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Welcome to Christmas: Gifts, Love Languages, and a Special Message 0:00 No wonder she was shocked. Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. She was thoroughly shaken. She was very perplexed, the LRV, and she0:12 was freaked out. And you know what the angel said, next, fear not, Mary. Do not be afraid. Here's the cool thing in the New Testament. When an angel says,0:23 fear not, do not be afraid, what comes next is always good news. What you wanna worry about is an angel that shows up and doesn't say, fear not. Then you be afraid. You'll be0:35 very afraid.0:36 Okay. Welcome to Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage. I'm doctor Greg Smalley.0:48 And I'm Erin Smalley. Merry Christmas. Yes. Greg, did you know that 15 percent of Americans are still buying gifts on Christmas Eve?0:59 That's me. Now I'm have been organized. I know what everybody from the family wanted. Remember, this was the first year that I gave everybody the sheet to have them fill1:10 out all the ideas, especially around stocking. Little stuff. I know. You kinds of things they like. Because that that drives me crazy because my personality is a peacemaker.1:22 It it it grieves me if I feel like someone feels left out or someone else got more. So I really Mhmm. Stress over this. And in this year, I have felt like a1:34 very new different person. So1:37 And you're so good at it. You are so good at all the planning and then executing it.1:42 So I'm assuming, right, that you've already bought my present?1:46 Have you filled out your survey for me? I1:51 I I believe that you should just know, Erin, what I want. Isn't that a healthy1:56 No.1:56 Marriage principle?1:57 No. I need you to tell me what you want.2:00 I do have that for you. Sure.2:02 Good. Good. Good. Coming up on this episode, we're gonna talk about how the 5 love languages show up at Christmas and how the holidays are an opportunity to find out which love2:14 languages are dominant for your loved ones. That's gonna be fun.2:18 I know. And we're gonna settle the debate. Officially, finally, once and for all, do we open a presents Christmas Eve or Christmas day? It's gotta be 1 or the other.2:30 We'll talk about it. Mhmm. Then we're going to answer a listener email question about the lack of conflict in their marriage, which is gonna be interesting.2:40 That will be. Hey. And we have a special presentation for you today. Liz Curtis Higgs, she's spoken at women's conferences around the world. She's written wonderful books, probably the2:51 most popular that you've heard of, Bad Girls of the Bible. Be sure to look for that in your stocking this year, Erin. She signed 1 for me. But she's also written historical and3:03 contemporary fiction, children's books as well. Her messages are always just not only biblical, they're so encouraging and profoundly funny.3:14 Yes. We love Liz. She's been a guest on Focus on the Family many, many times and this message comes from a Christmas chapel service that we had several years back. And if you're going through a toughGod's Impossible Miracles: Elizabeth, Mary, and Personal Transformation 3:26 time this Christmas, Liz is about to remind us all that God can do the impossible. Yeah.3:33 Well, today in our short time together, I'm really excited to speak to you about 2 different women in the Bible from different ages and different stages. They had a really unusual thing in common. They were3:45 both pregnant by surprise. The first Elizabeth, wife of a priest named Zechariah. Now they were very righteous people. You know these people.3:57 These are those good folks at church. They've been there forever. Every time the door is open, they're there. They do everything right, but the Bible says. But4:09 Luke 1 7. I always pay attention to the buts of the Bible. They're important. Some are bigger than others, but I, but the Bible says,4:21 in comparison, in contrast, they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.4:33 So this is like a triple whammy. They don't have kids, they can't have kids, and they're old. Oh, doesn't your heart just break for this righteous couple? So Zechariah4:45 has drawn lots and he is going to get to go into the holy place to light the incense and pray. Priests were lucky if they got to do this once in a lifetime, so it was a big deal. There4:57 he is standing before the altar when suddenly, the angel Gabriel shows up. He said what angels in the New Testament usually say. Don't5:09 be afraid. Fear not. Zechariah. That would be the scary part. Fear not, I know your name would be scary. And, you know, Zechariah had every reason in the world to be nervous.5:21 It's been a quiet 400 years since we've had any prophets or any angelic appearances, it's been quiet on the heavenly front. And now,5:33 here's an angel. Look what he says. Your prayer has been heard. Now I suspect Zechariah prayed a lot of things, but what would have been the 1 