Skip to content The Power of Prayer in Your Daughter’s Life with Stacey Thacker May 20 · 26 min ...more
Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Support this leader
Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Give
Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
81.2K followers
Your trusted guide for overcoming the unique challenges faced by today’s families, with Biblically-sound marriage and parenting help that’s relatable, practical, and engaging!
81.2K followers
Comments No comments yet. Start the conversation.
God's Heart for Daughters and Girls' Struggles 0:02 So the idea of being soft is it's 1 of the prayers that I pray for my girls is that they would be kind and compassionate, that they would be empathetic, that they would move towards people who are hurting.0:18 Stacey, welcome to Focus on the Family.0:20 Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here.0:23 That title of partnering with God, I think I want to start with that idea. What does God want of our daughters?0:31 Oh, wow. Well, I think he wants their hearts. I think he wants them to know him personally and experience him to the full in their everyday life. And I think, what he wants from them is to love them as his daughters. I0:42 often think with my girls if they just grasp how much he loves them and, how he chases after their heart, if they understand that, at a deep level, it would it would it would0:54 change everything about their lives.0:56 Now on the other end of that equation, being the head of women's ministry at your church, you must hear from a lot of young women and women in general, obviously, about the challenges that they're having. What do they1:08 what do they ask you to pray for for them?1:11 Well, women come to me frequently to ask me to pray for their kids and pray for their relationships with their daughters or their sons. They ask me to pray, for their marriages, for their work situations, but really, I1:22 think most women that come, they just wanna have a safe place to know God and be known in community. And so I think they're looking for those things. And, we're trying to create those spaces and places that are church to1:34 do those things for women.1:35 When you think of women, I often think of connection. I mean, Jean seems really well connected. I I'm grateful that she has really good girlfriends. And, you know, we've had that chat before. I can't be your girlfriend.1:47 And, of course, she doesn't expect that. I don't wanna make it sound like she was, hey. Be my girlfriend. But that's typical in marriage. Husbands cannot be women's girlfriends very well. We're just not wired for it. Is1:59 it important for women to have those kinds of relationships where they can get fed and and and feed others in that kind of intimacy?2:07 100 percent believe so. I I think being deeply connected helps you be deeply rooted in the body of Christ. I mean, God set up our, community, I would say the church community, for our2:19 good. He wants us to walk in community. God is 3 in 1, and so I think that's such a demonstration. He set man and woman together in the garden, and there's always been this lean towards community. And I think we we2:31 walk with him best in community. It's true for women. It's true for men, and it's also true for our teenagers, whether they're boys or girls. They need each other.2:38 When you're looking at the trouble that girls are in, I mean, we've heard a lot in the culture about boys being in trouble. They're not finishing school at the same rates that they used to. They're not going to college2:47 at the same rates they used to. They're not doing grad school, etcetera. So we've heard a lot about that. We kind of as a culture lost where the girls are. You've got some of those stats. Tell us about it.2:59 Well, they are startling. To be honest, when I was doing a little bit of research on this, I was taken aback by some of the statistics. But according to the CDC that girls are facing, mental3:11 health crisis, a mental health crisis that is putting them at risk to be more vulnerable even compared to teenage boys, at their their same age. The suicide rate is up.3:23 There are so many issues with anxiety for girls these days. I'm just seeing that in the culture now. If you were to look at a teenager's Instagram, for example, you might not get that impression because they're living3:35 their best lives, or so they want you to think. But if you know anybody that's raising a teen girl today, they will tell you a very different story. They will tell you that girls are anxious, that they're fearful of3:45 their future, that they're trying to fit in, that they're they're struggling with their worth and who they are. And so these are things no mother, no mother, no dad, no grandmother wants to hear.3:56 But it's their true story of