Skip to content Right Where You Belong with Heather MacFadyen Oct 7 · 1 hr 5 min ...more
Right Where You Belong with Heather MacFadyen
October 7, 2025 · 1 hr 5 min
Learn the significance of community and God-given purpose in the life of a mother.
Series Hope Talks Podcast Videos October 7, 2025 · 1 hr 5 min · Hope Talks Podcast Videos
Learn the significance of community and God-given purpose in the life of a mother. ...more Show the full description Show less Learn the significance of community and God-given purpose in the life of a mother.
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God's Grace in Motherhood and Purpose 0:00 He cares about your intention, not your perfection.0:02 Oh, well, I can0:03 God God sees your hearts, moms. Like, I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for just wanting to do a good job.0:10 Yeah.0:11 That's a big deal. And to embrace that we are limited human beings.0:19 Welcome to Hope Talks. We're your hosts. I'm Haley Scully along with Dustin Anderson, and we wanna give you every reason for hope for every challenge in life because hope means everything.0:36 Dustin, I feel like we've already had a podcast just getting situated and settled in here this morning. We have discussed a lot of things, but we have a guest today on Hope Talks. Tell us0:47 about Heather McFadgen.0:49 Yes. First, welcome. I feel like it's like, Now0:52 we're best0:53 We've said yes. We've I feel it's like every time we've guest, it's like we've We've had long time friend who are just meeting for the0:59 first time. We like warp speed or something.1:01 It must be the Holy Spirit. I think so. It's that 1 spirit thing. Yeah.1:05 So a little about Heather. She's the host of the popular parenting podcast, Don't Mom Alone, formerly God centered mom, with 18000000 downloads. And I think you said you1:17 started in, what was it, 20 13? So it's been Yeah. Yeah. So dive into that Don't Mom Alone podcast. But also author of 2 books, 1 by the same name,1:29 Don't Mom Alone, written in 20 21, and then Right Where You Belong, that came out a few years ago in 20 23. And I think we wanna get into that book a little bit later and some of the themes around that. I love that1:41 idea of, identifying and living out in kinda your God given space. I thought that was kind of an interesting set of ideas around that. But married, have 4 teenage sons and a1:53 hefty grocery bill, probably every week. But, yeah, just a writer, speaker, podcaster, just passionate about connecting and equipping women of identifying their god given calling2:05 and purpose and really a lot of themes around purpose, identity, community, and just kinda living out your faith where you are. So welcome to the podcast.2:14 Welcome to the Q and A. Ever take a nap, Heather? Take a napper.2:19 I mean, now, as of this morning, we have 5 drivers in our house. Oh. So my I just got more time.2:26 That is2:27 pretty awesome. Be here. I was gonna have to take him to work, and he drove himself. So Oh, man. I'm pretty Yeah. Nap time is for sure now.2:36 Welcome back.2:37 Thank you.2:38 Welcome back to nap. Thank you. That is pretty awesome. Yeah. I love how don't mom alone. So mom is a verb. Right? Mom is, like, doing things. I mean, what does that mean to you?2:50 Don't mom alone?2:51 Well, now I have friends who will just throw any word in there. Don't this alone. Don't Mahjong alone is actually a company we started. Don't don't homeschool alone. Someone asked they could borrow that. Like, I just3:01 think it actually the brand started because a listener who was listening to God centered mom started using the episodes as content for their small group. And she3:13 reached out3:13 and3:13 she was like, Hey, I'm writing these discussion questions every week. Just thought I wanted to make sure it was okay. And I'm like, absolutely.3:21 Yeah.3:21 And then something kind of exploded in my brain, and I thought, this is what I want. I want women getting together and not isolating. And so we started using that hashtag don't mom alone. And this was before COVID.3:33 Mhmm.3:33 This is before isolation was a hot topic. And so I think moms understood the need for being not just I'm not trying to ask people to be in3:45 country club community or add to add to do list. Like you should have more gatherings3:53 with3:53 people I'm looking for. Do you have women in your life who know what's actually going on? Yeah. And so you don't carry the burden of it's all4:05 up to me how these