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Teach Them to Suffer Well, Part 2
December 10, 2025 · 26 min
Suffering is unavoidable. We live in a fallen world where pain and evil exist. Chip reveals how we can turn suffering into a tool God can use to make us the people we long to become.
Series Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever December 10, 2025 · 26 min · Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever
Suffering is unavoidable. We live in a fallen world where pain and evil exist. Chip reveals how we can turn suffering into a tool God can use to make us the people we long to become. ...more Show the full description Show less Suffering is unavoidable. We live in a fallen world where pain and evil exist. Chip reveals how we can turn suffering into a tool God can use to make us the people we long to become.
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Chip Ingram is an American Christian pastor, author, and teacher. He is the founder, teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry.
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Teaching Loved Ones to Suffer Well 0:01 Today on Living on the Edge0:03 with Chip Ingram. Let me ask you a question. Do you have memories that are so painful and difficult that you become an expert at actually shoving them down so you don't have to think about them? Would you like freedom0:14 from that pain? Would you like to see some real positive results come out of the suffering in your life? Today, I'm going to share 4 insights that can transform how you respond to suffering. That's0:27 today.0:28 If you only had 365 days left to live, what would you pass on to those you love most? Not your money or possessions, right? It would be wisdom, faith, and values that would sustain0:40 them long after you're gone. Well, today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram confronts a sobering reality. We've spent more time planning our financial inheritance than our spiritual 1. He challenges0:52 us to intentionally transfer what matters most, starting with the hardest lesson of all. Spoiler alert, life is gonna hurt, betray, and test those we love. The question isn't whether they'll face1:04 suffering, but whether we've equipped them to respond with faith. And then just after today's message, Chip will explain a fabulous opportunity to participate in the match that's available right now. When1:16 you give to Living on the Edge, it'll be doubled in size and impact. Well, back to the series, Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever.1:25 Transferable concept number 1, and this may sound strange, but teach them to suffer well. Teach them to suffer well. We have raised a1:37 generation of people. When they think of suffering, the only concept they can think of is how to get out of it, how to limit it, and how to avoid it. Those whom you1:49 love, how will they respond to suffering? Because they're going to get it right. Someone's going to walk out on them. Someone's going to betray them. Someone's going to talk about them. Someone's going to steal2:00 their money. Someone's going to talk about them in church. Right? Some of them are going to get cancer. Some drunk driver is going to go left to center. Some of them are going to have a kid that dies prematurely.2:13 So are they prepared? I mean, in your spiritual will do you have, phase number 1, I will teach them to suffer well. Now I'm going to give some real practical2:25 ways about how to do that. Before I do, I want to ask you a question. How do you respond to suffering? How do you respond to injustice? How are2:37 you responding to some things your ex mate has done to you? How have you responded to losing your retirement? How have you responded to the false accusations2:49 that were made about you at work or at church? How have you responded to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair, and no matter what you do, you just can't get your health back?3:01 Because here here's the deal. Here's how here's how life works. A disciple is not above his teacher. And when a disciple is fully trained,3:13 Luke 6 40, he'll be just like his teacher. And I would like to say that the way you do this is you write, learn to suffer well. I went to, you know, this seminar, and here's the notes, and here's how it works.3:25 But I got news for you. You know how they're gonna you know how they're gonna respond to their suffering? The way they watch you. You cannot impart what you don't possess. Modeling everything we're going to talk about3:37 will be the most powerful means of communication, because far more is caught than is ever taught. And so I've asked myself, so when I am suffering, do I blame3:49 others? Do I whine? Am I the topic of conversations? I'm a victim. It's difficult. He ran out on me. This guy did this to me. I can't believe this. It's it's Hollywood's fault. It's education's fault. It's the4:00 president's fault. It's Congress's fault. Well, now it's the Supreme Court's fault. Whine whine whine victim victim, victim. Is that how you respond? Or is it denial? I'm just4:12 not going to think about this. I'm not going to talk about this. I'm just going to bury it. Or is it anger, bitterness, lashing out? Or is it guilt? You know, some people respond to suffering.4:24 I I know I did something terrible. I'm the most terrible person in the world. It's all my