and8:13 they obey you. Not simply doing right, but submitting to you out of a good attitude from the heart out of relationship the first time you tell8:25 them something. Now what I want to tell you is most of us parents don't take that very seriously. At least I didn't as an early parent. But I had an experience that changed my view of obedience. To me, it was like, you8:36 know, tell your kids to do this, but down deep you don't really expect them to do it a lot of the time. But and then just sort of learn to live with it. Teresa and I were taking a walk with our family when they were8:46 small. My oldest sons were very small, about 5 years old. And we're doing the little, you know, walking on the sidewalks, and there's a driveway here and a driveway here. And my 1 son was adventuresome, so he would, you8:56 know, run ahead and high high and run ahead and, you know, that was okay. But as we were coming, there were there were hedges. And, the hedges came like this. And when you're 5 years9:08 old, you're only this tall and the hedge was this high. And I would say to my son, stop. Stop. And he would look at me and wave and just keep running. Has anyone had any of your kids do that? Ever? Right? Okay. Now now9:20 here's the scary part. Because I think, actually, I think it's kinda cute. And he's running pretty fast. And as an old ex jock say, way to go, son. You know? But but it's not funny at all because now I see a truck coming9:31 out of a driveway going about 30 miles an hour and picking up speed. Guess what? There's hedges. He can't see my little boy. And so I say, Eric, stop. And I'm just, you know, you see this9:43 coming? This is a direct collision. And he laughs at me, and he runs, and he runs across, and that car goes by. And you know what I learned? I9:55 learned that I did not take teaching my son obedience. He was not under the hearing of my voice, and my lack of diligence almost cost him his life.10:07 Parents, listen really carefully. If your son or daughter, and by the way, the earlier the better, if they do not learn to come under the hearing of your voice and you are a10:19 parent that they can see, how do you expect them to hear the voice of their heavenly father who they cannot see? Because they're gonna be 14 years old and they're gonna hear God's voice say, don't get in10:30 that car and go with those kids and do that. You know that's wrong. And someone is gonna say to them, you know something? You ought to come to this party and you know what? It it doesn't hurt you. You ought to try this10:40 at least once. And they're gonna hear God's voice and they're either gonna learn because of their practice with you to know the safest best most significant and10:52 fulfilling place to ever be is under the voice of obeying your mother or father. And if they don't learn it from you, the likelihood of them learning it from their Heavenly11:04 Father is very slim. So their number 1 job. And it's hard. I mean this is really hard and we've all we all struggle here. Okay? I remember11:16 when I was trying to learn this and it took such effort. You know when you go to maybe some friend's house and you're all hanging out together and the kids, especially when they're smaller, they're ripping through the11:28 house, and every toy in the house is out, and things are a complete mess, and this is how most of us do it. You're with this other, maybe, couple, and you say, hey, we really need to go, and that means we're gonna stop11:38 in the kitchen, talk for a little bit more, and then if you talk then we can get near the door and talk a little bit more. But you tell the kids. Right? It's Right? This I've seen this so many times. Now this is self11:47 confession. Okay, guys. Clean up those toys. Gotta get to go right now. And I mean, you watch these 2 5 year olds. They don't even budge. They don't even11:59 budge because our kids are way better students of us than we are of them. And so then you move from the kitchen, you get near the door and you really do need to go, Hey, hey, hey, guys. Didn't I just tell you? Come on12:09 now. Let's go. Pick that stuff up. These 2 5 year olds are you know, Legos are still putting together. You know, if we could read their mind, it's like, this means absolutely nothing. In in a couple minutes we might have12:21 to go and then they hear this from 1 of us hey how can I tell you pick up those toys right now get those toys up you know I can't you I'm embarrassed of these people right now and the kid calmly looks at his12:33 friend goes I think we're gonna get a go? You you know a different picture? And it takes such time and such diligence. But see, that child has12:44 learned when you scream, when you're upset, when you act like that, there's probably consequences, so they need to respond. The other option is you walk over to those kids that are 3, 4, 5, 6,12:56 7, depending on