what's really happening in the undercurrent of their lives.4:00 1 of those data points that, I read was 57 percent. I think this was a research from 20 21, that 57 percent of girls felt persistently sad or hopeless.4:12 57 percent. It's a big number.4:15 Yeah. It's interesting. When I I shared these statistics with my girls and my 2 youngest who are both teenagers, I said, do you think girls today feel strong? And both of them, I mean, their response was so4:27 quick, was absolutely not. I think girls today feel the opposite of strong. I think they feel very weak. And so it's it's a it's a scary statistic. It doesn't have to be where we where we land, you4:39 know, eternally or, every in our everyday life, but it is a statistic that I think we need to be aware of and know that that's really what they're dealing with on a daily basis.4:47 Talk about the power of prayer with a mom and her daughters. I mean, I I sure that's true dads and their daughters, but the power prayer for that teen daughter, let's say, it can be a little4:59 dicey to engage in that. But hopefully, you've created an environment where it's normal. And you can say, hon, let's pray about that. But talk about first doing that, creating an atmosphere ofModeling Prayer and the SOFT Acronym 5:11 prayer with your daughter and then actually praying with her.5:15 Well, I think first of all, modeling it is 1 of the things that is very important if your daughter sees you praying and going to the Lord. Some of my best prayer times have been in the car when we're going somewhere as a5:25 family or just the 2 of us. I I really think my best discipleship happens while we're driving, and we drive a lot in Orlando, so I have a lot of opportunity to do that. There's something about both facing the same5:34 direction and willing to talk to mom and kinda share some things on their hearts. But I feel like for my girls, them seeing me pray. And I I asked my girls just recently. I said, you know,5:46 what does it mean to have a mom who prays for you? Like, what does that mean to you? And 1 of my girls said, you know, just knowing that I am safe and secure and you care enough to pray and and to have my best interest5:58 at heart and to ask God to to to be bold, to ask God on my behalf for the things that I need in my life. She said, that makes me feel so special. And my other daughter said, you know, it's it's been the best way you've6:10 imparted your faith to us is for us to see you in prayer, in the word every day, and knowing that you're praying for us just it just makes everything feel a little bit better on a daily basis. Mhmm. And so I think6:22 for my girls, praying with them, asking them, 1 of the things I'll do is I'll say, hey, well, how can I pray for you? Is there something coming up? Is there a test? Is there a issue with friends? Now, honestly, if I just6:31 listen to them chatter, I can usually pick up on the things that they need to be prayed for just by them going back and forth with each other or with their friends.6:40 You use an acronym just to make it simple. That's the only purpose you would do that. But it's soft. What does soft stand for in the prayer for your daughter acronym?6:49 Well, I will tell you that I love a good acronym, and it helps me remember the acronym. And, you know, that being said, sometimes we even forget those. But it's just a way that I can it helps me remember.7:01 So the s is that she would see others. So the idea of being soft is is 1 of the prayers that I pray for my girls is that they would be kind and compassionate, that they would be empathetic, that they would move towards7:12 people who are hurting. You know, this is a part of of who Jesus is that I want to see in and through their lives, woven in their lives. We want our girls to be strong for sure, but I think with that we also want them to7:23 exhibit a softness in their life. So the s is that they would see others, and they would move towards hurting people. The o is that they would offer an appropriate response. You know, we look at girls and we think, oh,7:34 they're emotional. They they, you know, gossip or whatever. And some of that emotionality is is true, but that they would take a deep breath, that they would offer appropriate responses not only to mom and dad, but also7:45 to their friends and whatever is going on in their lives. Just kind of a just to kinda step back and and assess a situation. The f is that they would understand that their feelings are not bad or evil. That God gave us7:56 feelings. They're indicators, not dictators. And so that they would they would experience their feelings in a healthy way. And sometimes they have big feelings, and you need to give them the space to just feel the8:07 feelings. And then maybe come back a little bit later and have a conversation when we're not feeling the