Skip to content Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Part 1 Aug 22 · 29 min ...more
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Part 1
August 22, 2025 · 29 min
Do you long to be loved for just being you? You can have that, but you need to be aware of some pitfalls along the way. Chip inspires us to stop looking for love in all the wrong places.
Series Spiritual Simplicity August 22, 2025 · 29 min · Spiritual Simplicity
Do you long to be loved for just being you? You can have that, but you need to be aware of some pitfalls along the way. Chip inspires us to stop looking for love in all the wrong places. ...more Show the full description Show less Do you long to be loved for just being you? You can have that, but you need to be aware of some pitfalls along the way. Chip inspires us to stop looking for love in all the wrong places.
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Chip Ingram is an American Christian pastor, author, and teacher. He is the founder, teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry.
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Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places 0:01 Do you long to be loved just for being you? Do you long for people just to see you and know you and really love you? Well, I got news for you. That's true of all of us, but there's a danger. We tend to look for0:13 love in all the wrong places. Today, we're gonna learn how to avoid that pitfall. Stay with0:21 me. Welcome to this edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of this daily program is to intentionally disciple Christians through the insightful bible teaching of Chip Ingram. You know, I think we all0:33 know someone who's trusted the wrong person in a relationship, or maybe you've experienced the pain of betrayal yourself. Well, today Chip explores the origins of our longing for connection and love, and explains how to0:45 steer clear of the common relational traps that many fall into. So with that, here's Chip with his talk, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, from First Corinthians chapter 13.0:57 I think there's 3 things that are true of every person on this planet. Number 1, we all fail. I'm just gonna I mean, even you, you know. I mean, you can call1:09 it mess up, blow it, miss the mark, but I mean, every single person every week fails. Number 2. We all have legitimate desires and needs that are God1:21 ordained that we pursue. I mean, legitimate desires to be significant, to be loved, to give love, to be secure, to have purpose, that our lives would have an1:33 impact. We just we just have legitimate God given desires and needs that God wants us to pursue. Third fact. In a fallen1:45 world, our failures are often an attempt to obtain good things in a bad way. I want you let that 1 sink in. Sometimes when we fail, we're1:56 covered with shame. And sometimes we fail and we get down on ourselves. Or if you're like me, you try and at least blame someone else for a while instead of yourself. But what would happen if you could begin to2:08 see that some of the patterns in your life and some of the patterns in my life where you fail, where you mess up, where there's breakdown in relationships, where there's breakdown in your relationship with God, where you2:20 feel terrible and you know you've blown it. What if you begin to understand that you were really looking for something good that was a God ordained need2:31 or desire, but you went about finding it in the wrong way, that would begin to give you some new light to deal with that failure. In this book2:43 written to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul outlines a number of ways that they did it and we do it as well. I highlighted a few. We seek acceptance and belonging. That's a good thing. Right?2:55 By forming clicks and criticizing and excluding others. And that causes division. That's a bad thing. That happened in chapter 3. We seek connection and intimacy through illicit sex, pornography,3:07 and emotional affairs that destroy marriages and ruin families. That happens today. That happened in chapter 5. We seek security and significance, and destroy relationships by our greed.3:19 That happened to this group in chapter 6. We seek to protect God's holiness. Obviously a good thing. But by misguidedly judging others' motives and differences, resulting in disunity and3:31 broken relationships, It's a bad thing. That happened in chapter 8. We seek legitimate, godly pleasures with no consideration for those who are weaker in faith, and3:43 we allow our freedom to destroy their relationship with Christ. That's a bad thing. But the legitimate pleasures, God, there's nothing wrong with those. It3:55 reminded me of an old song. So many times our gravest failures are attempts to look for love in all the wrong places. Looking for love in all the4:07 wrong places. Is that how you like that twine? Looking for love in so many faces and looking for love. I'll never make this a country singer. You listen to the lyrics of4:19 that song. In fact, Johnny Lee, the story of that song is very interesting. He said it described his life. His life was totally messed up but his desire was for a good thing. He really wanted to4:31 be loved and be connected and have intimacy and life and purpose but he went about it in ways that destroyed his relationship with himself, he hurt other people and certainly violated