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Understanding the Shadow Self 0:00 Hey, men. Kenny Luck here, founder of Everyman Ministries. I'm so glad you're here. From wherever you are, on your way to work, in the backyard, around a fire pit, with your men's group, in a church hall, we're just so0:10 glad as a part of the Everyman team that you've chosen to open up God's word and grow spiritually. Now a couple coaching tips. Just make sure you have your Bible handy. It's always a great reference point. Make sure you0:21 have the downloaded notes. Those help you not only follow along, but then you can teach it and give it away. Now fun fact, you know, this live stream is only 1 time a week. But0:33 we have a community of 70000 plus men who receive fresh insight and encouragement from God's word in the every man daily devotional. If you wanna join that community and get just a fresh0:44 encouragement on a daily basis versus just the once a week meeting, go ahead and go to the bottom of the home page. There's a little space there. You put in your email and just sign up. Lastly, before we go to the0:56 study, if you have been Everyman Life Tree, let me encourage you to bless another man. Somewhere in the world,1:09 on a military base, maybe it's a group of friends. Maybe it's a church. But bless other men by becoming an every man partner and give financially. There's a little donate1:20 there. It just helps us to get what you're gonna watch out into the spaces and places where men are so they can become like Jesus. Now let's join1:32 today's study. If you have a Bible, I want you to hold a couple of spots for me. 1 spot in Romans 7, the other in Galatians chapter 2. We are in part 3 of our1:44 series called Shadow Self. And if you're joining us for the first time, that might sound a little bit mysterious, but it shouldn't. Why? Because every man has a shadow self.1:56 You just don't like talking about it because it's the you that struggles. It's the you that battles temptation. It's the you that acts inconsistently, maybe acts immaturely2:08 or selfish in some aspect of your private life, and no 1 wants to to celebrate those things. And you see in the New2:20 Testament, in the gospel specifically, Jesus not preaching and teaching and talking to the images of men, you see him preaching2:32 to this person, the shadow self consistently, especially with those men who are religious. You could you could say that Jesus is the shadow2:44 self surgeon. He's cracking open this veneer, this armor, and he's getting right to the insides of men. He's saying things like,2:56 okay, don't don't kill people, but I say to you, it's the anger. Alright? He says things like, don't sleep with someone else's wife,3:08 don't commit adultery. But I say to you, if a man has lust in his heart, he says things like, you guys clean the outside of the cup and dish, but3:20 on the inside you're full of greed and self indulgence. Just think about that for a second. Jesus isn't taking them at face value, he's3:32 not he's not believing the images that they're projecting. He's seeing way past that right to their insides and telling them where the problem really lies.3:43 Hopefully, those guys are going to go, Oh, he knows me, he sees me because Jesus knows the problem doesn't exist at the level at which it finally3:56 is visibly, tangibly seen. It goes to a deeper root problem. And so in part 1, if you missed that, go back. We talk about the process of4:08 inner change, Right? In part 2, we talked about the man after god's own heart, David, and his process of dealing with his shadow self, which actually involved4:21 another man of god kind of confronting him. And then David realizing that, seeing that, responding to that. In part 3, we're gonna look at probably the4:32 greatest Christian man to ever walk the planet after our Lord and Savior Jesus, the Apostle Paul. And the Apostle Paul is an example of a God's man, a4:44 Christian who has a shadow self. He has an old Paul. He's battling in the flesh, but his problem is not a lack of4:56 knowledge. His problem, is is not a lack of desire, plenty of passion. Right? You know what his problem is? Power. He does5:08 not have the power to defeat his shadow self. I mean, we're gonna look right now at Romans chapter 7 and I want you to listen for5:19 the helplessness in Paul's voice. Romans chapter 7 verses 15 to 19, Paul writes this, for I do not understand my own5:31 actions, For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law5:43 that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my5:55 flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is6:07 what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. Do you6:18 feel the hopelessness and the tension of this follower of Jesus as he's trying to work out hisThe Power