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The Need for Healthy Confrontation Among Brothers 0:00 If you have a Bible, I want you to hold 2 spots. 1 in Hebrews chapter 12 and 1 in second Samuel chapter 12. We're in part 2 of a series called Turning the Tables. And like the title0:12 sounds, you you see a situation, you recognize it as headed in the wrong direction, you confront it, and you take an action to move it back in the right direction and0:23 flip the advantage, turning the tables. Now in this series, we're talking about doing that, turning the tables in a situation out of your identity in God and out of your love for God. And in0:35 part 1, we just defined what it means to turn the tables, and then we watched Jesus do it literally and spiritually as our model. And then we tackled the first situation where0:47 God will call us to recognize, confront, and take action with ourselves. And if you missed part 1, I just really want to encourage you to go back and watch part 1 because0:59 that's where it starts. It starts with us. But today, we're gonna take on the next area of what we're calling healthy biblical confrontation with 1 another.1:11 Right? After after 30 years of discipling men, 30 years of counseling men, 30 years of mentoring men, I've come to this conclusion. Men love the idea of iron sharpens iron, so 11:23 man sharpens another. But when the sharpening of personal accountability to God is pressed against their present behavior, the real battle1:35 begins. The squirming begins. The the fight or flight response starts kicking in. And I think most guys know what I'm talking about when I discuss that. Men love1:47 competition. They're not so fond of confrontation. Men love giving opinions on others, but they're not so fond of getting examined, themselves. Right? And1:59 let's let's face it. No man likes to be told that maybe the way they're believing or behaving is either wrong or not in alignment with God's plan,2:10 and yet the Bible says that every man requires loving confrontation. Think about it. You have a buddy who's married who's clearly flirting2:22 with another woman. What do you do? Alright? Or maybe you notice a brother in Christ who is just crossing the line with respect to his drinking, and it's it's it's2:34 turning into to drunkenness. Do you do you say anything? Or maybe just, you know, the banter, the back and forth among the boys is funny because it's truly funny, but then it starts to get gross and inappropriate.2:47 Do you just keep laughing? Right? So before we move in along any further, just even talking about these scenarios, what we're talking about is a brother in Christ2:59 and then another brother in Christ witnessing what's going on and needing to turn the tables and and shift that brother into a better direction. And in that process, I3:11 realized no man, myself included, wants to be a nitpicker. No 1 wants to be the the the moral police or the God police. But3:23 this book is very clear that confrontation plays an important role in the fellowship of believing men. Why? Because it3:34 seeks what's best for the 1 being confronted. And, to be sure, when we confront 1 another as brothers, it it doesn't feel at all3:46 like a kindness in the moment. But it is 1 of the most loving things that we can do for each other in the company of men. And as we'll3:58 see in today's session, it it's not judging. There's another little pre qualifier. It's helping a man so that he will not be hurt further by his own4:10 behavior. Hurt himself, hurt his relationship with God, or hurt other people. So here's a summary. You and I are strategically placed in the lives of other4:21 men for 2 reasons. 1, to be sharpened. Okay? But also to sharpen. And anytime you're sharpening anything, you gotta get close, the metal4:33 on metal is gonna get hot. There might even be some sparks, but the goal is the same, is sharp. And sharp spiritually means aligned with God and performing4:46 as God's man in that identity. And so, when someone needs sharpening, when God says, Hey, if not you right now, who? What will you4:58 do? Alright? So as we did in part 1, let's define turning the tables, and then let's let's get God's mind, but more importantly, let's see God's modeling on healthy confrontation, and5:10 then let's look at how to help a brother turn the tables in his fight to be God's man and win back his relationship with God and his5:22 momentum in God. So if you downloaded the notes, at the top of those notes is the the definition of turning the tables. It's if you turn the tables on someone or some situation, you5:33 change the situation completely So that someone or something loses its advantage, and you gain, or someone else gains the advantage. The dynamic of5:45 the relationship or the situation is changed. Alright? Now, let's get god's mind on his5:57 his way of turning the tables in our lives, just in the family of god. And and to to do that, I wanna read a passage from Hebrews chapter 12. That's the first spot I asked