kids turn out. Right. And so that's the main goal.4:11 So before it became don't mom alone, it was so heavy. God centered mom. The Lord say it.4:20 The Lord say it.4:21 So why did you start God centered mom? Oh. Is your4:24 So that was, I was in mops and I started writing just actually, I started getting up early before my kids, and I started writing down what God was teaching me about motherhood. And I realized I4:36 had gone on this journey in my motherhood of putting the kids first because I was a speech pathologist 0 to 3. Mhmm. I was all about the child development stuff, but then I got4:48 burnout.4:49 Yeah. Yeah.4:49 So then I swung the other way on me centered, more mommy night outs and, more sleeping in and meaning, you know, grumbling and angry. And I thought, well,5:01 this can't be the route. And so I thought, okay, I'm seeing kind of my pride in motherhood and how much their behavior dictates how I feel about myself and I present myself to others. And so I thought maybe I need5:13 to disrupt that. And I'd seen some definition of humility that was about being God centered. And so I thought, Okay, well, let's try that route. But the goal of the blog I wrote at the time5:25 was not this is the formula on the most amazing Christian mom. It was here all of my mistakes, and this is5:32 how God is filling in the gaps.5:33 And so eventually, though, it just kept building to where people were seeing me as the god centered mom, which I did not want. And5:44 You could hold the mantle up for it.5:46 Yeah. Was, like, overwhelmed and had a panic attack in a Chick fil A.5:50 Oh, god. Not Chick5:51 fil A. A chicken drive through. It was Bubba's. Okay.5:54 Alright. Yeah. I mean, I think Jesus is okay if you get chicken in multiple places. He is okay. Okay. And5:59 it was on a Sunday, so that's when you know that it is Bubba's. And I just was so overwhelmed that we just come from church, so it wasn't like I mean, I was filling myself with faith. I was surrounded by friends, and I6:10 was completely overwhelmed. And that's when Yeah. I recognized my need for other people to really know my story.6:17 Yeah. That seemed like I I started reading, some of the Right Where You Belong book, and I do wanna get in that later, but it just seemed like a regular and just kind of listening a little bit on your podcast and stuff,6:29 that seemed like a regular kind of word or theme is, like, the the just the pressure Mhmm. Of motherhood or just expectations or, you know, being perfect Christian in these contexts.6:41 Like, is that is that true? Is that kinda accurate? It just seems like that's kind of a a theme in some of your writings.6:48 Yeah. I someone asked me the other day. They're like, what's something you see across all ages of women and moms? And I said, I think that we all wanna do a good job, and we none of us feel like we are.7:00 Yeah. And I think that bar of what good is just in different cultures and different communities, like in Dallas, there can be some pretty high bars on what being good is. And so that7:12 feeling like I'm falling short of it constantly is that pressure. And it's when I find a community of people that love me not based on my performance, but who I am, that7:24 that pressure doesn't have a place to land. And so I'm hoping that for other women. Yeah.7:30 We will not love you based on this podcast performance. We love you beyond7:34 Thank you. Already. Thank you so much.7:37 But that is, you know, kind of 1 of our our goal to to not use the word hope every other word, but our goal is to help people think about how do we practically have hope. Mhmm. You know?7:49 So 1 of the things when we have guests, and Dustin and I get to share a lot of our own stories about, like, what it looks like to put our hope in Christ. So that's, you know, I'm hearing that already, but I'm gonna kind8:00 of pitch that question to you. What's a time or a situation where you really learned, like, oh, this is what that means of putting my hope in Jesus. Because a lot of people hear that, and sometimes it's8:11 Christianese, but sometimes it does have legs to it, if that makes sense. So what is the time that you learned about what it means to put your hope in Christ?8:19 And I think the word hope, it's like a pillow that you would find at Hobby Lobby, you know, or something that's, like, on some quirky little sign that's, like, doesn't mean much8:31 until you need it. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's everything, and it's the lifeline. And our pastor would say there's big h hope, which is Jesus, your big h hope. There was a season 2016, 2017. My8:43 mom got cancer, then my dad, his cancer came back, and then he passed away within a month. So I was grieving his loss, caring for my mom, and I still had 4 young boys. And8:55 that is when, to me, the big h hope of eternal life really stuck.9:00 Yeah.9:00 I think I woke up 1 morning, I was like, this is all a joke. We just made all this up. There's no heaven. There's no God. This is all made up. And that day, God had orchestrated and I don't know why I was still doing9:11 podcast interviews, maybe the pressure thing again.9:14 Oh. Yeah.9:15 But I was thankful I had 1 that day with Sheila Walsh. We've been the cast. Oh, of all the people. Perfect. Yeah.9:23 Perfect guest.9:24 And I'm9:24 in my closet, y'all. This is not like your fancy studio. I'm in my closet. There's probably a sports bra hanging behind my head. I mean, there was no video, but I needed that conversation. She didn't know my story. She9:36 didn't know my dad had just passed. She didn't know what I was grappling with that morning in my faith. And she shared a story of her father-in-law having a heart attack and then following9:49 the ambulance to the hospital and him passing away and her son when they got home just hitting the cat off the couch and being so angry and she asked him and he just said, I thought I'd pray10:00 and he would be okay and he's not. And just that suffering, how we have to recognize the suffering does not define God, but God walks with us through the suffering. And I10:12 think she told her son, but it was like she was telling me, God can handle that anger. Yeah. Go to him with it. I mean, she's walked through so much suffering in her story. And Yeah. I think that to me, if I didn't10:24 have that big h hope of Jesus who brings the meaning to our suffering, who understands suffering, who walked this earth and never asked us to go anywhere that he wasn't willing to go and all the way to10:36 the cross, all the way to the grave, and yet he rose again.10:40 Right.10:40 So that's the hope that this isn't the end. No. And I think that's my big h hope when it comes to suffering and grief related to loss of family. But I also think I have these little h hopes, hope that my10:52 kids turn out better, hope that they go on a certain path. And I've had grief at the loss of ideals of, I thought, how my family would turn out.11:00 Mhmm.11:01 And I have found him to be just as secure, and that big h hope has gotten me through the griefs of that part of my motherhood story. So That's good.11:12 Yeah. I think a lot of people do that. They don't understand what hope is. They hear us talk about it, and we can give our practical,11:24 like, this is when I felt that, especially in losses. You know? And it doesn't make it not hurt, but it does does give us hope. So they hear us say those words, but really, it's it is11:36 the peace that we feel. It's an experience. Mhmm. There's no reason to get comforted when somebody that we love is lost. Or like you said, even with those ideals or hopes for family11:48 or hopes that something will come apart. Like, it's a it's an experience with him, not just something that we like, you know, I'm gonna hope this and I'm gonna kind of12:00 deny what's actually happened for some fantasy of a future reality that makes me less upset about what I'm feeling right now. And I love that. Big h and little h. Being12:12 Hailey, I have been Hey, Heather. And a little h. Let's go. Hailey and Heather. Let's12:15 go. Yeah.12:17 So I just I think that that is a great way to look at that, that he sustains it. But it is it's a it's a specific and a very real comfort that we receive in those things.12:27 Yeah. First, thank you for sharing that. I definitely relate to a lot of that. I lost my mom when I was 16, from breast cancer, and then my dad when I was 27, complications12:39 with pneumonia and lung issues. When you talk about, like, the promises of, like, eternal life, like, those moments, like, in my grief, like, just the promises of God's word became so real12:51 and so much more, like, tangible or something. And so so wondering, like, did you have that kind of experience too? But then, also, you were in, like, a unique situation. If it's alright, I wanted to ask, how did you13:02 navigate that, like, as a mother? Like, you're grieving your own loss, but then, I don't know, for your boys, like, maybe