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Empowering multimedia ministry for bold Christian living: Weekend Messages, Deep End Podcast, Deep Dive Bible Study. Tim Hatch, Lead Pastor, Waters Church, 26 years of pastoral ministry, book author.
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0:00 You are listening to Waters Church podcast. Waters Church is a multisite, multigeneration community of faith on the East Coast of America. Now for a message from our pastor.0:13 Today, I am gonna be doing armor your children. So we've been talking about the war, the battle that we are in. And today, I'm gonna talk to you about preparing with armoring our children.0:25 But before we do that, I wanna welcome all of our locations, welcome anybody that's watching us, whether it be on pray dot com, YouTube, Facebook. We wanna give you a warm welcome and hope that you are blessed by this0:36 message. Let's give them all a warm welcome. So here in a minute, will get into our text, which is gonna be second Timothy 3. But before that, I'm0:48 sure you're wondering, okay, this guy's up here talking to us about fighting for our children. What does he know? Well, I'll give you my credentials. I have 5 kids. So there's my credentials. Not just0:59 that, 5 teenagers. Yeah. And not just that, I started with 5. I still have 5. So I figured something out along the way. I didn't start with 6, and now here we are. So1:13 I wanna talk to you right now about, something you may or may not be familiar with. Does anybody know what the Drake passage is? Anybody heard of that? It's a little obscure. It is the most dangerous passage of1:24 water in the world. So it's at the southern tip of Chile and Argentina, right above Antarctica. So as you go through there, since we started recording this kind of stuff, we have lost1:36 800 ships going through there and 20 thousands of sailors have lost their lives trying to pass through the Drake passage. Obviously, if you know South America, very1:48 long countries. It's really the only way to get to the other side for some of the larger ships. They have to go through there. So what makes it so dangerous? Well, it's where 3 oceans come together. So some of the1:59 world's most dangerous and high levels of current are in that area. There's sudden storms. Out of nowhere, hurricane cyclones will just appear and it's very dangerous.2:11 Obviously, there's the the biggest thing is there's no safe harbor. There's points where you get past a certain point. There's no turning back. You have to go through. So engineers had to come up with ways to fix this.2:21 But don't just take my word for it. I have a short little video here to show you what the Drake passage looks like. Let's look at this. Who's ready for a cruise? As you can see, very dangerous. So2:33 what did they do? So, a couple of things. They had to kind of make a more robust hull. They decided that the ships themselves, the hulls weren't thick enough. So let's make those more robust. They began to kind of2:44 reengineer the design of the boats. They had to be more supported in certain areas and not in other areas. Engineers came up with mechanical stabilizers so that things on the boat actually2:55 shifted with the seas and weren't getting breaking, broken. I'm breaking. Wow. Fancy. Broken as they went through there. Then they, they had careful navigation. They had to figure what is the easiest, quickest,3:07 most efficient path through here. So say all that to say, what does that have to do with fighting for our children? I'm glad you asked. We're gonna talk about it right now. Let's get our Bibles out. Let's stand3:19 to our feet for the reading of God's word. Second Timothy 3, we are gonna start in verse 12. In fact, everyone who wants to live3:31 a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. While evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and3:43 have been convinced of because you know those from whom you may learned it. And how from infancy you have known the holy scriptures which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.3:55 All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.4:08 Let's pray. Father God, we just thank you for your word. We thank you for the truth that comes from it. God, I ask that you open our ears to hear your message today and allow me to speak your words to your people. It's4:19 in your name that we pray. Amen. Alright. You may be seated. So how does this parallel? How is this important? Well, our kids are gonna face strong currents. They are gonna face the4:30 cultural currents and the secular thinking of the world, and they're not gonna know where it's coming from. That's the thing with currents. You know. They come and they they pull you in different directions. You don't4:40 understand where or how. That's what the world's gonna try and do to your kids. Sudden storms, they are gonna face peer pressure. They are gonna face, temptations in their life. Some temptations that, you know, with 54:51 teenagers, they come home with stuff