Skip to content Building Your Family on Solid Ground - Jody Bowden Nov 12 · 47 min ...more
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Empowering multimedia ministry for bold Christian living: Weekend Messages, Deep End Podcast, Deep Dive Bible Study. Tim Hatch, Lead Pastor, Waters Church, 26 years of pastoral ministry, book author.
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0:00 So I am pastor Jodi the marriage and family pastor here at Waters Church for those of you who don't know me and I just wanted to talk first off about something that we instituted a few weeks ago to better be a0:11 resource for everyone who calls Waters Church their home and even those who don't call it their home yet. We have waterschurch dot org slash help. Now this0:23 is a link that we have available to you guys because who knows there are many times in life where we need just a little bit of help, right? I mean, I know I do. On a daily basis I need help. But this is the things that0:34 we have to offer you through this site. If you go to that link you're gonna have 5 things in front of you. 1 is marriage and family help. If you just need a little extra support in your marriage with your family, with0:44 your kids, there's a link there. Click on it and it will email me. I'll reach back out and we'll set up an appointment. We'll just sit down and talk and see what we can do to help Christ work through your marriage and0:55 through your children. Now we also have some discipleship care. Maybe you are sitting there wondering what your direction is in life. What does Jesus have in store for you? Well there's a link there, you click on that1:05 and it will email pastor Chris, our discipleship pastor, and he will link up with you and set up a time to come together with you and kind of discover what Christ has in store for you in your life. We also have something1:17 as simple as a prayer request. Maybe that's all you need, just some prayer for something. Click on that link. We also have a link there for mental health help. So maybe you're just struggling a bit, you're a little extra1:27 stressed at work, maybe you got a little anxiety from something coming up. We can set up an appointment, talk through how Christ can help you conquer those obstacles that are holding you back in life. And then finally we1:38 have a help link there that if you are just in 1 of those seasons of life or you need just a little extra support. Maybe you can't afford groceries this month, maybe you just need a little help in gas, something like1:48 that. We wanna be able to help you in any way we can. So there's a form you can fill out there, it'll go into our queue and then we'll call, do some follow-up questions and see what we can do to help you in any way1:58 possible. So those are the ways that we have that website waterschurch dot org slash help to support you in any way that we can, okay? Alright, now if you come to me all your guidance is gonna be on finding your2:10 foundation in Christ. So my message today is building your family on solid ground. Building your family on solid ground. Here in a second we're gonna get into Matthew2:21 7 24, but I just wanna say that this message is gonna apply to everybody. I know if you're like, well I'm not married, I don't plan on getting married, I don't have a family, I don't want kids, oh I'm divorced, this2:33 isn't gonna apply to me. I'm gonna tell you, building your foundation on Christ applies to everybody in here. Whether you're a young child right now, whether you're single, whether you're married, divorced, maybe you're2:44 living at home with someone and you and your spouse never talk. You're living together, but are you living together? This message is for you. There's gonna be things in here that can help you rebuild your firm2:56 foundation on Christ and grow further and build even more on that foundation than you ever thought you could. So stand as we read Matthew 7 24.3:10 Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did3:22 not fall because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand and the rain fell and the floods3:33 came and the winds blew and beat against the house and it fell and great was the fall of it. Let us pray. Father God we just welcome you in this place God. There's no better place to be than your house3:45 God. And we just ask that you begin to move across this place, open our eyes and our ears so that we can see and hear you clearly God. Open our spirits so that we are attuned3:57 to what it is you want us to know today and how we can fall deeper into your arms God. We just ask that you bless the words that are said here today, they are fruitful for your gospel and it's in your4:09 name that we pray, amen. You may be seated. So I've got a few pictures here, I learn better by pictures not by words. So I'm just gonna put them up on the bird. The first 1 we have here is4:21 the Ferenae Amphitheater. This was built in 27 AD by Atilius. Obviously you can see it was an arena used for gladiator fights, was a big thing in the early part of the4:32 AD's and he wanted to start trying to monetize this. He was like man if I could just build a bigger, better place to have these gladiator battles, imagine how much money and how much richer I can4:44 be. So he forewent any kind of research. He used the cheapest materials and had it built as fast as he possibly could. The very first time that that theater4:56 was filled to capacity to watch 1 of the events the entire thing collapsed and historians think that