Skip to content Finding Peace in Difficult Relationships - James, Part 7 Oct 27 · 44 min ...more
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Empowering multimedia ministry for bold Christian living: Weekend Messages, Deep End Podcast, Deep Dive Bible Study. Tim Hatch, Lead Pastor, Waters Church, 26 years of pastoral ministry, book author.
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0:00 You are listening to Waters Church podcast. Waters Church is a multisite, multigeneration community of faith on the East Coast of America. Now for a message from our pastor.0:13 I wanna talk to you on finding peace in difficult relationships. Finding peace in difficult relationships. Now what you will, most0:24 likely agree to or agree with out of my opening comments here today is that 1 bad relationship can ruin almost everything else in your life.0:37 It can wreck you. Because even if you've got all kinds of things and stuff and a house that you love and a car that you love to drive and even if you have a great job, 1 bad relationship,0:49 1 difficult challenging person in your life that you just can't get along with, they can suck the life out of you, suck the joy out of everything. And and here's the thing I I I1:00 honestly think we overlook as Christians is I believe God wants peace in your relationships. I think he wants them to go well with you and and for you.1:12 And today, in in our country, in our culture, how many know as we get closer and closer to election day, it's getting harder and harder to be nice to everybody.1:26 Yeah. I mean, that's where we are. Right? Because every kind of devolves into a a political conversation. And speaking of that, let me just make an announcement. We've got Monday for America coming1:38 up. So next weekend is my last chance to preach before the election. And then on Monday, not Tuesday, we usually do a first Tuesday, but we're moving it to Monday because on election day, we don't wanna be here. We're1:50 gonna we're gonna watch the polls, you know, come in and and then wait another week for them to actually be finalized. You know what's what's gonna happen. But anyway, we're gonna have a prayer and fasting day, Monday
2:00 for America. Next not this Monday, not tomorrow, but next Monday. And at all of our locations, 5 30 prayer until 6 30, and then worship at 6 30, and then the word at 7 o'clock. And we're gonna pray and fast.
2:12 Here's what we're gonna pray and fast for. For the church to be the church no matter who's the president. Amen. Because it's not about America. It's about the kingdom of God.
2:24 Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the power. Yours is the glory forever and ever. So we pray and and believe God's right choice for president and congress and senate and, you know, even local elections and
2:36 all the referendums and the amendments. But we want to pray that the church knows how to be the church no matter who wins. And I got a special message on Monday night. So at all of our locations, and we're doing this for
2:45 the first time at all of our locations, Monday for America. But anyway, as this election heats up and and and even beyond the election, and and and that's the other thing is that after the election, you know, there's
2:55 gonna be 1 side that's thrilled, and then there's gonna be 1 side that's gonna live in denial for the next 4 years. That that that's what's happened for the last 8 years, even a little bit longer than that in our
3:04 country. So 1 bad relationship, 1 strained relationship can bring so much agony to your life. Do you know what you need? Wisdom. Wisdom. James has been called the book of
3:15 Proverbs for the New Testament because it's filled with wisdom, and it emphasizes wisdom. Verse, 5 of chapter 1, what does James say? In the midst of our trials, we should pray for what? We should pray for wisdom. And
3:27 God will give wisdom what? How how so? Look at it. Generously. Generously and without reproach. Like, I love the fact that God doesn't hold our sins against us when we're asking for wisdom in
3:39 determining how much wisdom he gives us. Because a lot of times, the mistakes and the sins and all the trouble that we cause ourselves is because of a lack of wisdom. So God didn't hold back on wisdom because we make
3:51 mistakes and sin and fail. He wants to give you wisdom. He wants to give you wisdom in all things. And I'm particularly, inclined to tell somebody today that you need wisdom for your
4:02 relationships with how you treat other people. Okay. Because here's the deal. Some of you don't wanna hear this, but this is true. Your relationships that are difficult are 50
4:14 percent your fault. Little guy quiet right there, And I understand why. Because we always wanna say it's them. It's them. It's that. You don't know who I live with. You don't understand who I
4:26 work with. I get that. I understand that. People are awful. Guess who else's people? You. I'm a pre I'm a people. Have you met people? People can be terrible. Right? And and this is why we need wisdom because here's
4:38 the deal. If we can fix our 50 percent, I believe that our 50 percent can overflow into their 50 percent. Amen. I think we can affect how they respond to us when we start responding to them with heavenly wisdom.