you to hold. And I want you to6:09 listen really closely because I want you to pick up not just the concept of god lovingly confronting his own, but the heart of it says6:21 this, for what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined and everyone undergoes discipline, then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at6:33 all. Moreover, we've all had human fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the father of spirits and live? They6:44 disciplined us for a little while as they thought best, but god disciplines us for our good in in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time,6:56 but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak7:08 weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. So what do we have? We have a picture of a father. He's a good 1. Right? He7:20 sees and recognizes and confronts patterns of character and conduct in his own. Right? That's what god does with us, and he does it because7:32 we are truly sons and daughters of his. That's our identity, and we're in his family. And just like every family has a culture, our7:43 family has a culture too, and that culture is holiness. It's built on God's righteousness. It's built on God's character. And that's why the scripture here says,7:55 but God disciplines us, confronts us in a healthy way for our good in order that we may share in his holiness. And what I love about the Bible is that it's it's realistic. God doesn't expect us to go, oh, man. You know,8:07 you confronting me on that, disciplining me on that. That felt really great. No. It's painful, but what we see in the passage in God's word is that the discomfort and pain of8:19 that produces a prize. Peace, a harvest of righteousness, and holiness that serves that person for the rest of8:30 their lives. And so as we talk about god's message here in Hebrews 12, what god models with us, something's really clear. And that8:42 is either we'll experience the pain of discipline and confrontation, or we'll experience the pain of regret8:54 with 1 another if we don't practice what god models for us. Because what god models for us is meant for us with 1 another in our fellowships of men.9:06 Jesus, when he was mentoring, the disciples, mentoring men, at at 1 point, he decided to, to just kinda stop the car as it9:18 were, stop this group of people that were, going somewhere and sort of pull over and have a true come to Jesus moment, where he, in a healthy way,9:29 confronts men who claim the identity of a follower, but their activity isn't consistent with that identity. And he says this in Luke 6 46. He says, why do9:41 you call me lord lord and do not do what I say. See what he's confronting? He's confronting their claim of an identity9:53 and their activity that is incongruent with their identity. And so there again, we see Jesus modeling healthy confrontation10:05 that's connected to our identity in him and our activity. So I wanted us to see right at the top that this whole idea of turning the tables, changing the direction10:17 through healthy confrontation, is both modeled by God and is messaged by God and practiced by God with us. And then we see Jesus practicing10:29 this with the disciples. And, you know, the message in just sort of a a layman's translation that God's sending as he disciplines sons and daughters and as Jesus is confronting10:41 his followers is is this, not in this family, exclamation point. We're part of a new spiritual family. We10:53 went from being a creation of God to being a child of God. That family has a leader. That leader establishes the culture. And he is saying that in this11:05 family, we make choices that show love for God and people. And when there is, when there's a a deviation from that or an exercise of a will outside of11:16 that, that needs to be confronted. Okay? So when it comes to to our family, our spiritual family, being in the family of God, and then kinda subset our brotherhood,11:28 this is the the dynamic that we have to get going. And we have to ask, kinda moving now to this issue of healthy confrontation with 1 another, we gotta ask ourselves, am I a friend, a11:40 true brother, or am I a fan in my in my brotherhood and in my fellowship? Right? We have to ask ourselves, do I courageously, and and and and and11:52 and not all the time, but when I'm called upon, do I courageously confront a brother to help him turn the tables in his relationship with god and in his battle against sin? And12:04 man, there is nothing better than seeing 1 man of God do this exact thing, with another man of God. And that's why I had you hold that second place in second Samuel chapter 12,God's Loving Discipline and Nathan's Example 12:16 where we we we're gonna see, God's man, Nathan, confront the man after god's heart, David. And just for, you know, some context, we12:28 all pretty much are aware that may David made, a really bad first decision that turned into a cascade of next decision. But his first bad decision was he wasn't where he was supposed