Skip to content You'll Never Hurt Me Again Jul 20 · 29 min ...more
You'll Never Hurt Me Again
July 20, 2020 · 29 min
We take vows on our wedding day but there are also vows we make to ourselves before we get married that come from the enemy. These inner vows take the place of God in that area of our life and can cause explosions in our marriage when those lines are crossed. Mark & Grace talking about breaking the demonic strongholds that come from inner vows. You’re already in a war. It’s time to fight. In this Season, Win Your Marriage War as Mark and Grace equip you with tools to fight the real enemy. TEXT MOREGRACE to 31996 to go deeper into every episode this season and the book with Grace's Win Your War Study Guide. Take what you’ve heard and start putting it to practical use with questions for personal reflection and discussions for you and your spouse. Faithful Counseling is a solution for people seeking traditional mental health counseling who would prefer hearing from the perspective of a Christian. It’s not a crisis line, it’s not self-help, it is professional counseling done securely online. You can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so it works around your already busy schedule. Plus, it’s more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. Get 10% off your first month as a listener of the Real Marriage podcast. Go to getfaithful.com/realmarriage and join the over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Find more from Mark and Grace at xomarriage.com/realmarriage Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesFollow on social media!YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MarkDriscollMinistries?sub_confirmation=1Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pastormarkInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/markdriscollTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pastormarkdriscollTwitter: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll Click here for more resources: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll
Series Real Marriage with Mark & Grace Driscoll July 20, 2020 · 29 min · Real Marriage with Mark & Grace Driscoll
We take vows on our wedding day but there are also vows we make to ourselves before we get married that come from the enemy. These inner vows take the place of God in that area of our life and can cause explosions in our marriage when those lines are crossed. Mark & Grace talking about breaking the demonic strongholds that come from inner vows. You’re already in a war. It’s time to fight. In this Season, Win Your Marriage War as Mark and Grace equip you with tools to fight the real enemy. TEXT MOREGRACE to 31996 to go deeper into every episode this season and the book with Grace's Win Your War Study Guide. Take what you’ve heard and start putting it to practical use with questions for personal reflection and discussions for you and your spouse. Faithful Counseling is a solution for people seeking traditional mental health counseling who would prefer hearing from the perspective of a Christian. It’s not a crisis line, it’s not self-help, it is professional counseling done securely online. You can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so it works around your already busy schedule. Plus, it’s more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. Get 10% off your first month as a listener of the Real Marriage podcast. Go to getfaithful.com/realmarriage and join the over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Find more from Mark and Grace at xomarriage.com/realmarriage Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesFollow on social media!YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MarkDriscollMinistries?sub_confirmation=1Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pastormarkInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/markdriscollTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pastormarkdriscollTwitter: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll Click here for more resources: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll ...more Show the full description Show less We take vows on our wedding day but there are also vows we make to ourselves before we get married that come from the enemy. These inner vows take the place of God in that area of our life and can cause explosions in our marriage when those lines are crossed. Mark & Grace talking about breaking the demonic strongholds that come from inner vows. You’re already in a war. It’s time to fight. In this Season, Win Your Marriage War as Mark and Grace equip you with tools to fight the real enemy. TEXT MOREGRACE to 31996 to go deeper into every episode this season and the book with Grace's Win Your War Study Guide. Take what you’ve heard and start putting it to practical use with questions for personal reflection and discussions for you and your spouse. Faithful Counseling is a solution for people seeking traditional mental health counseling who would prefer hearing from the perspective of a Christian. It’s not a crisis line, it’s not self-help, it is professional counseling done securely online. You can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so it works around your already busy schedule. Plus, it’s more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. Get 10% off your first month as a listener of the Real Marriage podcast. Go to getfaithful.com/realmarriage and join the over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Find more from Mark and Grace at xomarriage.com/realmarriage Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesFollow on social media!YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MarkDriscollMinistries?sub_confirmation=1Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pastormarkInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/markdriscollTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pastormarkdriscollTwitter: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll Click here for more resources: https://linktr.ee/markdriscoll