4:50 Now the source of wisdom is God. This is, fact number 1, we gotta get this on the table. You don't want earthly wisdom determining your
5:01 relationships. That's James' point here. Now, amazingly, I looked up on Google, and this is an amazing thing. You can do this. Not now with your smartphone, but later. Search on Google,
5:13 where can I find wisdom? Or search I need wisdom. Either 1 will work, and I did this myself. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that the first 3 pages of Google results
5:25 were all Christian or biblical sources. Even Google, with all of the manipulation of Silicon Valley's algorithm, even Google knows that wisdom
5:37 comes from God. So there's hope, amen, for our culture. Thank God for that. But I I was thinking about the fact that so much of our search for wisdom is, oh, god. I need wisdom from
5:48 my life. I need wisdom for what job to take. I need wisdom for, you know, what person to date or marry. I need wisdom for where to live. I need wisdom for this difficult, you know, thing that I'm trying to accomplish for
5:59 my life. Okay. You need wisdom for all those things. Agreed. But how much have you prayed for wisdom in how you treat and relate to other people? This is what I want you to write down first in your notes.
6:11 I need heavenly wisdom in my earthly relationships. If 1 relationship can topple everything in your life, every other good thing in your life, well, man, let's get this 1 under control.
6:23 Let's attack this 1 head on the way that James is telling us to attack it. And he's gonna illustrate this by giving us the re this reality. There are 2 kinds of wisdom. Write this down. There are 2
6:35 kinds of wisdom. There's worldly or human wisdom. There's heavenly wisdom. Here's the thing about how human wisdom. It makes sense. It makes oh, it's common. It's cultural. Everybody's doing it. That's how
6:46 everybody thinks. That's human wisdom. But heavenly wisdom will challenge my sensibilities. Heavenly wisdom doesn't come normally. It's not intuitive. Because, again, it's it's from where?
6:58 It's from above. It's from heaven. So if you're reacting the way everybody else is reacting to the difficult challenging relationships in your life, you're not gonna get
7:10 anywhere with God's purposes. You've gotta take a different route. You've gotta choose a wisdom from above. And I was thinking about how much of our world is saturated with teaching us and telling
7:22 us how to respond to other people that doesn't come from God. Every television show that you binge watch, every Netflix show, every, you know, entertainment option, every, you know, conversation around
7:34 the water cooler or at the office at the lunch table. There's all these versions of heavenly wisdom. And if you're not careful, you'll pick up on that and think that's how I'm gonna act. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm
7:45 gonna be more like them. But are they acting with wisdom from heaven? Because if not, you're drinking a poisonous cocktail for your relationship life. I remember when I was young and I went I went to school
7:57 as anybody I did, but I would come home from school and I would turn on channel 38. Channel 38. How many remember when the TV had 38 channels? Yeah? Okay. I would turn it on and it was the kids' channel and they would
8:07 run, not the kids' channel. At, 4 o'clock, it would turn into the rerun channel. And I watched a rerun of a fantastic 19 seventies, early eighties sitcom. I'll say the first
8:19 name, and you'll say the second. I know it. Most of you will. Not the Gen Z but everybody else will say this. Laverne Assertive. Boom. There we go. Now now how many remember that these 2 ladies? They were so funny and
8:31 talented beyond belief. I mean, Penny Marshall who played Laverne, she's a fabulous director in her own right, and she's done some amazing movies. But there was 2 facts about Laverne that you can totally
8:43 remember. She would always wear the shirts with a big curse of l on it. Remember? The big curse of l. Talk about, narcissism. Anyway, but she also had a drink of choice.
