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Blessed: It's Okay to Hurt
September 25, 2026 · 37 min
Pastor John Mark reminds us that faith and grief can coexist. Through biblical stories of loss and mourning, we learn it’s okay to hurt, to admit our pain, and to grieve honestly before God. God comforts us in our struggles so we can comfort others, inviting us to trust Him and carry each other’s burdens in community.
Series "Pastor Talks" with John Mark Caton
John Mark is the Senior Pastor of the thriving Cottonwood Creek Church in Allen, Texas, where he has served since 1995.
September 25, 2026 · 37 min · "Pastor Talks" with John Mark Caton
Pastor John Mark reminds us that faith and grief can coexist. Through biblical stories of loss and mourning, we learn it’s okay to hurt, to admit our pain, and to grieve honestly before God. God comforts us in our struggles so we can comfort others, inviting us to trust Him and carry each other’s burdens in community. ...more Show the full description Show less Pastor John Mark reminds us that faith and grief can coexist. Through biblical stories of loss and mourning, we learn it’s okay to hurt, to admit our pain, and to grieve honestly before God. God comforts us in our struggles so we can comfort others, inviting us to trust Him and carry each other’s burdens in community.
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In this video 0:00 It's Okay to Hurt13:00 Biblical Examples of Grief23:00 Admit That It Hurts31:00 Allow Yourself to Grieve37:00 Expect God to Use Your Grief
It's Okay to Hurt 0:00 Church family, glad you're in God's house today? Man, it is worth being here and I love hearing your worship. If you're new here or new online, we're glad that you're with us. We started a series last week,0:12 on the Beatitudes from Matthew chapter 5, beginning in the 1st verse all the way through the 12th verse. And if you were here in August, you know that we we had a plan. The plan was in August, we'd look at Philippians0:23 chapter 4 verse 8 and we would talk about whatever, whatever, learning to win the battle of our mind. And then once we win the battle of our mind, which is what we talked about in that last series, we want to take it0:34 from our mind to our heart and let God do a work on our heart from the inside out. If you were here last week, we started with the 1st beatitude and here it is. Blessed are those who are the poor0:46 in spirit, then there's a promise for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. And if you missed that last week, go look at it online. This week, we look at this idea, it's okay to hurt. Everybody say it's0:58 okay. See, as long as we live in this life, we're gonna go through those seasons in life, those those painful seasons in life where we hurt, we grieve, we mourn, we struggle with the loss1:10 that we have. And here's what we need to understand, the Bible tells us it's o okay to hurt. I love what Paul says. He says, we grieve but we do not grieve as the1:22 rest who have no hope. You get it? The part of the human condition is there are going to be losses in our life. So let's go look at this beatitude. Matthew chapter 5, pick it up verse 1 and here it1:34 is. It says, when Jesus saw the crowds they had gathered around, he went up on the mountainside, sat down. If you heard me last week, you know, when a rabbi, when a teacher sat down, that meant listen in, tap in. His
1:45 disciples came to him and he began to teach them. He said to them, blessed are the poor in spirit. Here's the promise, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. That's last week. If you missed it, go listen. Here's what we're
1:54 gonna look at this week. This is the 1 we hate. This is the 1 I wish he left out. But he also says, blessed are those who mourn for they shall
2:06 be comforted. Now now what causes us to mourn in life? Man, a lot of things cause us. And here's the reality, it doesn't matter how young or how old you are, grief can happen at any stage in
2:18 life. Loss of a parent. There might be some in here that you've just recently lost a parent. You've heard me talk about I lost my father when I was a junior in college. Man, it it kinda rocked my world, and I
2:30 struggled for for a number of seasons. Maybe, loss of a spouse. I remember especially in the last service, I'm looking here, there were a couple of people sitting right up front that I provided presided
2:42 over the memorial service of their spouse. And, man, you might be here and that's your struggle or the loss of a child or or maybe some, you've gone through a miscarriage. And Gina and I have been through that twice,
2:54 1 at an early stage, 1 at a pretty advanced stage. Maybe some of you it's not a miscarriage, it's infertility. See, sometimes we grieve not over what we lose, but it's what we never received. How
3:05 many of us understand that? See, sometimes that's where real grief can be. Sometimes a loss of a health that all of a sudden you go into the doctor and the doctor says, hey, by the way, we need to do a further study, but
3:17 it's probably nothing and it turns out to be something. Loss of a job, maybe the loss of your fortune, maybe perhaps it's a loss of a really close friend
3:29 that you just grieve and and you struggle with. So there are so many things and you can just see. We put a list up and I don't know which 1 is yours, but we all struggle somehow, someway. You know, a lot of times people
3:40 think, well, you know, in the bible it's it's not real life. Because everybody in the bible, everything seems to go well for them. Can I tell you if that's your thought, it's because you haven't read the bible?