upwards of 20000 people died during the collapse. Why? Because it5:08 was built on the wrong materials, was built on the wrong thing, it wasn't built on a solid foundation. Next we have, you guys recognize that 1 right? Did anybody else as a kid think it was the5:19 leaning tower of pizza? Because I definitely did and I thought that is a place I wanna visit someday. But it's not, it's the leaning tower of Pisa and construction began on that in 11 72.5:31 It did not complete until 13 72. Along the way they started, they stopped, they started, they stopped. They've had multiple attempts at trying to rebuild and support the foundation.5:43 Almost as soon as they started construction they noticed that the ground wasn't right for building and things started to go south. Even to this day it is still continuing to fall and attempts are made over and over5:55 and over to keep it from collapsing because it has the wrong foundation. Now I know what you're thinking 27 AD, 13 72 like of course they didn't have the technological advances that we have.6:07 Let's move forward a little bit. If we look at the next 1, that 1 looks like it's on solid ground, right? The Transcona Grain Elevator. That is at the end of the Canadian Pacific6:18 Railway and it is a grain storage plant. So if it's a grain storage plant you would think it is used to? Store grain. First time they tried to put grain in it that's what happened. It6:30 collapsed. It sunk immediately into the ground 1 foot as soon as they put the grain in and 27 degrees over the next 24 hours and they had to stop using it. This was back in 196:43 13. So I know what you're saying again. Still a little old, maybe they know what they're going. Let's move all the way up to 2008. We have the Ocean Tower in South Padre. That is what it looks like today. Still like6:55 that. They began construction, almost immediately found out that there were issues in the foundation that it wasn't gonna support the building. They kept trying to go, kept trying to do it and within 1 year they had to7:05 completely scrap the project and that is what is left. Just a shell of what could have been because it wasn't built on the right foundation. So what caused these issues?7:17 Improper materials, rushed job, improper planning. We find out that over and over and over again it's just a matter of time before disaster strikes. If we don't have the proper7:29 foundation, the proper materials, the proper planning to move forward. Now some of the stuff I'm gonna say to you today might sound a bit redundant, but who's familiar with Occam's razor?7:40 For those of you that aren't, it is that the simplest solution is most often the right solution. So you're gonna hear something Sage like, of course, of course I know that. Well, you need to hear it again. And you need7:52 to make sure that you're putting it into action in your lives. So when you hear me saying things that you're like, of course I know that. But are you doing that? Knowing something and doing something are 28:03 totally different things. So that is gonna bring us to point number 1 in your notes. If you want to be built on, then build on8:15 Christ. If you're hoping that with your foundation in Christ someone else will help build on you, then you better hope you are building on Christ. Because no matter8:27 who you are, no matter who you interact with, people are going to help you build on your foundation. You build your foundation and then others help you build upon it. Who are you letting build upon your8:39 foundation? If we look in first Corinthians 3 10, it says, according to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder, I laid a foundation and someone else is building upon it.8:51 Let each 1 take care how he builds upon it, for no 1 can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. You cannot build your house alone, you will need other believers to help you.9:03 You will need people to come along and support you. But how are they doing that? What are they doing? Are they building you up in the things of this world? Are they building building9:15 you up in the things that will last. Because just like it said in Matthew, the rains will come, the floods will come, the winds will come. It doesn't say in Matthew that they may, if you build your house on a rock,9:27 maybe you'll have some bad weather. It says, the floods and the rains and the winds will come. And all that is going to remain is that which is in Christ. And it's going to be revealed. If you're wondering9:39 to yourself, well when that time comes, how am I gonna know? If we just go to the next verse in Corinthians it says It tells us here in 0.1, fires will reveal your foundation. Fires will reveal your9:51 foundation. The very next scripture in Corinthians says, now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, Each one's work10:03 will become manifest for the day will disclose it. Because it will be revealed by fire and the fire will test what sort of work has been done. At some10:15 point, the rains and the floods will come, the fires will come. All that you will be left with is that which is founded in Christ. And it will be abundantly clear what was10:26 wrong in that building of your house, your structure. What went wrong was what wasn't firm in Christ. I actually have a very vivid memory as a child.10:38 There was a tornado that came through our hometown and I grew up in the backwoods of Virginia. So like a tornado was like the biggest thing that could have happened. It was people were driving out