Skip to content Helping Your Children Navigate the Culture with Hillary Ferrer Jan 30 · 26 min ...more
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The Mama Bear Instinct: Protecting Your Children's Faith 0:02 I've had so many women come and say I didn't have the language to talk about this. I saw this all going on, but I didn't have the words to talk about it, and I0:13 feel like I've been unmuzzled.0:23 Hillary, great to have you here at Focus again.0:25 Yes. Thank you for having me.0:27 Yeah. We love the title, Mama Bear and Fill in the Blank. This time, it's Apologetics, and I love that zeal that you bring to this. I think sometimes, and I was like this as a parent, we're not always as0:38 intentional as we should be. And what's really troubling now is the need for us to be even more intentional because everything is seeping into the home. We can't create a0:50 moat deep enough or a wall high enough these days with phones and everything else. Our kids are gonna be exposed to things, and we have to equip them to be ready for that. Yeah. And that's why I so1:02 appreciate what you're doing and your presence and your mama bear approach to the parenting. It's really good. Speak to that overarching goal that you have to help equip parents to do this job.1:13 Yeah. So a mama bear I think 1 of the key things about a mama bear is she will do things for her kids that she might not necessarily do for herself. And so 1 of the things that we like to say is, though, for mama bear1:23 apologetics, this might not affect your faith, but it might affect your children's. And so, there was a story from several years back before mama bear was even even a thing where I was in my parents', Sunday school, and1:35 there was a lady who was kinda giving her testimony of how she got into apologetics. And she was a fitness instructor. I think her husband was a flight, was a pilot, and, their kids, you know, went through Awana. They1:46 were in youth group. They were youth group leaders. Her youngest son even rededicated his life when he went to college and, you know, she thought we're locked and loaded. We're good. We're solid. And he comes back from1:57 his, first year in the workforce and where his boss had basically told him, well, Jesus is basically Santa Claus for adults. And something about that just completely shifted the2:09 way he thought about things to where he came home and says, I I don't think I believe in god anymore. And she was just floored. What? Like, I I thought we were solid here. And so she started saying, what are your2:19 questions? And so he would come home with all these different questions, and then he would go back, you know, to work and doing whatever. And she took her time to study, study, study, study, and was2:31 saying, why didn't any of the youth groups prepare us for this? What is this postmodernism thing? Like, how did this come and take over with us so completely unaware? And she studied postmodernism. She studied2:42 apologetics. She studied worldview. And so every time he came home, she would answer a few of his questions and then he'd go back. But she did what she never thought that she would have to do because she saw this is2:53 affecting my child, and I thought that is an instinct Yeah. That, you know, mama bears people will say that they wanna protect their kids physically. They wanna protect what their kids are eating, but we're not looking3:05 at what is going into their spirit. It's like we kinda think, you know, I just I pray the prayers and I send them off to church and we should be good.3:12 Let me let me dig into that for a minute because I think a lot of parents listening are going, what did they miss, and what could I possibly be missing as well? So that in that diagnosis Mhmm. Why are3:24 kids not getting it, and what do parents need to do to kinda peer into that to make sure that when they leave the home, they they are equipped?3:34 So when I first, was planning on the book, what I did was I took some of the books that talk about the questions that kids have, and I put them all onto a board. And I said, there are different philosophies that areUnmasking Cultural Philosophies Undermining Truth 3:45 undergirding each of these sets of questions that are undermining kids' ability to have faith. So, for example, you know, with postmodernism, if if you do not believe that there is such a thing as ultimate truth and3:56 absolute truth that's true for everyone and everyone's you do your truth, I do my truth, Christianity has no legs to stand on because Christianity claims to be the truth. But if they have imbibed that4:08 Christianity is just that person's truth, well, suddenly, that doesn't apply to me. Well, how do I figure out what my truth is? Or if they've imbibed the, the idea that the only way to