3:53 Alright. I I love God's word because it flat out tells the truth. It tells the good, it tells the bad and maybe there's someone in here you lost a a brother or a sister or someone to suicide or
4:05 man a broken relationship. Man you've gone through, maybe maybe someone here you have a prodigal son or daughter that you are just grieving wanting them to come back. Maybe maybe someone you love is
4:16 battling an addiction. Maybe you've lost your dream. Maybe it's just the loss of the future you expected. And so that's when we think about blessed
4:28 are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Let's just walk through God's word. I kind of put these in order, that may help you connect and and I I I started off with about 40 examples.
4:40 You'll be glad to know. I'm not gonna use all 40. But if you think if it's unspiritual to grieve, and and I've heard that in the past. Not not in those exact words, but but I've I've heard things
4:52 like, and I've had it said to me in some of my losses, some of my grief. I've heard other preachers and other people, other spiritual you know, this is God's plan. And there are sometimes
5:04 I just wanna choke them out right there. I can't believe you walked in here and said that. Yeah, that might be God's plan but that's their son. It's their daughter. That's their husband or that's their
5:16 wife. And so let me just walk you through Jesus. If there was anybody that didn't need to grieve, how many of you think God wouldn't grieve? See Jesus was fully God and fully man. He had a great friend, his name was
5:28 Lazarus, notice what happened. Jesus shows up, Lazarus has died. It says when Jesus saw her weeping, his mother and sister, and the Jews, the others who had come along with her, they were also weeping. It says he was
5:39 deeply moved in the spirit and he was troubled. And Jesus then asked wherever they laid him, he says come and see Lord. And then it says Jesus wept. Let me just tell you, those 2 words Jesus wept means that Jesus
5:50 was moved viscerally. Anybody ever been 1 of those seasons when you cry that you can't take a breath and you can't talk either 1? How many of you know what I'm talking about? Sounds funny when I do it up here, but if
6:02 you've been there, you know what it is. You're just long you just can't say anything. People are asking you a question and you're like, not now. Now is not the time. So Jesus wept because he lost
6:14 someone who was dear to him and he loved him. And so I want you to know, grieving is okay. See, a lot of times faith, we don't think faith and grief can occupy the same heart,
6:26 but it does all the way throughout scripture. So, if you're here today and you're like, I don't want to hear this sermon. I want to encourage you, hear this sermon. This might be for you or it might be for someone else.
6:37 It might be 1 that you say, I wish I'd have heard this 10 years ago when it happened. But let's start with 1. Infertility. Hannah, had longed for a child and begged for a child, especially in those days.
6:49 There might some in here that you've been praying and you haven't been able to have a child yet and I want you to know that is a loss. And so here it is, Hannah, it says, in her deep anguish, Hannah prayed to the
7:01 Lord weeping bitterly And she made a vow to the Lord saying, Lord almighty, if you will only look at your servant's misery and remember me and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give
7:13 him to the Lord for all the days of his life and no razor will ever be used on his head. Here's what she she's infertile and and she feels like a failure and she feels like God doesn't love her and God doesn't bless her
7:24 and so she's weeping and begging and crying out to God. And so, maybe if you're in 1 of those seasons or if that's your season in life that everybody around you seems to be having a child but you can't.