their personality and how off the charts they are, and you get their little face. Can you look into their eyes? Bobby? Bobby? Yeah. We're going13:08 to leave in 2 minutes. You can play for 1 more minute, and then you pick up your toys. Bobby, do you understand?13:20 Okay. We're gonna be right there, and I'm gonna tell you in 1 minute to pick up the toys. Got it? Yeah. You walk over here. Hey, we really need to go. Okay, Bobby. It's time.13:32 Pick them up right now. And especially if you're father, you use your father voice. The deep voice. The deep voice that says to them, this is not a warning. This is not an option.13:43 I mean it right now. You're calm. You're clothed. You're in your right mind. And if he doesn't move, consequences happen rapidly. And you know what that little boy and that little girl learns? They13:55 learn that when you say going to the grocery store, no, we can't have that today, they don't act like, you know, they're on Mom, what's gonna happen? Have you seen this in the grocery stores? Right? Or or, you know, you14:07 know, like Target, I gotta have these toys. You know, they're throwing them in the basket and parents are going, I'm so embarrassed. I guess I'll just buy it. Teach your kids to obey14:19 your voice calmly with consequences, with rewards, with love, and with tenderness. It's a hard job. It14:31 takes a lot of time. Most 5 year olds are running the world. It's why McDonald's markets to them. Where are we gonna go to eat? I don't want that. Why do they call it14:42 a happy meal? Right?14:45 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And before he continues our new series, uninvited guests, I wanna remind you that all of our efforts to strengthen couples and parents are only possible14:57 because of listeners like you. In fact, let me encourage you to keep listening after today's message as Chip shares more of his heart for preserving the family and why now is a great time to partner with us in this15:09 work. Be sure to stick around. But for now, let's rejoin Chip for the rest of his talk.15:15 Third, you must remember that obedience is a developmental process. Now what I mean by this is that children don't just learn to obey. Just as they15:27 physically develop, just as they mentally develop, and just as they more develop, you need to understand that they're involved in a process. Just like their seasons, there's a way that a 2 year old, a 4 year15:39 old, a 8 year old, 11 year old, a 13 year old, a 15 year old, and a 22 year old, they think differently. Their bodies are different. The hormones are different. You need to understand that learning15:51 obedience is different at different stages, but this is our number 1 job. Because obedience is the channel through which God's biggest and best plans for your child are16:02 delivered, that it might be well with them notice the passage here although he was a son speaking of Jesus he learned obedience from what he suffered perfect deity but perfect humanity he16:14 went through the normal process Jesus had to learn to obey if Jesus had to learn to obey think about our kids and then notice the developmental process in Luke 2 52 Jesus grew in16:26 wisdom and stature and in favor with God in favor with men wisdom intellectual development stature physical development favor with God spiritual development favor with men16:38 social development and so I put a little chart here you'll notice it says spiritual formation and mental development. Literally, it's mental and moral development.16:50 My background before I went to seminary was in education and in psychology and kinda sports psychology and educational psychology. And so how do how do kids learn? And how do people learn?17:02 And how do they grow? And, the little chart you see is from a fellow named Lawrence Kohlberg who made his life study to examine how do little children at various stages grow?17:14 How do their minds work so that they learn both mentally and morally? Because what I would suggest is when you don't understand how God has made children, we often do the very opposite of what they17:26 need. And so notice the little chart here. When a child is 0 to about 4 or 5 years of age, notice underneath, they just think in concrete terms. Explanations about why, and you know,17:38 you shouldn't do that and say you're sorry because of this and, you know, these 3 passages and, you know, the thanks sanctification processes about this and these 4 verses and this lecture. They're 4 years17:49 old. Right? Wrong. Just information. They just need to know the rules. What's right? What's wrong? As they get beyond that into the 6, 9, 10, 11, and by the way, it's a very sliding scale because kids mature18:01 at different times mentally, morally, spiritually, physically. And and then you wanna tie obedience to the who relationship. This is right, this is wrong, but it's about