they're tempted with that I wasn't a thing when I was a kid. The Internet wasn't a thing. Phones in your pocket weren't a thing. There are temptations they deal with that I've never5:02 had to deal with that I have to prepare them for. Tragedies. We've all had some form of tragedy. Major, minor, something has happened in our lives that came on suddenly. We have to prepare them for5:13 that. Colliding waves. There is definitely gonna be the colliding of God's truth and the world's lies, and it's our job to navigate that for them. And then with5:25 safe harbors, we live in a world that does not have safe harbors for us as believers. Anything else, you can find a safe harbor. But for us as believers, it is difficult to find a safe harbor. So our5:37 job, just like the engineers of those boats, is to do a few things for our children. A more robust hull. We need to bring a strong spiritual foundation into their lives, a5:48 reinforced design, firm and loving boundaries that keep them safe in the area that they are in. A trained crew. Here you are. You are the trained crew. What do6:00 you know? What do you model for your kids? Stabilizers. How consistent are you in their lives? How consistent are you in the word of God? How much do you show up and stabilize your6:12 kid's life? And finally, that careful navigation. Are you with prayerful and intentional guidance leading your kids? So that's great. I could say, hey, that's the 30000 foot. You guys are all set. Have a great day.6:24 But how do you do those things? What is the practical application of that? Let's fill in the first blank in your notes. Parents, our call is not just to protect, but to6:36 prepare our children to live godly lives in a broken world. We want our kids to live in this world and participate in this world, but we need to let them live a6:48 godly life. We do that through protecting. Part of our job is to protect, but we cannot forget to prepare them. We can't just give somebody a shield. If we send them out into the war that they're gonna go into with7:00 just a shield, they're here, go protect yourself. You're good. They're not gonna be able to fight back. So we need to give them a shield and a sword. They need to be able to attack back when the world tries to attack7:11 them. So what are we doing? We're getting to point number 1 here. We are preparing them for the battle. Our job is to prepare them for the battle. They7:23 will be in a battle. It will happen. And just like all of you know, battle is hard and it is painful and it is difficult. Does does that sound like something? Sounds like life.7:35 Life is painful and hard and difficult, and we need to prepare them for that battle. The word of God says, second Timothy 3 12, we'll go back to our scripture. It says, indeed,7:47 all who desire to live a godly life in Christ, circle this, will be persecuted. Not might be, not could be, will be persecuted. While evil people and7:58 impostors will go on from bad to worse deceiving and being deceived. Who in here has ever heard their kids say, but but they get to do it, but my friend's parents let them, you're right. And that's what I'm trying to not8:10 let you do. That is not what I want for you. My expectation is so much higher for you than of them. So that's fine that they do that. That's not okay for you. You are set apart for a different purpose. We8:22 are preparing you for something different. They're preparing them to have success in business. They're preparing them to have success in other avenues of life. I'm preparing you to have success in Christ. And with that,8:33 hopefully, other things come. But if not, I've prepared you for the 1 thing that is most important for your future. Now there is 1 thing that we do that's an8:45 injustice to us and that is helicopter parenting. It's becoming more and more prevalent now, but a study was done by the American Psychological Association. Over 8 years, 4228:56 kids, those whose parents never let them cry, who as soon as they started crying swooped in and picked them up. Parents who cleaned up after their kid. You know, kids would make a mess. They'd come in and clean it up.9:07 They never had any kind of independence, and their parents were always there. Those kids developed no self soothing techniques. They had poor emotional regulation and were more likely to9:19 get something called intermittent explosive disorder. Now you might think, what is that? That sounds cool, but what is that? You've all seen it. Have you ever been at a grocery store or Target or somewhere and the kid's9:30 like, hey, I want that. And the mom goes, no. And they go, but I want it right now. That intermittent explosive disorder. They have no idea how to hear the word no, how to not get their way,9:43 and they know that if I do that, okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. Here. Here. Here. Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it. Just stop yelling. Stop stop stop doing that. Now you're just coalescing to a little kid. Like, they need to9:53 learn how to deal with those things in life. Now you might just think, what do you know? What are you talking about? Like, that's just your opinion. Let's go to the Bible and see. In Luke 2, we hear about Jesus and going10:05 with Mary and Joseph to a feast in Jerusalem. And what did they do? They go, they have a good time at the feast, then they leave, and later they realize Jesus isn't with them. Why? Because they were going around, where10:16 do you wanna go today, Jesus? What do you oh, you wanna get a corn dog? Okay. Come on, buddy. Let's go over here. They just said we're at the feast. Go. Go be a kid in the world. And then they later, they10:28 were like, where is he? So they went back. He should have been with them. He broke a rule. What did they say? Hey, what are you doing? He said, why are you worried about me? I'm I'm in my father's house, but key to the10:38 first, he went with them and submitted because he was obedient. He knew that they had prepared him for the right thing. They trusted that they had prepared him and he was safe. When he went outside of their rules,10:50 they redirected him. He said, you're right. I'm with you. What about David? David is another good example. Maybe not quite the example our kids will always live up to, but you know what he was doing as a teenager? He was11:01 killing bears and lions by himself in the woods. I don't think our kids are gonna do that, but they will absolutely have their own bears and their own lions attacking them in the world11:13 trying to kill them, and they aren't gonna have you there beside them to help fight it off. They are gonna have to fight that battle by themselves. And how do I know that they're have Bibles? I mean, how they're11:25 gonna have trials? Let's look in the Bible. Micah 7 8. This is my favorite verse in the whole Bible. Do not gloat over me my enemy, for though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my11:36 light. It says it right there. You know, we're gonna fall. We're gonna have those times. What we need to do is in the time of that battle, prepare our kids so that they can say this sentence. When the enemy comes and11:48 says, that's right. You you're only a screw up. You mess everything up. You can't do anything. They go, no. No. You be quiet. Don't gloat over me. You're right. I fell. I made a mistake. But that's okay because I have a11:57 savior. I have a God who's bigger than all of that, and I'm gonna look for his light. And even though right now you're trying to keep me in my darkness, I'm not gonna let it happen. But if you've been there the whole12:07 time to swoop in and pick them up, maybe it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Never learned that skill. They never learned to let them fall off the monkey bars. Let them scrape their knee. Hopefully, you gave them the12:17 guidelines, said, hey, the slides for going down, don't climb up on top of it. They climb up on top of That was not fun, was it? That you I told you not to when you fell. You know? That is12:29 you gave them the direction, they made the choice. But then what you do is this, what'd you learn? What did you learn from that? I learned to climb well, they learned 2 things. 1, I learned that climbing on top of the12:39 slide and falling off of it hurts. 2, I learned you know what you're talking about. You're trying to protect me. You're trying to prepare me. You're not just saying these things because you don't want me to have a good12:48 time in life. You're saying these things, why? Because I fell off the slide as a kid and it hurt, and I'm trying to keep you from that hurt. But if you want to learn the hard way through hurt, go ahead. Have at it. We12:58 used to do things all the time to let our kids kind of get those experiences. Our youngest daughter at that point, she was probably 7. She wanted to buy her own food. We were at a food court and she wanted us to go get13:09 Taco Bell. Was like, alright. Here's 10 dollars. Go. And she just looked at me like, what do you mean go? I was like, you want I'm here. You want my food? You eat here. You want that? Go do it. So she did. She walked13:18 over there. She's a tiny little thing and she stood right behind like the soda machine and you couldn't see her. And she just stood there for 7 minutes. She just stood there. As people were like ordering their food,13:29 like, what's this girl doing, Stan? This is weird. And taking but I could have food, but hey, that's my daughter. You help her right now. Figure it out. Let let life be your teacher through that to make the right13:41 choice. And sure enough, after a little while, she kinda like leaned over to the side of the guy. She's like, oh my gosh. You she's like, can I get a taco? Like, that but you learn. I didn't have to be her here, and now13:49 she knows and they do that. Who here has ever taken their kid to the doctor? It gets weird. Right? They're like, hey, what are you doing here today? And then they look at you and you're like, you're the 1 that wanted to14:01 come. What's the matter