7:36 Man, pray and cry out to God. What about the death of an infant infant son? Man, I'll tell you some of the hardest moments and hardest seasons I've ever had in ministry
7:49 be with a family who's just lost their son or their daughter. David had an infant, had a child. It was almost early on they saw that some something wasn't right and noticed David, it says, in, in,
8:01 2nd Samuel chapter 12 verse 16, David pleaded with God for a child, for the child. He fasted and spent nights lying in sackcloth and on the ground and the elders of his household stood beside him
8:13 to get him up from the ground, but he refused. He said, now I'm done. And he would not eat any food with them. Look at this, verse 18, on the 7th day the child died.
8:25 David had been begging and begging and begging God to save the child but God didn't intervene. The child died and David's attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead for they thought while the child was
8:36 still living he wouldn't listen to us, even when we spoke to them. How can we now go in and tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate. He might do something crazy. So, if you're
8:48 here and you've lost a child, maybe maybe that's your season in life or or maybe maybe a friend. If you look at David just like Jesus, his best best friend was Jonathan.
8:59 And David and Jonathan went They were connected at the hip. They loved each other. They encouraged each other. It was Jonathan who was Saul's son but Jonathan looked at David and said, you're the next king and I'm gonna
9:09 serve you. And David hears that Jonathan is dead. Here it says in 2nd Samuel chapter, 1 verse 11. It says, then David and all the men with him took hold of their
9:21 clothes and they tore them. They mourned and they wept and they fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan were dead and for the army of the Lord and for the nation of Israel because they had fallen by the
9:33 sword. Now, listen, how how many of you journal? How many of you write have a diary, you just journal a little bit. And so, I love I love what David does here and and for those of you who do that, man, do it. Because
9:43 David doesn't just take his weeping and have tears, he actually writes them down. Notice what he wrote down. Here's what he says. He says, how the mighty have fallen in battle. Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I
9:54 grieve and that's a deep emphatic Hebrew word, grieving. Man, I am grieving like I've never grieved before for you, Jonathan, my brother, you are very, very dear to me.
10:07 And tears and grief sometimes need to be put into words and a reality. Or what about David and his adult son Absalom? Complicated
10:19 relationship. Let me tell you the story about David and Absalom. Absalom was 1 of David's sons. David had multiple wives and and 1 of, 1 of his other sons basically raped
10:32 Absalom's little sister. Absalom wanted David to do anything. David abdicated his responsibility. He didn't step in and take care of the situation and so Absalom took hand, took the, took
10:43 matters into his own hand, went and killed his brother. David then, Absalom then goes off into exile, hangs out in exile for a while. David never repairs a relationship. Absalom decides, you know what? I'm going to roll
10:55 back into town. I'm not going to go see my father. Maybe he'll come see me. Absalom sat right outside of the city. He essentially tried to steal the kingdom from David. When he
11:07 took over the palace, David has to flee, took over all of his harem, basically embarrassed his father. They end up getting in a fight and what happens is in the middle of this fight, David looks at Joab, the captain of
11:19 the guards. He says, listen, kill them all, let's win the battle but don't kill my son Absalom. Now, what we know about Absalom, he had apparently a beautiful head of hair and he's riding through on a horse. He catches
11:31 his hair in a tree and is hanging there. Joab shows up, disobeys David's orders and runs him through with the spear. So, then they go back and tell David who's had a complicated relationship and
11:43 sometimes grief can be compounded because of a complication in a relationship that was never improved or never fixed. It's always that I wish I had
11:54 or I wish I wouldn't have said this. I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have just said I forgive you. And that's where David is. So, in the midst of his grief, he's lost his son. They've told him. And so,
12:04 here's what David does. A man after God's own heart. It says, the king was shaken and he went up to the room over the gateway and he wept. And as he went he said, oh Absalom,
12:16 my son, Absalom. He says, if I had only died instead of you, oh Absalom, my son. Man, sometimes death doesn't erase the complications, it's cementum
12:28 That the rest of your life, you live with the regret of what I wish I would have said, what I wish I would have done and David is experiencing that. Maybe there's some here today that you're struggling with that
12:40 grief, the complication, the loss or or what about Ruth and Naomi? Remember, she had all sorts of grief and all difficulties. What happened is there was a famine in Bethlehem, and so Naomi and her
12:52 husband and her 2 sons go to Moab. Her 2 sons ends up, marrying 2 ladies, in Moab. One's named Ruth, the other's named Orpah, not Oprah, Orpah. And,
Biblical Examples of Grief
13:04 somewhere in the process over there, Naomi loses her husband and both of her sons. She decides this is not my land. I can't take care of myself. I'm going to go back to Bethlehem
13:16 where I grew up and where the rest of my family is. She tells her daughter in laws to go away. Orpah kisses her and does go back. But Ruth says those famous words, I'm going going with you. Where you go, I'll go.