of Christ's Love 6:30 commitment to God but he is at war and his problem is not desire. He's got the desire. He says it right there. This problem is6:42 not knowledge. Paul knows the scripture, he knows the Hebrew scripture, he he knows Jesus, his problem is with power. He doesn't have6:54 the power to defeat that part of himself that is sabotaging his relationship with God, right? And so what's cool about7:06 his journey is that he does break out of this, and he does reveal the solution, in Romans 8 and in other parts of the7:18 pastoral epistles. But I want to go now to his letter to the Galatians and I want you now to detect, okay, let's be your7:30 your truth detective, put those glasses on and see if you can see now in Paul's voice, hope and the solution. He says this in Galatians 2 20, he says,7:42 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me And the life I now live in the7:54 flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. So you have kind of a compare8:06 contrast. There's the helplessness of Romans 7. I'm trying to live out my life in God and I'm not winning and then you say, well look at me8:17 now, The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. The solution in Paul's voice and letter to the8:29 Galatians is Christ's love. Getting in touch with Christ's love, more specifically Christ's sacrificial love8:42 because it is for him the core power which now allows him to live his faith out successfully, defeating that8:54 guy in Romans 7. I've been crucified with Christ. He's crucified that guy. How? By getting in touch with Jesus's love for him, his sacrificial love for9:05 him. So Jesus's loving sacrifice, listen, is the saving power in Paul's life. It's the sustaining power in Paul's life. It is the defeating power of the9:17 old man or as we're calling him in this series, the shadow self. So what I want you to to do is to just kind of go down some key truths with me,9:29 3 key truths of the power of loving sacrifice. Number 1, loving sacrifice shocks us internally. Okay? When someone does something9:42 in a sacrificial way for you, doesn't it hit you? Right? It's sort of like, wait, you would do that for9:55 me? That's the power of Jesus' sacrifice. He says, the life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for10:07 me. Do you see that there's that connect connective tissue? He didn't just like love me like, I love you Paul. He gave himself for me. Paul's10:19 like, oh my gosh, I get it. You know, I mean talk to someone who survived after someone else sacrifices their10:30 life so that that they can live. Talk to a medal of honor survivor or or talk to somebody who shields someone from a bullet or10:43 it shocks them and resets them internally. Has the love of Christ and what he's done for you, have you just said to yourself, wait, he would do that10:55 for me? And the answer is yes. And it it it pushes you off your mark internally. Right? Secondly, loving sacrifice convinces11:07 us emotionally. Right? It convinces us emotionally. When someone says no to themselves to say yes to you in any context, emotionally11:18 you're like, that's real. I I like this person. They they I may I may not know them completely, but I know what that means. That means11:30 that they they set themselves aside, said no to themselves, and that in order to say yes for me, they they didn't take from me. They gave up them themselves,11:43 and what they gave up, they gave to me. They they they gave up time to be with me. They gave up resources to give with me. They gave up their day to be with me. That convinces you actually emotionally more than11:55 words, more than call me. That convinces you. When you see someone sacrifice for you because they love you. K. It12:07 convinces us emotionally about the other person. Let me ask you a question. Are you convinced in here that Jesus Christ12:19 loves you. You should be because of his loving sacrifice. Number 3, loving sacrifice wins strong commitment relationally. K?12:31 So it shocks me because we're used to people using us. It it convinces us emotionally and then now my my commitment12:44 to this person, it gets strengthened. Our our relationship gets stronger. You see, loving12:56 sacrifice secures 2 things, complete trust and complete confidence. Like, I have friends, they've sacrificed for me. I know13:08 that if I'm in a situation, I can trust them. I have complete confidence that they will act on my behalf just as I hope they have complete confidence that I will13:20 act on their behalf. Right? Sacrifice, loving sacrifice secures trust and confidence. And13:31 so I want to put that out there because I want you to see that if you're a follower of Jesus and you struggle, you're in good company. Last week David, this week the greatest Christian who's ever walked, you