fault. I mean, you know, there's the whole cosmos, but it's really all your fault. And then you live with this guilt, and then you4:34 pass that on, and your kids, or disciples, or grandkids, or friends, they suffer in the way they watch you. And if you're a whiner, they whine. If they feel guilty, like watch you, you they feel guilty. You know, if4:46 you're a blamer and a screamer and a bitterer and a denier, that's what you're gonna produce. So as much as we're gonna talk about how to pass on the things that matter most, there's gonna be a pretty heavy4:58 duty application about asking a pretty gut level question. Is, boy, I need to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely. I need to work into the Lord. I need to make great decisions.5:09 Right? I need to be what I want them to become. Now that that's that's that's sobering. But here's the deal. You can't do it. Right?5:21 I can't either. It's impossible. But Christ can do it in you, and Christ can do it through you. You know, sometimes we listen to these commands of God, and it's like, god, I can't do5:33 that. Yay. I mean, I'm thinking, yeah, now you're on the right track. So I need the strength of your word. I need the community of your people. I need to ask. I need to trust. I need to take steps.5:45 And when you do that, you can, by the power and the grace of God, suffer well. And they will watch that it's not you, but it's the Christ in you empowering you to do5:57 that. And that's really what you wanna pass on. Right? Now let's get real practical in terms of, okay. Okay. I got the theology chip. Now how does this work? I mean, you know, roll up the sleeves with me. How do you grow6:08 through suffering? Okay. I know I need to do it. I need to pass this on to kids and disciples, to coworkers, church members, men's groups. Okay. How do you do it? Let me give you, you know, 46:20 real practical ways. Number 1, teach them to face it, to identify what they're concerned about. Teach them to face it. I mean, it sounds so basic. Help them6:32 to identify, and here's the key word, what they're concerned about. We all tend to repress, we all tend to avoid, we all tend to deny things that are difficult. And what we just do, we just push them6:44 down. And all the psychologists will tell us as we push down hard things, 95 percent of all depression is anger turned inward. A lot of our6:56 migraines, a lot of our stomach problems, a lot of our health issues are we suffer, and I don't wanna face it, and so I push it down. And and that's a pattern. And you don't talk7:07 about bad things. You don't share anything. You don't ever you know, in other words, anything you say where you're being honest about where you're struggling. Like, hey, no complaining in this house. Hey. We're gonna be7:16 positive around here. Well, you need to be positive, but you also need to be honest. Help them think about it. Help them talk about it. Help them write it down.7:28 1 of the most powerful questions I know, and around our supper table growing up and with my wife on a regular basis, we still do this little exercise. Ask them this question. What are you concerned about?7:40 And then, by the way, don't fix it. Don't interrupt, and don't tell them that no. You shouldn't be concerned about that. Everything's gonna be okay. Duh. That's not helpful. The goal is not that you fix it. What are you7:51 concerned about? Nothing. Well, no. No. I mean, just tell me. I mean, say it's 1 of the kids, a teenager. What what are you concerned about? I I don't know. Well, I mean, you're in football trial, so are you concerned8:03 you might not make it? Yeah, maybe. Well, how's it going? Not very good. Well, how come? I dropped a bunch of passes in practice. Well, how are you feeling about that? Well, even this young kid, he's only a freshman,8:13 man. He was catching him and What are you concerned about? And then shut up. What are you concerned about? What else? What else? What else? I have grown kids now, and they have little kids, and I'm learning this.8:25 There's this new world. I I like to hang out with my boys, and I've always been able to kinda talk, and we'd play basketball and do stuff, and then we'd be sweaty, and we'd sit down and talk. Well, now they got these8:35 little kids. And every time around little kids. Little kids. Little kids. Hey. Look. Look. You know, I haven't had a meaningful adult conversation with my sons in like a year and a half. I mean, you know, a snippet here,8:46 a snippet here. And Teresa and I were talking about this, and so she came up with this plan. I'll have everyone over for dinner. And then, I don't know how it wasn't like as don't it wasn't as well planned as I'm gonna8:56 make this sound. But, the girls were kinda doing the dishes and this and that. And we cleaned things up, and they were in 1 room. And somehow, me and 2 of my sons ended up in the kitchen around 1 of those little9:06 counters. And we've been talking. It's not like it's all always superficial, but I'm kinda 1 of those language of love guys. I wanna know what's really going on, you know. And and when we don't get there, I just feel9:17 like we're going through the motions. And and so, it was a simple question. I turned to my oldest son. I said, you know, here in California, moved out here a while, who's your best friend?9:29 And I mean, his face just changed. He goes, dad, I don't have a