and checking out and it10:49 was it was really impressive to see like the power that a tornado could have. But 1 thing I vividly remember is we were driving down some back roads and we went to a small Baptist church. And the tornado had11:01 gone through and ripped the church apart. All that remained was the front wall, the back wall, and on the stage where the pews were strewn about and the walls were gone was a podium with a11:13 Bible on it and a microphone in front of it. Now do I think that God saved the podium? No, but I think it worked as an illustration for me to think the power of the word of God and what it can11:25 endure. Where everything else was torn asunder, all that remained was the word of God. And it's just something that lived with me thinking, man, if I could just build my11:37 foundation on the word of God, how much more will he protect me? 1 of his creatures made in his image, how much more will he protect me?11:49 Be in your notes is that with loss comes growth. I don't want you to think that things are gonna come along and destroy everything you have and and that's the end of it. With that loss will come growth. The12:01 very next verse, if we just keep going down Corinthians, it says, if the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss. Though12:13 he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. What does it mean by only as through fire? Well, I'm sure a lot of you know that there are times where forest fires come and they ravage an area. And you're like, oh12:25 man, all that plant life gone. Well, don't know how many of you know that usually the plant life comes back and often it's more lush and more thick than it was before. That is12:37 because the root system of those trees is so expansive and so strong that it actually helps to promote new growth in places where it wasn't growing before. So when the fires12:49 of life come through and they ravage your life and they take out all these things of the world that shouldn't be in your life, you can regrow if you're rooted in Christ and often learn through the13:01 experience and grow stronger and better and more firm in your faith than you even did before. Now I don't wanna just leave you guys with you know, hey this is how you as an individual grows your13:12 faith so that you can move forward in life. I wanna give you some practical application. So yes, you need to grow your foundation, but how? How do you do that? How do you use Christ to grow your13:24 foundation? You see there's a little spot there under but how for you to fill in whatever of this you feel is germane to your life. The first 1 is lose yourself13:36 in the word. You ever try to build a house or put something to produce IKEA furniture together without the plans? Doesn't go well. If you're looking to build on the foundation of Christ you need13:48 a set of instructions And lucky for us, we have the perfect set of those instructions in the bible. The American Bible Society did a study. They had a test group and a control group. And14:00 all they told the test group to do was read the bible. Not go to bible studies, not go to church, not change anything in their life, just read the bible. And they noticed that the symptoms of anxiety, stress,14:11 depression and PTSD all dropped in the test group by only adding reading the word of God. So imagine what it can do for you. Imagine as a14:23 believer, knowing the power that the bible has, if you begin to put it into your life. Imagine what it can do for you. Now I know a lot of people say, just don't have time for that. I can't fit that into my schedule.14:35 Sure, maybe you can't read an entire book of the Bible every single day. Can you give God like a chapter, a verse? You give him a section? And I will tell you whatever you're willing to put into14:47 God he's willing to double and put back into you. So whatever effort you're giving, you know God's gonna return it to you 10 fold, but it's up to you to put that effort in. And if you're putting that effort14:59 onto the living word of God, I challenge you to come back here and tell me it didn't improve your life. Next is surround yourself with believers not sinners. Now that's not to say15:10 you can't have friends who don't believe. That's not to say you can't be around people who don't believe in Christ. But who are you letting build on your foundation? Who are you letting show up to your house with15:21 materials to build on you? If it's not people who are building with the foundation of Christ themself, it's gonna be torn asunder, the winds are gonna blow it down, the fires are gonna burn it15:32 up, and you're gonna have to start again. The next 1 I have here is fasting. Fasting is a powerful tool that is very underutilized by a lot of people. Fasting15:44 can do amazing things in your life. It reveals a multitude of things. First off, it reveals hidden sin in your life. What do I mean by that? Well, I know personally,15:56 years ago I was having trouble with what I thought was anger. My kids would do something and I would just immediately go to yelling. I'd immediately go to being angry. And I was praying constantly like, God why am I so16:07 angry? Stop making me so angry all the time. And then I decided I need to fast on this. And I spent 2 days fasting and just praying over this anger thing. And God revealed to me that I did not have an anger issue. My16:18 issue was with patience. I had no patience. So it would manifest itself as anger, but it would be more my kids would be doing something. I