Skip to content Doing the Right Work: Controlling Our Tongue Nov 18 · 37 min ...more
Doing the Right Work: Controlling Our Tongue
November 18, 2025 · 37 min
In a powerful message on taming the tongue, Pastor John Mark explores James 3, revealing how our words act as a spiritual thermometer—reflecting what's truly in our hearts.
Series "Men's Breakfast" with John Mark Caton November 18, 2025 · 37 min · "Men's Breakfast" with John Mark Caton
In a powerful message on taming the tongue, Pastor John Mark explores James 3, revealing how our words act as a spiritual thermometer—reflecting what's truly in our hearts. ...more Show the full description Show less In a powerful message on taming the tongue, Pastor John Mark explores James 3, revealing how our words act as a spiritual thermometer—reflecting what's truly in our hearts.
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John Mark is the Senior Pastor of the thriving Cottonwood Creek Church in Allen, Texas, where he has served since 1995.
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Taming the Tongue: A Call to Christian Maturity 0:02 Welcome to Men's Breakfast with John Mark Keaton. Join us as John Mark shares his insights with other men in his ministry rooted in the timeless truths of the gospel. Today's message will encourage you to0:14 inspire, inform, and invest in the lives of others. This is Men's Breakfast with your host, John Mark Caton.0:22 We've been in a series, doing the right work the right way because God's got stuff for us to do, and I'm fired up to be back with y'all. Again. We're at James chapter 3, looking at James, the brother of Jesus, the little0:34 brother of Jesus, that, that 1 that thought Jesus was not so for a while, until he encountered him at the resurrection. And then he became a leader in the church, in Jerusalem,0:46 and then he wrote this little book to us that is, I would just say it's a man's book on everyday theology. This is just how we should live. And what I like about0:57 him is he's talked about faith and works, he's talked about rolling through trials, how we should man up. But he's also today gonna be talking about something that, probably gonna ruin your1:09 day. Probably gonna probably gonna cut half your conversation, out of your day. Why? Because he talks today about taming the tongue. How many of you know that1:21 is a difficult thing to do? As a matter of fact, James acknowledges that. He goes, dude if you can tame the tongue, you can tame the rest of your body. I mean that 3 inch muscular1:33 organ with thousands of taste buds on it. He says, guys, if you can take that and keep that in the right on the right track, you can actually take the rest of your body and1:45 keep it in check. And so the last couple of weeks, we've just been looking at things like God's got stuff. Man, if we're gonna do the good the right work the right way, God's got stuff for us to do. I've got some growing1:57 up to do. I've got some stuff I need to learn. I've got some things I need to go through. I've got some people I need to like even when I don't like them. How many of you know what I'm talking about? And then he says,2:08 man, I've got some stuff to do as it relates to faith and works. And today, I need to learn to tame the tongue. If I'm gonna be who God wants me to be, I need to learn2:20 to tame the tongue. You know, if you're gonna have a good marriage, how many of you know you better tame your tongue? I remember early in ministry career, I quote him a little bit because2:32 he was a real older guy, he had retired from teaching at Liberty University and then I had him at seminary. He was kind of that second guy. And the older guy, Sumner Wimp, great evangelist, wonderful guy, always wore2:44 a 3 piece suit. You know that old pastor with suit and everything, had the hanky every week. It was a bad suit. But, it looked good on him, right? And I remember him talking to us. He'd always just give these little2:55 nuggets of wisdom as a 85 year old guy and he used to say, guys I could probably how many of you are married in here? And, you know, and I wasn't married. I was single when I surrendered the ministry. I got married the3:06 next year, but I clearly remember him saying something. He says, you know, best barometer or thermostat on anybody's marriage in here, if I walk up to you and say stick your tongue out.3:18 He goes, I can tell by looking at your tongue if you've got a good marriage. He goes, if there are bite marks all over it, he goes, you got a good marriage. Alright? He goes, if you learn to bite your tongue, then you3:30 know you got a good marriage. And his point was, man, if we learn to tame the tongue, I will promise you your marriage will be better. Your relationships will be better. Guess what? Your your3:42 leadership and leadership potential at the office will be better. Alright? So whatever we do, we need to understand that we need this is a serious thing. Man, our tongues about 33:53 inches, thousands of taste buds, but it is out of control if we let it. I