8:55 Yes. Some of you are already whispering it. Milk and Pepsi. Remember this? Yes. I'll take a milk and Pepsi. Well, when you're a young kid sitting at home after school and
9:07 bored and watching Laverne and Shirley, and there's Laverne drinking this thing down like it's the best thing since sliced bread. What do you do? You get up from the couch. You go to the kitchen. You open the fridge. You
9:17 get a glass. You open the fridge. You take out the milk. You take out the Pepsi. You pour them together, and you suck that baby down. And remember the first time I did it, and I remember my first thought after I drank
9:26 milk and Pepsi for the first time was this. Laverne is a liar. Right? It's disgusting. Has anybody ever tried raise your hand, and let's be honest. Confession is good for the soul. Am I the only 1?
9:38 1, 2, 3, 4. I see that hand. I see that hand. Amen. Okay. I did. I tried it. It's gross. It's disgusting. And and here's why I bring that up because there is there are milk and Pepsi
9:49 cocktails for how you deal with your relationships that the world makes look like it's the right way, that the world makes it seem that's how you're supposed to deal with people. And if you're not careful, you'll be
10:00 drinking poison into your life. Not that milk and Pepsi is poison, but spiritual poison from terrible relationships can be poured into your life if you don't start getting your source from
10:12 God instead of man. This is how the bible works again and again and again. There's a man who takes the heavenly route. There's a man who takes the worldly route. Abraham takes the heavenly route, believes God,
10:24 follows him into the land of Canaan. Lot looks at the fertile valley near Sodom and goes the rational human route. And we all know how that story ends. Abraham has to fight a war to rescue Lot. And then Lot goes
10:36 back, and the angels have to come and rescue him. This guy won't learn because he's following human wisdom. And then if you look at the story of Joshua who circles the city of Jericho 7 days and 7 times on the seventh
10:47 day and tears down those walls and enters into the city and wins this mighty battle. But then right there with Joshua is a guy named Achan. Achan's story is he goes into Jericho and he steals a Babylonian robe and gold
10:58 bars and he buries them underneath his tent. I mean, he goes after the things of this world and he's so ashamed of his action, he buries them. And and we all know the story. Achan is brought out and exposed before the
11:08 people, and he loses his life because he went with worldly wisdom, human wisdom, not heavenly wisdom. And then I think about David who takes on Goliath, the this tall giant warrior
11:19 with a history of winning battle after battle. And David looks at him and says, my God is bigger than you, and he's gonna give you into my hand. And all Saul could see was, this guy's been fighting a lot longer than you.
11:31 Saul, human wisdom. David, heavenly wisdom. And time and time and time again, the people who let God challenge their sensibilities, who don't follow common sense
11:43 or the cultural mantras of the day are the heroes of faith in our scriptures. And they are asking us, they are calling to us saying,
11:54 don't live like everybody else. It looks good. It seems good. They make it sound so good, but it's just milk and
12:05 Pepsi. Yeah. What does James say? What does James say in verse 13? Look at it. Who is wise and understanding? 2 words. 2
12:17 things you need in your relationship. Why? Wisdom and understanding. Wisdom is sophos in the Greek. It means that you can apply you can apply the best plan to the situation. Now some of us,
12:28 the best plan for my marriage. I want the best plan for how I treat my wife and my children. Anybody with me? Okay. I want my
12:40 I want the best plan for how I treat my coworkers or my employees or my boss, my friends. But what we also need, James says, is understanding. And this word in the
12:52 Greek is epistemon. And the word epistemon means that you can evaluate the situation properly. So, you you don't just need the plan. You need the evaluation. And
13:04 I would say that the plan comes from the evaluation. So, taking a step back. Before I activate, let me evaluate. Amen. Let me check the system out. Let me understand this
13:16 person. Let me understand my role in this environment. And I think that's half the battle. You get ahold of your role and responsibilities and what God
13:28 wants from you in that situation, then the wisdom flows and you understand what James says here, how to by your good conduct show your works in the meekness
13:40 of wisdom. Underline the word meekness, by the way, in your Bibles or in your notes because that's a great word. It's a great word in the bib in the in the biblical sense. And here's what it's not. A lot of people think
13:49 it is. Meekness is not weakness. Say it with me. Meekness is not weakness. Do you know what, Warren Wiersbe, a great bible commentator from the last century, he said, meekness is strength
14:01 under control. I like that. I like that. Actually, the the the the history of this language comes from the breaking of a horse. When I was a kid, my father had a farm,
14:13 and my parents had a farm. And and, he was a gentleman's farmer. That means he had a full time job, then he would farm on the side. And he would get horses. And this was some of my earliest memories. And I remember he
14:23 got 1 horse that this beautiful white horse, beautiful. I remember the day he brought her home and and she was just gorgeous, but that horse was wild and no 1 could break that horse.