with you? Tell them. And they look at you waiting for you to swoop in like, his tummy hurts today. No. You want I've sat for like a minute or 2 with the doctor looking at me like, you please fill14:11 this in? No. He's here. Let him talk. All his life, he's gonna go to doctors and have to talk to doctors. Learn how to talk to a doctor. Learn how to have a conversation. But if I just swoop in, you've14:23 got to learn to let them fall, but then teach them how to rise up the God way. Rise up knowing that even though you're in darkness, the Lord's gonna be a light unto you. Point number 2 in our14:35 notes. How are you gonna do that? You're gonna lead the way. How do I prepare them for battle? You lead it. You lead the way. You do it. Second Timothy 3 1414:47 says, but as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believe knowing from who you've learned it. They're learning from you. They're learning from everything that14:59 you do. But the 1 thing you have to remember is this. It's the blanks in your note there. Faith is caught more than it is taught. They are gonna look to you for an15:11 example of right and wrong. Your house's culture starts with you. What are you making the culture of your house? What are you making15:23 the day to day life of your house? Your consistency in following Christ will be 1 of the greatest messages they ever hear, is watching you live out a15:34 life in Christ. We've read a couple of times from Joshua 24 15. It says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. That message could just as easily have said, my house serves the Lord.15:46 We serve the Lord. But what does it say? As for me and my house, we serve the Lord. He realizes it starts with me. I have to15:58 live according to the way God wants me to live, and my house will do it. But it starts with me. When you want, you know, you you want your kids to pray every day. Are you? You want them to be16:09 in the word of God, studying the word of God. Are you? Are you doing that? Let's take it outside of that. You you're doing things that you want them to do. What are you doing when you drive? How are you talking to other16:21 drivers when you're in the car? Somebody cuts you off. Do you just pump the brakes and hold on? Or do you start screaming and yelling? Because I would hope that you're you're raising kids that you might have16:30 shortcomings. I have my shortcomings, but I'm hoping that you want your kids to be better than you. That that's my hope in life, is that all 5 of my kids across every measurable16:41 statistic are better than me at everything in life. Then I've done my job right. But if I'm not living up to an expectation I have for them, that's what they're gonna see. The man, the16:53 worst words you can hear from a kid. That's what you do. Like, don't talk to people like that. That's how you do it. Oh, You know? You know we don't say that word. You say17:04 it. I've had that happen and then I have to make the effort. You know what? You're right. You're right. And I'm throwing something to you that you're catching that I'm I'm telling you don't don't don't, but then I'm17:15 doing doing doing. Even when you break it down to the word of God, 1 of them gets hurt, you know. Are you are you swooping, oh, baby, are you okay? Are you saying, hey, God, I just ask that you give him comfort in this17:24 moment? And then going to that. You know, they come to you for advice. You're saying, well, let's let's bring the Holy Spirit in here. Holy Spirit guide our conversation. What do you wanna talk about? Is your first gut17:33 instinct to lead the way with the scriptures and the holy word of God, or is it to fail over to somewhere else first? You're modeling a lot for these kids.17:45 You're modeling a healthy marriage. You're modeling how to argue with each other, how to have a disagreement in a healthy setting. You're hopefully praying for their future spouse. Me and my wife have always made sure17:56 we're praying for even if we don't even know them yet, if they're not even involved in our kids' life, pray for that. You wanna set these guys up to know that you're leading them prayerfully and physically in every18:07 single thing that they do. Your kids might not even be able to open up the Bible and find the fruits of the spirit, but they should be able to say them just because they know you. You know, if you know someone by their18:17 fruits, I should be able to come up to you and say, hey, what what are the fruits of the spirit? Well, if my dad's the fruit of the spirit, then it's probably patience and gentleness and love. Oh, yeah.18:28 Great. Or it could be like, hey, if it's like my dad, it's probably, anger, resentment, and maybe a few swear words. Like, what are you living out? What are the fruits in your life that your kids are watching you on a18:40 day to day basis? So point number 3, once you've led the way, what are you gonna do in them? You're gonna build a biblical world view. The world is gonna give them18:52 its own perspective on everything. With