a love relationship. I want you to18:13 do this out of respect for me. I want you to treat your brother like this because you care for him. When you disobey or when you lie to me, 9, 10, 11 year old, do you understand what it does to18:25 our relationship? So obedience goes from simply what is right and what is wrong to who. And so write that above that. As they get older and for some as early as 11,18:37 for most people it's gonna be in the early teens. And so somewhere between 11 to 14 15, their developmental reasoning is happening and they can now think in more abstract ways. And so now you want to begin18:49 to not just say this is right this is wrong and out of relationship the first is about the what the next is about the who this is about the why why can't I go with my friends to19:01 that movie why can't I do what everyone else is doing? Why do we as a family have to do this? A very bad answer is, because I said so. That's19:12 why. That frustrates kids. They can reason now. They can understand this is the truth. This is the what. This is the who of the relationship19:24 with God, and this is the why. Here's the damage it could do. This is the problem that it would create. And then finally, when they get into somewhere between 16 to their very early twenties,19:37 you really want them to have resolve. And what I mean by that is you want them to make their own decisions, and you go from sort of in the early days, you're the commander. Right? This is the way it19:49 is. Then you turn from the commander to the, to the instructor. Okay? I care about you. And then you go from the instructor to the to the coach. This is why and this is And then you literally, in the20:01 later years, you're becoming a consultant. And what you really want them to do is learn to make the right decisions for the right reason in relationship to God and you and other people. And that creates a20:12 very, very different approach. This is outlined some of you are looking at me like, wow, these have huge implications. These have huge implications. We ended up putting this20:24 in a book form called Effective Parenting in a Defective World where I develop it a lot more because here's our tendency. Here's what we do. When you're a young parent, you so want to do it right and you want your kids20:35 to turn out so right. And we do things like this you know like a 3 year old and a 4 year old they're fighting or a 5 year old and we get them together now you too you need to say you're sorry you need to confess your20:45 sins have have you measure memorized first John 1 9 say say say that to him if we confess our sins he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins okay then here's what it and you know we have these long explanations20:56 they're 4 they're 5 years old or always say now do you have Jesus in your heart and the kid will say I don't think there's room there he's very big and you know we're all They can only think in So21:08 we talk, talk, talk, talk instead of behavior, calmness, reward, consequences, and then they get to be teenagers. Well, we're still fearful, but we're21:20 worn out. You know? And so they say, I don't understand why the other kids, and his dad's even in. He goes to church too. And they're seeing this movie, and they're going to have a stay overnight. And his parents aren't21:31 home, but you should really trust me. And I don't understand. He's only been to juvenile detention once. And you know, he said he was sorry. And why can't I go? And your answer is, because I said so. And I'm the mom or21:43 I'm the dad. And they slam the door and go to your room and you don't talk. When they're small you're kind, you're calm, you're under control. There's consequences,21:55 there's behavior, very short explanations. The older they get and they have all those questions, you say, wow, that is a great question. You know what? Let's go grab a Coke Coke or a cup of coffee.22:07 Let's talk about it. And you say, okay. Let's You know? And this is where as a parent, you say, you know, I've been reading in the Proverbs. And the Proverbs in 13 20 says that he who dwells with wise22:19 men will be wise, but the companion of a fool will suffer harm. And you know what? You you just hang around the wrong people. This is always what happens. And I love you, and your mom loves you,22:31 and we're for you. And this is a boundary that I I really can't budge on, and I understand it, but this is the why behind it. Now, they may may not go, oh, dad, mom, thanks so much. I get it now. And you22:43 even read a butt verse from the Bible. I just feel ooey gooey inside. No. No. No. No. But what they'll be treated like as an adult and they'll have a reason and a why. When they get a little bit older, right, and they22:55 wanna do something and it it's gray. And down deep, you know, this is not the best thing. Okay? This this is where