more than a handful of God's4:43 commands. Here's what you need to understand. When you try to find good things in a bad way, you4:54 will hurt other people. You will hurt yourself, and you'll miss God's best. And so we talked about how do we learn to really love in real time? Not a theory, not coming to church5:06 and you ought to love more, you ought to be more kind, but how specifically and so the apostle Paul write into a group much like, I think, high capacity, high gifts, strategically located. And5:18 so what we learned is in situation number 1, how does love respond to hurt? And in verses verse 4, it said love is patient, love is kind. That was the truth. But then the practice was when you're hurt or5:30 wounded or rejected or ignored love absorbs the blow remember the pillow and returns a hug so let me ask you did anybody and5:42 I'm speaking mostly the person who's sitting in your seat, have an opportunity to be hurt, wounded, rejected? Someone dissed you just a little, and you said,5:54 oh, I could diss them back or I could you know what? I'm gonna absorb the blow. I'm gonna respond in a positive way. See, as you begin to practice that, you know what that's6:06 called? That's biblical love. That's loving people the way Jesus loves people. The second situation is how do we respond to differences? There's all6:18 kind of differences. Love doesn't envy. It doesn't boast. It's not rude. It's not self seeking. It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. And so the practice is6:29 love celebrates differences remember the the principle was love refuses to compare it refuses to compare upward and feel envy it6:41 refuses to compare downward and be arrogant when you begin to practice that you eliminate envy you eliminate arrogance and you start loving people the way6:53 Jesus loves them the third situation is today we're going to talk about how does love respond to failure I mean we we agreed that we all fail and that means that the people closest to7:05 you whether it's a roommate or whether it's a wife or a husband or a son or a daughter or a mom or a dad or people at work or people in a small group or people in your neighborhood, they're gonna fail. You're gonna get a7:15 lot of chance to respond to other people's failures. And as you listen to this, know that this is how we're to respond to other people's failures to be loving, to maximize love. But in7:27 the back of your mind, I want you to remember this is exactly how God responds to your failure. Everything we're gonna cover, this is how the heart of the living creator of the universe7:39 responds to your failure. Because the more you can get it vertically, the more you'll begin to be able to give it horizontally. And so, the truth is, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the7:51 truth. It always protects, it always trusts, it always hopes, it always perseveres. Summary, love never fails. And so the practice is love responds to failure8:03 with truth and grace. Underline in your notes, truth and underline the word grace. Love, real love, demands truth. Love and truth are inseparable.8:16 If there is, quote, you think you have love, but there's no truth, it's just mushy sentimentalism. It's just gushy feelings and we have come to believe because of media8:28 and you know, all the books and all the romance novels, we think love is just this ooey gooey feeling that we're connected. I mean we may be in complete8:40 denial but I feel good about you and you feel good about me and so we must be loving. No. Maybe you're just on drugs. Having a good feeling about8:52 another person when there's major issues that are unaddressed, when there's behaviors and addictions and issues that are bringing about fall out, when you're doing things to 1 another that's destroying long term9:03 relationship, that's not love. Having a good feeling about someone is a nice thing. Biblical love demands truth. It says love doesn't rejoice or9:15 find joy or satisfaction in evil. Things that are unrighteous, things that are wrong, things things that are the opposite of the way God wants people to live, but it delights in and finds great9:26 joy in the truth. Love refuses to find joy in another's sin, misfortune, or dysfunction, or pain. I jotted a note to myself. We have a9:38 perverted attraction. A perverted attraction to the misfortune, addictions, and problems of others. I don't know. I mean, I guess it's just being fallen.9:50 But we like to watch other people mess up. We like to hear about how badly they mess up. We like to watch and listen and view10:02 people making fools of themselves, and then laugh on our couches as they do it. It's called reality TV. I mean, think of this. We all live in this house. She hates him. She hears his I heard who last night.10:14 And then the camera comes. Well, I tell you, I think she's a and I don't think she ever do. I'm not gonna kick out of this house. You know, I mean, it's just like what it's not like stories of, we would like to bring you10:25 a exciting story of a major star who has now done amazing things for the, inner city children and those who are helping orphans in Africa. I mean, for every 1 of those, you get a hundred. Lindsay's in jail again. Will10:36 she get out? Who knows? Did you see someone's I mean, it's just a proliferation of evil and misfortune and addiction and pain.10:48 And very subtly, you're filling your mind with it. And it is the