mean, it is a wild dog and he's gonna say it4:05 is a fire waiting to happen. It is full of deadly poison. Don't we know that? And I love that's for that's that's the reality of James. He says, guys, listen.4:17 If we're gonna be who God wants us to be, we gotta watch the tongue. Now, I want you to know also, how many of you know we like to have fun here at Cottonwood Creek? Alright. He's not saying don't don't be sarcastic.4:29 He's not saying don't throw barbs, at your friends. And as a matter of fact, if, you know, they know my love language is sarcasm. Right? If if if I'm4:41 not picking on you, I probably don't like it. That's just the way it works. That's my that's my tenth fruit of the spirit. Right? Just it's that's the way it is. So he's not saying any of that, but what he is4:53 saying is be careful. Before we even get to James chapter 3, hopefully we have James chapter 3, let's see what he says. He says the tongue is a tyrant, let's be careful. Go back to chapter 1, maybe we just, you just went5:04 over this verse. Verse 26, he says, those who consider themselves religious, yet do not keep a tight rein on their what? On their5:16 tongue, deceive themselves and their religion is worthless. You know what he's saying? He's saying your tongue is a crystal ball to your soul. Your tongue is a crystal5:28 ball to your soul. What you say and what you do, he says listen, you can say all you want about being spiritual and being religious. He says, but if you don't tame the tongue, your religion5:40 is worthless. You know what he's saying? You could say all you want about how much I love God and I I love people and I love this and I love my wife and I love this, but if you don't tame your tongue, people5:52 will say, I don't think I want anything to do with that. That's exactly what he says. He said, a crystal ball to your soul. You might want to just write this down when it comes to your tongue. Christians6:04 know how to speak the truth. Mature Christians know how to speak the truth in love. There's a difference. How many of us know that? Right? As we think about what's going on in our culture and our world,6:16 especially as we move into a political season, man, we're gonna be faced with a lot of opportunities, to either cave to culture, which we're not gonna do here at Cottonwood Creek, or we're6:28 gonna speak the truth. And it seems like as I even look around at at culture today and even Christians and churches and perhaps even pastors and, civic leaders, it's6:40 like you've got 1 of 2 options. I see a lot of pastors, a lot of churches, they cave to culture. They'll cave on on the same sex thing. They'll cave6:51 on the transgender thing. They'll cave on this. They'll cave on that. And and so this it seems like 1 way is to cave. Well, I will tell you, we won't we're not gonna cave here at Cottonwood Creek.7:03 If scripture is clear, we are going to be equally clear. The other way seems to be, and I'm gonna just FYI, I'm gonna present a7:15 third way. This is the 1 we're gonna try to live out at Cottonwood Creek. The other way is we're not gonna cave, we're gonna man up. And if God is clear, we're gonna be just7:27 as clear. Alright? Now here's what I see in this, there seems to be a chasm and a divide that if you cave you're seen as loving. If you don't cave you're seen7:39 as unloving. Alright? I'm gonna submit we live a third way. I'm gonna submit we live a third way. We are not gonna cave, we're gonna7:51 stand on scripture. But we're also gonna maintain a loving heart and a loving attitude in any space, in any place. Why? Because the most loving thing we can do8:03 is speak the truth in love. How many of us know that? You know, I can be loving to you, but if I lie to you, how loving is that? But if I speak8:14 the truth to you and love you at the same time, that's the best way forward. That's the bible way forward. So as we think about this, Christians speak the truth.8:26 Mature Christians speak the truth in love. That's how we're gonna live. Let me tell you how important the tongue was to Jesus. Look at what he says in Mark chapter 12 verse 33. He says,8:38 make a good make a tree good, I'm talking about the words, make a tree good and its fruit will be good. Or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad. For a tree is recognized by its what? Its fruit.8:50 He's talking by by the way, he's he's talking to the the Pharisees and the Sadducees. He says, you brood of vipers. Alright? Back to the poisonous mouth. How can you who are evil9:02 say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Did you get that? The mouth speaks what the what the heart is full of. He says if your heart is full of hatred and and anger and9:14 bitterness, man, that's what your mouth is going to say. He says, a good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him and his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in9:26 him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give an account on the day of judgment, be careful guys, for every empty word they