know,13:43 the planet, right? But you're not supposed to stay there, right? But you are supposed to dig in and dive in to God's love and get in13:55 touch with it so that you can defeat the things inside that are defeating you. God's love is life changing.14:07 Your savior who sacrificed his life, dwelling in you, his love deepening in you, your soul filling within you, and guess14:19 what leaves? Unhealth and immaturity, and that's really where we wanna go now. Because in this idea of shadow self, shadow14:31 self is immature, it's the part of you that struggles, it's the part of you that's not grown up, it's the part of you that you don't want to celebrate and wanting14:43 to win your new self that God created, the main theme in all of that is going from immaturity of the shadow self to the maturity of the new14:55 creation. So on your downloaded notes, it talks about the shadow self challenge, inner man versus inner boy. If you15:06 haven't seen this video, it's it's it's titled, Toddler Tantrum After Missed Putt. Now, I I play golf. I've15:18 seen I've seen some temper tantrums. I've seen some clubs break. I've seen some grimaces. I've heard colorful expletives come out when, when men miss putts. But when15:30 you watch toddler tantrum after missed putt, this is this will crack you up because this little boy has a plastic club. The ball is that far from the hole.15:43 He hits it and it lips out. Right? And it's like shock and awe. And then what you witness is like what's called in neuroscience a stress response.15:54 Right? There's an amygdala distress signal that that activates your hypothalamus and then that activates the adrenal glands and then that pumps epinephrine16:06 into this little kid's body in the time span of maybe 1.5 seconds, right? And what follows is a sustained nuclear temper tantrum,16:19 you know, on the ninth hole and, you know, it's hilarious to watch. It's it's cute. In 24 hours, this video got 4000000 views. Okay? So that's16:31 how cute and funny it kinda is. And it's cute because he's 2. K? And you kind of expect that. The problem is in a grown man,16:43 you don't expect toddler maturity, right? So what we're gonna do now is okay. If we have this part of ourselves that doesn't feel grown up,16:55 that's immature, that doesn't have the character to defeat certain issues, what's the solution? And I'm saying based on the apostle Paul's own journey17:07 and scripture that it is the love of God. Maturity in God's love. And so let's let's look at how we defeat the inner boy and become an17:19 inner man. Number 1, maturity in God's love is a battle of ways. Write that down. Maturity in God's love is a battle of ways. Okay?17:31 In first Corinthians 13, Paul's talking about himself and he's now following Christ. First Corinthians 13 is a chapter, it's a very famous chapter.17:43 You hear it and the preceding verses are all about God's love, right, and what love is. Listen to what Paul says the outcome is of love. Verse17:54 11, when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways, circle18:06 that, of childhood behind me. Okay? A relationship with god and an encounter with this love is both a battle of18:18 ways and an exchange of ways the more you become mature in God's love, right? Ways of being, ways of believing, and ways18:30 of behaving. That's why Paul's repeated theme is love and growing up like in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 15 where he says, let's grow up in every18:41 way, right? And the context of that is God's love. Now maturity requires love, okay?18:54 That's that's the point of first Corinthians. I couldn't put verses 1 through 10 on our downloaded notes, I wouldn't have room. But the outcome of love is that19:06 Paul's inner boy gets left behind and his inner man rises, right? His insides are mature to match his outside19:18 profile. See, that's what that's what gets the world confused when they meet a god's man whose outsides require maturity but his insides are immature. It's a 25 year19:30 old, 12 year old, or a 35 year old, 13 year old, or, you know, you get the picture. That's a caricature in media, in fact. Grown up, can shoot a gun,19:42 run or shoot with a ball, but God forbid, don't put him in context that require maturity like relationships, like fatherhood, like19:54 taking care of employees, you know. That's where the term the basis of the term toxic masculinity comes from. Right? It's influence and position without character20:06 and love, okay? So that's the first thing you need to know. You want to defeat, the inner boy who is a form of your shadow self, the immature you, the struggling you. You20:18 got to get really in touch with God's love and recognize this is a battle, okay? Number 2, maturity in God's love requires living in God's acceptance, okay? It's 1 