Series Real Marriage with Mark & Grace Driscoll
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With Pastor Mark, it’s all about Jesus! He is a spiritual leader, prolific author, and compelling speaker, but at his core, he is a family man. Mark and his
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0:01 You're setting your marriage up for failure because you're you're actually living out of fear of what could happen instead of trusting the Lord to be in charge of your marriage and direct each day. And so0:12 you're basically taking control out of God's hands and saying, it's okay, God. You don't have to worry about this. I've got this in case it goes sideways.0:19 The inner vow takes the place of God. You know that you've got an inner vow when your spouse says or does something that triggers you. You get way more emotional, maybe angry or hurt. Defensive.0:31 Defensive. Volume goes up, and you hit the crazy button. I mean, all of a sudden now the clown car comes out0:36 of 0 to 100. I mean, it's 0 to 100. I mean,0:39 now we're getting ancestors involved. Your mother, your grandmother, you're like your father. I mean, now now we're doing genealogy and archaeology, and you're like, wow. That's that went crazy fast. Yeah. Well, howdy0:51 y'all. This is the Real Marriage Podcast with Mark and Grace Driscoll. Our story is not perfect. Our marriage is not perfect. But thankfully, our God is perfect.1:03 Alright, babe. Honestly, are you ready?1:05 Yes.1:06 I'm not. Okay. So you're gonna have to carry this 1. All the burden is on you. We're talking about spiritual warfare in marriage. It's not just the husband, the wife, and the Lord. It's also the enemy of the husband, the1:18 wife, and the Lord. And today what we're gonna talk about is inner vows. So let's start. Do you remember do you remember exchanging vows on our wedding? We're
1:29 21 years of age. Do you remember standing on the altar and your dad was 1 of the officiants of our wedding?
1:37 Yeah. I cried.
1:38 Oh, know because you're marrying me. I apologize.
1:40 No. I think we both cried.
1:45 Yeah. Mine were tears of joy. Yours, I'm not sure.
1:47 Yeah. No. Mine were tears.
1:48 Okay. Well, that's good to know. So like every couple, a lot of what we prepared for going into the wedding was sort of thinking about our vows. Because the Bible has, in addition to what the scriptures
2:00 say, as Christians going into a covenant, we take and make vows and saying in the sight of God and his people, like, this is what we're committing to. Mhmm. Do you remember anything in our vows, you can be honest?
2:12 Well, I mean, they were very traditional and for better, for worse, rich or poor, till death do us part.
2:19 And we can't kill each other.
2:22 Yeah. I mean, they were very basic, but
2:24 And some couples, I've officiated a lot of weddings, we've done premarital counseling for a Sometimes their vows get very personal, very funny, very detailed. Think never forget 1 marriage,
2:36 It was like, promised to cook you breakfast and wash your car and do your laundry and be your friend. Was like, wow. That's amazing. That's because there's probably a lawyer involved in this. There's lot of negotiating
2:44 on the front end. And and the point is that we go into marriage and at the front end, we set some vows trying to put some guardrails on the health of the relationship to keep it going forward. But
2:56 in addition to the outer vows that we write down and we share publicly, there's usually also some inner vows that we're not even aware of. An inner vow is usually the
3:08 result of some hurt, some disappointment, some pain, some unfulfilled longing. Proverbs chapter 20 verse 25 says, it's a snare or trap to say rationally and to react only
3:20 after making vows. What Proverbs is talking about is something big happens and you make a vow really quick, trying to either reduce the pain of what you're experiencing or to prevent it from happening
3:32 again. So Jesus says in Matthew 5, I say, do not make any vows. This is from the evil 1. And so what Jesus does, he connects inner vows with
3:44 Satan, demons, and the demonic. It's part of spiritual warfare. And like we've established in the previous podcast, everything that God creates, Satan counterfeits.
3:56 God So God's vows are to create health and community and love and joy. And Satan's counterfeit vows are to destroy, steal, And
4:07 so if we don't live out of God's vows, we live out of inner vows that open up demonic opportunities. That's what I wanna talk about. And I think a lot of people, they're gonna have a revelation in our time together.