have spoken.9:37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. Now certainly, the most important words you can ever say is the word9:49 of faith. Right? That I trust Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. But he's also saying beyond that word of faith, trusting in Jesus Christ, that our words need to10:01 be true to the religion that Jesus led us into. That we're gonna be loving, but we're not gonna cave. And we're gonna also show that with our hearts10:13 and our mouths. What comes out of our mouth tells everybody what's in our heart. And so as we think about this next season in life, remember here at Cottonwood, it's the third way.10:25 We're not gonna cave. Alright? We're gonna stand firm, but we're not gonna stand firm without love. That's the third way. Always added that. I ran across this as I was studying, yesterday.10:38 How many of you from a Catholic background? Catholic background. Alright. The, I read across if you ever heard apparently he's a he's a Jesuit. How many of you heard of the order of the Jesuits? Jesuit historian.10:49 His name's John O'Malley. And and he went back and found an old Jesuit priest, and they live in communities. Right? And and he wrote this and you can go and look at this and I think it's just hilarious. Now, by the way,11:01 there's gonna be, an expressive word in here. Alright? That he says, and I may, I may actually, because there's kids in the room, I may change it. Alright. But here's what he said.11:13 Here are the 3 rules that they have in Jesuit communities to keep the peace. Rule number 1, don't ever forget you're not God.11:25 He says that keeps us humble. Number 2, don't ever forget this is in heaven, so stop complaining all the time. Number 3, don't be11:37 a jerk. Alright? How many of you just think we would all be better off if we just live by those 3 things? And by the way, if you wanna look it up, if you pull it up, that word jerk, is, the King James11:49 word for donkey in the old testament, if you understand what I'm talking about. So, as you think, how many of you think we'd be better off if we just Man, let's don't forget, you're not God, I'm not God. This12:00 isn't heaven, so there's always going to be something to complain about. And then number 3 is just don't be a jerk. Right? Our marriages would be better, our churches would be better, our places of12:12 business would be better, everything would be better, and so I thought it was great that John O'Malley, if you want to look that up, just those 3 things, he looked at, he says, man, don't ever forget that. Man, so here12:22 we are. Let's jump into James chapter 3 and let's just walk through it with the time we have left. The first thing he says, James says, just like we looked at James chapter 1 verse 26, he says, our12:34 tongues are the ultimate litmus test for what kind of leader we're gonna be in the church and outside the church. You say, where do you see that? Look at James chapter 3 verse 1,12:46 verse 1 and 2. He says, not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that those who teach will be judged more strictly. So12:57 so let me just start. He he's talking to teachers. He's talking about preachers. He's talking to us who are leaders. He says listen, don't desire it because you're gonna be judged more strictly. I walk around with the13:09 understanding all the time, even though I fail, is that man, when I preach, when I teach, I better be accurate, I better be clear, I better be loving, I better preach that13:21 message the way I think Jesus would preach that message. That's my highest calling. And so he says listen, let not many of you desire to be teachers, because as such, you13:33 will in fact be judged more strictly. You know what he's saying? With great power comes great responsibility. Guys,13:45 I live with the understanding every day that if I am not careful, I can lead you into heresy. I can lead you to compromise with culture. And I will tell you, there are13:56 times that it would be easier, how many of you know, just to tell you what you wanna hear? Man, I just can't imagine how awesome my job would be if every Sunday morning I could just stand up before you14:08 and I could tell you everything's gonna be good, you're all gonna be rich, just give a few dollars to the offered plate and we're all gonna be blessed, and I'd be lying through my teeth to you. And as I said, man, if you14:19 love God and if you tie, none of you are gonna get sick. The cancer's gonna go away. You're never gonna lose a loved 1. And everybody could applaud and clap, and I would feel14:31 really good, and it'd be a liar. I'd be a complete liar. And so it's important that, man, when you14:43 surround yourself with teachers and preachers, if God transfers you and takes you somewhere, man, you wanna make sure that you're taught by14:55 someone that sees it is a great responsibility because with teaching God's word comes great power. Man, and if15:07 there are times it feels good to be lied to, It does. Right? How many of you know that? I mean, someone get lied to, I could tell you you're gonna be rich, you're gonna be healthy, you're gonna be That makes you feel15:18 good, but until then you walk out of the doors of the church and you're struck with reality. And as we think about that, you know, in Jesus' day many people wanted to be rabbis. A lot of people wanted to be15:29 rabbis. Why? Because it came great power. You would have people follow you, they would hang on every word, they would want to teach you. As a matter of fact, if you look in the old Jewish tradition, a15:41 rabbi, rabbi really means great 1. Which by the way, if y'all wanna call me great 1, I'm in. Alright? I'll sign me up. But I I he says you better be careful. Jump in verse 2. He says we15:53 all stumble. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault and what they say is perfect. He goes listen, if you want to know if a dude16:05 is really a good dude in Christ, not a perfect dude, he says, just listen to what they say. Just listen to what they say. Man, if I stand up here and teach on compassion and16:17 love and you know, caring and good conversation, and then you hear me in the corner and I am just burning the town down and burning people down. You're like, you know what? Probably what he said over there is16:29 more indicative in his heart up here. Does that make sense? That makes this a performance and not the reality. And so men, we we we understand that listen, we're all gonna get mad. Let me tell you what, I got16:41 no problem with the dude getting mad. Alright. We see it in scripture. There were there were times that dude stood up. God created us as men. That that we've got power, man, we've got strength and we don't16:53 need to shrink back from that. But there also ought to be a time that we make sure that what we say off camera, Christianity, is the same as what we say on camera. Does that make sense? He says, listen, because17:05 if you're perfect in everything you say, he says the whole body will be in check. So now let's continue reading. He says, not only are are our tongues indicative of, kind of17:17 the litmus test of who we are and who we really are. He says our tongues are influential for good or bad. You say, where do you see that? Pick it up verse 3. He says, when we put bits17:28 into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole body. How many of you have horses? How many anybody have horses, grow up with horses? Alright. Then,17:41 you're like me. How many of you really don't like horses? You're not a big fan of horses? See, I'm scared to death. I'll be just the first guy to tell you. I'm I'm scared to death of them. I didn't grow up around horses.17:50 I had this guy, buddy in our church that they had these 2 horses that ran around in the field and every once in a while I'd go over on Sunday after church. We'd put a saddle on them, try to ride them. You know what18:00 happens if you've got 2 horses that have lived in the field, you and 2 2 young kids throw a saddle on them. They don't appreciate that. So they were bucking us running through the trees, so I learned to have a hate hate18:11 relationship with horses. I walk up to them, my heart starts palpitating, they know. But here's the amazing thing, if you know someone that really has a horse, you can have a monster horse.18:23 And here's what John's under James is saying, You know how big you can have a thousand pound horse, 1200 pound horse. You know how how much the bit weighs? About a pound18:35 and a half. He says that pound and a half bit will turn in the entire horse's body. If it's a really big horse, I'll look this up by the way, you can look, about 2 pounds.18:48 He says what? He says, when we put bits in the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. He says, listen, Just like a bit in a18:59 horse's mouth has great power over the direction they go, your words coming out of your mouth will direct you as well as other people. It'll19:11 turn them. You're inviting someone to church or you want someone to come to church and then what we say can turn them away? He says, we wanna be careful because our words, our tongues, our19:23 mouths, that 3 inch muscular organ can bring people to faith or drive them away from faith. Look at verse 4. He says, talking about how influential they are. He says, or take19:34 ships for example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot19:46 wants them to go. He says, listen, whatever the rudder does, that determines the direction. Sure, the wind can be blowing, but if you know anything about a cell and or you've seen them, then they can cut across19:58 the wind, they can go in the wind. Yeah, the wind's influential, but the rudder is what matters. And along with James, he James is looking around, just like you and I would, and he is saying, what's a great example of20:10 the power of the tongue? He says, look at that horse over there, a little bitty bit. Look at that big sailboat out there, that big boat out there. The rudder makes that all makes all the difference. And