that was their first loss, maybe not, but, like,13:15 you're you kinda have to do both. And so it's like you don't I think in grief sometimes, it's like we don't get a break because it's like there's still responsibilities and life13:24 Yeah.13:25 Still carries on. There's people you have to care for as well. So how did you kinda navigate all that?13:31 It was a lot. Yeah. Especially with my mom. She was she was going through what they call the red devil. That's a nice name13:38 Yeah.13:38 Of chemo. It's just like a shooting a cannon at your body. So she could barely get out of bed to go be by my dad's bedside on his last day.13:46 Oh. It13:46 was a lot of physical work. And I think as far as the kids' grief, they were so little. I know my oldest, he's sweet. He's a words guy, and he wrote a poem about Mhmm. Immortality. Oh.13:58 It was just so I think it was his way of, like, doing what he could. But I don't know that I was having to comfort them if they'd just been, like, 5 years older. But I think the overwhelm was just,14:10 like, how all the little things, all the little needs of me. And there's another gal from our church, Vicky Craft. Have you heard of her? She started Titus 2 ministries. She went to seminary in14:22 her fifties. Okay. Just getting started. Yes. Well, she would tell people that she discipled that there's no grace for your imagination.14:29 Mhmm.14:30 And that is what I found to be true when I was walking through that season, that when all of, like, there was a day where I was shaving my mom's head and picking out flowers from my dad's casket and14:42 you, like, when you, if if I'd seen all that was coming and it was all stacked up, it would have felt like too much.14:49 Mhmm.14:49 But day moment to moment, God provided grace through friendships, through relationships, through people in our community. Randomly, I decided to homeschool 1 of my kids Season.14:59 I was with you till then.15:01 And for some reason, like, then he provided the person who gave me all the curriculum and it actually made my life simpler.15:06 Yeah.15:07 And then when you say that you're homeschooling, everybody, like, gives you a break And so there were less demands Okay. On my time and my energy. Anyway, I'm just saying he will provide the grace in which you're15:17 actually walking through15:18 Yeah.15:19 Not this imagined scenario. So we waste a lot of energy worrying about, will I be able to get through this or will I be able to get through that? And it's like, what if we just focus on what's actually happening right15:29 now and that kinda gets into the right where you belong Yeah. Concept. Like, what if I just live in this space that I've been given right now, even if it feels like a prison, even if it's suffering and I don't like it,15:38 and just trust God to give me what I need for today. My daily bread. Right? Like another Christian is kind of concept, but it's real when you're in it. Yeah.15:47 Yeah. I like that because I've got a really good imagination.15:50 Yeah.15:50 Like a very good imagination. And there was a, I I think it was 1 of the July in July, but my utmost for his highest, which I think can be just a little bit stringent at times and going16:02 back. Great.16:02 Yeah. It it's a little rough. When I was early on, I loved it. Mhmm. And then as I understood more about Grace, I was like, well, he was just a little bit legalistic. So16:14 Yeah. That's why we16:15 have it via toilet in our house, and I pick it up sometimes and I'm like, nah.16:19 Yeah. Not. Mm-mm. So but it's it's weird how I've changed some of my thoughts on it as I've Yeah. Hopefully grown in relationship. I'm super mature in most areas. Sanctified, you said. Right? Well, I I am.16:31 I told you not to tell everybody.16:33 Oh, sorry. Yeah. Sanctification achieved about 3 weeks ago. Oh, wow. Actually. Yeah. Good stuff. Yeah.16:38 I was gonna say, like, you got some, like,16:39 email confirmation or something.16:42 There was actually a bell. No. All of that is joking. I could go to. But I do. I have a great imagination. And 1 of those that stuck with me from Oswald, if you can hear this, I don't know how that works, was don't16:54 calculate without God. And I do that. I would I would left to my own devices, I would constantly be calculating, okay, this is gonna mean this, this, and this, and this. And, you know, I shared with you, I don't17:06 have kids, and so sometimes looking to my future of what my expectations of family or care or any of