14:35 No 1 could break it. So eventually, my father had to sell it and get rid of it and all that kind of stuff. But the the fact of the matter is is that there's a lot of people. You are wild horses in your relationships. You
14:44 don't even realize it. Here's what God wants to do. He doesn't want to make you weak. He wants to make you meek, and meek is to know that you are broken, not by men, but by God. Here's what I'm trying to say.
14:55 Let God break you or people will. Oh, that's good preaching right there, and you missed it. I'm just telling you. Let God break your spirit. Let God break your pride. Let God break
15:07 your attitude. Let God break your sense of I have a right to the let God break that from you or people will do it for you. And they won't do it in a way that builds you. They'll do it in a
15:19 way that destroys you. So this is what James is talking about. Now he warns us. Verse 14. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. And then he
15:31 he quantifies this. This is not the wisdom from above. This is not the wisdom from above. And then he's gonna outline in this text. Earthly or human makes sense wisdom
15:42 and heavenly challenging my sensibilities. Break me, Lord, wisdom. 3 points about each kinds of wisdom, and then we're done. 3 facets of worldly wisdom. Number 1, write this down.
15:54 Worldly wisdom orients around the self. It orients around the self. How I see everything is through the
16:06 lens of, well, how does that affect me? Well, how does that affect me? Well, how what's that gonna do for me? Well, why didn't why didn't that happen to me? And this is how he puts it. He says, you've got bitter jealousy
16:18 and selfish ambition. Twice he says it. Bitter jealousy, selfish ambition. Here's worldly wisdom in a nutshell. Why them, Lord, and not me? I don't
16:30 understand why they get all the breaks. I don't understand why you always give it to them. I don't understand why my sister has so much more. I don't understand why they are so, you know, far more blessed than me. And
16:37 you are filtering, and this is the problem with worldly wisdom. You can't rejoice in the benefits and blessings of others because you're always filtering it through how it didn't happen to you. This is
16:49 bitter jealousy, and this will kill you. This will not only will it rob your spirit of joy, it'll rob your life of what you have because you're so focused on what happens to other people that you're not thinking about
17:01 what God is doing in your life. How many under you need to understand. God is writing a story about you as well. And it might not be you you might not be in chapter 8. They're in chapter 15.