so he says, man,20:20 not only is our tongue a litmus test to our true reality and our true religion as well as our heart, he says it's incredibly influential. Not only on your own20:31 lives, but your own your lives of your family and your kids and those you come into contact with. Thirdly, just pick it up in verse 5. He says, our tongues are amazingly destructive. How many of20:43 you know that? You wanna kill your marriage? You don't have to cheat on your wife? Just start dogging her out every day. Just start criticizing her every20:55 day. Just start saying something negative every day. Hey, men, you wanna destroy your kids? You don't have to hit them. Just criticize them21:07 every day. Just always talk about their their negative things. Just talk about their tell them they're losers. And guess what? They'll show up exactly21:19 there. Does that make do you understand what I'm saying? Our tongues are destructive, guys. You wanna destroy somebody else in this room? Just dog them out.21:31 You wanna keep somebody away from faith, just just dog them out. And so notice what he says. He says, likewise, verse 5, talking about how destructive it is. The tongue is a small part of the21:43 body. How big? 3 inch muscular organ. But it makes great boast. I've seen it, you've seen it. 3 inch tongue21:55 can destroy a 6 foot man. You've seen it happen. You've seen it happen. People are different, man. And so we wanna be careful how we talk.22:07 And so guys, I love I am all for men being real men. But sometimes the best measure of a real man is when he learns how22:19 to talk to his wife in a loving way. And if he can't tame the tongue, he's not a real man. Alright? And so that's what we gotta get serious about our kids and22:31 things like that. And guys, I want you to know, I'm not telling you anything that I don't struggle with. Do you understand that about your pastor? That I'll just tell you, I mean,22:43 some of these guys that work with me, I've got a pretty effective tongue. How many of you know, I mean, right? I mean, we get in here in some big decisions. We got something going on all the time at the church, and every22:54 once in a while I'll say something, go, yeah, probably could've, that probably could've come out better. But, had I made it come out better, it wouldn't have felt as good. How many of you know what I'm talking about?23:04 Right? I mean, let's be honest. We men, we're all about feelings. I mean, there are times that you just light someone up and you walk away and say, God, that felt good. Right? But you're like, yeah, I probably could23:16 have done a better job with that. So we need to understand it's incredibly destructive. A large ship is changed. It's just destructive. Now move on, look at verse 5. He says, consider how23:28 destructive this is. What a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. He says, man, our tongue can set a fire that causes great23:40 demonstration and destroys an entire force. That little 3 inch organ. Set a fire, destroy an entire force. That23:52 means our tongues are inflammatory. It's like gas on the flames. Man, we can can walk into a situation and you got something that is going on and, man, the embers are burning. We can walk in and24:03 with our words, make it blow up or with our words, make it go out. And he goes, man, our tongues are amazingly powerful. Look at And he goes, man, our tongues are amazingly powerful. Look at it verse 6. He says, the24:13 tongue is also a fire, an evil among the parts of the, deadly parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and it is itself24:25 set on fire by hell. How many of you think that's pretty direct? That's pretty direct. He says, man, your tongue is also a fire. It is a24:37 world of evil evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of 1 life so on fire. You can almost just see this man on fire. Right? And it's all from his tongue. And then notice what24:48 it says. It says, is itself set on fire by Hell. If you go to Jesus's day, that word fire, you might want to underline it. It's 1 of the New Testament words for Hell. It is25:00 the word you've probably heard of Gehenna. If you go just outside of Jerusalem, there is a place called Gehenna. Alright? There's a place called Gehenna. You can track it back into25:12 the Old Testament if you don't know anything about Gehenna. It is the place that the Canaanites, if you've heard about this, would go and sacrifice their babies to the Old Testament Testament god Molech.25:24 Alright? So then you remember the good king Josiah that came in, caused revival in the land? He basically, condemned that place, said it was defiled. Why? Because of the Canaanite25:36 practices of sacrificing their babies to their god, Molech. And so as outside Jerusalem, he condemned it. Even in Jesus's day, it was condemned. It became25:48 kind of the trash dump, the trash dump for Jerusalem. They would take their trash out there and not only that, here was the big key. How many of you have been to the dump in up in25:59 