4:19 They have inner vows that they don't even know about. Yeah. They just think that, well, these are my convictions. This is my personality. These are my rules for life. And and they may be completely consciously unaware.
4:32 So at the beginning of our marriage or in the early years of our marriage, did we both have inner vows, loyalties, commitments, oaths that we were not even consciously aware of, but it would cause
4:44 conflict because you had a vow and I had a vow and then when those vows collided, it created conflict in the relationship.
4:51 Yeah, we both had them. I mean, they can be made at any point in life, but if you bring them from prior to marriage, then they just deepen in marriage if you don't deal with them. So I know for me, I just
5:03 thought that you were too good for me. So I just needed to, you know, do my best and probably wouldn't stick with me.
5:14 Okay. I love you with all my heart. And that just sounds crazy though. So we are getting married and your inner vow is that you were
5:25 betrayed in a previous relationship. And so the assumption was I probably was going to betray you and or leave. Mhmm. Therefore, you need to guard yourself and protect
5:37 yourself from the eventual downfall of the marriage as a safeguard.
5:41 Yeah. It's crazy. I know. It doesn't make sense, but it makes sense when we're trying to protect that place of pain.
5:47 But under that vow was pain. Mhmm. Somebody hurt and betrayed you. You assumed it would happen again. That's a lie, which is part of the demonic. So then you create a vow to protect yourself from experiencing the pain
5:59 again. Mhmm. And so let me hit a little bit on inner vows. Firstly, they're often made rashly amidst pain. So inner vows most likely or most frequently come
6:11 when there's a painful occurrence. There's a disappointment, a hurt, a betrayal. For those of you who are on your second marriage, I promise you there is an inner vow that you have made, maybe more, likely more,
6:24 that is the result of pain you experienced in your first marriage and it is harming your second marriage. If you had previous dating relationships or any pain or betrayal or disappointment or loss, I promise you there
6:35 are inner vows that you're likely consciously unaware of that you have made to protect yourself from not happening again.
6:42 Or if your parents have had a bad marriage and you don't want a marriage like that, you can make inner vows to try and prevent that same marriage from happening to you.
6:53 Perfect. The second thing I was gonna say is some of us make inner vows at a very young age, and you just brought up family system. Mhmm. So if you're growing up in a family that has an unhealthy, dysfunctional
7:05 marriage as a kid, even unconsciously, just watching it, what are some of the inner vows you can make trying to prevent that from being your future?
7:15 Well, I think they try and take control of their life by saying, I'll never get hurt in that way again. I'll never let someone that close to me, you know, I'll never love
7:27 someone really, I'll never trust someone fully, I'll never believe people, kind of jaded. And sometimes even for kids, it's
7:35 like, I'm never gonna get married.
7:37 Or have kids.
7:39 I'm never gonna have kids and put them through the pain that I'm going through. That's an inner vow that says marriage is painful and being a child in a marriage is painful. Therefore, I will make a vow
7:51 that I will never be married and if I get married, I will not have children to prevent for them the pain that I experienced. All of those are inner vows. They're all demonic footholds and
8:02 strongholds.
8:04 They're bondage, not freedom.
8:06 Number 3, some inner vows, they become generational behaviors. And what happens is previous generations will have inner vows and then they almost become the sort of the governing
8:18 rules for the family from 1 generation to the next. So I'll give you a moment to think about examples for the women. For the men, I'll get I'll get how many men have heard this? Men don't cry. That's an inner
8:30 vow. Mhmm. The shortest verse in the whole Bible is Jesus wept. K? But the inner vow is men don't cry. Sometimes that's generational. Your granddad told your dad and your dad told you real men don't cry. I guess Jesus
8:41 isn't a real man. I guess Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, is not a real man. And if you're just crying all the time like you won miss America for no apparent reason, it is awkward as a grown man. But if you never cry,
8:53 especially when the people you love are, you know, struggling or hurting and you don't empathize, you're gonna be a real cold distant man.