13:27 Your people are going to be my people and your God's going to be my God. So now fast forward, they've made the journey. Naomi is walking into Bethlehem and her lifelong friends, her childhood friends begin to recognize
13:39 her. And so, here's what happens. So here it is, Ruth chapter 1 verse 19. So the 2 women, Ruth and Naomi went on until they came to Bethlehem. Back home when they arrived in
13:51 Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them and the women explained, can this be Naomi? They're excited. Naomi's made it back. She's she's coming back just to see us. Kind of a kind of a, maybe a high school
14:03 reunion or something like that. Hey, Naomi's coming back. And Naomi says, Hang, hang, hang on. Don't call me Naomi, she told them. Call me Mara, which means bitterness, because the
14:14 almighty has made my life very bitter. She's blaming God. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. The cumulative grief of the loss of a son and
14:26 loss of another son and the loss of a husband. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me and the almighty has brought misfortune on me.
14:38 Man, she is back but she is absolutely brokenhearted. Or or or what about the fact that grief can last a long time? Remember the story of Jacob and
14:50 Joseph, Joseph with many colored, coat, that ultimately what happens is Joseph's dad, Jacob, calls him and says, hey, go check on your brothers. They're off, doing
15:02 something. Just go check on them. And and and and then Joseph just kind of stops and says, hey, dad. I want to tell you about this cool dream that I had. Alright. Here's the dream. I dreamed that I was pretty much the
15:13 king and all my brothers nailed bowed down to me. Isn't that cool? And dad says, yeah, that's a great dream. Now go check on your brother. So he takes his coat of many colors, rolls out, goes into his brother and say,
15:23 hey, guys. Listen. I had this cool dream. Y'all are all gonna worship me. How many of you let's just be honest real quick. I mean, how many of you, when you look at your siblings, you were the favorite 1 in
15:35 the family? Bunch of early hands go up. Right? Let me tell you who I know you are. You're the baby of the family. Because I'm a baby of the family. So I know I was the best. Right.