wouldn't be patient enough and then I would yell. So once I switched my prayers16:29 from anger to patience, it changed my life. And my kids can testify to this when you see them. I totally changed the way I talk to my kids, way I talk to my wife because he revealed to me16:42 my hidden sin. It also can increase our intimacy in God. When you start to cut out some of the things in your life, food that you need to live. A lot of times we say social16:53 media, all those things that are wrong constantly. When you start to put that stuff on a back burner and put Christ to the front, our intimacy in him just expands beyond what we can even understand. Because17:05 we've decided that this isn't more important than God. That will never be more important than my savior. Amen. It also helps us to hear God. When17:17 we're fasting and we're quietly sitting, it helps us to hear God, which is my next thing. When's the last time that you just sat and listened? When's the last time that you did nothing but just sit17:29 and wait on God? Often we're so busy asking God for things and telling God things that we never take a second to see if he's responding. He's got an answer for us, but do we give him a17:41 chance to tell us or are we just powering through complaining more and more and piling more and more on top instead of just sitting, taking a deep breath and listening for God to speak into our lives.17:54 Now this next 1 is important and congratulations, you guys are already doing it. Make church a priority. You think you can build a house without once going to the store, once going out to buy stuff? You've got If you're18:05 trying to build your life, you've gotta be in his house. When you look at a study done by the International Journal of Epidemiology, I practiced that many times so that I could get it18:16 right. International Journal of Epidemiology. Epidemiology is the branch of medicine that deals with the cure of potential disease and other health factors. Now this18:28 is a worldly journal, internationally recognized, it's not a biblical thing. But they found that in individuals who attended church once a week, that's all they did. People who go to church once a18:40 week, they had a 26 percent lowered risk of all causes of mortality. 26 percent on all causes of mortality. They noticed that heavy18:52 drinking dropped by 34 percent and smoking by 29 percent. They also just like the American bible study found that any symptoms of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, stress,19:04 all dropped by attending church once a week. That's all they asked them to do. Being in the house of the Lord is transformative. And for those of you who are watching online, I hope that you make it19:16 into 1 of those houses soon, 1 of those locations. Because the work that can happen in this place is It's unbelievable and we're all a testament to it. So we're gonna move to point number 2 here.19:29 Marriage joins foundations. Now I want you to notice that I didn't say pulls together. Didn't say that it abuts to. I said it joins foundations. You19:41 become 1 foundation under Christ. So your foundation needs to be strong and her foundation needs to be strong Cause when you come together, your foundation can only be as strong as the19:53 weakest foundation. It doesn't matter who has a crack in their foundation. When those 2 are joined together, there is a crack in your foundation. Now that is why we do extensive premarital20:05 counseling here. We wanna make sure we try to repair those cracks ahead of time before they become big issues in a marriage. But you guys, that's why it's so important during that point to grow yourself and strengthen20:17 your foundation. So that when you do get married that foundation is strong. And maybe you are married now, but you and your spouse aren't getting along and you've had it with them. You20:28 still are combined under the covenant of God, and your foundation is their foundation, and it's up to you to build your own and strengthen your own, but to help them realize the cracks in their foundation that20:40 you so desperately want to help them fix. So what is a godly marriage? We need to have a godly marriage. What is a godly marriage?20:53 First Corinthians 11 1 through 3 says, be imitators of me as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to21:04 you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. So a godly marriage is 1 that put God God at21:16 the head. It's led by a godly bible fearing, bible believing man who puts Christ's rules before his own rules and cares about his his wife. If21:28 Christ isn't the head of your life, how will you ever be the head of your wife? He needs to be the center of everything you do. And a lot of people will be like, yeah, but that's easy for you to21:40 say, know, it's what if I put him there, what if I do this. I'm telling you, if you make a concerted effort to balance everything you do off of the scales of Christ, your marriage will21:51 change. But it's up to you to take that practical step of doing it. Now there's going to be issues in marriage. We all know that, right? That is point b in your notes. What causes dissent22:03 in a marriage? What causes dissent in a marriage? A lot of times it's just There's a lot of things that can cause issues. I'm gonna go over a couple22:15 today. One's gonna be lack of communication. That's a big 1. I will tell you that is the number 1 cause of issues in a marriage is a lack of communication between each22:27 other. The next is a lack of