to12:40 be. And where was he supposed to be? He was supposed to be with his men. Boy, is that instructive. Right? Where he was supposed to be fighting with his men, and he decided to phone it12:52 in because he had been to battle a bunch of times. He thought, well, you know, I'm above that now. I can just stay back. And he found himself in this unfamiliar position and space13:04 where he was he was not where he normally would be, and so he didn't really know what to do. So he got bored and isolated and decided to go roof surfing. Not channel surfing,13:16 roof surfing. Went up on the roof, started looking around, saw a naked woman, Bathsheba, taking a bath. That got him riled up because he's in a power position. Tells his servants, go get13:28 her, sleeps with her. Second bad decision. Consequence, baby. Right? She's pregnant. Third, fourth, fifth bad decision. Alright. Well, I gotta get her13:40 husband home from battle to get him to sleep with her, so they'll think it's his. That doesn't work because he's a better man than David is in this moment and says, I can't sleep with my wife while my men are out at13:50 battle. What an honorable guy and how embarrassing for David. Right? So because he can't get him to sleep with his wife, he says, put him at the front lines and indirectly causes his murder. Alright? So there's14:02 the context For the man after God's own heart, he's off the reservation, man. And 1 bad decision has led to 6 or 7 other super bad14:14 decisions. There's this cascade. And what we wanna look at now is God's solution to turn the tables in the life of the man after God's heart. So listen closely14:26 as we read God's word from second Samuel chapter 12 verses 1 through 9. The lord sent Nathan to David and when he came to him, he said, there were 2 men in a certain town,14:38 1 rich, 1 poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle but the poor man had nothing except 1 little ewe lamb he14:50 had bought. He raised it and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup, even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.15:03 Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking 1 of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the15:15 ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the 1 who had come. David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, as15:26 surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die. He must pay for that lamb 4 times over because he did such a thing and had no pity. Then Nathan said to15:38 David, you are the man. This is what the Lord God of Israel says. I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave15:50 you your master's house to you and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you more.16:02 Why did you despise the word of the lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be16:13 your own. Ouch. So what do we see? We see 4 things a true brother will do in the life16:25 of another brother to turn the tables and to help him win back his relationship with god and his momentum spiritually. And that's what we wanna unpack right now. Number 1,16:37 the first thing a true brother does is a a true brother calls out sin privately. A true brother calls out sin privately. You know, you you you16:49 see Nathan in the passage. Right? What's god's solution to a man who is off the reservation, who the tables need to be turned, he needs some17:01 healthy confrontation. What's god's solution? The lord sent Nathan to David. Right? In Matthew 18 15, Jesus talks about17:13 this very concept. He says this, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault. Just between the 2 of you, if they listen17:25 to you, you have won them over. Those are the red letters of the gospels. That's Jesus. And we see this in perfect form with17:37 Nathan and David. Right? God's solution to changing the momentum in another brother's life was to send17:48 Nathan to David. Question. There's probably a few brothers that you know, and there's some questionable stuff. Maybe not, but maybe there's there's a18:00 time, or maybe you've witnessed some things. Or maybe some of you watching right now, you're like, not so sure I'm okay with that. And the reason you're not so sure you're okay with that is because it's not okay with18:09 this. But you don't wanna be the moral police. You don't wanna be the holy spirit in the guy's life. But God might actually be using this to help push you over the top and say,18:21 no. That's what I do with my own children in the family of God. That's what Jesus did with the men who were following him. I have examples from the Bible, and this is a perfect 1 with Nathan and David.18:33 And then Jesus says directly, go and point out the fault just between the 2 of you privately. And if they listen to you, you will have won18:44 them over. See, there's a victory that God wants to use us to help secure in the lives of the guys right around us. But if we18:56 don't have the courage to step up and step into their lives, in our