8:59 Me spark.
9:00 Yeah. For some guys, it's stuff like, well, you know, in our family, we don't hug. That's a generational curse that started as an inner vow. Sometimes for men, it's
9:12 things like, we don't say I love you. There are guys listening to this podcast, their dad never said I love you. You ask why? Say, well, in our family we don't say I love you. That is an inner vow that becomes a
9:22 generational curse that affects generations of a family legacy negatively. Things like we don't apologize. How many guys grew up with a dad that never said he was wrong or sorry even when everyone knew
9:34 he was wrong and he never said he was sorry? Or another 1 is a man never just admits that he doesn't know something. Like, I I don't know. I gotta learn that. That's new to me.
9:46 I I don't know. There are all of these inner vows that men make, and then we hand them to our sons, grandsons, to our kids and grandkids, and they become literally strongholds and generational curses.
9:58 And we don't even think about it. We just think that's the way our family does it. And this is where marriage gets complicated because I've got my inner vows and generational curses from my family. You've got your inner
10:09 vows and generational curses from your family. And then we come together and we realize that they're different, and now there's a lot of conflict. So for women, what are some of the generational curses that really
10:19 started out as inner vows that even grandma or mom can put on daughter?
10:24 Well, I think depending on your life stage, it can be, you know, I'll never be put down by someone, I'll be independent. I'll make a name for
10:36 myself. I won't be, you know, a doormat. I won't let a man control me or let a job control me.
10:44 Well, even sometimes it's so unconscious. I'll never forget a premarital counseling session we had some years ago. Can't remember if you're in that 1 or not. This couple was trying to architect their future and they
10:56 wanted to have kids 1 day and and he made a ton of money. And he said, well, when we have kids, you know, I'd I'd like it if she focused on the kids. And she said, no, no. I can't do that. I need to make sure that I
11:07 build my career and I don't stay home with the kids. And I said, it's not a sin for you to work. That's not the issue. I said, but you don't really need the money. I said, so what's under the decision? She said, well, I
11:16 just need to be able to have my own money so that if he cheats on me and leaves me, economically, I'm not gonna be devastated that I have a backup plan for my survival. This is in their premarital counseling. Mhmm. He
11:27 looks at her. He's like, you've already got me committing adultery and leaving you. Like, we haven't even gotten married yet. But what it was, go back, her mom dad cheated on mom, left,
11:39 bankrupted the family.
11:40 I'll never be cheated on like my mom.
11:43 Mom looks at the daughter and says, girl, go get your college degree, go set up your career, have your own bank account, have your own income. Men cheat on you. When they cheat on you and leave you, you need to have a
11:54 life raft to save yourself. Now there's nothing wrong with working. But if that's the motive, is to get your divorce set up before your wedding, there's a problem in the heart
12:06 and it's out of pain in the past.
12:08 And you're setting your marriage up for failure because you're actually living out of fear of what could happen instead of trusting the Lord to be in charge of your marriage and direct each day.
12:20 And so you're basically taking control out of God's hands and saying, it's okay, God, you don't have to worry about this. I've got this in case it goes sideways.
12:28 Well, that was my next 2 points is the inner vow takes the place of God. It rules over our lives and it makes our decisions. And when the inner vow comes into conflict with the will and the word of
12:40 God, we tend to remain loyal to the inner vow. Mhmm. And all of a sudden, that's where the enemy gets a foothold that becomes a stronghold that becomes a death hold. Spiritual warfare comes into the marriage and all of a
12:51 sudden it starts to self destruct.
12:53 It's the first of the 10 commandments to not have any other gods before us and an inner vow becomes a god.
12:58 It does. It takes God's place. I mean, it's I mean, literally, I mean, had a counseling situation not too long ago. I told the guy, said, literally, I said, look, dude, you gotta forgive your wife.
13:10 I mean, because he was an archaeologist. Every time they'd have an argument, he's digging up the past. Yeah. And he said, look, I can forgive a lot of things, but there's 1 thing I can't forgive. And he gave a category.
13:21 I was like, that's an inner vow.