trust. You just don't trust the other person. And if you're not building on trust, it's a dangerous place to start building. The next is22:39 going to be a It's a little bit of a dodgy 1 here. You already it's a disproportionate desire of physical intimacy. You see how I22:51 so deftly avoided saying the word sex. But that is gonna be another 1 that it definitely leads to issues in a marriage. Now 1 of the final ones is23:02 financial issues. And if you are currently, I'm not gonna talk about today, but if you are having financial issues in your marriage and it's causing you to have a bad marriage, I encourage you the next time we have23:14 Financial Peace University, take that class. It is transformative and once you start to give your finances over to Christ, he will start to change that avenue in your life and relieve some of those financial23:25 stresses that may be causing issues in your marriage. But today I'm gonna talk about the first 3. So lack of communication. How do you improve on your lack of communication? You learn to talk to each other, not23:37 at each other. You're going to have arguments with the person you spend the majority of your life with. You're going to get into disagreements, you're going to get into arguments, but how do you23:49 talk to that person not at that person? The problem that a lot of us get into is we don't want to listen to what the other person has to say. So they start telling their side of the story. They start telling us why24:00 they're upset and we're already thinking in our head what our rebuttal's gonna be. Like are you saying that? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then as soon as they start talking you're like, but you, why don't we just listen? Listen24:11 to what they have to say. I tell you what, there is no more humbling of a feeling than being in an argument with your wife and she makes a great point. And then you have to sit there and think like, she's right though.24:22 And how do I tell her she's right without looking like a fool. Sometimes it's okay to look like a fool and admit that you were wrong or that their point is better. Arguments in a marriage aren't24:34 about winning or losing. It's about coming to a resolution that helps you both grow stronger together. Now you gotta fight fair too. That's something we all need to24:46 learn. If you're here with your spouse, don't look them in the eye, but just lean over and be like, fight fair. It's true. Do you know what the best thing about the past is? Leaving stuff there.24:58 We don't need to throw everything back that they've ever done. Imagine if Christ kept our past ready and was ready to weaponize it at any moment and throw it back at us. We would all25:10 be very ashamed in that argument. Learn to fight fair with each other. You're going to argue, you're going to fight, but take turns, talk quietly. 1 thing I want you to do the next time that you're in an argument25:22 with your husband or your wife, think to yourself, would I talk to my boss this way? Would I talk to another believer this way? Would I talk to somebody in that cafe the same way I just25:34 talked to my wife? Or would you, you know, your wife comes and takes something that's yours. Hey, are you doing? Give that back. Somebody does it in the cafe. Is that what you do? Are you like, excuse me? I actually25:44 think that's my Oh, that's yours? That was Mine's over here? Oh, okay. I'm so sorry about that. That's the kind of conversation you wanna have. Think to yourself the next time you're ready to yell at your wife or your25:55 husband, would you talk to somebody else that same way you're getting ready to talk to the person you entered into a covenant relationship with Christ with. In Ephesians it says, let26:07 no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is good for building up as fits the occasion that it might give grace to those who hear. I guess mom was right. If you don't26:19 have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. You should be building your spouse up with the words you say to them, not tearing them down. You're trying to build a house together26:31 on the foundation of Christ. Your words should reflect that through grace and peace and kindness. Oh boy, trust. Trust is something that is built26:43 and not given. You have to build trust with a person. Nobody comes for the first time meeting somebody and right away trusts them. So what kind of foundation are you giving each other to build that trust26:55 upon? Are you keeping secrets from each other? Are you hiding the passcode to your phone? Do you have a secret email address somewhere? Do you clear your browser history? Do you have hidden27:06 apps? If you're not an open book don't expect somebody to want to read you. You need to make sure that you are an open book and if you're not, you know what it is? You probably shouldn't be trusted.27:18 You need to make sure that you clear the things out in your life that are keeping your spouse from trusting you so that you can start to grow together with Christ as the foundation of trust in your relationship.27:30 I'll encourage you right now. If you have any of that in your life, if you are currently hiding things that are keeping your spouse from trusting you, open up to them. It will do wonders when you come to your spouse and27:41 you are honest with them and you are forthright and you say, you know what? I need to talk to you about something. For years I've been doing this and I'm sorry and I know it's gonna hurt you and I know it's gonna be a27:51 battle for us to uphill, overcome this that I've put into our relationship. But start to heal that now. Let that fire burn away that crap so that you can come back and be stronger for it.28:05 Alright, now we get into the next 1. 