culture and is the absolute opposite of love. When11:00 I'm finding delight in things that violate what brings health and life and restoration, I'm setting myself up for dysfunctional, painful,11:12 negative relationships. Love doesn't rejoice in evil. In fact I mean think about this is really fun do you see that movie yeah everybody got blown up boom boom boom11:24 bam bam and did you see it it was in slow mo boom boom boom the teflon pull up that was a great movie Yeah.11:37 The sanctity of life and the value of human life is the highest thing the scripture and the God who created life esteems. And we trivialize11:49 it with our thumbs, killing imaginary people over and over and over and over again until when real ones die, we get anesthetized to the impact.12:01 Love rejoices in the truth. Real love's response always has truth and grace. If12:13 it's all truth and no grace, it's a rigid, legalistic self righteousness. If it's all grace and no truth, it's just mushy, sentimental,12:25 emotionalism. And so after giving us sort of the overarching principle that love demands truth and rejoices in truth and not evil, then he's gonna give us12:37 4 specific ways to respond to the failures of 1 another. He's gonna give 4 clear words that say, when someone you love that lives under your roof12:49 or is a close friend or you work with, when they fail, because they will fail, this is how you respond if you love them. Are you ready? He's gonna talk to us13:01 about bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, and then just go on and talk about how we endure all things. Bears all things. The word occurs 4 times13:12 in New Testament. Literally means, you can jot in your notes, to cover. It means to suffer, forbear. It's to protect by covering something, to cover something with silence. It has the idea of keeping a13:24 confidence, to hide, listen, to hide or conceal the errors and faults of others. Now this doesn't mean you bury it. This doesn't mean you're in denial. But here's the13:36 issue: we all long for someone to love me enough to cut to the core to expose the fault, the weakness, or the sin and help me deal with it and grow from13:48 it and then after dealing with it in truth provide grace and allow me to grow and help me take the next step and then they cover it. And they don't exploit me. And14:00 they don't pass it on. And if you're married or you're a parent, you don't joke about it later. It's covered. It's gone. It's not broadcast.14:12 You bear with them. You face it. You deal with it. You love them, and then you cover it.14:22 You're listening to Living on the Edge. And Chip will be back in just a minute to finish today's talk. But quickly, this program is only possible because of the generosity of listeners like you. Consider supporting us14:34 today by becoming a monthly partner. Learn more by going to living on the edge dot org. That's living on the edge dot o r g. And thanks for doing whatever God leads you to do.14:46 Let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder of his message.14:50 Negatively, when I delight in passing on the faults of another, when I seek to feel important because I have inside information, or feel powerful or superior because someone else has sinned, and I love to15:01 tell other people, or just pass on a little email that says, you know, did you are you aware of often in the form of prayer request. Listen carefully.15:14 That is not loving. Love bears all things. Jesus, pictures this very clearly. Remember the woman caught in adultery?15:26 They're trying to trap Jesus and the law talks about adultery you'd be stoned and it wasn't practiced very often. So they're thinking we're gonna get him on the hot spot. So over here, we found this woman caught in the15:36 very act and they drag her out of the house and they plop her right in front of Jesus. Okay. What are you gonna do with that? We caught her in the very act of adultery. And Jesus says they're talking, he goes over and15:47 starts to kinda write in the dirt. You know, the text doesn't say what he writes, but I think now this is the Chip Ingram theory, not to be confused at all with fact. I think he wrote in the15:59 sand, where is the man? Question mark. See, if you were really concerned about the law, if you were concerned about righteousness,16:11 you wouldn't have brought 1 person caught in adultery. Last time I heard, sex usually takes 2. So where are both of them? And by doing that, he exposed their16:23 hypocrisy. And so then he says, whoever has never sinned, tell you what, you you pick up the stones and you start. And the older people, wiser, realize they've16:35 been exposed and they leave. And 1 by 1, everyone leaves. And here's a woman. He says, does no 1 condemn you? No, Lord. Neither do I. Go and16:47 sin no more. Did he act like it wasn't an issue? Did he say the sin wasn't important? The sin was dealt with and then he16:58 covered it. Who in your relational world needs you to help them deal with a failure and then cover it?17:10 Who needs to not hear ever again in your family jokes or sarcasm or little innuendos about a fault that occurs on a regular basis?17:22 And instead, I love you. I'm with you. Let's deal with this. And then I'm gonna cover it. I don't talk about it to my friends. I won't bring it up to you. I'm gonna cover it.17:34 That's how you respond in love to people's failures. The second way you respond is believing