feelings quite so big. Maybe go go journal about your feelings or write through what you're thinking and feeling8:17 right now. And the t is to take time to recover and rest. You know, our girls are so busy. I mean, if you have met a teenage girl lately, her calendar is busy. Mhmm. She's got school.8:28 She's got classes. She she might be in college. She's probably serving in some way because this generation loves to serve. I know my girls do. They've got friends they're keeping up with. They've got social activities.8:39 They are busy. They might have sports, dance, whatever they do, and they're they're tired. And so we need to give them that space to to have time to recover.8:49 I like that. The other aspect of prayer, and certainly for us as Christians, the spiritual dimension, and there are, you know, forces that work against us, the evil 1. Right? The enemy of our soul. And whenSpiritual Warfare and Friendship Trials 9:01 you get into this arena of praying for your daughter, you're probably going to encounter some things, or she will too. How does a praying mom manage that and talk about it with her daughter?9:12 Well, you know, that's something we talk about a lot at our house is that we don't, we're not afraid of the enemy. We know how to be equipped to handle that. But when you start praying, you can be sure that the enemy9:23 will try to keep you busy. He'll distract you. He might even start messing a little bit with your family with little things or big things, and that's not something to be afraid of. It's something to to be aware of, and9:34 to know if we look at Ephesians 6, and we put that armor on every day, that we think through those things, understanding that the battle that we're facing is not flesh and blood. You know, enemy likes to stir things up,9:45 is what I would say. And and we just need to be prepared and understanding beforehand that it could come against us. It doesn't mean you don't pray, obviously. It means that you maybe double up on your prayer and and9:56 pray very intentionally for your spouse.9:58 You know, application of that could be and I love Galatians 5. You get both fruits, the fruit of our Lord, you know, love, joy, peace, goodness, those things, and the fruit of the enemy,10:10 which is division, disunity, lying, all those things. I can only imagine, as you mentioned a moment ago, about a daughter and friendships, sometimes those go10:22 wrong. Did your daughter your daughters had an experience like that, I'm sure.10:26 Every single 1 of my girls have had a friendship blow up or go sideways.10:30 This is 1.10:31 This is normal. Right? Of course, you know, there was a time when when 1 of my girls was, I could hear her from the other room crying, and I thought, what in the10:43 world is going on? I followed the sound of her voice since she was in the bathroom with the door locked. And, you know, you sit there as a mom, and you're like, oh, am I gonna this am I gonna make this better? Am I gonna10:53 make this worse? Like, how how do I approach this? Okay, Lord. Give me the words. Give me wisdom. Help me know what to say. Let me move towards her in kindness and compassion, and and and just, you know, give me strength11:03 in this moment, Lord. And so I, you know, knocked on the door and I said, you know, do you wanna talk about it? She didn't say anything, but she opened the door a crack and just handed me her phone.11:12 Oh.11:13 And so, the emotion and the blow up in her life came in the form of a text, from a group of friends. And it was tragic and hard. And and, I mean, even as an adult to have11:24 friendships that are you struggle in friendships, this is hard. But when when it's your child, once you're your child, it's even harder because, you know, I'm gonna say maybe my mama bear kinda rose up a little bit and11:35 wanted to defend her or or to go call the other mom or fix the problem as you said. But I have found if I take a step back and I offer a prayer, I pray with her, and we're11:47 able to find a solution in some way that we can move forward through the situation, in that particular situation, I brought her some water. We sat on the bathroom floor together. She cried. I held her, And when the11:59 emotion came down just a fraction, she was able to kinda have a conversation. I said, you know, what are some ways we can work through this, and how can we get through this together? What's a plan for tomorrow? How are12:09 you gonna, engage with this group of friends? And what's just really interesting is to watch them grow through that process. It's a beautiful thing. And it's something that even sometimes adults know know how to do, and12:20 I think it's important for us to model that for them. But at the same time, we can learn alongside them as they're going through those things. We don't have to have all the