6. It is a very touchy subject because people are built different and people have different desires. The thing that you28:17 have to remember is, how are you gonna expect someone to meet your desires at all if you've never made them known? So talk about it. Make your desires known. Now I'm not talking about making28:29 a list of demands, but I'm talking about See how that works out for you. Again watershed dot org slash help. Make your desires28:40 known, a list of demands but through effective communication figure out how you can find that middle ground where both of you are happy. Because without having that28:52 communication there, things are gonna go south. Now I want you to know that resentment can come a lot of times when we are like, when we have these unmet expectations that we've29:04 only ever had in our head. So if you're keeping things in your head, whether it be physical or not, there could be an expectation that like the dishes aren't getting done often enough and you just every time you come in29:14 you're like freaking dishes aren't done again. God. But have you ever said anything? 1 of the the things that can tear a foundation down quick is resentment that you just keep and you stew on and you let29:26 it grow and you let it infect your spirit instead of just saying, hey sweetie, I've noticed that this is happening. Can we try to work on a way where we can get that better instead of just constantly29:38 being again here we go. And never voicing that concern. And again I'll come here to but how. That's great. I need my foundation of my marriage on Christ. I need to grow myself on Christ, but29:50 how do I grow my marriage? You should be praying together with your spouse. We have a couple that actually works here, Brandon and Sharon. They are on staff here and30:02 when they first started working together I noticed that every time they prayed before they ate lunch they would pray together holding their hands and then he would kiss her. And for the first few weeks I was like, okay30:11 this guy is weird. And then at 1 point I was like, well I mean I like the fact that he's praying with his wife but why when we're all sitting And it'll be like mid conversation. I'll be talking and right before they get30:21 here he'll be like, yeah I just wanna Dear Jesus I just love you. And right back to the conversation I'm like, alright what is this about? Why are you doing this? And he made a great point. He said that they made a deal30:32 that at the beginning of the day, end of the day and when they eat they are gonna pray and when they get done praying they're gonna kiss each other. And he said it's because no matter how angry I am, no matter how mad I30:43 am, no matter what kind of argument we are in, we have made a deal that we will pray together and kiss each other. And he said sometimes that ends the argument like I do and then I'm like man, I really do like her.30:55 Something as simple as that but praying. I also saw that there was a study done, it was a Gallup poll done by the National Association of Marriage Enhancement and it showed that the divorce rate per 1000 people of31:07 couples who prayed together was 1. 1 in 1000 is the divorce rate for couples that pray together.31:19 You need to experience the scriptures together, whether that's through a devotional study or reading the bible. But if we go back to that ABS study that showed that it can relieve stress, anxiety, depression in your31:31 life, Imagine what it can do under the covenant relationship of Christ for your marriage. The stress, anxiety that it can relieve from that if you are willing to open up the living word of God and put it31:42 into your marriage. Attend church together. Now this is hard sometimes especially when kids get involved and there's things going on, but make an effort to sit together31:54 and let the Holy Spirit do some work. Sometimes that's all you need is just to let the Holy Spirit do some work in you. In Matthew 18 20 it tells us where 2 or more are gathered, I am there with them. So gather with your32:06 wife together with God and let him do some of the work. Continue to work on yourselves individually. Once you get married you can't just switch to only concentrating on your32:18 marriage's spiritual strength. You need to continue to grow yourself. It's an ongoing process that no matter what age you should be trying to grow further in your relationship with Christ. That doesn't stop when you32:30 get married. It should increase. You should be increasing your strength so that when that other person is weaker in their walk, weaker in their faith, you can be the 1 that helps support it and move them through until32:41 things equal back out in your relationship. If you look at first John 3 18, it says, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth. What does that mean? It means that32:53 love is more than just a word or a feeling, it's an action. Love is an action. Anybody can tell anybody else I love you. You can walk up to anybody and be like, I love you. People do it as a joke.33:05 If you watch TikToks, people walk up and say it to people to try to get a rise out of love. You can say those words, but do your actions reflect the love you have for someone? And the last 1, very important, tune in33:17 