those things, I can be like, well, I'm gonna be in a ditch someday. I do joke17:18 with people, like, about bringing me a Thanksgiving plate to the home at some point, my brother's kids. There's all the things that we show about. Yeah. And we imagine and and the17:30 the effort of just saying, okay, today, God. Like, I know where you have me today, and he does provide for the day. I think that's so good. So many times we can't see it in those moments,17:42 but when we look back on it and see how he provided, then hopefully that teaches us the next time Mhmm. I can trust him for the day. He's gonna manage it and get it through it. And I'm constantly17:54 being like, you're supposed to be handling this. Here's your It18:00 doesn't mean an easy road, but I'd much rather walk the road with grace than without Yeah. And hope hope and grace. I wanna throw all the buzzwords in and peace and joy.18:10 All the pillows. All the pillows.18:11 All the pillows. Cover the bed and pillows.18:13 What would your definition of grace, especially for moms, be?18:20 Well, I know the church answer is unmerited favor. Right?18:24 Right. I think yeah. Right.18:25 Well, that's the right right there. Unmerited favor. So we didn't deserve it and we got it anyway. I think moms are just really we're hard on ourselves all the time. Yeah. And I don't think there18:37 was a chapter in my Don't Mom Alone book where I was like, he cares about your intention, not your perfection.18:42 Well, I know.18:43 God God sees your hearts, moms. Like, I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for just wanting to do a good job.18:50 Yeah.18:51 That's a big deal. And to embrace that we are limited human beings. Yeah. And we are not essential to how our kids turn out, which is a real19:03 big pill to swallow for a lot of moms. They wanna believe they are essential.19:07 Right.19:07 And I've found I mean, today's the anniversary of 1 of my friends who passed away 7 years ago, who's a mom of 4 girls.19:14 Oh.19:14 And I19:14 will tell you her girls are still thriving.19:16 Yeah.19:17 And while she was an amazing mom, she was not essential to their becoming19:21 Mhmm.19:22 Because they're still becoming. Yeah. And other people have stepped in. Yeah. And God still had him on. He's still over all of it. And, and if we could really truly embrace that concept while we19:33 are living and in the rule of motherhood, I think it would take off some of that pressure.19:38 Yeah.19:39 That we were talking earlier, you know, and then give ourselves grace. Yeah.19:42 And the I I feel like a thing I hear a lot in my community groups and this is, like, mom guilt. Yeah. I think that's related to, like, that pressure of, like, not just, like, my kids like, the19:54 how my kids turn out to be is, like, a direct reflection on me as a the mother, but also, like, because of that, if something goes wrong or my kids end up in some other way, like, it's it's it's my fault and therefore20:05 I'm guilty, or it's like I don't wanna, like, speak for moms here because20:08 I'm not20:09 a mom. But this is just stuff I20:10 I can step in. I can step in.20:12 It's just Well,20:13 you've you've picked up on the fact that they're they're so hard on themselves not failing.20:16 It seems like there's such like a, a mom guilt out there, and it just there's something about it that just feels like it's not true. Like, there's there's there's grace and there's20:26 Well, and if we go to the definition of guilt, right, is I did something wrong.20:31 Yeah.20:31 And that feeling God gave us so that we would make it right. Mhmm. I mean, there was guilt in the garden. Like, there's20:38 Yeah.20:38 But they also felt shame because they hid.20:41 Mhmm. Yeah.20:42 And they covered themselves.20:43 Well, they were naked. They're naked, but they didn't know That's right.20:45 Till they were guilty.20:47 That's right.20:48 But I think we talk about mom guilt a lot, which to me is, okay, did she do something wrong or is it a false guilt because there was this line of right wrong21:00 that we created. Yeah. 18 month old soccer. It's optional. You don't have to do that. You're not a bad mom. You shouldn't feel good. Really? Hundred percent. Who wants to put long socks on a21:12 wiggly toddler at 8 AM and go to a muddy field? That's 18 month old soccer job. It's a it still exists. I was at21:19 a Texas.Show more In this video 0:00 God's Grace in Motherhood and Purpose
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