you wanna develop convictions. And so often, my kids, you know, they're they're 17 or late 16,23:06 17, and and they're saying, I I really wanna do this. And you're thinking, I do not feel good about this. I don't think it's a good idea. But the worst that can happen is a fender bender. You know what I mean by that? I23:17 mean, you know, no one's gonna die probably. It's not gonna be good. And so instead of saying no, I I often, when I got to here, because I want them to get resolved, I'd say, well, you know what?23:29 And then I remember when they start looking at me. So what I want you to do is would you I want you to just pray about this for 24 or 48 hours. What? I mean, whether I can go on this thing with this group and do Yeah. I23:38 just want you to pray. You ask God whether you think this is good, and then let's get together in 24 or 48 hours, and you tell me how God's leading you and why you think it's a good idea. Now, at times, they made the23:49 decision I didn't think was very good, but they processed it, they owned it, they did it. And sometimes when it wasn't very good, guess what? They got the consequences. It wasn't very good. And other times, I was24:01 actually surprised. When I put the ball on their court, it was like, no, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, I'm not going to go. Do you see?24:13 When you want to develop obedience, you need to understand the age of your child and the moral development, because the goal the goal is they learn to obey from24:25 the heart you, and even more importantly than, God.Parenting with Biblical Principles 24:34 This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to part 1 of Chip's message, how to develop your child's full potential, from our series, uninvited guests. Chip will be back shortly to24:45 share some helpful application for us to think about. We've all heard it said that raising kids isn't for the faint of heart. Every parent can attest that it can be deeply encouraging and life giving 124:57 moment and wanna pull out your hair frustrating the next. And those emotional ups and downs don't include the external challenges and pressures that kids, moms, and dads face every day. So over the25:09 next handful of messages, Chip will highlight biblical principles to help navigate the complexities part of25:26 part of this series, catch up at living on the edge dot o r g or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, before we go any further, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is with us in studio to share a quick word with25:38 all of you. Chip?25:39 Thanks, Dave. Over the years, I've counseled hundreds of couples, and I've heard 1 thing over and over. We've just fallen out of love. Now we just have disagreements and disappointments,25:51 and we annoy 1 another. We're Christians. We know God's plan, but we just can't make it work. And what I can tell you is is that there's lies that couples are believing that lead to divorce that26:03 literally crush their kids and bring about regret and heartache at levels that they can't imagine. And if I would have believed those things, Teresa and I would not be married today. But thankfully, it was the truth that26:15 we got from a marriage counselor when we felt like we were falling out of love, when we couldn't make things work. We got the truth in our mind to begin to work through the tough areas of our marriage. And26:27 now decades later, we've created marriage that works truth cards to give you what god used to transform our marriage. And I'll tell you what, if you'll review a few of these every single day26:38 for 30 days, 60 days, your thinking will change, you'll be glad you did, and your kids will be glad you did. So, Dave, take a minute now and share with people how they can get these cards.26:50 Sure, Chip. It's actually really simple. Throughout this entire series for anyone who chooses to become a monthly partner with Living on the Edge, we'll send you these new marriage that works truth cards as our way of27:02 saying thanks. So please pray about supporting us. Your gifts have an eternal impact as we fight for marriages and families everywhere. To learn how to become a monthly partner, visit living on the edge dot27:14 org or call us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3. That's triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3, or go to living on the edge dot o r27:25 g. App listeners tap donate. Join us next time as Chip continues his series uninvited guests. Until then, I'm Dave Drewey, thanking you for listening to this edition of Living on the Edge.In this video 0:00 God's Dream for Your Child0:52 Understanding Your Child's Needs4:03 Teaching Obedience and Moral Development24:34 Parenting with Biblical Principles25:00
Prayer That Brings Revival, Part 2 Chip Ingram
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