everybody. Date your spouse. Date your spouse, it is important. That is how you got them to be your spouse. You went on dates with them. You took them out. You had fun with them.33:28 Continue to do that once you are married and even more importantly once you have kids. Date night is also not just delivery food in Netflix. Take your spouse somewhere33:39 nice. Take your wife to a nice restaurant. Open the door for her. My wife laughs at me every time because when we go on a date, I switch to date mode. And I like, I'll go to open the door for her. And even when I'm doing33:50 it she's like, you're such an idiot. And I'm like, I know, but I need to do this because I'm dating my wife. Now she's dropping hints. You guys just gotta make sure you catch them. She's telling you whether it's by34:02 leaving a book open, by showing you a video. Isn't this cute? She wants that guys. If she told you it was cute, she wants it. So listen to those hints. She's telling you where she wants you to go34:13 and what she wants you to get her. Listen to your wife, date your spouse and make sure she knows you love her. Number 3, children should strengthen a34:25 foundation, not sunder it. Children should strengthen a foundation, not sunder it. Kids should add to your relationship. They should be something that springs you34:37 along in the joys of raising believers in Christ. If your foundation is strong and your marital foundation is strong, you should love to raise kids in the faith. If you look at Psalms 134:49 27, it says, behold, children are at a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who35:01 fills his quiver with them. Now kids do add a dynamic to a relationship that a lot of times you're not prepared for. Especially when you have multiple kids. When I went from 1 to 2, was like,35:13 oh this is tough, but it was good. When we went from 2 to 3 and we had to switch from man coverage to running zone, It was When I went from So I have 5 kids. 2 to 3 was35:25 far tougher than 3 to 4, 4 to 5. I figured at this point I could have at least a cool dozen and it would be all the same at this point. But that move from 2 to 3, man when you've got like 3 doing sports and 135:36 at robot camp and run just run-in circles in the front yard. It puts a weight on your relationship. But if your foundation is strong in Christ you can support that weight35:48 and you can grow knowing that the foundation is the rock of Christ and you can exemplify that for your children. So a in your notes is36:00 that parenting happens together. Proverbs 27 says, the righteous who walks in his integrity, blessed are his children after him. Because parenting36:12 happens together. You need to be a united front when you're trying to raise kids especially if you're trying to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Nothing can crack a foundation36:24 quicker than disagreeing on parenting. Kids are always watching, they're always listening and they're always picking up on the bad stuff first. We know that if you have kids, you know that that 1 has been out at a36:36 store and has said something and you've whipped your head around and been like, where did you learn that? They always pick up the bad stuff first. Be an example so that they have the things of36:47 Christ to learn and to find. Now a few things when you guys are arguing, you will argue in front of your kids. You will disagree in front of your kids. A few things you have to remember. Try not36:59 to let them see you fight. You can argue, you can disagree, you can discuss things in a heated way with your spouse. Don't argue and yell in front of your children. Do37:11 not belittle your spouse in front of your kids. When they say something they'll be like, of course that's what he would say. Of course she's gonna tell you that. Do not belittle your kids. If you wanna go into a room37:23 privately later and discuss why you agree or disagree in an effective way about that, that's fine. Do not do it in front of your kids and don't undercut the other person. If somebody says no you're not gonna do that,37:34 don't swoop in and be like, it's fine. They can do it. Cause now your kids realize that you're not on the same page and you're not united front. And if you're gonna try to push them forward to37:46 realize what they need to be in life under Christ, they need to realize that you are united also. You can disagree but exemplify that you can have an adult discussion with each other that comes37:58 to a resolution. Point b in your notes, raise your kids with purpose. Raise your kids with purpose. I I put that word38:09 raise in there because I'm not talking about just having kids and letting them coast through life. You need to raise your children. When we look at Ephesians 6 4 it says, fathers do not provoke your children to anger but38:21 bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I know it can get aggravating sometimes when we've asked them to do the same thing for the hundredth time, but how do you think God feels38:33 when we've asked for forgiveness for the same sin for the hundredth time? Thank God he is graceful and we need to have grace with our children. Now when it says discipline there, I'm not talking38:45 It's not talking necessarily about physical discipline, it's talking the disciplining or the raising up of your kids. And actually the word there in Greek Any of my big fat Greek wedding fans in here?Show more
31:51
Guest Message - Pastor Geyser Pastor Tim Hatch
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