really have knowledge that4:19 everybody agrees upon is if there's a scientific study to prove it. Well, if we don't have a scientific study that shows that Jesus rose from the dead, or that, you know, god is real. If I can't test this and improve4:31 that god is real, then maybe he's not real. I need to have something to prove it. Or the idea of what we have going on right now that all of life can be explained in terms of who is oppressing who. And so if4:43 someone is using their oppression in order to claim that this is the way you need to be, well, then Christianity then becomes a a power play. And it's not a way of freeing it.4:54 Yes. We will unpack that. That. The acronym that you use as a starter, the primer here. So how do you use ROAR and what does it stand for?5:01 So ROAR stands for recognize the message. So it's like there's sometimes where you'll hear just, you know, things like follow your heart or, I I remember back in the nineties, Sega Genesis, they had this thing5:13 where it's like this kinda creepy kid's voice that goes question everything. So there there's recognize the message. What is the main message of either this media or this idea that's being promoted to me? Then the next 15:25 is offer objective discernment. So first off, we're offering this. We're not just going in with, you know, a sword and trash and everything that that we don't like. So we're offering discernment in terms of what is the5:36 good that this thing that I might normally disagree with offering because nobody no 1 would believe anything unless it was wrapped in partial truths. And unless we recognize the partial truths that5:48 these lies are wrapped in, then people are gonna think that we're not being objective and we're just pooh poohing everything. So o is for, offer objective discernment. A is for argue for a healthier approach, and that's5:58 where we're saying, okay. What are the truths that we discover and how you it's like a lot of times people will agree on the problem. What they don't agree on is the solution. So if we can say, okay. We're gonna6:10 come to this agreement maybe on the problem or the motive. How can we argue for a healthier approach? How has the Bible actually addressed this better?6:18 Yeah.6:19 And then the final 1 is specifically for parents and that's reinforce through discussion, discipleship, and prayer. So this whole process is just being able it's like it's almost like the the recognizing the message is6:30 just slowing down enough to realize that these messages are coming Yeah. To begin with. The o and the a, is really just discernment. And discernment6:42 means you're looking at what is true. You're looking at what is to be approved. Look looking at what is excellent and praiseworthy, but you're also looking at what lies have slipped in with this. And then, you know, the6:54 discipleship aspect reinforcing through this discip the discussion, discipleship, and prayer knowing that prayer really comes in. I mean, it's never gonna be a last resort, but it's also, sometimes with ideas,7:06 there is a spiritual blindness that's going on and there's no amount of discussion.7:09 Yeah. Well, and that kinda takes us back with the the parents' role. I think society generally in the past Mhmm. Kinda supported major themes. Yeah. Thou shall not murder. Mhmm. Thou shall not steal.7:21 You know, those kinds of things. And public schools supported generally reinforcing those beliefs. Now it feels, like a rickety old home that's got all this airspace in the7:33 walls, and you can see outside and stuff seeps in. And I think what I'm driving to is that importance for that parent to realize those structures that help you and support you are really no longer7:44 there.7:45 They're not.7:45 Which really needs the parent then. It requires the parent to step up. Mhmm. And I think some of us are distracted. There's no guilt here. It's just, wow, you've gotta really pay attention to what's going on in your7:57 children's world more so than when we were kids.8:01 Yes. Yeah. I would say thinking that we can parent kids the way we were parented, we do not live in the same world. I like how my my parents, pastor is constantly saying, have y'all noticed that we're not the home team8:12 anymore?8:12 Right.8:14 No. It's like not only are we not reinforcing the Judeo Christian values. I'm not even saying morality. I mean, things like that that man is not basically good, that people are selfish, that we need to curtail, that we8:25 need to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. These are some of the basic things that you would think. Everybody. Everybody would agree upon. But if you look at a lot of stuff going on in education, now sometimes8:36 it's almost, rewarding bad behavior and ignoring the good behavior. It's like there's