15:46 Because when when the oldest showed up, when my oldest sister showed up, my parents had no clue what they were doing. Right? They were just trying to get by. They were figuring out together. They were looking at her
15:55 going, hey, what do you got for us? We don't have much for you. Right? Then they got a little better with my brother and then I showed up and they were they were they were awesome. In other words, they were so exhausted
16:04 they said, do whatever you want. Eat whatever you want. That was the way it works. Alright. So Joseph was the favored son. So Joseph rolls into his brother said, hey, you're gonna bow down to me. They said, we got a bit
16:14 different plan. They take him, put him on hold, sell him to save slave traders that take him on up in Egypt. And you know the rest of the story. But then they're like, what are we gonna tell dad? So they
16:26 take this coat of many colors. They they kill an animal. They put blood all over it and they take it back because they've gotta tell dad we didn't sell him into slavery. Apparently, he was eaten by a wild
16:38 animal. Notice how dad responds. Then Jacob, dad, tore his clothes, put on sackcloth, and mourned for his son many days. Man, there might be some people
16:50 in here that you are still mourning something that happened a month ago, a week ago, or a decade ago. I want you to know sometimes there's no end date to mourning. There's no end date. He said, Mourns
17:02 for many days. All his sons and daughters then came in and they said, Hey, listen we gotta do something about dad. He's worthless right now. He's mourning over Joseph and all his sons and daughters come in and comfort
17:12 him, but he refused to be comforted. No, he says, I will continue to mourn until I join my son in the grave. Man, there is some grief that never goes away. There is
17:24 some grief that you will literally carry to the grave. So we really have to think about comfort, blessed are those who mourn. Why? Because they will be comforted so you can be comforted and
17:36 still carry it. But then what do you do? We're gonna see here at the end that why we're comforted, how we're comforted is because we use our grief to comfort comfort someone else. And let me just tell you as we start
17:48 start talking about grief and mourning right now, I want you to know if you're struggling with something that that we've got a lot of ministries in the church. If you just wanna text care to 7 7 9 7 8,
18:00 that's why we have grief share and divorce care and divorce care for kids and cancer ministry and celebrate recovery. Why? Because we have people that have been through all of those things and they're
18:12 using their grieving and their pain to help someone else get through it. Or or what about Job, probably the most catastrophic story in all of God's word. Let me just remind you, Job lost his 10
18:24 children, his business, his wealth, his employees died, he lost his health, he lost his wife's support. Go read it in Job chapter 1. He comes to his wife and says, man, things
18:36 aren't going well for me and look I've got boils all over my face. And here's what she said, she said, I got an idea. Why don't you curse God and die? That is not great advice ladies. Just FYI. That
18:48 And can you imagine him looking at his wife and go, so we were a team when I had all that? But now that I don't have all that, we're not a team. And she goes, yeah, I'm ready to move on. I'm gonna find somebody with sons
18:59 and wealth and this and that and their health. And so, look at Job Job's response. He lost his social status, his standing, his sense of security, and he felt abandoned by God. But this, notice how Job still responds.
19:12 At this, Job got up and he tore his robe and he shaved all of his hair off, then he fell to the ground and all he could do was worship God. See, sometimes we
19:24 worship and we don't have to pretend we're hurting, not hurting. We can just pour it out before God and he said, naked I came into my came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gives and the
19:36 Lord is taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised. In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with any wrongdoing. And I could have given you 100 more examples.
19:48 So maybe you go find the 1, man, this is this is how this person struggled with this. So I wanna give you 4 thoughts on what do you do when life hurts. Thought number 1 is this,
20:00 start off just admit it hurts. Admit that it hurts. Let me tell you what, it doesn't make you spiritually immature to hurt
20:13 when you lose. See, the 1st step of overcoming grief or walking through grief is not fixing it. The 1st step is just admit it. Just be
20:25 honest that that that that faith and grief can occupy the same heart. Faith doesn't have to deny that there's pain.
20:37 I don't have to say, Yeah, I'm so spiritually mature that nothing hurts because everything hurts. Man, faith instead brings it to God and says, I'm struggling. I wanna open up about my pain. Let me let me just
20:49 show it to you. I love David. He's so honest It's in Psalm 13. You can read the whole, 13th Psalm if you want to. But 4 times in this Psalm, I'm just gonna show you 3 of them. David is
21:01 in the midst of his grief and he goes, how long God? How long? How long? How long? And some of you might be in that how long season. Notice notice what David felt
21:12 in his grief. It starts off, he says, Lord, how long will you forget me? He felt forgotten by God. He says, God, did you forget all about me? I'm the guy that slayed a Goliath.