13:23 Absolutely.
13:24 You made an inner vow that you'll forgive anybody for everything or anything except for 1 thing. And, uh-oh, your spouse just did the 1 thing that is
13:36 nothing that you can forgive. And now Jesus is saying, you know, forgive as you have been forgiven. And the vow is saying, do not forgive. And if you don't forgive, what you are doing, you're being loyal to
13:47 the vow over the Lord. And that means that the inner vow has now taken the place of God in your life and it leads to death. You know that you've got an inner vow when your spouse says or does
13:59 something that triggers you. You get way more emotional, maybe angry or hurt. Defensive. Defensive. Volume goes up. There are certain things that godly, rational
14:11 people can discuss, disagree, debate, but boy, you hit that and you hit the crazy button. I mean, all of a sudden now the clown car comes out
14:20 of the I mean, it's 0 to 100. It's I mean,
14:24 now we're getting the ancestors involved. Your mother, your grandmother, you're like your father. I mean, now now we're doing genealogy and archaeology and you're like, wow, that's that went crazy fast. Yeah. Okay. So
14:36 why is it that when somebody steps over the line of our inner vow, we become so emotional?
14:42 Because they've hurt the place of hurt again. And we've said that will not happen. And when it happens, we go out of control because we don't let God heal that place, we
14:54 control that place and we can't control it.
14:58 So for those of you who are listening and there's a percentage of you that are legalistic, the other percentage of you are in denial that you're legalistic. This is where legalism comes from. I
15:10 got hurt. I'm gonna make a rule that I'm gonna hold to the same authority as God's word to defend and protect me. And that's how we get legalism. Legalism is usually a
15:21 man or a woman trying to make a rule to cover a hurt to ensure that it never happens again. This is where people get really legalistic. The most hurtful the most hurt people are
15:33 oftentimes the most legalistic people if they've not healed up. What's it like then to live with someone? So think of a case study, don't use their name, Begg. But they're a person that's been hurt,
15:45 they've created inner vows that they've made into legalisms that they try to make sound religious and godly in an effort to control their spouse and protect themselves from enduring that kind of harm again.
15:57 I think a common 1 is when women feel like they're made to look bad, whether it's their kids or their spouse. And they all of a sudden freak out because they don't wanna be made to look bad.
16:09 And so they respond horribly or they'll say, you know, you're supposed to love me like Christ loved the church, you're supposed to serve me and you're not doing what I asked. And they start to quote general verses
16:21 that they're being disrespectful, so they're disobeying what they need to be doing as well. But I think women just can freak out when that place is dishonored
16:33 in their mind.
16:34 And I think on the flip side, men can be very domineering, overbearing. Not all, but some. And it's, I'm the head of the household, you're supposed to submit to me, you're supposed to obey me,
16:46 you're supposed to be quiet. And what that is, that's a man who's got an inner vow that really, I am in charge, I will maintain the high ground, I will have authority and you will obey me. He's got an inner vow
16:58 that he needs to be sort of obeyed like a Lord. And what he's doing then is he's not using the scriptures, he's abusing the scriptures. And he's making his inner vow and his legalism and his issues of control
17:10 sound like the will of God. Yeah. And kids that grow up in an environment like that, where mom and dad have hurt, they've got inner vows that lead to legalisms that they then try to make sound like there's
17:22 a biblical defense of them. It creates a household environment of high control, punishment, irrationalism, and it really repels the kids from Jesus because they associate
17:34 all of this with the word of God.
17:36 Yeah, it's very condemning and it's not life giving and it makes them see God that way as well. And as an overbearing father instead of a loving father.
17:48 So you said something early in our marriage a lot and I'll bring it up. Hopefully we're not there today. But you used to say when
18:00 you were with me, especially when I was stressed, a lot of work, anxiety, you know, a lot of pressure, You would say living with me was like walking on
18:10 Eggshells.
18:11 Okay, what would you mean by that?