just all these different ways where these, a different view of humanity has crept in. And so I I tell parents, I say, well, what8:48 what's the solution? Do I have to go homeschool my kids? And I say, you know what? The solution really is you have to pick your heart. Pick your heart because it is really hard to be a parent of a public9:00 school kid who is hearing a bunch of lies all day every day and not expect and expecting those to not be seeping in constantly. So you have to work extra hard to be almost like deprogramming,9:12 but it's so it's really hard to have your kids in public school. It can be hard to have your kids in private school where they take all of this for granted, all the Christianity and the Christianese and the the God stuff9:22 for granted. And it never really grows deep because it's, something that they've they haven't even been exposed.9:28 Right. That can be even worse because the behaviors are not challenged, and the Christian school is behaving just like the public school.9:35 Exactly.9:36 Exactly. And the parents think everything is fine because it's a Christian school. Now no offense to Christian schools. I'm sure you're trying to do a great job. Yeah. It's just the reality of how young people are. Yeah.9:46 Let me9:46 Hope school is just a different type of heart. So I say it's not that which one's easier. You have to pick your heart.9:53 Hey. Allow me to interrupt for just a moment here to say how much we appreciate you watching. Now if you find value in this content, subscribe by clicking below. It'll be a big help to us. Let's go ahead and return to10:05 the show.ROAR: A Framework for Discerning Cultural Lies 10:06 Hillary, tell me more about the lies that the culture is telling our kids about emotions so that we're we're identifying those handles for the parents. You list several lies, but give us 1 or 2.10:18 I'd say 1 of the number 1 lies with emotionalism is this idea of if I feel it, it's true. And this does come from there is some some truth to this in the sense that there's no there's no such10:30 thing as an invalid emotion or a wrong emotion. Now we have to discipline our behaviors that may or may not match our emotion. Like, I think we say in the book, you know, emotions are10:42 like toddlers. They're really great, but you'd never wanna put 1 in charge. They are great followers, but terrible leaders, and people are using their emotions to lead. I don't know if you've noticed, especially, like,10:53 if you look at the stuff surrounding the political sphere that people are either going out and having these primal screams or they're getting onto their own little, you know, Instagram live or TikTok and11:05 just riling themselves up as if the stronger that I feel it, the more true that it is. And the more interesting. And the more you should believe11:14 this truth as well.11:16 Yes. You're seeing this in protests, and it's almost like people are getting themselves into this fight or flight situation because that is this false sense of empowerment. And that's how we get people to11:28 understand truth. I've had people come at me say, well, what about this situation? What about that situation? For, we'll just say political ideas, and they'll be using, you know, dying babies here or all these different11:40 horrible stories, which, yes, those are absolutely horrible. But if I were to use my emotions surrounding that 1 instance to make overall policy or for our kids to determine what is true in the Bible,11:52 that is a bad hermeneutic because there's a lot of stuff in the Old Testament that should make us upset. And if our kids are thinking that I feel really upset by this thing in the old testament, in the old testament,12:04 they also get confused as the idea of what is being described, what's happening versus what is being prescribed as if everything in the old testament was is, you know, instructions for this is how things should be.12:16 Well, if that gives me a bad emotion, well, I'm gonna back away from that, as not being true. It doesn't work. And so that's 1 of the things you hear about Christianity is, well, I tried it and it doesn't work for me.12:26 That just sounds so funny. I tried it and it didn't work. Yeah. That's not the that's not the relationship with Jesus.12:32 Yeah. But really at the core is if I feel it, it's true. As if my emotions are pointing to truth, I say that, it it's people kinda treat it like this, compass that where my emotions point to, that's12:44 my that's my true north. And and did you know that you can make a compass go all crazy? What you have to do is it has to be magnetized12:51 Yeah.12:51 In order to point to true north. So that's kind of what we're doing as Christians. Yeah.12:55 And I was just gonna say 1 of the observations of that is that, you end up