you leading the way, you're gonna lay the foundation for a biblical worldview. We look at life through a different lens than19:04 what everybody else does. In second Timothy 3 15, it says, and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to19:16 make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. It says from childhood. There is no point where it is too early for you to start reading the word of God to your kids. If you are a woman in here that is19:27 pregnant right now, you should be reading the word of God to that baby in your stomach. From the second they are born, you should be reading reading reading, and it should never stop. You need to make the Bible the19:38 rhythm of your household. The lifeblood of your house on a day to day basis should be the word of God. How do we know that? In Deuteronomy, it tells us. Talking about the19:50 scriptures, says, you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on20:01 your hand and they shall be as fontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorsteps of your house and of your gates. The word of God should be everywhere. Now some people take this 1.20:13 You can you can buy signs. You can, you know, get posters. I have little cards, little scripture cards that I put up on, you know, the mirror where they brush their teeth, on the cabinets in my kitchen, all these20:24 different places. My kids have them in their cars, the ones that drive, and it's part of their lifeblood. Why? They're in a spiritual battle and they need to battle things spiritually. If you don't give them that20:35 appropriate tool, the word of God to battle the enemy, they're gonna get in a moment. They're gonna realize, oh, I need God. But wait, what was that verse? Oh, I can't remember. Just make it just pops right out of the20:46 tongue. They just quote it. They just throw it at the devil. They put it, do not gloat over many because I have fallen. Will rise again. It's just right there at the tip of their tongue, they smack him in the face with20:55 it. You need to read with them, make it the lifeblood because we are we're the church. We here are the church, not this building. If this is the only place that your kids are meeting Jesus,21:07 you're doing them a disservice. They should meet him at home and in the car and at the family's house. Everywhere you go, you need to start setting certain rules and structures around21:19 your kids and your expectations for them. There was a study done by the National Library of Medicine that they deemed them authoritative parents. I say good parents who put rules in place, but authoritative21:31 parents, their kids scored higher in academic performance and in tests of self efficacy. Self efficacy is the belief in self, the belief that you can do something.21:42 Pair kids who were raised in a rule based structure with guidelines believed that they could do it. Why? Because they've had the tools at their disposal. They knew they could because they've been21:54 through it. They've experienced things. They've fallen. They've risen the right way, and they're like, I can do this. No matter what life throws at me, I can do it. Kids will thrive on structure. They might not like22:06 it. They might not enjoy it, but I'm not raising my kids to like it and enjoy it. I'm raising them to be thriving Christians in a broken world. So if I can do something to22:18 make them thrive, that's what I'm gonna do. But how do you do that? What is the way in which you make them thrive, that you make them experience this? Proverbs 13 24 says,22:30 whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. It is through discipline. Now the word here for rod is the the22:42 Hebrew word Shabbat, which is actually probably more like a shepherd's hook. It's not what you're thinking of like a stick, a rod, but it's a shepherd's hook. So I have here, you can see in your notes, there's 3 letters.22:52 We're gonna fill in what is a rod. For you as parents, what is your rod? R is respect. Your children should respect you. As a shepherd in charge of23:04 a field, sometimes you're just standing there with that rod, that Shabbat, and that they know that they can trust you. All these sheep are here and they're staying where they're supposed to be because they respect you as23:15 the shepherd because you've protected them. You've guided them. You've kept them safe. They can respect you. In Exodus 20 12, it says, honor your mother and your father that the days may be long in the land that the Lord23:26 your God has given you. If your kids ever question that, well, why do I have to respect you? Because honor your mother and father so that your days may be long. You want your days to be long? Honor me. And then if we go23:37 to Romans 12 10, it says, love 1 another with brotherly affection, outdoing 1 another and showing honor. You should show respect and show honor to those people around you. We are23:49 honored every day to be able to wake up and thank our father in heaven that we are here. We should honor those who have us in