18:12 Because I didn't know if your response would be good or bad. It just depended on your state of mind in the moment. And so there wasn't a consistency, you were still maturing in
18:24 your walk with the Lord and there wasn't a consistency yet of knowing, okay, even though he's stressed, he's still gonna respond in a self controlled way.
18:34 I had inner vows like, well, you know, when I am stressed, I deserve a break. When I'm under a lot of pressure, grace should take care of me. I
18:46 never communicated these to you. You would not know about them. They weren't God's word and they weren't reasonable. And then you would say or do something that violated my inner vow, and then I would get very emotional.
18:57 And I felt like I was constantly taking care of you, but I wasn't asking how you needed to be taken care of. And so I thought I was doing a good job. And then when you would get upset, it felt like
19:08 everything I was doing was wrong. And so your inner vows would collide with how I thought I was serving you. And then I felt like a failure, which led to my inner vows being triggered
19:20 and just, yeah.
19:22 Well, and for me it was, you know, in a prior relationship before I met you and we met very, very young, I just felt like I was taken advantage of, I was lied to, I was neglected. So my inner vows were that's never gonna
19:34 happen again. And then anything that felt like that was happening, even if it wasn't true, you got the response not just from what you did but from everything that happened to me
19:46 even prior or outside of relationship with you. Mhmm. And that's what happens. And so for people that are listening to this, say, does this got to do with thing? Here's what I'm telling you. There are things in your
19:57 relationship you can't talk about.
19:59 Yeah.
20:00 Because you know it's like a grenade with a pin pulled. And you just dance around it, you step around it, you jump over it, God forbid, you bump it, it blows up.
20:10 You can get punished for bumping it.
20:12 I mean, it explodes. And if there's anything like that in your marriage, you know that over the issue is an inner vow. And it's become a demonic stronghold. And it's a place where Satan, the father of lies, has told
20:24 you a lot of lies. And it's a place where you can't bring God and hope and help and healing into because you're still loyal to that vow. And so any threat toward
20:35 undoing, unmasking, disarming that vow, it just leads to great, great defense of the vow. You become very defensive of the vow.
20:44 Protective at
20:44 all costs. Very protective at all costs. And I've seen people that actually they've chosen their vow over their marriage. Yeah.
20:51 And again, if you don't let that place heal, you will continue to be broken into your future and carry that bow into your future. And you're actually missing out on so much because you're willing to protect that over
21:02 what God has for you.
21:04 I'll give you a painful example. There was a couple I dealt with a while ago. He was clearly in the wrong. They both had their problems in marriage. It's, you know, it's never 100 percent 0 because none of us
21:16 are married to Jesus. So we've all got a percentage to own in it. But this was like a ninetyten. This was majority his problem. And year after year after year after year after
21:28 year, he said he was a Christian. He knew the scriptures. He seemed to know the Lord. But he had this statement that he would say to his wife and his kids. He said, I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.
21:41 That was his inner vow. Mhmm. I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong. And what that meant for him was, I never say I was wrong.
21:49 Mhmm. It's a lot of pride.
21:51 It's a lot of pride. And I never have to say I'm sorry. And I never have to say it was my fault. And so finally she said, I just can't live with this anymore. She said, you know, I love you, but if you
22:03 won't acknowledge that at least some of what we're dealing with is your responsibility, I don't know how to have a marriage. And he said, and I quote, well, if you expect me
22:15 to apologize, that's never going to happen. That was his inner vow. His inner vow was, I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong. And she's like, honey, this is gonna
22:27 kill our marriage. And he's like, that's okay. I'll I take the vow over the spouse. And as crazy as this sounds, let me just submit to you that most, if not all of us, we've got something that seems
22:39 very reasonable to us but is just as crazy. And these inner vows, they become demonic strongholds, and the first inner vow is Satan. This is where
22:50 inner vows start. God creates a covenant with him and the counterfeit of that is an inner vow with ourselves which ultimately becomes an inner vow with Satan. So
23:02 as we're heading toward the end of our time, Isaiah 14 13 and 14, God looking at Satan says, you said in your heart, so it's inner, I will ascend to heaven above the stars of God, I will set my throne on
23:14 high, I will sit on the mount of assembly, I will ascend above the height of the clouds, I will make myself like the most high.