21:25 I'm the king. I'm the man after your own heart. But how long, God, will you forget me? And grief can cause us to think that God has forgotten about us. Then next he says, how long oh Lord will you hide your face from me?
21:36 What is he saying? That word means, how long will you abandon me God? How long will you stay away from me God? And then notice he says, how long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after
21:48 day have sorrow in my heart? Let me tell you what, grief isn't passive folks. David says, man I am fighting for my life and maybe you've been in 1 of those seasons where where you've lost
22:00 someone you love so much that you are just fighting for your life and you are wrestling with your thoughts and you are hurting and you are struggling. I love what David doesn't do. David doesn't sanitize his
22:11 emotions. See, a lot of times we think, well, I really don't want to be honest with God. What's he gonna think about me? He already knows. David says, God, I feel abandoned by
22:23 you. God, I feel exhausted. God, I feel defeated. But then I love David over in Psalm
22:35 62. He says, even though that's the way I felt, none of that is true. Let me show it to you. Here's what David says in Psalm 62 verse 8. He says, trust him at, say
22:47 it. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty good at trusting God when life makes sense. Am I the only 1? I'm pretty good at trusting God on the mountaintop.
22:59 It's the valley I struggle with. I'm pretty good at trusting God when everything's in order, where grandparents die before parents, who die before children, who it still
Admit That It Hurts
23:11 hurts. But it's easy to trust God when life makes sense. The harder thing to do is to trust God when things don't make sense. And I love what David said, trust him at all times, the good times, the bad times, the
23:23 medium times, the the positive, the negative. And he says then pour out your hearts to him. Why? Because God is your refuge. I love what David says. He says 2 things, trust God at all
23:34 times when things are good, when things are bad and pour out your heart to him. Sometimes the most honest prayer you can pray is, God this hurts and
23:46 I hate it. Now what? Now what? Man, God wants your honest hurt more than he wants
23:58 your dishonest hallelujah. He just does. He wants you to pour out your heart and David says trust him at all time. So thought number 1, I want to admit that it
24:09 hurts. Here's number 2, I want you to allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to grieve. I I I I think there are times that we think, man, if I'm really hurting, if I'm really grieving, it's a
24:21 mark of spiritual immaturity. Can I just show you what scripture says? Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verse 1 says, there's a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
24:34 There's a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Now notice that word season. Seasons aren't days,
24:48 but also don't ever think that the chapter God has you in now is the end of the story, because God wants
25:00 to move you from where you are to where he wants you to be. But notice those words seasons, there's a season of weeping. It's not a day. There's There's nothing unspiritual about having a
25:12 season. We have seasons here in Texas. They're called hot. How many of you know that? Right? I mean, you roll into how many of you are like me? You just somehow think that this year's gonna be different than last year.
25:24 I'm gonna cool in December. That's when it's gonna be cool.
25:36 Here's the reality. Sometimes seasons do linger on. And you say fall should be here, but it's not. And there are times in our life
25:47 that we go through a season of weeping. It's not over in a day. It's not over in a week. It's not over in a year. It's not over in a decade. Sometimes it is the rest of your life. That every time, I don't know about if
25:58 you've got lost, there are times that Man, my father passed away and died when I was a junior at college. There are still smells or thoughts or things I do that will put a tear in my eye when I think about it. Right? My
26:10 dad, 1 of the things he taught brought me up doing is we went hunting. We hunted a lot and and he had this buck knife. I still use this buck knife. Now, if you don't like hunting, just clap your ears. Alright. And what
26:20 do you do with this buck knife? You gut deer with it. And I clearly remember my dad, we'd go out, we'd kill something, we'd gut deer, then we had a Datsun pickup truck. How many of you remember a Datsun pickup truck?