Melissa lately? How many of you it doesn't that just have a great smell? It just gets all over you. And so as you went outside of Jerusalem, here's what would happen. In26:11 Jesus's day, it was where people would throw their dead excuse me, throw their trash, also the dead carcasses if they had an animal die. And they would take their criminals out there, and they would26:23 oftentimes throw them in Gehenna. And as was common in that day, they would burn the bodies of the criminals. And so there's always this fire, this stench, and this smoke, this smell of26:35 burning skin. And he goes, let me tell you what. If your tongue is out of control, it is like being at the dump.26:47 It makes you smell. It makes everybody else smell. If you think about just if you hadn't been to the dump late, I'm not talking about this transfer station, or I'm talking about the26:59 dump. If you go to the dump, man, you that whole day you're smelling it. You're just kinda, you you take a bath, it's in your clothes, it's in your vehicle. It's bad. And he's saying, man, that's what your tongue can do27:11 to you. He says, in your tongue, man, it's like being in Hell. It's like being in Gehenna, and everybody ultimately will know. Now continue to read. Look at verse 7. He says, all kinds of animals,27:22 birds, reptiles, and sea creatures are tamed and have been tamed by mankind. Just he says, you know, just go to the circus. Go to the circus. He says, you ever seen it kind of27:34 cool what they make elephants do? How many of you think that's kind of cool? The guy that sticks his head in the in the lion's mouth. I I never get that. Right? Because at the end of the day, he's a lion. Right? Be27:44 careful. Right? They got a lot of little monkeys running around all those things. He says, hey, mankind's tamed a lot of animals. We we've done a lot of those things, but notice what he says. But no human being can tame27:56 the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. And these guys that are, that train snakes for a living are quote, these you ever see these snake charmers?28:08 They're just their kids are hanging around with cobras and you're just seeing and I don't know. Anytime I see that come up, I'm just like, they're crazy. Right? Because at the end of the day, a snake is a28:20 snake is a snake. Right? And what's in its mouth? Deadly poison. And what he's saying is it doesn't matter how much or how often you train your tongue,28:32 boys, it won't take long for it to fill back up with deadly poison. And he goes, you never tame it. You can tame it for this season in your life. You can tame it for this conversation.28:44 You can tame it for this moment. But he goes, guess what? You wake up tomorrow, you better tame it for this conversation, this moment, this season. Does that make sense? We never eternally tame the tongue28:55 until we're dead. And so he says, guys, we always wanna be working on this. I mean, think about it. How many of you have known somebody that a couple of years ago, they used to be nice and kind and this, and now you walk29:07 up and everything is poisonous words coming out. And you can also think on the grace side. There are times that I used to hear and talk to people at the church when they first came29:18 into church, I was like, Woah. And And now all of a sudden you see God's doing a work in their life. But he says, listen, be careful. You will never ultimately tame your tongue.29:30 It's always a work in process. I love what the Psalmist said in Psalm 141 verse 3. He says, set a guard over your mouth, over my mouth, Lord. Keep29:42 watch over the door of my lips. This is something we've gotta look after all the time. In every conversation, in every place, wherever you are, you29:54 can pray that prayer. Set a guard over my mouth, Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips. Now, so our tongue, it's the litmus test of our life. It's incredibly destructive. It is the leader, the influencer in30:06 our life. But also, it creates a lot of confusion. You say, where do you see this? Look at it. It says verse 9. He says, with the tongue we praise the Lord, our Father. And with it we30:17 curse human beings who have been made in God's likeness. He says, out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. He says can30:29 both fresh water and cold water, fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring. My brothers and sisters can a fig tree bear olives or a grapevine30:41 bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. He says, man, it's kind of a paradox. He says, have you noticed this, that a, fresh spring is not gonna produce30:53 salt water and a salt spring is not gonna produce fresh water? He goes, it's just a simple thing. He says, guys, how will we know whether you're bringing fresh water in your faith31:05 or salt water by what comes out of your mouth? He says, man, our tongue can be a paradox. He says, 1 moment, we praise God. 1 moment, we31:16 curse. What is he saying? 