best friend. He goes, I've started this new business. I've got 2 young kids. I've got an awesome wife. He said, dad, I'm working from morning to night. I'm9:38 putting in all these hours. And, you know, this guy wants to go surfing and this guy can be kind of spiritual. There's 7 different people, but I don't have a guy, and he named 2 good guys that were real friends that we9:47 can go deep spiritually, that wanna go somewhere with their life, that wanna be committed to their wife, and wanna be a good dad. I don't have that guy here. And then we got down to life.10:00 And then as we talked a little bit, I said to my other son who's a who's a pastor, and I said, what what's the biggest challenge you're facing right now? And he gave me a little, you know, 25 percent10:12 response and then his other brother kinda had to leave. And there's dynamics always, I think forever with brothers, and they're they're these guys are close and all that. And as they left, he he started to share. And I10:22 realized, he and I got talking, and they left. I didn't get to say goodbye. And he began for the next hour to unfold the biggest challenges in his heart, his ministry, and for an hour,10:34 man, we talked at a level that I haven't talked to him in a year.10:41 We'll hear more from Chip Ingram's message in just a moment. First, we're inviting you to multiply your year end donation through an exciting match that's active right now.10:50 I'm sure you're watching the trend, and it is so exciting. I mean, all across our high schools and college campuses, there is a spiritual awakening taking place. Young men in particular, they're finding11:02 Jesus.11:03 The time to respond is right now. Living on the Edge is ready.11:07 There's never been a more important time to disciple the next generation. God is moving. We've created the resources. We have the game plan. 30 years of God's faithfulness.11:18 And lots more to accomplish.11:20 God has sustained Living on the Edge for 3 decades because people like you said yes. Now we're asking again, but with a twist. Living on the Edge meets young people in the digital spaces11:32 where they actually live.11:33 Because of the match, your donation will be matched dollar for dollar in the month of December. Will you give to the next generation?11:40 Our most fruitful years are ahead. And when you support this match, you're not funding yesterday's methods. You're investing in a discipleship strategy that actually reaches the smartphone generation11:52 right where they are.11:55 Double the impact of your gift at living on the edge dot org. From a series called leaving a legacy that lasts forever. Again, our bible teacher, Chip Ingram.12:06 Teach them to face it and identify what they're concerned about. Second, pray honestly about it, and and pray with them. You need to model this. They they can't hear all your good12:17 theologically sanitized, cleaned up prayers. Oh, Lord, I know that you are in control and that though it's a car wreck and they stole our money and we'll be in the hospital and they canceled our insurance.12:29 I just want to tell you, I just praise the Lord. I just want to tell you Lord that I know you're in, you know, when's the last time they heard you say, God I'm12:41 ticked off and it's unfair and why? And I, you know, I've met with you and I love you and my priorities are in order and this I don't get it. I don't get it. When's the last time they heard you pray the way Job prays?12:54 Hey, tell you what Lord, come on right now. Let's argue about it. Man, I've kept myself pure. Right now, right now, God. Or 1 of the lament Psalms. Why have you forsaken me? Where are you13:06 God? You've been unfaithful. I'm upset. I'm hurt. I mean, you hear David prayer. He says stuff to God. You know what? He can handle it. You need to vent.13:18 I mean, reverently. But I'll tell you what, God is near to those who call upon him. Psalm 1 45 18. To those who call upon him13:30 in truth. And when you hurt, bring the pain. When you're mad, bring the anger. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. We play games. We think God13:42 doesn't understand what's going on. You don't connect with him until the real you shows up and you lay it all out and your disciples or your kids, your grandkids need to hear some prayers like that to know it's13:53 legal. And then God spoke to Job, didn't he? And boy, Job got a lot bigger God. And most of David's Psalms end with, and14:05 yet, oh Lord, when I look back you've been faithful and I thank you and I praise you, and I didn't understand, but I had to share this. I had to get this out. That's how you that's how you learn to suffer well.14:17 Hebrews describes Jesus, who in his days on earth with loud groaning and cries14:29 calling out to God. When's the last time you actually wept in the presence of the Lord? When's the last time you prayed with someone you cried together? This14:40 is this is very, very important. Third, help them to share where they're suffering with someone they trust. As wonderful as you14:52 are and as wonderful as I am, of course. Sometimes you're not the right person to help them. Sometimes it's an area and it's a concern15:04 and they they need someone else. And so you need to say, hey, point them to some mentors that are older or wiser. I I I15:15 praise God when my kids were teenagers that there was a youth pastor that was godly that