thing20:30 to go, okay, love's the answer, God's love is the answer, Jesus's loving sacrifice is the answer. You have to move to the next step which is20:42 living in God's love, okay? In Romans chapter 8 which is the solution to Romans chapter 7 and that conundrum and helplessness, look at what it20:53 says in Romans chapter 8. Having chose them, he called them, believers, to come to him and having called them, he gave them right standing with21:05 himself. Key concept. And having given them that right standing, he gave them his glory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as21:17 these? If god is for us, who can ever be against us? You see, the transition in Paul's heart from Romans chapter 7 to Romans chapter 8, whenMaturity in God's Love 21:28 god accepts me, Paul's saying, I stop living for men and for many and I start living for an audience of 1. If God is for us,21:40 who can be against us? But I want you to pay attention to 2 concepts. He gave them right standing with himself. That's called acceptance. God accepts you through Jesus. You are fully21:52 accepted. Why is that important? Because then you can start you can stop chasing acceptance. That was that was my occupation until I became a Christian. I was chasing cool, I22:04 was chasing acceptance, and I would do whatever it took in whatever setting, whether I was with guys or whether I was with girls or whether I22:16 was in a work environment to chase whatever would garner me acceptance. I come to Christ and now I'm in a process of, okay, I'm accepted22:28 by God. Do I have to strive for the acceptance by people anymore? Because 1 should slay the other. I'm accepted by the 1 who matters most. So, I mean,22:40 in the end, I'm not standing before all these people I'm trying to impress. I'm gonna be standing before my God, and my God, he accepts me. Now I'm starting to grow up a little bit. Now I'm22:52 gonna stop competing for attention. Right? Now I'm gonna stop chasing cool. Now I'm not gonna live in fear that people reject me. Why? Because I23:03 have God's acceptance, and now it's going from here to here to the point where it affects my perception of myself. Did you guys hear that?23:17 When you live in God's acceptance, your perception of yourself changes. I'm a child of God. I'm a son of the king. Right? Why am I why am I looking for the23:29 scraps of intimacy in the approval of the people around me? Now I'm not saying that you don't dress well, you don't do well, you don't do things with excellence, but what is23:40 your motivation? What's the motivation? To glorify God or to win acceptance? And imagine that you're God, like God's looking down and you're you're you're my son, and I23:52 fully love you. Why are you chasing that? Okay? So maturity in god's love requires living in god's acceptance. When when you realize and you internalize that that24:04 god accepts you, you stop living to please people, okay, and you start living to please God. Number 3, maturity in God's love wins the strongest24:16 intimacy. So it's a battle of ways, it requires living in God's acceptance, and then maturity in God's love wins you the best intimacy, the strongest intimacy, and that's fundamentally what we all24:28 want. Okay? God made you like himself. You are created to give and receive love, and depending on what your source of love is24:40 or the kind of love you go after, that will determine your level of intimacy. Now, listen to Jesus talk about how24:52 God's love is supposed to create intimacy and closeness. Jesus says in John chapter fifth 15 verse 13 says, greater love has no25:04 1 than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends, okay, if I if you do what I command. So I want to connect the25:15 quality of love to the energy that that love and creates and the closeness that that creates. Jesus says, greater love has no 1 than this. What's he saying? He's saying,25:27 my sacrifice for you wins intimacy with you. Okay? Greater love has no 1 than this to lay down one's life for one's friends.25:39 Okay? That's what Jesus did and like we talked about at the top, we're convinced emotionally. Like, how do you do more than what you did, Jesus, and you did25:51 that for me? But that intimacy that then is created like, oh my gosh, he would do that for me. That response now creates an outbound energy to do what26:02 pleases him. I'm not doing it to earn his love. He's already done what he had to do to show me that he loves me. Now I just wanna respond. Now I just wanna react with26:14 gratitude and the energy of my gratitude is that I'm gonna do what pleases him. Okay? That's my way of showing thanks. Right? So maturity in God's love26:26 wins the strongest intimacy. Now, it talks about this intimacy with god, right? In Hebrews chapter 2, it says this, in bringing