this world. Our parents brought us here. We should show them the appropriate honor. Now24:00 sometimes it goes beyond that respect, and you're like, I hear you, but I'm not gonna respect you. That's okay. The o is obedience. You might not respect what I said, but you're gonna obey it. You're gonna do it. And24:12 that's where that shepherd hook comes in. Sometimes, you have to guide them. You have to guide them and hook them and guide them a little bit. You know? In Ephesians 6 1, it says, children obey your parents in the Lord.24:21 Why? For this is right. It's the right thing. If they ever question you, why do I have to listen to you? Because it's right. Well, that's not good enough. Okay. Let's see what it says in Colossians. Children, obey your24:32 parents and everything for this pleases the Lord. You don't wanna make me happy? That's okay. Next step, it makes God happy. Why should you obey? A, because it's the right thing. B, it pleases24:44 God when you do so. You want things to go right in your life? Obey. I know what I'm talking about. Now, that guidance that we give is sometimes a push. It's sometimes, you know, you I24:56 don't want to go. Yeah. You're going to go. Go. Go do it. Get out of here. Give them a little push with it. Sometimes it's a pull. Hey, I'm going to go over here. No, you're not. We we're not going to hang out with that25:05 person. That's not the type of thing we want in our life. Nope. Get back here. It's a push. It's a pull. It's a guide. It's our job to keep them safe. You know, they get too close to a cliff, pull them back. They walk25:15 too close to the cliff, push them away. It's our job to do that. Hopefully, through respect and through obedience, it doesn't come to this, but d is discipline. Discipline and authority25:27 over their life. Listen, I'm here. I need you respect me. I just need you to obey me. Okay. Now there's the discipline. I've made it clear what the expectations are and what I need from you. You25:39 didn't do it. Here's the problem. If we look in Proverbs 29 17, it says, discipline your son and he will give you rest. He will give you delight to your heart because he's been put25:50 into the structure in which you've set up for him, hopefully based off of biblical principle. And then Hebrews 12 11, it says, they're not gonna be happy when they have to go through discipline, but it says, for the26:00 moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later yields peaceful fruit of righteousness for those trained by it. You are training them for a war. You are26:12 training them for something better. You are training them to be better than you are or were. So it might be painful at times, but if you've ever known anybody that went into the military, that training26:24 is hard and it breaks you and it hurts. But at the end, you are prepared fully for what the job is at hand. So it might be painful, but you are now26:35 prepared. Sometimes we're gonna discipline them. Sometimes we are gonna be the discipline in their lives. Sometimes their own choices will be the discipline in their lives. Who's ever had a kid that they you26:47 buy a toy at a store and you say, hey, don't open that till we get home. They open it in the car and somehow, in the magic void of your car, pieces go missing and the toy's useless. And you scour like they just26:59 disappear. It's like socks in a dryer. They're just gone. That's your choice. I told you not to. You made the bad choice. Here we are. You need to live through it. Don't leave your bike outside. You know, when you27:11 get done riding, bring it in. You don't and it gets rusty. Well, here's the thing. As a good parent, your job is this. I told you not to do that. Now come here. Let me show you how to fix it. You take this brush. You27:22 wire this off. You spray it with this. You get it. It's back to good. Back to back normal. Now go. The next time, it's not on me. I've already told you not to. You already did it and already taught taught you how to fix27:33 it. You do it again. Good luck. Here's the brush. Here's the spray. Have at it. It's not your job to continue to clean up all of their messes. Teach them how to and then set them off27:45 to do it their their own way. Because there's gonna come a point where more than toys or rusty bikes, their choices and the ramifications of them are life and death. You know? I have multiple drivers in27:57 my family now. My expectation is you don't text and drive. It's dangerous. You could hurt yourself. You could kill somebody else. You don't do it. I have to live up to that example. I have to not text while I drive. I28:09 have to be that. But the weight of that is far more than a rusty bike chain. So if I can get them established in the small things, I can trust that they are gonna be prepared to deal with28:21 the big things in life whose consequences are actual life and death. Even when it comes to their eternity, I can rest assured that when they're out of my grasp and I've set up the28:32 expectations and prepared them the right