identity, in Christ, and confront that, and call out sin, not publicly, not gonna embarrass him, but do it19:08 privately, then we can't win the victory unless we call out the sin privately. Alright? That's the first thing a true brother does. He calls out sin privately. Second, a true brother practices19:21 tough love. Right? In the story, you see Nathan set David up and then whack him over the spiritual head.19:33 Right? Tells the story, the rich guy, a lot of sheep, the poor man, 1 sheep, the rich guy steals and takes for his own the 1 the 1 little sheep that the poor guy had who he19:44 was really close to. Right? In the Bible, this isn't in your notes, but write down the verse, Ephesians 4 15, which says, speaking truth and love, we will grow to19:56 become in every aspect the mature body of him who is the head that is Christ. If we can't practice tough love by speaking truth in love,20:09 we will not grow. Men will not grow. Instead, we gloss over, let pass by, excuse ourselves from that job. Maybe we say, well, the Holy20:21 Spirit's on the job. Well, guess what? The Holy Spirit's in you. And in many situations, what the Holy Spirit wants to do is to accomplish his mission of convicting another brother20:33 of the need for him to repent through you, but you gotta be able and willing to practice tough love. Look at what it says in the Bible in Proverbs 27 verses 520:45 and 6. It says, better, circle that, is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy20:57 multiplies kisses. That's right. A true friend will actually confront you. A true friend, if they see clearly, this is your claimed identity, this21:09 is your activity, they'll point that out to you and say, you know what? This is who you are, but this is not how you're acting. And God sent me to let you know21:21 that he sees it, and it needs to stop? How many catastrophes could be avoided in the lives of women and children connected to men21:33 if they had a true brother who practiced tough love at the outset, when they saw it, when they sensed it, when they and went in. And went in there and21:45 exposed it, you know. Wounds from a friend can be trusted. It's not like you're 2, 3 lengths off a person. You're in their first circle. And God's saying, that's our responsibility. So21:57 that's the second thing a true brother does after calling out sin privately. We practice tough love. Number 3, a true brother shares God's mind and heart. What I love about Nathan is he says, hey, David.22:10 This is what the lord, the god of Israel, says. He doesn't say, nay David, this is my opinion, or David, this is what I think, or how could you, and then starts giving his own opinion. No. He22:21 says, this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says. Right? And the Bible gives us that authority in Christ to do it. It talks about22:33 that in first Thessalonians 4. And the context of exercising our our authority in Christ with each other,22:45 listen for this as I read verses 1 through 8 of first Thessalonians 4. Says this, as for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please god. In fact,22:57 as in fact, you are living. Now, we ask you and urge you in the lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.23:09 It is God's will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body in a23:21 way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know god. And that in this matter, no 1 should wrong or take advantage of a23:32 brother or sister. The lord will punish all those who commit such sins as we told you and warned you before. For god did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who23:44 rejects this instruction does not reject a human being, but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. So did you catch that see that23:56 that context, that authority? So here's a a loving confrontation. The issue is sexual purity and how we relate to 1 another sexually as24:08 as men and women. And and here in the passage, it says, I urge you, I ask you in the Lord Jesus. So in the Lord Jesus, and then in the authority of the Lord Jesus,24:20 right, with the word of the Lord Jesus, because if you reject this, you're rejecting God, this instruction, and the Holy Spirit. Right? So it's not about24:32 what I want you to see is that it's not about spiritual superiority. A lot of times when men are confronted spiritually, they internalize it and personalize it and get defensive because they think that the24:44 other person, like, they're competing with the other person in some in some holiness contest. That's not what it's about at all. It's about we are in God's family. We are in the Lord Jesus24:56 Christ. We possess because we're in the family together, we have the authority of the family in the Lord Jesus Christ and of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's about your identity and25:08 your spiritual integrity and your accountability to that identity. I wanna say that 1 more time. It's about your identity or the person that you're