17:12 You're in chapter 8, and you gotta go through chapter 9, 10, 11, and those are the troubled years before you get to chapter 12 where you had the victory years. Let God write your story. You don't have to write it. Just
17:21 trust that his ways are better than your ways. Amen. And don't get all jealous. Don't get all covetous of other peep let God write their story because he's writing your story. And that's
17:33 okay. I was thinking about Aesop's fable, about the dog and his bone. The dog is walking along the way, and he has to cross through this little shallow stream. As crossing through this
17:45 shallow stream, he looks into the stream, and he sees another dog with a bone in his mouth. He's jealous of the bone in the dog's mouth, but he doesn't even know that he's looking at himself in a reflection of the
17:55 stream. So he drops his bone to grab the bone of the dog that's in the stream, and he loses his bone, and he doesn't get that bone. That's bitter jealousy. That's concentrating on other people what God's doing in them
18:06 rather than celebrating what God is doing in you. And then he talks about selfish ambition. This word in the Greek I couldn't believe when I read this. This word is in the Greek Greek text for
18:18 selfish ambition is actually a word that Aristotle used to refer to politicians who would only attack the the
18:29 mistakes of their opponents instead of offering solutions. Now, I know that we have no familiarity with that
18:42 as Americans. But can I just tell you that if your life is focused on the failings of others more than what God needs to do in you, you're acting like 1 of these
18:53 politicians we got running for office right now? You're acting just like you know, I always think that the politician has lost the argument when they just start talking about how bad the other person is. I
19:05 mean, that's really what we want. We want solutions. We don't want, you know, casting stones, but we live in a casting stone culture. Again, that is what James has said, earthly wisdom. I mean, I know
19:17 I'm bad, but I'm not as bad as that guy. You know what I'm saying? And so he says, look, this is what the re the result of that is. Verse 16, where where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder. There
19:28 will be, the word is disorder meaning that there will be a usurping of authority. Nobody will respect anybody else. Nobody will respect, you know, the authority figures and culture. There will be disorder and then every
19:39 vile practice. Wow. Those are hard words. But again, as we've said in the series over and over again, James is blunt force truth. So if you're looking at your life, you're looking at your relationship, you're thinking,
19:51 how does that affect me? Why not me? Why them? You're always doing that. Look. You're just looking through the lens of the world. God wants you to look through the lens of heaven and find peace. Number 2, worldly wisdom
20:02 obscures the self. Worldly wisdom obscures the self. Here's what James says to that effect. He says, if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition, do not boast and be false
20:14 to the truth. This is, pretending you're false to the truth about you. You're putting on a facade. You're you're acting a way that's not actually who you are.
20:26 This is where hypocrisy comes from. And I think about the word hypocrisy, and we love to throw that word around. In fact, this is the funny thing about that word. Unbelievers
20:38 love to throw around the word hypocrisy at believers. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, they love it. They're like, you Christians are a bunch of hypocrites. And here's what I love. This is Turnabout
20:49 right here. I love to tell them this whenever I meet an unbeliever saying that. I say, you know who came up with the idea that believers can be hypocrites? They're like, who? I say, Jesus. You're quoting Jesus
21:02 because Jesus actually came up with the idea that religious people could be fake. He did. Interesting story about Jesus. He he grew up in a town called Nazareth. Just a couple of miles northwest of Nazareth is a
21:13 town called Sepphoris. In Sepphoris, there was a Greek theater, a very well known Greek theater in the region of Galilee where a lot of people would go and see their plays and their shows. And, it was on it was in
21:25 constant repair. It was in constant repair, made out of stone. Jesus was a carpenter or techno in the Greek. He was a stonemason, basically. Do you know that it was very possible that Jesus being an, apprentice of his
21:36 father Joseph would go to Sepphoris on a regular basis and work on that theater? And then what would he do? He would see all the he would see the play actors, the Greek actors who would take masks from
21:48 backstage and they would put the mask over their face. They would play other parts. Do you know what they called them? Hippocratas. Hippocratas. Think about this. The word
22:00 Hippocratas means under the mask. Means under the you're acting a different way than you really are. Worldly wisdom does that all the time. Worldly wisdom
22:12 doesn't take responsibility for your mistakes. Worldly wisdom puts it on somebody else so that I can look better. Worldly wisdom attacks others so that I feel better about myself.
22:24 Here that's not gonna get you anywhere. You're never gonna grow if you don't realize that you need to grow. You're never gonna change if you don't realize you need to change. If you're in the blame game, you you that's
22:35 the fastest way to be lame. Amen. Amen. Just take the word blame. How do you be lame? Just put them together. Amen. Just blame. And and and so this is where James has taken us. Stop
22:46 worrying about what they need to change. Start asking God to change you. And here's a great here's a great idea. You know, this might be just earth shattering to somebody. Take responsibility for your
22:58 mistakes. Like, just be honest. I blew it. Oh, man. I I just talked to you in a way that disrespects you, and I'm sorry. You know? And and then
23:10 don't do the thing with, well, I had a bad day this morning with the kids, and you're blaming again, there you go. You're just shifting right over to the kids now. The kids are the reason why you're no. No. No. I to stop
23:19 doing that. Can you forgive me? Boom, man, peace comes to the relationship. Number 3, worldly wisdom obsesses over this life. This is what
23:31 worldly wisdom it's all about now. And we have so many phrases about this, don't we? We used to say in my day, carpe diem because of Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. Carpe diem, seize the day.