prayer of his heart?5:44 A son, a son, your prayer has been heard. Don't you sometimes wonder when you pray, God, are you listening? Don't you hear? Yes, he does.5:57 Your prayer, guaranteed, has been heard. And he says, your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son. So not only has your prayer been heard, it will be answered.6:08 And I love this part. You're to call him John. So none of that business about what should we call the kid. It's decided for them. Isn't that fabulous? You're gonna call him John. We know him as John the Baptist.6:20 Then Gabriel tells him all this amazing stuff about his son. People will rejoice because of his birth. He'll be great in the sight of the Lord. He will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before6:32 he's born. And Zechariah's response should have been or at least thank you or6:44 praise God or something. He says, how can I be sure of this? Well, he's an angel,6:57 and Gabriel stands in the presence of the almighty, so I think he's fairly trustworthy. How can I be sure of this? See, he doesn't believe it can be done.7:10 He wants proof. How can I be sure? And he explains his 2 2 big reasons to doubt. I'm an old man, and my wife is this is so gentle,7:22 so well well worded, well along in years. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah. It's just guys, you need to remember that phrase. Well along in years. Do you know the LRV on this?7:33 Do you have that translation in your bookstore? LRV Lizzie revised version. My old lady is an old lady, is what he's saying. See, from his point of view, this would7:45 be impossible. Even Gabriel the angel saying it, even this promise from heaven, he isn't buying it because7:57 he doesn't believe. And if we're honest, when we pray, we don't always pray believing either. We say, Lord, will you please do this? But in our8:08 hearts, we're saying, I'm not sure you can, but I hope you will, but I'm really not sure you can. My prayers are sometimes filled with unbelief.8:20 You would think Zechariah would think back to another couple in the old testament in the same situation. Older man, older woman, no baby.8:32 Abraham and Sarah, it was gonna take a miracle. You'd think you'd remember that 1. When the Lord told Abraham that Sarah was gonna have a baby, the narrator of the biblical story reminds us, I love this, Sarah8:44 was past the age of childbearing. Also translated, cease to be with Sarah after the manner of women. In other words, she was post post8:56 post menopausal. Her eggs were cooked. It was done. It was not going to happen. Conception just wouldn't be difficult with Sarah,9:08 it would be biologically impossible. God loves the impossible. God's just getting started when you start with the impossible. And of course,9:20 when Sarah overheard the good news, she laughed to herself, After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure? The9:32 bible is so subtle, so tasteful, but we can read between the lines on this 1. Will I now have this pleasure? I'm impressed. She9:43 laughed. I think I might have screamed. It's amazing. I'm 89. He's 99. Wow. Then God said to Abraham, but really for Sarah's benefit, is9:55 anything too hard for the Lord? It's a rhetorical question. The answer is, of course, nothing. 1 too hard for Sarah, she gave birth at 90 and she said, God10:07 has brought me laughter. Oh, that's so true in so many ways. Isaac, of course, means he laughs. But more than that, God has restored Sarah's10:19 joy. I've always pictured her with an AARP card in 1 hand and a pacifier in the other, just shouting out to anybody who would listen, God can do anything.10:31 Nothing is impossible for God. Well, just like Sarah, Zechariah's wife Elizabeth conceived. And of course, because he did not believe,10:43 he didn't talk for the whole of her pregnancy. A mercy from God.10:55 She remained secluded, you know, for the first 5 months. I am wondering if she didn't wanna wait until that amazing moment in a woman's life when you first feel what they call the quickening, the sense11:07 of life. Then the Bible says in the sixth month, that's not the sixth month of the year, it's not June, it's the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy. Imagine this, God is11:19 measuring time by a woman's growing womb. Incredible. Never doubt for a moment how important women are to God. God sent the angel Gabriel to11:30 Nazareth, the town in Galilee. Busy guy, Went to see Zechariah. Now he's visiting Mary, Little Galilee, less than 100 people. He went to see a virgin pledged to a man named Joseph.11:43 Pledged, betrothed, as good as married. They could not break that short of a divorce. She was very young, friends. She was 12 to 12 and a11:54 half. The angel went to her. I doubt she was looking for him. I don't think she was scanning the skies of Nazareth. I think she was doing what women did back then. She baked bread, and she12:06 lit her lamp, and she pressed olives. She was just