answers. God is so gracious. I mean, so many12:32 times that you get in those moments and you think, I don't know what I'm gonna say or do, but the Lord just he just drops that deposit of grace into your life right at that moment so that you can actually know how to12:43 parent through that and what to say. And there's so many times I've gone in those situations and thought, I have no idea what to do here, Lord. And I hear myself saying something, and I go, okay. That's the Lord. That's12:53 that crisis grace that he's told me about. God always meets you in those moments.12:58 Yeah. What's the problem with the world's definition of empowerment? That's a little redundant. But today, I just read a story, where the headline was fewer women interested in findingFamily Trials and Prayer Miracles 13:10 husbands.13:10 Wow.13:11 You think about the just the drip, drip, drip against what the Bible talks about, you know, that the 2 shall become 1 flesh, that marriage is between a man and a woman, and just the13:23 way the culture is trying to undo all of that. I think it's gonna be, you know, significantly detrimental. But even now, for couples who would normally seek each other out, get married, have children, that's13:35 becoming an uphill battle for people to do. So what what about that influence on young women today, girls, about the future prospect of marriage and babies? I13:46 mean, fewer young girls are wanting to have children.13:50 Yeah. I think if we look at just from a cultural if we take a a cultural snapshot of what is happening, today, I think we can get the idea that our girls need to be powerful within themselves,14:02 and they need to, you know, own it, and go after, and have big goals, and all those sorts of things. I I I think that is, the culture wants us to think that that's all there is. Right? And so as14:14 we look at our girls and that that kind of power that comes from achievements or goals or, you know, lots of education or whatever, it it it's it's thin in the sense that it doesn't14:26 last forever. At some point, that is gonna run out. Even your skill set is gonna run out. Right? But I think scripturally, if we look at if we look at the word and what God wants us to be powered within from the Holy14:37 Spirit, it's a different kind of power. And often I have found is that when our girls are learning how to be strong in the strength of the Lord, which is what we pray for them, is that God will take them through hard14:47 times. He will allow hardships and suffering and trials. And as a mama, I gotta tell you, I don't like those. I mean, if it was up to me, I'd say, um-mm. No more. She's had too much. This is too much for14:59 her. But time and time again in our lives, when our girls have learned to be strong in the Lord and have real strength that lasts and looks like the strength of of Jesus, it's been the hard times that have15:11 prepared them better for the world that we're living in that is obviously coming against them on every level.15:16 You you mentioned in the book a difficult time of prayer that you had, and you described that. Tell us that story.15:24 Yeah. Our family went through several different, trials within about the the time frame of about 3 years. And at the time, and I was just thinking about this the other day, my oldest was, a junior.15:35 We lost my dad, 11 years ago. He battled cancer for years and then died suddenly, and so that was a hard grieving year. And so, my girls were very close to my dad and so losing15:47 grandpa was tough. It was tough. It was tough on me losing my dad at a fairly young age at the time. And about a year after that, right on the heels of kind of feeling like I'd grieved heavily,15:59 1 of my girls, and at the time she was only 8, was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is is still hard today. Yeah. I mean, it's been, it's been 1016:11 years since she was diagnosed, and if anybody has a child that's dealing with a chronic illness or any kind of challenge, it's hard. You know, I went from losing my dad to to trusting God with16:23 my past, and here I'm looking at my baby girl in a hospital bed thinking, I gotta trust him with my future. Now, this is her future. And so, as I watched her struggle through those things and we marked out a path of a16:34 couple years to kinda get in front of that chronic illness, we were just kinda feeling like we might be gaining some traction, and, my husband suffered a sudden cardiac arrest Oh,16:43 my.16:44 Within that third year of time frame. And it was totally unexpected. He ended up being, in the hospital for a month. He was in a coma for 8 days. And that those those those 316:55 things right there, succession of trials, watching my girls at such a young age work through some of the hardest things that I've gone through as an adult or in my entire