23:44 And now the kids say, YOLO. You only live twice. Which is not true, by the way. You live twice. It's not YOLO. It's YOLT. Amen. And
23:56 you're gonna have to answer in the next life for how you lived in this life. That's true. That's true. Even Christians have got to answer for their good deeds or or their failure of good deeds. And and so James is
24:06 saying, look, this is not the wisdom comes on from heaven. It's earthly. Somebody say earthly. Earthly. That means that it's just tied to this life. You you lose some money, and you're just done for,
24:18 like, 5 years. You just can't recover. Or you go through a difficult divorce, and now it's just, like, forever. You're just living in the past, blaming everybody and just touchy about everything. And you're just tied
24:30 to this earth too much. Friends, we are Christians. We are God's people. We are citizens of heaven, and there is a day coming when this life closes the
24:42 door, and we open the door to the next life. And all that we suffer with here will pale in comparison, Roman says, to the glory that will be ours up there.
24:54 Amen. Like, that's our hope. Amen? Sometimes I think I think we forget about that as Christians so often. It just it's a shame. If you lose money, it's just money. If
25:06 the house just doesn't work out, it's just a house. And you've got a father in heaven who owns the cattle on 1000 hills. Amen? You've a God who can restore the things that the
25:17 locusts have eaten in your life, as Joel says. Then he says it's unspiritual. Now another translation, I think the NIV says it like this. This word, unspiritual
25:29 is sensual. Okay. Human wisdom is all about how it makes you feel. Human wisdom is is oriented around feelings. It's
25:41 rooted. It's saturated in feelings. And my friends, we are in a culture that is all about feelings. And and and and it just troubles me as as a as an adult. And I get it when you're
25:52 young, feelings are everything. But when you get a little bit older, it's like, ah, who cares? You know what I'm talking about? Like, you just care about, give me the truth. Give me facts. Give me reality. I don't
26:04 care. My feelings can go up and down based on what I had for breakfast. Amen, somebody. You have the right thing for breakfast. You feel great all day. You have donuts. You have a miserable day.
26:16 Okay? Well, maybe after the age of 25 or so. You know what I'm saying? So if you're under 24, man, eat those donuts proudly. But, you know, your time is coming. Anyway, you will get
26:29 misdirected if you follow your feelings. Someone might say, well, I just just feel like this is the 1 for me, but they're not your spouse. Well, how could it be wrong if
26:41 we feel this way? It's wrong. It's wrong. Don't follow feelings. That's earthly wisdom. This is how I feel inside. Yeah, but it's not who you are on the outside.
26:53 There's something called biology. Right? There's something called, chromosomes. There's something called science. And we're living in a culture that has usurped the reality of science for the
27:04 feelings culture. It's I I'm I'm not worried so much about what's happening outside the church. I'm worried about when that seeps into the church. The church has to take responsibility say, no. No. No. We are not people
27:14 of feelings, feeling our way towards what's good for our life. We are people who want to follow Christ. Sometimes following Christ doesn't feel good. Sometimes
27:26 it feels terrible. But the feeling in the moment of obedience is the seed that goes into the soil that produces the fruit of righteousness later in our lives. The fruit of
27:38 joy, the fruit of blessing, but sometimes letting go and letting God, it doesn't feel it doesn't feel good. And then he says it's demonic. Look at that word. Yikes, James. That's kind of a
27:50 big word. Demonic? Earthly wisdom is demonic? Yes. It is. Here's what it is. Demonic wisdom is, epitomized in Lucifer. Some of you don't know the backstory, the prequel of the
28:02 bible. We're all into these prequel movies today. The prequel of the bible is that in heaven, there was a bunch of angels, millions, and, there was 1 archangel named
28:13 Lucifer. He was the worship leader of heaven. He was in charge of the music. Pastor's gotta keep an eye on the, choir director. You know what I'm talking about. Amen, somebody. Anyway,
28:26 and he rebelled in heaven. He rebelled in heaven. Led an insurrection against God. Here's what Isaiah says was in his spirit. Isaiah chapter 14
28:38 verse 12. How you are fallen from heaven, o daystar, son of the dawn. How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low. You said in your heart, what are these words? Look at them.