conforming the word of God Mhmm. To your emotions rather than your emotions to the word of God. Yeah. And I think people will connect13:07 with that, and we're seeing it in the culture in plenty. Mhmm. That's 1 of the problems we have right now because nobody believes in a true truth.13:15 And you can go with your emotions as long as I say your your emotional compass is magnetized by scripture. Reason We're not void of emotion. Scription, reason, and reality. If you got scriptural, scripture, reason, and13:25 reality, disciplining all those emotions, then sometimes those emotions are great to get you to do something at some giant feet that you would have never done. The mama bear instinct, is is coming a lot of times from13:37 that emotional instinct to protect him. It's that's a good thing as long as those emotions are disciplined by scripture, reason, and reality.13:43 Here's another lie that you mentioned that my feelings are your responsibility.13:48 Yes.13:48 Yes. And everybody goes, oh, yeah. That's in plenty in the culture now.13:52 Yes. I I look at things of saying, you know, here's this this headline of saying, you know, they came in. They were saying hate hate speech and the people felt unsafe. Or it doesn't your intentions don't matter. It's14:04 the impact that matters. So if if I am now in charge of what everybody else feels, I just gotta say as husbands, this should scare you, because if you're in charge of what my emotions are as, you14:15 know, as the woman, I can say that there's a lot of times where my husband, he has permission to say this, so don't go out saying this to your wives without permission. He'll just say, are your emotions lying to you14:25 right now? And sometimes I'm like, yes. Yes. They are. But they should not be the barometer for what I think is true, and somebody else should not have to be going on tiptoes all14:37 the time to prevent me from having emotions that are my responsibility. We've really diffused this responsibility to where people are no longer in charge of themselves. Rather, we're having to make sure that14:48 we don't trip anybody up, and there's just no way to have a functioning society like this.14:54 Yeah. Let's move to Marxism. It's another 1 of these things that people, you know, generally, we don't study this. So we don't know a lot about it. When I read the book and read the prep for the the discussion today, IConfronting Marxism and Empowering Mama Bears 15:06 just, like, wow. Teen Vogue in 20 18 said something basically, the article on Marxism was very positive.15:15 Oh, very, very positive.15:16 Tell us what what the implication of all that. And this is going to our teenagers.15:20 Yes. It's it's going to the teenagers. It's it was it was what's called a straw man. A straw man is when you, kind of build up not a really good version of what some something is. So they made the straw man of capitalism15:32 as greed is good, as if that were what capitalism was, as opposed to, you know, mar you know, Marxism, which is, of course, much more Christ like. Right. And so, I mean, it it really kinda comes back to this idea15:44 of power and oppression. I would say that that's the number 1 thing that's come in, is really starting with Marx. Is power and oppression is how we're gonna interpret everything that's going on. And in his mind, it was15:55 the power and oppression of who owns the businesses and who works the businesses. And so he would have these very emotional appeals of the guys that are in, you know, slaughterhouses that are the ones doing all of the16:07 work while these managers just stand back and make a lot of money. And he's like, the workers should be in charge of what they're doing, not these people on high. And every single generation wants to16:18 rebel against the previous generation. So if you can just kinda convince the new generation of who the man is, you know, that you're trying to, you know, get away from the man. And and they they painted Marx as if he was16:31 they said, oh, he was a, you know, middle middle class worker who struggled. Marx never worked a day in his life. He had rich people propping him up. And I'm Right. He's not this wonderful guy that we need to be16:41 following after.16:42 Well, at the core, they don't believe there's a soul.16:44 Oh, yeah. No. And he he believes that the family is disgusting. He believes that we need to abolish all religion, all universal truths. So this16:51 belong to the state.16:52 Children belong to the state and so do women. In fact, you look at some of his, where where Marxism was, turned into women were almost kinda communal property. Although, he he does say in the the17:04 communist manifesto manifesto how he thinks that the bourgeois society was already doing that with women. But, really, I would say if I were