way, they'll make the right decision when I don't even know where they're what they're doing. They're at their friend's house. I don't know what they're being offered in that28:40 basement, but I know they're gonna say no to it. You know? They're being asked to come over here and do this thing. I don't need to be there. I know they're gonna make the right choice because I've set them up for28:50 success the right way. Set clear expectations. Make sure that they know it's gonna repeat them over and over and over again. We used to do this all the time to the point where our kids would get like they would repeat it29:01 to us. I'd be like, hey, guys. We're going to Christmas at your aunt's. I'd say, I know. Hug everybody. Say hello. Say thank you for the gifts. Don't break anything. Like, yeah, that's right. You remember the rules.29:13 After first service, the lady pulled me aside. She said, used to have the restaurant rules. The rules that we knew when we went to the restaurant, we had to do a b c d, and she said her kids joke about it now. They're29:22 fully grown adults and they joke about the restaurant rules. But you need to set those up, you know. I had the expectation that if we went to Christmas and my kids got something they already had, I had told them,29:34 you know, just say thank you. We'll we'll deal with it later. Come home, we'll return it, we'll do whatever. If you get something you don't like or you don't want, you know, ugh, this is stupid. You just thank you. This29:42 is so great. I appreciate it. We'll deal with it later. Like, those expectations because if you don't lay out in life what you want them to do, how are you gonna discipline them? How are you gonna show up29:54 and expect them to have followed a rule you never gave them? It's just chaos and then they're blaming, well, you never told me this. You're right. I didn't. Lay it out. Me and my wife actually used to have a sign in our30:05 house and it said, you know, no fighting, clean up after your it was the rules that we lived by. And I could bring my they would start fighting arguing. Nope. Come over here. Look. Rule number 2, what's it say?30:16 No arguing. No fighting. We don't do that in this house. You just lied? Nope. That's a no go. We do not lie in us. We're there. No lying. We don't lie in this house. Pull them back to it to the point where even now, 530:27 teenagers, my kids don't fight. They really it was never allowed. It was never the expectation was always does happen. They might not always agree with each other, but they don't fight. Not you don't hear like banging30:38 upstairs and like who's killing who up there? Like they're good. They love each other. They're each other's best friends because it was an expectation that not only was laid out, was you follow it. This is the way you do30:50 it. Why is that important? Why are expectations important? Because you don't want number 4 to happen. Point number 4, don't parent in panic.31:03 You got to trust God's word. Don't react in fear. Don't be a reactionary parent. You know, whatever you bring to me, I'm bringing You should have a plan ready to31:14 go no matter what, and your heart should be at peace. Second Timothy 3 16 says, all scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, correction,31:26 and training in righteousness. So you get to a point where like, I just I don't know what to say. They're they're lying. I don't know what to do. Yeah. You do. It's right here. You know, oh, they're they're talking back31:35 to me. Don't know how to right here. It's it's good for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness. It's all right here. You have a handbook. It's right in front of you. Are you living by it so31:46 that they see it? You don't parent in a panic. Because God never parented in a panic. Look at the nation of Israel. Constantly in the journey of rebellion, correction, growth, transformation, and he was always there31:57 like, oh, again. Are you kidding? But never was once. You know what? I'm striking you all dead. I'm starting over again. Nope. Nations of Israel wiped out for it was, let me just see the promised land.32:09 Hey, go there. It's it's this area I have for you. Go to it. Oh, okay. Great. Nope. Too scary. There's giants. I'm not going in there, but I promise you you can go in there. Nope. I'm good. Have it your way. Go wander in32:19 the wilderness. Good luck. Have at it. I'll provide for you while you're there. You'll complain about that, and I'll have to find a new way to do it again, but it was that constant. I'm not panicking. Eventually, you're32:30 gonna come back around. I'm just doing my job. I'm being the godly parent. That's your job. Look at Jonah. Jonah was told, go to Nineveh. God gave him a directive. Go. He said, nope. I'm not gonna do it. I'm out here.32:42 Went the other way. I'm not gonna panic. Let's bail him out of here. Sends him a great fish. In there he decides, okay, fine. I'll go to Nineveh. God could have done something there. He's God. He could have spit32:54 him out