all things. The word believes, New Testament is 239 times it has the idea17:46 to to believe or to entrust to commit here it has the idea of to credit or have confidence in another person17:58 it's it's not naive it's not that you believe or you're gullible and whatever someone says oh I believe you know whatever you say I mean you lied 44 times but I believe anyway no no no this is a belief that18:10 is discerning insightful but it's not suspicious and judgmental, and it doesn't assume the worst. And the picture for me that what this means is when you hear18:22 something about someone or you observe a circumstance, and maybe the circumstances kind of look a little negative but you don't know for sure you believe18:33 or assume the best you in your mind make a willful choice and you see the circumstance or you hear this about a person and you say That sure doesn't seem to be the kind of person I know, but someone18:45 said he or she did this or he or she was with someone or he Then what you do is you step back and love says, I'm gonna create in my mind's eye the best18:57 explanation for this that puts this person in a positive light because I don't know all the issues. I was, in a pretty important meeting and a person was supposed to be there that that works with me. And so everyone was19:09 around the table and the agenda was starting and someone said, where so and so? I said, well, I don't know. Well, is he supposed to be here? Well, yeah. And, you know, so you know where your mind can go.19:21 Well, gosh. I mean, is he blowing off this meeting? Is he late? Did he you know, all the and I remember just having this passage in my mind, and I remember just willfully going, you know what? What the character of this19:33 man I know is, he had a flat tire. Maybe his wife is sick. Maybe 1 of his kids have an issue. Maybe God showed him something that is way more important than this meeting, and he's doing that and obeying God19:44 instead of being here. Do do do do do do do do you see it? You you create a scenario that puts them in the best light. And what happens especially if you're a parent or or if you get19:56 a roommate, once they do this once and they do it twice and they do it 3 times, when they do anything near that what do you start believing? He'll never change. She's doing the same old thing. Oh man, I can't believe it.20:08 Instead of, a second don't assume the worst love believes the best and then you check it20:19 out and you deal with it The practice is everyone needs someone who will believe in them. Everyone needs someone who says, You know that20:31 fault, that sin, that weakness, that circumstance, it can't define you. You're God's child. You're valued. You're loved. You're gifted. And I I believe okay. You really messed up. Alright?20:43 We understand that. But I believe in you. Snapshot from Jesus' life. It's in the hot part of the day. It's the part when everyone's taking a little siesta.20:56 The righteous women have come out early in the cool of the day, but it's John chapter 4 and here's a woman in the hot part of the day getting water. It's because she's an immoral woman and she's rejected by society. And21:07 she's been looking for love in all the wrong places. And Jesus is there and he asked for a drink and she can't believe that a Jew would ask a woman or a Jew would ask someone from her Samaritan background.21:18 And they get into this conversation and so Jesus, loving people always says truth and grace and so he says, so where's your husband? And she goes, well, I don't have21:30 a husband. Which was honest because she's living with this guy. She's had 5 husbands. And Jesus informs her that he knows that. And she goes, well, you must be a prophet. And they get into this21:42 conversation about life and the meaning and and and how do you satisfy your soul she was desperately trying to satisfy her soul and man after man after man and illicit sex wasn't delivering and21:54 Jesus knew that she was trying to get a good thing in a bad way and he wanted to give her life and so we talked about a heavenly father that pursues people even immoral people22:05 even failure people even people that have done really big and bad things over a long period of time and she discovers someone cares and believes in her. And here's a woman that didn't want to be seen and she22:17 ends up going back into the town saying, hey, someone who knows everything about me, I think he's the Messiah. And she leads an entire town and hundreds of people come to Christ because someone22:29 believed that her past could not mark her future forever.22:38 This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and you've been listening to part 1 of Chip's message, looking for love in all the wrong places, from our series spiritual simplicity. Chip will be back shortly to share22:50 some helpful application for us to think about. Have you ever felt like there's never enough time in the day for yourself, the people you love, even God? If you can relate, don't miss this series. Chip's going23:02 to challenge the unrealistic standards and expectations we all feel pressured by. Join us as we learn how to break free from this demanding cycle and discover the simpler, more fulfilling life God has in23:13 store for us. I hope you'll be with us for every part of this study. Well, Chip, I know you've got a powerful application to share. But before we get there, you know, it's