to boil it down to 1 thing that he did, he says that all of history can be17:14 explained by class struggles. And so what we've done since then is we've tried to define where where's that class struggle? Where does it exist? For him, it was within money. You move forward to17:26 maybe something like critical theory where it's in, cultural power of who's the minority and who's the majority, and then then you go go into the identity politics.17:35 Right. Well, who's the oppressed?17:36 Who's the oppressor? Who's the oppressor? And so it's like that idea just keeps morphing over and over again because all we're looking for is to find who's withholding justice and who's being oppressed. And if you look17:49 for someone that's oppressing you, you can always find it. You can always find what you're it's amazing how you can always find what you're looking for. And so once you teach kids to be looking for this dynamic18:00 everywhere, they see it everywhere. But 1 of the problems is you see this dynamic within Christianity. And now Christianity is just this white man's religion passed down by a bunch of old white18:12 guys, and you shouldn't listen to what they said because they were were speaking their truth, again, back to postmodernism. They were speaking their truth in order for them to stay in power because it's all about power.18:24 And that's why you don't wanna believe this. And when kids start saying, yeah. Yeah. This is all about power. It's hard to unprogram that.18:31 Yeah. It's so true. We have a a film, a documentary coming out Oh. Called Truth Rising. And in there, a recent convert to Christianity, she, is from Africa. Okay. And she's18:43 talking about, you know, today, the best education better than Harvard. Just get a plane ticket. Go to a communist18:50 country. Yes.18:51 Go to a Muslim country Mhmm. Where Western values have not really penetrated. Yeah. And she said that'll be a better education than going to Harvard humanities class.19:01 Yeah.19:02 Because you see the differences. You see women oppressed. You see people oppressed. You see women being called means of production for the next generation. All the things that you're startled by, the lack of dignity19:14 for the human being is what we're talking about. Those are what those systems promote.19:19 Produce. And yeah. It's like you look at just, the number of people that have died under every communist regime. For some reason, communist regimes really like murdering their own people. That's, like, kind of a19:29 commonality that we always see and something that my dad used to say just as I was, you know, maybe learning government and having some of these questions in my own life. As I was growing up, he would say, oh, yeah.19:38 Democracy is the worst form of government in the world except for all the other ones.19:43 Right.19:43 Capitalism is the worst form of economics in the world except for all the other ones. And the point being, we are sinful people and you can find flaws and people will exploit everything because we are sinful human19:55 beings. But unless you're focusing on sinful human beings being the root cause, if you're trying to make a system is gonna be the thing that either makes things worse for people or the system makes things better,20:07 then everybody stops trying to root out the the the evil in their own heart and they start pointing fingers. Where else can I find this evil to be rooted out? And I'm gonna focus all my,20:19 righteous anger on that, and I'm gonna feel super duper moral while I'm doing20:24 it. Yeah. I mean, wow. We have barely scratched the surface. We're not even able to get to the all the content we wanted to talk to you about. What a great book that's packed with so much. Mama Bear Apologetics. I think20:35 I wanna end with this question. If you're just the normal mom and you're listening to this going, wow. That's a tsunami20:44 Mhmm.20:44 Of things that I need to do. We've probably increased their anxiety slightly, and they wanna do that for me. No. No. No. I know. But, you know, I'm working. I'm trying to take care of the kids. Mhmm. I got a lot of20:56 plates spinning, and this perhaps is the most important thing.21:00 Yeah.21:00 And I haven't really thought about it. So how do you wanna encourage that mom right now right at the end to say, I need to get this book, and I need to start thinking about these things?21:10 I wanna encourage them with the stories that I hear back from from other moms that have gone through this book. So we went round and round and round and round about the subtitle for this book. And when we finally came21:20 out with empowering your kids to challenge cultural lies, it's like that really was the word that was prayed over this book is empowerment. I have had so many women come and say I didn't