onto the shores of Nineveh and just put him right where he wanted him. He didn't. He put him back on the shore and once again said, now go to Nineveh. Let him make the choice again. You don't have to correct him33:06 and put him right back where they need to be. Let him make that choice again because he could have just as easily decided, nope, I'm still not gonna do it. I'm gonna go listen. Let them go. Let them make their own33:15 decisions. Look at Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was always patient. He was wise. He was there to the point where Isaac trusted him with his life. When he went to be sacrificed, he said,33:27 we're gonna go up to the mountain and have a sacrifice. Isaac's 20. He's got the bundle of wood. You don't think there was once in there where he went, wait a second. We got the wood, we got the where's the lamb? Where33:39 he he questioned him at once, but then he's like, God will provide. Okay. If you say so dad, I trust you because you've never parented in a panic. I've always been able to rely on you and you've never let me down.33:51 So if you tell me to the point where he laid on the altar. I said, okay. Dad, I trust you. You've never let me down. I've always respected you and obeyed you. Let's see. And then God34:03 provided. Why? Because we, filling your blank there, parent with the long game in mind. We are not parenting just for today or for tomorrow. We are parenting for the rest34:15 of their lives. We cannot overreact to every little misstep that they make. Imagine if God did that. Every time you had a little misstep in your life, a little sin in your34:27 life, which I have every day. I need God's redemptive qualities every single day. I need his grace and his mercy. Imagine if he overreacted, you know. Fine. Boom. Plague on you. Boils all over you, Jody, because you34:38 didn't do that right. Like, no. He's long game in mind. He knows that there's a path. There's a testimony that all of us are lead leading through our lives. Why? For his point purposes34:50 to his gospel. Not doing this so we can look where look what I've gotten through. It's look where God got me and where he can get you. When that person comes up to you and is like, well, there's no way I can do that.35:00 Yes, you can. Because God's already got a solution. You've just got to step out and do it. Parent with that long game in mind. To the point where sometimes I have to have a code word with my kids to help get the spirit35:11 involved because my flesh is weak. I wanna get mad. I wanna get angry. I wanna be impatient. If my kids ever just walked in the house and said, dad, got a speeding ticket. You did what? What are you talking are you35:21 kidding me? How did you do But my kids know. If they come to me and they say, dad, I've got something I wanna talk to you about. Now I can ask the spirit to help. Like, oh, okay. Give me some of that give me some of that35:32 patience and that self control. What's up? You know, I got a speeding ticket. Okay. What were you doing? Why did you do that? What did you learn? Like, it35:44 resets me because I'm just flesh, but I need to not parent in a panic. Me and my wife have to be on the same page across everything. We have got to have the same goals in mind. We have to be structured and planned35:56 and thoughtful because the kids will see that weakness. And if you, I will tell you right now parents, do not ever undermine the authority of the other parent in front of your kids.36:08 If you disagree with a way in which they said something or presented something or punished 1 of the kids, you can disagree in your room later. You can say, hey, I think you probably could have handled that a little36:19 differently. You could have been a little softer there and not said that she would have responded better had you you're right. I didn't think about that. Thank you. But you do that in front of your kids, now they36:28 realize, okay, that They're panicking, they're not prepared, so I'll just go do my own thing. Don't have to listen to them because they don't even know what's going on. You guys are on the same team. If your wife wants36:38 something cleaned a certain way, you both want it clean that way. You know, if you want something you have an expectation yourself, you both have that expectation. It's not like, hey, you heard your mother want no. No.36:48 No. We want that done. United front so that they are realizing you both have their best interest in mind. So why is it important to have that interest in mind?37:00 Not parrying in a panic. You're prepared. You've led the way. Because the most important thing is number 5. We are equipping them for a purpose. They have a purpose in37:11 life. They have a calling. God has something for them, and it is our job to equip them for it. In second Timothy 3 17, it says,37:24 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. We are preparing them to be equipped for everything, not just the biblical stuff, forShow more
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