going about her life like we do like we do right now. You're just doing what12:18 you do on a Monday afternoon, not thinking about what God is up to right now, but he's up to something. He's doing things12:30 in your life you can't even imagine. They may be years in coming, months in coming, weeks in coming, or could be tonight,12:42 But God is busy. The angel shows up and says, greetings, earthling. I just love that. That's the l r v. It's actually hail in the King James. You who are12:54 highly favored, That means full of grace. Listen, God didn't choose Mary because she was special. Mary was special13:05 because God chose her. Wow. And he said to her, the Lord is with you. This is very different than may the Lord be with you. That's like a blessing. This13:17 is a statement of fact. The Lord is with you. No wonder she was shocked. Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of13:29 greeting this might be. She was thoroughly shaken. She was very perplexed, the LRV, and she was freaked out. And you know what the angel said. Next, fear13:41 not, Mary. Do not be afraid. Here's the cool thing in the New Testament. When an angel says, fear not, do not be afraid, what comes next is always good news. What you wanna worry about13:53 is an angel that shows up and doesn't say, fear not. Then you be afraid. You be very afraid. Okay? But when they say fear not, it's because good news is coming.14:04 You have found favor, grace with God. You will conceive. Do you see any option here? Might happen, might not. Mm-mm. You will conceive and give birth to a14:16 son, and you were to call him Jesus. Now every mother thinks her child is special. We do. But this child will be great, the angel said, called the14:28 son of the most high. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David. He'll reign over Jacob's descendants forever. His kingdom will never end. And Mary14:39 says, how will this be since I'm a virgin? See, the truth of the matter is, Gabriel lost her way14:51 back at conceive. She didn't hear about all the other stuff. She was back at, I'll do what? Now, you would think she's doubting. That's not doubt. She's not asking for proof.15:03 Friends, she just wants to know it's a logical question. How? How's this gonna happen? How can I be pregnant? Since I know no man, legitimate question.15:15 I love how the angel answered her. The angel didn't take her voice away. He answered her. The holy spirit will come on you, and the power of the most high15:28 will overshadow you. There is not a commentator or theologian in the world who knows exactly what that means. But it sounds a little15:40 scary. He will overshadow you. I'd have so many questions, would chipped questions. Like,15:52 when? Because I wanna be ready, you know. And and and where exactly? And, do I need to take a shower? I don't know. Is it gonna hurt? What's gonna happen? I16:04 have 1000000 questions. Mary had 1 question. How? She got her answer, the Holy Spirit, and she believed. But then as a word of encouragement to her,16:16 because isn't God good? Even Elizabeth, your relative, is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was unable to conceive16:28 is in her sixth month. She who was unable, but God was able. God loves16:41 to bless the barren. He does. Rebecca was barren and then she gave birth to Jacob, and Hannah was barren, and then she gave birth to Samuel, and Rachel was barren and then she gave birth to Joseph. Friends,16:52 any barrenness in our lives, in any definition of barrenness is God getting ready to do a miracle.17:05 These stories had to have the miraculous because we had to look at them and say, only. Only God. We come to the most important verse, not only17:16 in the Christmas story, but I think in our own story, Luke 1 37. Nothing is impossible for God. The NCV is God can do anything.17:29 What's your impossible? Isn't there something you're saying to yourself, oh, but God could never do that. Have you got 1? You17:40 don't have to tell. I just want to know if you've got 1 in mind. Oh, come on. Think harder. Of course. There's a relative that doesn't know God and you17:52 have just given up. It seems impossible. There's a marriage that's so destroyed, it just seems impossible. There's a friendship18:04 torn apart, it seems impossible. You have friends who are unemployed for months, it seems impossible. But the Bible says so clearly, God can do anything.18:17 It's not about what we can do, it's about what God can do. Jesus said, with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Mary was on board. Mary believed. I am18:29 the Lord's servant, she said. May your word to me be fulfilled. Friend, she was 12. And18:41 we're a little older than that, except for the baby. Where'd the be oh. 0, I was hoping you'd call out to me. I love having a baby18:53 in the audience. See, other people sometimes don't. Let's be honest. You look back and go, why did they bring a baby? Why did they bring a baby? Even