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Hope for the Heart is a worldwide biblical counseling, coaching, and caregiving ministry founded by June Hunt in 1986. We’re passionate about helping people
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Confessions of a Closet Codependent 0:00 Hi. This is June Hunt from Hope for the Heart. I hate to admit it. I wish it weren't true. But I know what it's like to be a closet0:12 codependent. At least I had been 1. Actually, those closest to me knew it even if they didn't know the word codependent. What is codependency?0:25 Well, it's an addiction. Not to alcohol or any other drug, but to a relationship. 1 person is emotionally weak, craving0:37 to be connected to someone emotionally strong. And the 1 who appears strong is actually weak due to a need to be needed. And the strong 1 needs the weak0:49 1 to stay weak. Personally, I know what it's like to compromise my conscience in order to comply, to be a peace at any price person1:01 just to appease, to put up with angry outbursts just to avoid conflict. Although I myself had not heard of codependency,1:13 I found myself in a helpful yet fearful friendship, full of highs and lows, like in a roller coaster relationship. But I didn't1:25 know how to get off the ride. Although I knew something was wrong in the relationship, I was desperately needy for connection and deathly fearful1:37 of rejection. When my friend would threaten to leave, I would beg, plead, and promise whatever seemed necessary in a drastic attempt to stay1:49 connected. My immense fear of being abandoned led me into a long season of insecurity. At that time, I looked at2:01 my loyalty as noble, yet I had to learn that my loyalty was misplaced. Sadly, I didn't know that these2:12 high low swings weren't normal. After all, that destructive dynamic was part of my normal, the normal volatile relationship I2:24 witnessed between my parents growing up. A dysfunctional family home life can be the common breeding ground for codependency.2:36 As a young adult, I found myself having a misplaced excessive loyalty. Misplaced because my highest loyalty was to a person, not to2:48 the lord. I allowed myself to be manipulated. I was controlled by my fear in the friendship rather than by my faith in Christ. Without2:59 knowing it, I let a person take the place that the lord alone should have. To move out of that codependent dynamic became more difficult than I ever dreamed,3:12 and it took longer than I could conceive. But it was worth the pain to achieve the gain. What indescribable peace when3:24 we learn our security must be in the lord, not in a person. And what contentment when relationships are right in god's sight.3:36 I know because when I learned to have boundaries, I was truly set free. In healthy relationships, people aren't in bondage,Breaking Free Through Dependence on Christ 3:49 whereas codependent people are in bondage. In truth, we aren't responsible to make others happy. Actually, we don't have that power4:01 Or to be the security for others, we could die at any time. We aren't supposed to meet all the needs of others. The bible says, my god will meet all your4:13 needs. So if we try to meet all of another's needs, we are taking god's place. Therefore, they won't need god. If you've ever struggled with4:25 prioritizing a person more than the lord, there is hope. The key to overcoming codependency is Christ's power in you.4:37 Jesus said, if you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing. That's4:48 John 15 verse 5. So if you want to conquer codependency, refuse to be controlled by another person. Instead, commit5:00 yourself to complete dependence on Christ. Years ago, I wrote these words to keep my focus clear. I invite you to repeat these words to5:12 pinpoint your priorities and to aim at the right target. Because Christ was not a people pleaser, I will not be a people pleaser.5:25 Because Christ refused to compromise, I will not yield to compromise. Because Christ kept healthy boundaries, I will keep healthy boundaries.5:36 Because Christ stood up to pressure, I will not cave in to pressure. Because Jesus lives in me, I will conquer codependency. Actually, the5:48 scripture that helped me most was Galatians 1 10. Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of god? Or am I trying to please people? If6:00 I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. I encourage you to read the scripture regularly. That's Galatians6:12 1 verse 10. Realize you really can get out from under the pressure of an unbalanced relationship with unhealthy obligations6:25 that have manipulated you for so long. You can stop settling for what someone else insists you to do. But instead, only6:37 choose what the lord leads you to do. My sincere prayer is that the lord will create in you an undivided heart with complete6:49 dependence on him. In fact, the bible says, create in me a pure heart, oh god, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.7:01 That's Psalm 51 10. The lord can give you a new heart to set you free to live without fear of displeasing others. To have a pure7:13 heart, to be spirit led, not people pressured. You can say no to people, so you can say yes to God.7:25 This devotional is a sample of June Hunt's book, Letters from June, Stories of Hope on 40 Real Life Issues. You can order your copy today at hope for the heart dot org slash June, or text the7:37 word June to 7 0 9 1 9 to learn more.In this video 0:00 Confessions of a Closet Codependent3:44 Breaking Free Through Dependence on Christ
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