life,Overcoming Fear and Starting Prayer Habits 17:07 and walking through that with them and having hard conversations about whether their dad was gonna make it or not. We're very, very blessed and grateful that God chose to spare him, but the last17:19 several years have been hard because we've had to watch, with 2 major medical traumas in our family's life, the domino effect of that and how that hits a family in every in every way. So17:31 Have your daughters seen prayer work in that situation then?17:35 Well, they've seen the power of prayer, miracles. I mean, we've experienced amazing, unbelievable miracles, for sure, in in many of those situations. Just from a daily perspective, the things that we needed,17:47 God provided. People would show up with gifts, financial gifts. They would show up with, you know, groceries, different things, just providing different things for us. And in the17:59 years, the lean years, or the years in the wilderness, I would normally call those years Yeah. Is that they watched us on our knees praying and God showing up consistently and answering, not18:11 just miraculously, but through through the people, through our church, through friends, people that carried us along when when really we couldn't do it. So I I would just say also as well, in that season,18:23 God showed me that I didn't have to figure it out, that I didn't have to be the 1 to hold my family together. I think as moms, sometimes we feel that. And, I have been reminded in18:34 those hardest days when I was on the bathroom floor, literally, as low as I could go, that God was reminding me that He's the 1 that holds us, and He holds all things together, and I can trust that with Him18:46 and with my girls, my family.18:48 You know what you're leaning into there, I think, is something I call the curse of Eve. And we can all be prone to this. I don't mean to disparage anybody, but I think my experience has been control19:00 is an issue for moms and for wives, and it's just part of that makeup and your, you know, I think your God given desire and willingness to be there and be present and be in it, but19:12 it can spill over to control. And control is good to a point, and then control can be bad. Mhmm. As a mom, have you experienced that? I mean, you're kind of alluding to that. The Lord's kind of pulling19:24 that away from you. Did you have another moment when you learned, okay, Lord. Yeah. I don't have this. You've got to take it.19:31 Well, that that series of trials pretty much pretty much did that for me. But I would say control is based in fear.19:39 Right.19:39 And I think for at least for me, I'll I'll speak personally, fear has dominated many areas of my life. And so for me to look and go, okay, I can't fix this problem. I'm19:51 gonna trust you, and to shift from fear to trust. And that's that's what happens in prayer, is we come to the Lord and we say, look, I I don't have the answers here. And I may be hanging by a thread and20:03 finding myself just like the thread is pulling out of my hand, And God is saying, I got this. Trust me. And it's that, you know, that idea of the trust fall when you fall back and someone catches you, is that God always20:14 catches us, and he's always in control. We just think in our minds that that we have it all together. And it's usually for me rooted in that fear that something's gonna happen Yeah. And then I'm gonna have to pick up the20:25 pieces. But I can tell you, having the pieces completely fallen apart is that God is so faithful. He is so faithful every single day.20:33 Was your daughter's mission trip that she took at 17 rooted in some of this? Is it20:38 Well, the idea of her going was rooted in fear. And I remember when she came up and she said, I'm I'm thinking about doing this. I wanna go. You know, you play that game of what if? What if she goes? And what if the20:50 plane crashes? And what if, you know, something happens while she's, you know, in another country? Like, those fears, the what if games, are real. And, I mean, I can play those all day long.20:59 Mhmm.20:59 But I think at the end of the day, and this is where I've come to again and again with my girls, is that God loves them more than I do. And He is their Father in Heaven. And if He has called her to go on a mission trip,21:10 then I want her to go. I mean, I went in college. I went overseas. I did those things. And my parents said yes. And it changed my life. And I want those for my girls. I want them to live in that place of dependence and21:22 trust in the Lord. And so if God wants to call them to that, I want I want to be the kind of mom who says, I support you, I'll pray for you, I'll miss you, and I'll be here when you get home.21:31 Yeah. Which is so good. Stacy, right at the end here, I I'm sure many moms are listening, you know, either watching