23:21 A lot of I in there.
23:24 It's not God and others.
23:25 It's I centered.
23:26 I mean, you know that you're not doing well when your trinity is me, myself, and I. Mhmm. And all of this I talk is what Satan is saying is, I am loyal to me.
23:38 And then what happens is he has an inner vow, and that is I I need God to support me, to serve me, to honor me, to glorify me. I need God to allow me to be the center. That's
23:50 his inner vow. God rebukes him and rather than repenting, he remains loyal to his inner vow. To this day, Satan remains loyal to his inner vow and you
24:02 can't be loyal to your inner vow and to your Lord. You either have to choose loyalty to God or your inner vow. And the whole heart of the demonic with Satan is that he has chosen to be loyal
24:14 to his inner vow. Yeah. And anytime that we have an inner vow, the problem becomes that it becomes a stronghold that Satan
24:26 has opened up to take God's place making the decisions over our life. And so I won't get into the details because it doesn't matter and it's
24:38 not appropriate. But there was 1 inner vow that I had that you broke. And for years, I punished you for it. Even though you were repentant, even though
24:50 you changed, even though there was mitigating circumstances, I mean, I I could I could put the whole case together. But I did not
25:04 forgive you and I didn't release you from judgment and punishment because you didn't just do something that I disagreed with, you broke a vow that I had. And until
25:16 that vow was broken, I think our marriage was broken. Mhmm. And so permission to speak freely, I'll give you the final words. What was it like to live being constantly judged
25:27 under a vow that was made before you even showed up and you didn't know was even there until you broke it and triggered it?
25:35 Well, I felt like I could never measure up because I couldn't. And I felt like I was constantly failing and I really didn't know if I was doing anything right.
25:47 So it was tough.
25:50 Well, I thank you for forgiving me. If that inner vow wasn't put to death, I think that inner vow would have put our marriage to death. Absolutely. Because the freedom and the life of the spirit flows,
26:03 you know, in our covenant with God and it is destroyed when an oath is within ourselves and aligns us with Satan. And so if you're listening
26:14 to this, and appreciate you doing so, let me just summarize, land the plane big idea. In both of you, you and your spouse, there's something painful, disappointing, longing unmet, dream
26:26 unfulfilled, betrayal that occurred, something either before you met or maybe it was your parents or grandparents generationally before you were even born or maybe it's happened in the context of your marriage. To
26:38 protect yourself, you've made an inner vow. You have decided that there is going to be a rule that governs you and your decision making to prevent that from happening again. It makes perfect sense to you, but it's crazy
26:50 to the rest of us, and that's true for all of us. When your spouse goes near it, the temperature in the room changes and your disposition becomes far more defensive, far more aggressive.
27:02 God forbid they should violate your inner vow, you're going to act like God and pour wrath down on them to punish them so that they never do that or go near that again.
27:14 And that's not how Jesus treats us. He loves us. He forgives us. He heals us. He restores us. And I believe that there are a lot of marriages that'll be healed once
27:26 inner vows are broken because right now God is not ruling and reigning over every area of the marriage relationship, whether it's sexual, financial, emotional, mental,
27:38 spiritual, there is something other than God in 1 of those areas or more that has taken God's place and is ruling and reigning, but it ain't Jesus and the result ain't
27:49 good.
27:50 And the best thing to do is to renounce it, literally ask the Lord to expose it and then replace it with the Holy Spirit.
27:57 Why don't you pray that folks can do that?
27:59 Dear Lord, thank you that you expose the things that aren't from you and that we are to worship you alone. I pray that these inner vows would come out and that they would be able to work through
28:12 what it looks like to repent of these inner vows, to just renounce what these inner vows are Lord, and that they would be able to grow in their marriage together because of this exercise
28:24 and they would be able to replace the Holy Spirit in that spot where a demonic spirit has gotten a foothold. Thank you for your faithfulness in this, in Jesus name. Amen.
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Mark Driscoll
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