they would tell stuff to him they'd never tell to me. There's times where, 1 of my sons had a had a mentor in our church15:27 and he happened to be a counselor and you know what? There's some issues that, you know, he was working through. I'm not I kind of think I know what might some of them might be. But they're the kind you're not really15:38 excited to share with your dad. And this guy and he, they'd meet and drink coffee and talk and share and then go surfing. And I've watched my daughter with, you know, godly women involved15:50 in ministry. Just make connections. You you you know, you you what you wanna do is help orchestrate what God's doing, but you don't have to do it all. So mentors. Second is peers, and and part of that is is16:02 let them in on your struggles. I was talking with my son who's a songwriter and producer and, by God's grace he's become extraordinarily successful and he's16:14 now experiencing, oh my lands. This person from American Idol wants to write music for me because she's a Christian, but I'm already booked, so I'm working from 7 until 4, and she's gonna fly in for 2 days. And from 6 to16:25 2 in the morning, I'm gonna write with her. And and and well, then this is happening, and this is happening. And God, dad, what do you do when the blessing of God is success? My priorities get totally out of whack. I'm16:35 exhausted. I gotta build in some. And when we talked on the phone for 45 minutes about, hey, son, been there and done that. Let me just tell you something. Those great opportunities are16:47 are are not like they're never gonna come around again. It's a faith issue. And for people that are wired like you and me, Satan puts the brakes on some people to discourage him. And for people like us that I don't think16:57 the brakes will work, he just pushes on the gas pedal. And he gets people like you and me so overloaded doing really good things that we crash. And and what so and then I shared17:09 some crashes. And then finally, there's times where we need to direct them to a pastor or a professional counselor. Everybody gets stuck. And if you've ever been to 1, make sure your kids, grandkids,17:21 disciples when I teach on marriage, I always try in the first session to let everybody know in the first year and a half of my marriage, I had to go to marriage counseling. And then about 5 years later, I had to go back17:30 again. I just wanna get that out on the table because somehow they think that if you really love God, you try really hard, we'd never need outside help. You need outside help when you're stuck. I mean, if I'm putting in17:40 a window and I know a little bit about putting in windows, I go on to Home Depot and I get this and I get this and I get stuck, I don't go, oh my gosh. Well, I gotta figure this all out myself. I'm gonna go down and say,17:50 Hey, you know, is there someone like with an orange vest that really knows about windows? Well, buddy, we've told you all that you know. Look, here's the name of Anderson Windows. This guy's a pro, haven't put out to17:59 your house. He's gotta fix the thing that you messed up. I tried to do windows. I can't do windows. So am I ashamed to ask an expert to get help when I'm stuck? Of course not. Your kids, your disciples, your18:11 grandkids, your friends, they need to know there's a time where, you know, go to go to a pastor, go to professional counselor. And then finally, help them align specific scripture with their specific18:23 situation. Now I'm gonna give you some things here and and a lot of them are not in your notes, so I'll try and go slow. This is the key in terms of you wanna match what18:35 are they going through with truth because it's as you trust the promises of God. That's that's what faith is by the way. And it's by faith we experience God's grace.18:47 And suffering, imagine suffering is sort of like this overarching, you know, sort of like rainbow, but underneath of it there may be 4 or 5, maybe far more. There's different reasons we suffer. And if I18:59 suffer for this reason, here's the passage that I want. Okay? Are you tracking with me? So let me give you just 4 or 5 examples. First, say let's say I have a a negative circumstances or a trial.19:11 Okay. The the economy goes down. I had money, whether it's in retirement or for college education, and it's gone. Here's the passage, James chapter 1 verses 2 to 4. Consider it19:23 all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have its perfect result that you might be lacking in nothing. So so it's19:35 external circumstances. Okay. Choose to have this kind of attitude, realize there's a process God's gonna take you through. Or second, how about refining your character? You know, you haven't done anything wrong. You're19:46 suffering. It doesn't make sense, but you sense you're really growing. Romans chapter 5 verses 1 to 5. Therefore, having justified by faith, we have peace with God. And we exalt and hope with the glory of God. And we19:58 exalt not only in this, but in our what? Tribulation. Knowing that tribulation produces about perseverance and perseverance proven character. Proven character produces hope and hope produces love20:10 as the Holy Spirit is poured into our life. There's certain times you're suffering because you're so precious in God's eyes that he's allowing a process of drawing you in intimacy and20:21 suffering. So that's so so