confronting's identity. It's about your spiritual integrity25:20 because right now, if you're being confronted, you're divided between what you believe and how you live. Integrity. Right? And your accountability to that25:32 identity presently and ultimately. Let's not forget. Right? David is not some pagan king. David is a servant of the25:44 1 true god. Right? And so, that's the third thing a a brother does. A brother shares god's mind and god's heart in25:56 the authority of the Lord Jesus. And just as you think about this, that sort of takes the the stigma of, you know, the moral police and the26:07 spiritual police off, and it and it moves that authority over to God's heart and and God's mind. This is your authority. You're wearing just26:19 like a a traffic cop who wears the the the uniform and blows the whistle and can stop traffic like that. Right? That's authority. Right? Because he's invested26:32 by the local city government with that uniform, and in that uniform and with that whistle can just stick their hand up and say, alright. Stop. And you gotta stop it. Or you gotta stop at the26:44 stoplight. Right? In the same way, you and I are in the family of God. We have the authority of the word of God, and we are in the Lord Jesus26:56 Christ. And so it's not about the messenger. It's about the authority and who's delivering the message. And it's God. It's it's the Holy Spirit.27:07 Alright. So a true brother will call out sin privately. A true brother will practice tough love. A true brother shares god's mind and heart. Fourth, a true brother joins in27:19 the restoration process And I put a passage in to today's study. It's second Samuel 12. And it's a little bit further down in the27:31 conversation. But now that David's been called out, now that Nathan has practiced tough love, now that Nathan has shared god's27:43 mind and god's heart. This is what the lord god of Israel says. Nathan now transitions. Right? Because it's not enough to just, you know, confront. We gotta27:54 help restore and get a guy into that restoration process with god and and and and and inter responsibility. Right? So in second Samuel28:06 12 verses 13 and 14, it says, David said to nay, David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. Nathan replied, the Lord has taken away your sin.28:19 You're not going to die. But because by doing this, you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you28:31 will die. So there is a it's a kind of a subdued, solemn recognition, repentance. David28:43 repents and he says, I've sinned. And that's the turning point. And that's really the the goal, right, is is to to let28:56 the word of god, what the god of Israel says, what the word says, speak into that identity of a man who is a believer, has his identity in Christ. Let the word29:07 of Christ speak into that identity in Christ. And to get, you know, to to help lead a man to repentance. David says, I've sinned against the Lord. But then listen to how how Nathan sort of treats him.29:19 He's like, okay. Now that you've acknowledged that, just know this. It's not fatal and it's not final, but there there's there's gonna be some consequences29:31 to this. And and there was ongoing consequences that David had to live with, for the rest of his life. In the bible, in Galatians chapter 6, it kinda speaks to this. It says, brothers29:43 and sisters, if someone's caught in a sin, you who live by the spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves or you also may be29:55 tempted. Carry each other's burdens. And in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. And so the scripture30:07 speaks to this process, not of confrontation, but once there is repentance, and there is a healthy turning of the tide. Right? The turning of the tables, right, as30:19 we're talking about in this series. The momentum shifts, and now the door is open for things to go in a different direction through repentance. We join in. We join in.30:31 We see that attitude. We join in and we say, Hey, you know what? We all fall short. This isn't fatal. This is not final. Kinda just like Nathan, says30:43 to him, God's forgiven you. He has taken away your sin, but, you know, we gotta now start taking some responsibility both for what we did and,30:55 we're gonna accept the consequences of those actions. And so we see in this interaction with Nathan and David just just a perfect, this31:07 is how we do it, guys. Right? True brother calls out sin privately. True brother practices tough love. True brother shares God's mind and heart, and a true brother joins in31:19 the restoration process. Right? So on your notes, there's just kinda 4 takeaways that I'm praying right now that would be a part of your brotherhoodShow more In this video 0:00 The Need for Healthy Confrontation Among Brothers12:16 God's Loving Discipline and Nathan's Example31:23 Four Marks of a True Brother and Call to ActionComments No comments yet. Start the conversation.
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