28:50 I will ascend to heaven above the stars of God. I will set my throne on high. I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the I will ascend above the heights of the clouds. I will make
29:01 myself like the most high, but you are brought down to Sheol. This is a picture of demonic wisdom. It's all about me. It's all about what I want. And don't
29:13 our commercials say this to us 1000 times a day? It's all about you, babe. It's all about your life. You gotta bet. Enjoy it. You deserve it. This is your life. You
29:25 gotta grab it by the horns and take advantage of every opportunity because nobody's watching out for you. Oh, yes. There is. There's somebody watching out for you. His name is Jesus. There's somebody watching over you.
29:35 He's the father. And there's somebody walking with you, in you. He's the Holy Spirit. You're not alone. You can relax. You can let go. You cannot have to have the most important seat at the
29:47 table because God is watching over you. Demonic wisdom circles my life on the map of God's universe and says,
29:59 It's all about me. Man, that'll poison any relationship. Wanna poison your marriage? Make it about you. Make it about your feelings. Make it about your happiness. Make it about how they are
30:11 treating you. Never take responsibility for your actions. Just blame them for all the ways in which you act. You wanna poison your kids? Make it all about you. Their success is really reflective of your success as a
30:20 parent. Make it make it about how, well they study and how much they get grades that you are proud of so that you can boast to your sister or your brother, and you can brag on your kid. Cause it's actually not no longer
30:31 about it's no longer about your kids doing well in life. Now it's about you feeling good about you. And and consequently, everybody in your life becomes a pawn in your
30:42 game to make you the center of attention. Oh, I'm preaching hard, but it's good because we need to get broken free from this stuff if we're gonna live at peace. So let's turn the
30:54 tables. Let's turn the page and talk about heavenly wisdom. 3 things about heavenly wisdom from James' text here. Write these 3 things down. Number 1, heavenly wisdom orients around God. Human wisdom orients orients
31:06 around the self. Heavenly wisdom orients around God. And and here's how James writes about this in verse 17. He says, the wisdom from above. Just say from above again. From above. Yeah. It's from
31:18 heaven. It's not from this earth. So it's coming from the Lord, and it's first pure. First pure. Now James doesn't say first here in the
31:30 sense of it's the first in order, although it is. He says it is the most important. It's the foundation. Purity is the foundation of heavenly wisdom. Now what is purity? Some of you are gonna think immediately
31:42 about, sexual immorality or dirty thoughts, but that's not the word here in the text. The word here in the text is hagney, and hagney is a word that refers to,
31:54 singular mindedness. Singular, let me put it this way. Singular devotion to something. Wisdom from heaven is singularly
32:05 singularly devoted to God. Simply put, God first. God first in my life, God first
32:17 in my marriage, God first in my parenting, God first in my work, God first in in every area, in every venue of my life. First, God. Amen. And I think
32:29 this is why James says that because if you put God first, everything else falls into place. Because people can become gods in your life. People can become gods in your life. Now what is a god?
32:41 What is a god? In the ancient world, they worshiped stones, rocks, bricks, and and trees, and buildings. We don't worship those. We worship the unseen god, the god that is beyond our visible capacity, in other words.