many26:38 sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting For that god for whom and through whom everything exists should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what26:50 he suffered. Both the 1 who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not27:01 ashamed to call them brothers. So the family dynamic here where Jesus, who is27:13 the author of our salvation, and he's totally perfect and trustworthy because of his sacrifice. What's so cool is that27:27 we are now in the same family. Right? And Jesus is not ashamed. Those are the that's the key sentence. Jesus is not ashamed to call us brothers. I mean, he would do that in the New27:39 Testament. He's like, who is my mother, brother, father, sister? Is is it blood? Or is it this other spiritual27:51 process where someone believes in me and becomes a part of my family? Right, and then people out of gratitude seek to please and obey me,28:03 that's what Jesus says makes us a part of the family, the the 1 who does the will of God. And so when you have strong love, loving28:15 sacrifice, you win strong intimacy. That strong intimacy projected towards us gets our belief and response in an ongoing way.28:26 So question, do you want intimacy? Well, know the love of Christ. Make a decision to begin a relationship with Christ. But here's how it really28:38 takes off. Start saying no to yourself and start saying yes to sacrifice for another person. Say, Kenny,28:51 connect the dots for me. Well, that's your experience. This is you and Jesus. This is Jesus. Now Jesus is in you and you're becoming more29:03 like him. And on an increasing basis, that's you. You as you mature, mature people sacrifice for other people.29:14 Immature people hoard for themselves, right? They self gratify. They want to be self important. They want to self preserve and self29:26 protect. That's an immature person. A mature person is secure, Right? The inner boy is gone. The inner man has been replaced. Right? Secure in the love of29:38 God, and that person's able now to say no to themselves, like Jesus, to say yes to other people like Jesus. K? Number29:50 4, maturity in God's love completes my masculinity. K? Now I put it in that context because this is a men's livestream, but this applies to women as well, right?30:02 When you begin to get in touch with with God's love, your femininity or your masculinity, your adulthood, right? You start to become30:14 completed, right? Mature. That's what the biblical word complete is synonymous with. It's it's synonymous with maturity. So listen to this process that we're in right now and30:26 listen in for this theme of of getting mature, and then we'll unpack it. He, god, handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor, teacher to train Christ's30:38 followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other,30:50 efficient and graceful in response to god's son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without31:01 fully alive like Christ. No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children31:13 who are an easy mark for impostors, God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth, and tell it in love, like Christ in31:25 everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His31:36 very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.31:48 That's right. So maturity is about you, but your inner journey is a little bit bigger32:00 than you. Right? So we want to be a mature man. We wanna be a mature woman. But did you see the context of that? Right? Working within Christ's32:12 body. Right? So this process, right, is worked out together in this process. You see me do all that a lot when I'm when I'm teaching because,32:26 growth in God always comes this way, right? But it always comes this way too. I love how the scripture says until we're all moving with each32:38 other, graceful, efficient in response to God's son, and then then what follows is the domino. So we're all moving together in God's love, robust in love.32:50 Right? And we're becoming fully mature adults, fully developed within and without fully alive like Christ. And then there's this picture kind of like we had in first Corinthians33:01 13 of, okay, in that process, we're not immature anymore. God wants us to mature knowing truth, telling truth like33:13 Jesus, right, so that we're grown up, we're mature, we're healthy, robust in love. Key phrase,33:25 robust in love. So you see that all that happens. I wanna be I'm with you now, you're with me now because we're moving together in god's love,Show more In this video 0:00 Understanding the Shadow Self6:19 The Power of Christ's Love21:21 Maturity in God's Love33:35 Embracing Adversity and Gaining Victory45:21 Living in the Power of God's Love
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