been a while since you've explained why we ask23:25 our listeners to support Living on the Edge financially. Could you take a minute and talk about that?23:30 Well, first of all, ministry is always, a issue of the heart. And Jesus says that wherever our treasure is, that is where our heart will be. The Bible also commands us to be23:42 generous and open and free. And everything that I have, everyone listening to my voice right now, everything they have, God has entrusted that to them. The second is the Bible's really clear, not only that we should23:54 be generous, but where we should be generous. I personally believe that your first commitment is to your local church. But then there's that opportunity to give over and above that first portion and to24:06 express love because God says wherever you're spiritually ministered unto. In fact, the apostle Paul would say to a group of Christians, I ministered spiritually to you. And he actually went so far to say24:18 is you have a financial obligation to minister back to me. And in his situation, it wasn't, you know, like, for airtime. I guess it was maybe, donkey time or or, you know, I need some new parchments or24:30 I need your financial resources to get on that ship to go from Corinth to Ephesus. And it's just the same here. You know, if you get ministered unto, 1 of the ways that you not only say thank you, but then you generously24:41 pass it on to others is to support that ministry that's that's ministering to you. So that's kinda what biblically why we do it. And, you know, there's just the the reality of of need, and it's a partnership and a team.24:53 And so and people are generous. I mean, I'm thrilled. I'm very excited about how they do give. And so I wanna say if you haven't, you can get in on this. And if you have, thank you very much.25:03 Thanks, Chip. If partnering with Living on the Edge is an idea that makes sense to you, we'd love to have you join us. We believe encouraging Christians to live like Christians will radically change the world we live25:15 in. To send a gift, go to living on the edge dot org or call us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3. That's triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3, or25:27 go to living on the edge dot o r g. App listeners tap donate. Well, with that, here again is Chip.25:34 As we close today's program, let's talk about those final 2 points. You know, Paul says, inspired by the Holy Spirit, love bears all things and it believes all things. And to bear all things, literally, we said,25:46 it means to cover, not to bury, not to deny, not to enable but it means you really cover love covers a multitude of sins and I think what gets difficult here is when am I25:58 covering and saying I forgive I'm not gonna hold this against a person I'm going to really release them from maybe the pain or the wound that they've inflicted on me or someone else and when is it26:10 just sort of this pseudo mercy where you don't really want to deal with it and so you keep enabling and enabling and enabling and you don't confront. And I just wanna make sure as we talk about26:22 covering or this bearing the burden that covers sin that it's not enabling. It's not just denying that it's really there and pretending. And so I want you to think right now is who is26:34 someone who's blown it? That God is speaking to you about covering it, and part of covering it is you don't share it with someone else. You know, the opposite of covering is exposing. And so often26:45 when we've been hurt, there's a side conversation or we share the experience, and we always share the experience or we tend to, like we're the victim and they're the bad person, they did all these things, and we're sort26:57 of asking, will you help me because I'm struggling? But we phrase it and say it often in ways that really puts the other person in a bad light. And there's such disunity in the body of27:09 Christ, and there's so many small groups and ministries and churches where there's it's just a lack of love, and love bears all things. I think the second part ties into it. Believing all27:21 things means that you don't judge their motives. And so, you know, when when someone has hurt you or you have an opinion you've created about someone, it is so easy to think that you know why they did what they did. And27:33 I just want to remind you today that what did we learn? What would be the best possible solution that you could make up in your mind for someone's behavior that wouldn't judge their motives. So27:44 love bears all things. It believes all things. That is a powerful, powerful way to help the people that you love.27:53 Good challenge. Hey. As we close, are you looking to get even more plugged in with living on the edge and our resources? Then let me encourage you to check out the Chip Ingram app. You can listen to our most recent28:04 series, sign up for daily discipleship and more. We wanna help you grow in your walk with Jesus, and the Chip Ingram app is a great way to immerse yourself in godly enriching content. Well, be sure to join us28:16 next time as Chip continues his series, spiritual simplicity. Until then, I'm Dave Drewey saying thanks for listening to this edition of Living on the Edge.In this video 0:00 Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places25:00
Prayer That Brings Revival, Part 2 Chip Ingram
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