32:53 He's beyond our natural realm. But if we're not careful, we will make people and relationships gods. And what we look for from God, we will look for in other people. And
33:05 then we will make those people gods in our lives. Are you following this? Yes. So, we will serve them. We will do everything that we can to make them happy because you have to appease the gods. Ancient people used to
33:16 appease the gods by sacrificing and making sure that the gods were happy, but there were just statues that couldn't live and couldn't breathe and couldn't look and couldn't see. And if you're not careful, you'll do that
33:25 with your relationships. So, I just need to be this kind of person for their sake so that they will like me, so that I feel like I have accomplished something in my
33:37 life. And this goes back, we've already talked about it, to parenting and how you raise your kids, to marriage and how you treat your spouse. It could go to your spouse. It could go to your, workplace, your employee
33:47 employer. I need to make them like me. I need them to like me. Let go of that. Heavenly wisdom says, let go of that and put God first. Because here's the deal about
33:59 God. He doesn't like you, he loves you. And he never stops loving you. He loves you, Jeremiah says, with an everlasting love. Oh, I love
34:10 that. There's no end to God's love for you. If you abide in the love of God, Jesus says, will bear much fruit. Because when you release other people and they are no longer the controlling influence of your life, and now
34:21 God is center, God is first in your life, then everything else falls into place. Jesus said in Matthew 6 33, seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Put him first.
34:33 Psalm 37 verse 3 says, delight yourself in the Lord, and and, he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to him. Trust in him. He will act. It's like so
34:45 simple. God first. God first and everything else falls into place. Number 2, heavenly wisdom opens life to other people. It opens my
34:57 heart. It opens my mind. It opens my mouth. So here's the list. Ready? All words. Verse 17. It's first pure, then peaceable, gentle,
35:09 open reason, full of mercy, good fruits, impartial and sincere. I've got definitions for all these words because these are gonna help you with a difficult relationship in your life. Ready? Number 1, peaceable. This means
35:18 that you seek to resolve conflict and heal the relationship. This means that when the relationship has a falling out, you refuse Are you ready for this
35:30 1? To play the silent game. I'm just not going to talk to them anymore and I'm going to wait until they grovel at my feet and ask what's
35:42 wrong. Okay. Stop being a 12 year old. Like, let's grow up. And and this is so hard, but again, like I said, the seed going to the ground is hard,
35:54 but the fruit and the result are so much better. So, here's what you've to do. Some of you've to do this with a difficult relationship in your life. Pick up the phone and call them. Send the
36:06 text. I would prefer you call because words on a text can be so misconstrued. Or at the very least say, let's get
36:18 together for lunch. There. That can't be misconstrued. Right? Nobody can read that say, what does he mean by that? Right? Nobody can do that. But get together and open the door and heal. Look. I want us to get along. I
36:29 want us to have a good relation. I want us to be healthy. What can we do? That's called being peaceable. Number 2, gentle means you're considerate and you're gracious. You're considerate
36:41 towards other people. Here's what that means. It means that you're empathetic with how they're feeling. You enter into their world, you see things from their point of view. It's not always about what you feel, it's about
36:50 what they're feeling. It's about what you're what they're seeing, how they maybe you misspoke. Maybe you said something they didn't even realize that you said it like that. Maybe and I had this with my I'll never forget
37:00 this in college. My first RA, you know, a resident assistant, he oversees the dorm. I I swear this guy hated me. I'll never forget. His name was Joel. I'm like, man, you're named after a prophet. You should be
37:11 nice. And and he just hated me, and so I just hated him. And we went on like this for my entire freshman year. Well, we graduated, and we saw
37:23 each other at the college of some sort of reunion. And I'll never forget, he came up me and said, Tim, you know what? I always thought that you hated me. I said, Joel, I always thought you hated me. He's like, No, no.
37:34 You hated me. I'm like, No, you hated me. We were in an argument about who hated who. It was such a funny, weird argument. It turned out we actually liked each other. We were just afraid that the other person wouldn't
37:41 like us because we assumed the other person hated us. He said to some of you, you're making an assumption about a person's attitude toward you, and it's not even true. Until you approach the subject, pick up
37:53 the phone, text, call, get together, see where it can go. Number 3, open to reason. I love this 1. This means that you're ready to hear others out. Like, can I be reasonable in the sense that I will listen to
38:05 them? Here's number 4, full of mercy and good fruits. Now I'm gonna bless them. Now I'm gonna love them. Now I'm gonna show them kindness in visible, tangible ways. After theShow more
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