1 moment, you're in church. Next moment, you're at lunch, And the waiter's slow, or the waitress is slow. What is he saying? He says, it ought not to be. He says, man, as men of31:28 God, we wanna do everything we can to work it. Man, you you don't wanna be the man of God that comes in here and talks about how much you love Jesus and Tuesday morning and go to bible study and then you walk out of here31:39 and you burn up your bride. And you destroy your kids. He says, this ought not to be. James is pretty clear, right?31:51 I mean, he's saying, guys, we got stuff to do, and we've got tongue a tongue to tame. Man, he says, I I love this. He says, because if we can get right get it right in this area,32:04 your witness will multiply. People will be attracted. And I will tell you, listen to you, I'm not telling us to be sissies. How many of you know we don't do that at Godwin Creek? But you can be32:16 a real man and control your tongue. You can be a real man and not praise God 1 moment and curse others the next. Doesn't mean you can't speak the32:28 truth. But it's the third word here. We speak the truth in love. Look at Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29. Notice what he says, and we're gonna close quickly. And I'm gonna give you 532:40 questions you need to ask yourself every time you talk today. He says, do not let any unwholesome word this is what Paul said, unwholesome word come out of your mouth. He says, accept32:52 what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed33:04 for the day of redemption. I love that. Do not let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth. If you wanna underline that, talk about it. That word unwholesome is the same word they use for rotten fruit.33:17 You ever walked up to some bananas and, you bought them, you bring them home, and you set them there, and it seemed like 12 hours later they turn black? You're like, I don't even want them, they're mushy. Or fruit flies33:29 and apples or something like that. He goes, That's what it is. It's the same word. He says, Be careful. So here are 5 words, 5 questions that'll help us all be better. 5 simple33:40 questions. You might wanna just write these down as to whether I should say it or not. Number 1, is it true? Is it true?33:53 If I'm wondering if I should say something or not to someone else, ask myself the question, is it true? Here's number 2. Is it beneficial? Is it going to help the34:05 situation? Alright? See, because something can be true, but you saying something about it won't be beneficial. Don't we understand that? There are If I don't have the relational capital or34:17 something like that, I could say something true, but because of what I've said in the past, it's not beneficial at the moment. Here's number 3. Is it necessary? Do I need to have this34:28 conversation? Do I need to say this? Do I need to confront this person? Is it necessary? Here's number 4. This is a question of privacy. If it's34:40 something private, do I have permission to say it? Do I have permission to share it? So let's say that someone comes up and they open their heart to you.34:53 You could go to someone else and say, you know what? I just heard. It might be true. It's not beneficial. Alright? It's not necessary, but they didn't give me permission to share it.35:05 And here's number 5. Is my motive pure? Is my motive pure? Now all of those don't don't don't flow in every conversation, but is it true? Yes. Something can be35:17 true and not beneficial. You know what? Something can be true, but I don't have permission to share it. Something can be true and beneficial, and it's necessary. Because if35:29 I don't say something now, man, it's going to get worse in the future. And then finally, man, is my motive pure? If you're gonna go up and you're gonna say something35:41 real clear, let me tell you what. Here's how you know if your motive's pure. You wanna know the thermostat? If it's gonna make you feel better to say it, it's probably not a pure motive. How many of you know what I'm35:52 saying? And that's where Christianity takes all of the fun out of being a man. Right? I'm kidding. But you wanna check check your motive? Is your36:03 motive pure? If I'm sitting there going, I can't wait. I can't wait to light him up. That's when you know you need to tame the tongue. Let's pray. God, thanks so much for being a36:15 man. Thank you for creating us as Christian men and being surrounded by Christian men. Let us be people of that third way. We're not gonna cave to culture. We're gonna always speak the truth, but that third36:27 way, we're gonna speak the truth and the love. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen and amen. God bless you. Have a great day.36:35 Thank you for tuning in to Men's Breakfast with John Mark Cayton. For more information on John Mark's ministry and resources, please visit johnmarkkayton dot com. Until next time, remember, we're36:47 on this journey of life together.In this video 0:00 Taming the Tongue: A Call to Christian Maturity
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