have the21:31 language to talk about this. I saw this all going on, but I didn't have the words to talk about it. And I feel like I've been unmuzzled that I finally have the words to talk21:43 about this. I understand how to, address this with my kids. And it's not like an information dump where now it's all the stuff that you you have to memorize. It is going to unlock21:55 everything that you've been noticing already. And so I encourage moms find another group of moms to study.22:02 Wow. That's a good idea.22:04 It's like they, they are just spontaneously forming mama bear groups all over the country and studying this book together. We have discussion questions that are in the chapter. We have study guides that go along with22:14 this. But women love getting together, and we did it at a level to where we're not going into, like, the the kind of depth may that, you know, each each 1 of these chapters could be its own22:26 book. We're saying, how do we just scratch the surface and make you aware of what's going on? Yeah. And once you I I think 1 of my favorite comments of mom said, she goes, man, now that I see it, I can't unsee it.22:37 Right.22:37 And so in this case, you're not having to be like, okay. How am I gonna do this with my kids? It's more like all you have to do is pay attention to what you're already doing and just take a moment and say, hey, kids. Did22:48 you see that? That advertisement just said that we deserve a new bathroom.22:52 Right. No. It's so true. You know, drip irrigation is such a good parenting way to do this. And if you if you come at your children like a tsunami, they're not gonna be able to absorb it all. I remember,23:04 my son Troy and I were watching in 20 15 when the elections were, you know, the elections were going on for 20 16. And he saw the Democrat candidate, Hillary Clinton.23:16 Mhmm.23:16 And he's, like, 14.23:17 Mhmm.23:18 And she said to the crowd, you know, the DNC convention, she said, we need to support our men and women in blue, and nobody clapped.23:29 Interesting. The next thing she said is, we need to support a woman's right to choose. Mhmm. And everybody it was like a standing ovation. And Troy turned to me and said, wow. That's really weird that they support death23:41 for children, and they don't support police. I mean, as a 1423:45 year old,23:45 they caught it. Yeah.23:46 They are noticing so much more than we had. And I love, 1 of my mama bears, Amy. She talks about so she's always having these conversations with her kids, and it's so fun to hear the conversation they then have with23:56 their teachers. And the teachers are like, we don't like your kids, Because it's like they will challenge them on these things, but then she'll have her son's friends come and say, miss Amy, y'all talk about this stuff.24:06 Right? And coming and asking her questions because they know this is the place to talk where we're not just gonna, like, shut everything down, especially with the roar technique where we're trying to say, first off, what24:17 is the good that's being brought in with this ideology? What can we agree on? Let's build those bridges first. Now let's sift through these and figure out what do we need to reject versus what do we need to embrace. It's24:28 a way of thinking. It's a way of talking with your kids, and it's a way to interact with culture. And I would say with the way our culture is right now, this is part of what our culture, our our, I24:39 guess, our time, our cultural moment, this is what it looks like to be set apart. We are called to be holy. We are called to be set apart and being able to have these, these discussions in a very24:51 objective grace filled but truth filled way. That is how we are going to change society as salt and light. And this and I I've just heard from so many moms that this book helps give you the language to do it.25:03 Well, there it is. I don't think we need to make more of a pitch, but get in touch with us here at Focus. Make a gift of any amount. If you could do it monthly, that's great. It helps the budget. 1 time gift is great25:13 too, and we'll send you a copy of Hillary's book, Mama Bear Apologetics, as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry.25:20 Yeah. Donate today when you call 800, the letter a, and the word family. 802 3 2 6 4 5 9, or we've got the details in the program description below.25:32 And on behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daley. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive25:50 in Christ.In this video 0:00 The Mama Bear Instinct: Protecting Your Children's Faith3:44 Unmasking Cultural Philosophies Undermining Truth10:06 ROAR: A Framework for Discerning Cultural Lies15:05 Confronting Marxism and Empowering Mama Bears
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