26:30 Then it'd be time for lunch. Dad would pull that summer sausage and the cheese out. He'd wipe that blade off and he would cut our food up and we'd eat. At that time, it made
26:42 total sense to me. Now guess what I do? I use that same knife and it's just as sharp. But every time I open it up, I remember those hunts. I remember sitting in there laughing
26:54 with my dad and walking across chasing someone and picking on each. I remember that. And there are still those seasons I look at something that will cause a tear to come to my eyes. There's a time to weep
27:06 and and there's a time to mourn. Now notice this, when you allow yourself to grieve, don't do it alone. Don't isolate yourself. Invite others in. Like I told you, text care 7 7 9 7 8. You wanna know who leads our
27:18 cancer ministry? Those who have walked through cancer. You want to know who leads our divorce care ministry? Those who have gone through divorce. You want to know who leads grief share? Those who have gone through grief.
27:28 I love this. Galatians chapter 6 verse 2, carry each other's burdens. Don't isolate yourself. Invite others in. And in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
27:41 If you've been around here a season, you probably know the greatest loss that I have. It it was my brother's suicide. I've got a picture of him that we'll put up there. For those who
27:53 are new, before we built this worship center, we worshiped in the gym and we used to stack them 7 high. How many of them are stacking 7 high? Alright. You see those hands up? That means after the last service I said
28:04 stack them 7 high. We're going to play basketball all week in here. Then we set them back up. So, we had been praying and praying and God was leading us to move into this worship center. It was so exciting. It was the
28:14 week before we went from the gym to in here and on Wednesday night I'm sitting there with our church leadership, final plans to make the transition. I sat in there, that was back in the day when the phone was so big that
28:25 you had to leave it in the car. How many of you know? So I walk out and I see I've got like 15 missed calls from my brother James. Let me tell you James was my hero. He was my older brother. Any sport I could play
28:37 is because he taught me. He was also that kind of brother that would beat me within an inch of his life. How many of you know that brother? But God helped the person that touched me. That was my brother. My brother
28:49 rolls through life, very good, very athletic, goes through a divorce and starts struggling with alcohol. He's up and down and up and down, and he'll beat it for a while, and then he would struggle. So I picked up the
29:01 phone that night, Wednesday night, before we're supposed to move into this worship center, the big worship celebration. I called him, and he goes, I just wanted to tell you goodbye.
29:13 And I knew exactly what he meant. Now I know there's people that say, well, you know, he might have done it, you know, in another time anyway. He may have. But I'd I'd done something differently that night. It wouldn't
29:24 have happened that night. So I talked to him driving all the way home. I'm walking up and down my driveway. Gina hears me talking outside. She walks out and says, who's the who you on the phone with? I'm on the phone
29:33 with James. She goes, okay. So I come in after talking with him. I think I've talked him out of it. But he had 2 questions he asked. He says, 1st of all, I want to ask for your forgiveness
29:45 for what I've done with the family. I can tell you what I said and I can tell you why I said it. So, James, we're gonna have to navigate through that. Part of the reason why I didn't want didn't want to give him
29:57 permission to commit suicide because I knew he was serious. 2nd question was easier for me to answer. He says that because as a pastor, he says if I commit suicide, will God let me in heaven? I answered that question
30:08 well. So we talked and we talked about, hey, what does the future look like and this and that. And then we hang up and I thought I've talked him out of it. I walk inside and I'm kinda crying. I'm talking to Gina
30:20 and She said, what are you thinking about doing? I said, I just kinda feel like I'm supposed to drive down there. I can be there in 4 hours. I'm a night out. It doesn't matter. And I could've made things better. Maybe
30:31 not forever, but that night. But instead of waking up or instead of driving down there, I just laid in bed all night looking at the ceiling praying for my brother.
30:42 Because after all, this is a pretty big weekend. We're opening the worship center. I probably need to stay here. That morning I wake up, I go into my office right in there. All of a sudden the phone rings. I look and it
30:54 says Sheriff's Department. I pick up the phone. So we're sad to report to you that your brother called us, told us where he was going to be out on his property
Allow Yourself to Grieve
31:06 and he didn't want his family to find it, but you need to call your family. Broke me. I get in the car, we drive down there. I couldn't even walk into the house. I just sat on the front porch.