you respond in gratitude of God's work. A third time you suffer is spiritual opposition. I mean, you you're man, you're making tracts for God. You're sharing your faith. You've20:33 taken a new step of faith. You're getting in the Bible. You're taking a risk. You're saying, God, I'm gonna do some stuff with my time and my money, and you are doing some things that is exposing the darkness. Well,20:45 Ephesians chapter 6 10 through 18 teaches you how to deal with that kind of difficulty and suffering in spiritual warfare. Or sometimes what is persecution? You know, you stood up20:57 for Christ and man, you're getting all this flack on a college campus, you're getting all this flack at work, or you lose your job because, you know, you're a doctor and you won't do the abortion, or you're a a legal21:07 person and you won't lie about something in a situation, the passage, second Timothy 3 12. The promises for all those who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be21:19 persecuted. And then finally, there's times where you're suffering because, like me, you make some bad choices. Right? Or you just sin. You know? You say what you shouldn't21:31 have said. You thought what you shouldn't have thought. You did what you knew was wrong. And then there's consequences. And then you wanna go to Romans chapter 6, where it talks about presenting your members. And And21:42 then first Corinthians 10 13, where no temptation has taken you but such as common demand. But God will, with the temptation, provide a way of escape that you might be able to endure. So what you wanna do is begin to21:53 coach the kids, coach the disciple, coach the grandkid, coach the lady, coach the guy. What you want to pass on is, here is suffering. There's at least 5 different reasons, maybe more. And here's the promise22:05 you can hang on to, and here's the truth to apply very specifically. Life message, very simple. Suffering is normal. Yeah. That's what you want them to22:17 get. That's the message. When they're suffering, they wanna say, oh, this is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. It will be experienced by all. It will either make or break those we love. And22:28 so, teach them to suffer well.Practical Steps and Resources for Spiritual Growth 22:35 This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip is presenting a practical teaching series called Leaving a Legacy That Lasts Forever. If today's message inspired you to learn more about guiding your children22:47 and grandchildren, it'll point you to a highly practical resource called Effective Parenting in a Defective World. This study guide includes a code to stream Chip's video teaching online, plus m22:59 p threes of the complete series. You'll find all the details at living on the edge dot org. Well, Chip Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And these days, grandparents often find23:11 themselves in roles they've never expected as a guiding light for their grandkids.23:16 Thanks so much, Dave. You know, I hear from grandparents all the time that are actually heartbroken. Their grandkids grew up in the church or maybe even Christian school. They're now in college or they've graduated23:27 starting their careers, and their face seems literally fading from the picture. Or I hear grandparents all the time who say, I don't get it. They grew up in church, but now they're living with their boyfriend or23:38 girlfriend, or they've changed their sexual identity. And I feel hopeless. I'm praying, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to have a spiritual conversation. And then they meet us at Living23:50 on the Edge. And at Living on the Edge, we've become the bridge. Grandparents are listening, and we've been teaching them how to engage around today's questions with biblical answers and finding24:02 ways to really connect, to build a bridge to their grandkids, to talk their language, and to really listen. When you support this match, you're equipping the older generation to pass the baton of faith to24:14 the younger. Your gift today, are you ready, it secures tomorrow's impact. Because of this match, whatever you give is instantly doubled, but only during this24:26 campaign window will you make the most strategic gift ever. Our best days aren't behind us. They're ahead, and you're a part of that story.24:36 Living on the Edge is uniquely postured to help parents, grandparents, and their families, not only in North America, but all around the world as well. All but standing in the way to succeed in this mission are the24:48 resources to do so. As you feel God nudging you to respond, please follow his leading. Whatever amount he places on your heart will be multiplied by 2 because of the match. To give right24:59 now, go to living on the edge dot org or call us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3. To send a check-in the mail, write to Living on the Edge, PO Box25:11 3007, Atlanta, Georgia 3 0 0 2 4. You can also call triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3, or just visit livingontheedge25:23 dot org. So what's the purpose of our career? To chase a paycheck? I'm Dave Drewey, inviting you to hear Chipping Room's answer, Thursday on Living on the Edge.In this video 0:00 Teaching Loved Ones to Suffer Well22:32 Practical Steps and Resources for Spiritual Growth
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