us on YouTube or listening to a program. The mom that21:43 struggles with this. It just hasn't been natural. You know, for whatever reason, maybe she's more introverted. It could be that simple. She just hasn't thought about praying with her daughter. How does she get that21:53 moving? How does she say, honey, you know, I know you're 13, and I just wanna change something in our relationship. I'd like to be praying for you. What are some things I could pray for? How do you get that going and and22:05 keep it going to where it's meaningful and makes a difference?22:08 Well, there's a couple of different ways you could do that. You could literally get a journal, and you could write back and forth. Say, here's a prayer that I'm praying for you, you know, a suggested prayer that I'm22:17 praying for you, and and then you answer and let me know, like, how God answers or or how I can keep praying for that. That would be something very simple, especially if you're very introverted and the, you know, the22:26 face to face is kinda hard for you. I think also you could text. I mean, they're on their phones. Mhmm. You could text them. You could say, hey, I know you have a test today. How can I pray for you? Just ask. I think22:37 even if she pulls back and and doesn't answer, you at least she knows you care. At least she knows that you're willing to go to the Lord, and and and and ask for favor on her behalf. So I think you22:49 ask. I think also there's a verse in Psalms that I love and I think as moms it's such a picture of God's heart for us. It's Psalms 1 16 2. And it says because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I23:01 have breath. And I look at our Father's heart towards us that He's leaning down to listen to us, just waiting for us to share our hearts, to pour out our hearts, to to put our requests before Him because23:13 He's that kind of Father. That's the kind of mom I wanna be. I wanna be open and available. And my girls may not respond. They may not have time for me. They may miss the fact that I've asked them to pray. But then I can23:23 come up with some things that I know are good for them to pray for them even if they don't respond. Yeah. And then I think if you're bold enough, I'm telling you, praying in the car, it's a beautiful thing. Just say,23:33 hey, let's just pray about that. And just do it naturally. Yeah. It's natural it doesn't have to be eloquent. You don't have to sound like your pastor. You just have to sound like mom. Just Yeah. Take in those requests.23:42 And as you get in the habit of doing that as a mom, it'll become much more natural to do that with your daughter.23:47 And I like that idea of just doing it naturally and don't have an agenda. Don't be there to try to straighten her out through prayer because that will backfire.23:56 Yeah. You23:57 don't wanna do that. They smell that.23:58 Yeah.23:59 Yeah. Every teenager, not just girls.24:01 Yeah. Yeah.24:01 Boys too. And so it needs to be sincere. It needs to be with the right spirit. Let's just pray about that. I love that. That's great. Stacy, thanks for being with us. I mean, this flew by, and it's such a great reminder24:12 of how to create an atmosphere of prayer in your home and your relationship with your daughters, but sons too. I mean, same thing counts. And, I just wanna remind our listeners and our viewers that focus on the family is24:24 here for you. You might be dealing with some more serious parenting issues. I think our data in the last 12 months, we were able to help 160000 parents in a crisis. Be24:36 1 of them. Let us stand with you and pray with you and give you guidance if you need it, And it will be biblically based, I can assure you of that. And just know you're not gonna embarrass24:47 yourself. We're here for you, and call us if you need us. And there's additional resources. Of course, there's a great book by Stacy, Praying for Teen Girls, and we would love to get24:59 that into your hands. If you can make a gift of any amount, if you could do something monthly, that's great. Let's do ministry together. 1 time gift is fine. If you need this book, you can't afford it. We'll get it to25:09 you and trust others. We'll cover the cost of that. Just contact us.25:13 Mhmm. And our contact info is in the program description below, or you can just call 1 800, the letter a in the word family. And on behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining25:25 us today for focus on the family with Jim Daley. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in25:40 Christ.In this video 0:00 God's Heart for Daughters and Girls' Struggles5:00 Modeling Prayer and the SOFT Acronym9:00 Spiritual Warfare and Friendship Trials13:00 Family Trials and Prayer Miracles17:00 Overcoming Fear and Starting Prayer Habits
Comments
Keep it kind. Comments are public.