31:19 I couldn't say a word. Gina and my mom and everybody else cleaning this house up, going through the house. I couldn't walk in. Then you go to the funeral home and you're sitting in the funeral home and I speak for a
31:30 living. I just sat over there just weeping. I said, John Mark, what do you think? I just got nothing.
31:42 Then we planned the service. John Mark, do you want to preach? I can't because there's this mixture of
31:55 guilt, regret, not going down there, the complications that we had in our life that we really never sorted out,
32:08 it seems so small now. So I didn't preach the sermon and we came back up here. It was a celebration day and they're like, can you preach? It seems like you should preach the opening. I can't.
32:21 Those of you who were here that day, you know all I did was walked up there and sat there. Then I thought to myself that week, You're kind of the pastor.
32:35 You kind of need to get it together. You need to start pretending you've got it together. So for 3 years, I pretended I had it together. I'd stand up here and preach about God helping you
32:47 and comforting those who are mourning. And all I was doing was living with this regret. I was in a crowd, but I'd isolated myself in my heart and my mind and I was almost to the place in 2011 where I was
32:59 walking away from the ministry. Because I knew my heart was letting y'all down. My words were saying everything's okay. Some guys in the
33:10 church came around me and said, Hey, you don't think you're okay. I'm okay. I got this. My wife, I walk out, she's praying.
33:23 Middle of the night, I'm the 1 that doesn't see sleep. She's sitting there on the floor. So what are you doing? She goes, I'm praying. What are you praying for? She goes, I'm praying for you. We're ready for you. Come
33:32 back. Emotionally, come back. Walk around the atrium and pick up the phone and call a guy who's still a counselor on our staff and I said, hey
33:44 dude, I just need you to know I'm thinking about quitting the ministry. I was going to quit the ministry, go get a job, teach a Sunday school because I didn't deserve to be your pastor. I said, I think I'm done. He goes,
33:56 Why? I said, Because I'm fake. I'm still hurting. I let my brother down. I let my family down. I let my church down. And he goes, John Mark, I sit
34:08 in service every week and you've never told us. It's like, so you want me to be honest? Let me tell you
34:20 what. The best feeling in the world was when I stood before you in 20 11, Said, I still struggle with my brother's suicide.
34:33 I let him down. I'm sorry that I've pretended I've had it all together when I haven't. I'm asking for you to forgive me.
34:46 And then all of a sudden, man, it was just like the sweet release of God's grace. Because let me just jump you to point number 4. Jump you to point
34:58 number 4. Here it is. Expect God to use your grief.
35:10 See, I had stopped the flow of God's blessings. Man, I needed to admit it. I need to be honest about it. I need to allow myself to grieve. I need to invite God into my pain, but then I need to expect
35:22 God to use it. What I expected God was I was supposed to be strong for y'all when inside I was a mess. But notice these words, 2nd Corinthians chapter 1 verse 3, the
35:34 father of compassion and the God of all comfort Who comforts us in all of our troubles so that what? We can comfort those in any trouble.
35:48 See, once I allowed God to move through me and I was honest with you, then God could use me. Sadly, for the next couple of years then I became the suicide pastor in all of North DFW and I'm like, the last thing I need
36:00 is another call. I've written 8 books. My best seller is The Suicide and Unfinished
36:12 Life. And the reality of it is, I don't want to write that book. Some of you are writing stories you don't want to write.
36:25 But if you'll admit it hurts, allow yourself to grieve, invite God into your pain, he will use it to help you minister to someone else.
36:37 And that's what it means. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Let's pray. God, thank you so much just for people who love
36:49 you, people who are just trying to navigate a broken world. And God, thank you for people that are willing to say, God, we hate this season in our life, but we're gonna
Expect God to Use Your Grief
37:01 trust you. Even when we say, how long, oh Lord, we're gonna stick in and say we're with you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen
37:13 and amen.
John Mark Caton99.9K followers