at focus on the19:04 family. But I love having a baby's cry. Because do you understand that's how we sound to God? We think we're so19:16 sophisticated. It's really more like, wah. That's why the Holy Spirit needs to interpret for us. It's kind of pitiful.19:30 He sent Jesus as a baby who had no way to communicate but to cry. But his mother knew his voice. His mother knew what to do. Had a woman come19:42 up to me with a surprise look on her face once and she said, you teach the Bible like you actually believe it. Yeah. I do believe it. Because19:54 I'm living proof that God can do anything. When I first began speaking with women of faith about 3 years ago, they had us all get together, all the speakers. They wanted us20:06 to kind of make sure we're all on the same page and kinda shape our messages. And so I was sitting with some old friends and some new friends, and some of them knew my story, probably some did not. But when20:17 they said, so it's really good to have a strong opening line, I said, okay. Before I met Jesus, I slept with 3 men in 1 night. They20:29 said, oh my word, that would not be the 1 thing to say. Listen, dear ones. I don't say this to shock you. I say this to show you20:41 that Jesus can do anything. 34 years ago can I hear an amen on that from somebody? 34 years ago, I am the last woman20:53 you would have ever picked to speak at focus on the family. Can we get serious about that? Wow. But God already had it planned. You didn't know I didn't know21:04 God already had a plan. That's the God we serve. He looks way down past the end of our lives and our children's lives. He sees21:16 the big picture that we get a tiny glimpse of, but it is good friends. It is good. I remember when I left work on a Friday 34 years ago21:28 saying, potty. And I came in Monday morning saying, praise the Lord, I've been baptized. People notice stuff like that. And they said,21:40 Liz, what kind of drugs were you doing this weekend? Because honestly, this is wild. I said, oh, it isn't about a high, not that kind of high.21:52 It's Jesus. Really? Well, you can imagine my coworkers at a radio station, a secular station, they watched me like a hawk to see if I was different because I said,22:04 had the audacity to say I was a new creation. And so they watched and I guess they saw things changing. I remember getting my first Bible. I was so22:15 excited. I saved up. It's a big Ryrie study Bible, NASB, huge notes. I thought the fatter it was, the more important I got a big 1, and saved up for leather because surely that was more holy.22:28 And I took it into work and I would sit there at the station in the studio and I'd have the bible open and I'd be reading verses for the first time. So excited.22:43 And Alice, our receptionist could see me through the glass and she came in and said, what are you reading? I said, Alice, it's the Bible. Do you have 1? She said, not like yours.22:54 I said, well, if I if I could get you a Bible, would you read it? She said, but can you get me 1 just like yours? Just like mine. The big fat leather. I mean, it was 5023:06 bucks. Back when 50 bucks was 50 bucks. But I saved up for Alice. And I bought Alice a Bible just like mine, gave it to her, and she said, this is thrilling. I said, now promise me you'll read it.23:18 She said, Lizzie, I don't know where to start. You've gotta teach me. Okay. So now I have Alice. I got a design for discipleship,23:30 little workbook, navigator still in print. And Alice and I went through that thing together. Friends, I stayed 1 week ahead just in case she had questions. I knew 3 verses. You know, I was like such a babe23:42 in Christ. But Alice was growing. She was getting it. I'd love to know what I said. I have no idea. It was God being God, not Liz being Liz. Then23:53 Jackie, another gal at the station peeked in and said, what are you guys doing? Alice said, oh, we're studying the Bible. Liz can get you 1. So Liz sat up and bought24:05 Jackie a Bible. So now there's the 3 of us that I know what I was doing. Oh, I didn't, but God so did. Funny, I invited them to my house for dinner because I just really wanted more24:17 time with them, and and, understand nobody comes to my house for the food. Are you kidding? When I get near the stove, my kids go hot hot. So, you know, it was it's nobody ever comes to the food.24:33 And we're sitting there having our little Sunday dinner, and Alice, bless her, is now in the kingdom. And she says, oh, Jackie, I went to a Christian bookstore24:44 yesterday. Did you know they have them? Y'all you have to understand, before you're saved, you you walk right past them. You don't even see them. But once your eyes have been opened, she said,24:56 Liz, all the books are about God. I said, I know. Isn't it incredible? She said, I saw this poster called Footprints. Okay. Now I'm a believer by 6 months now. I'm very25:08 sophisticated. I know all about Footprints. I'm I'm thinking, oh, for heaven's sakes, they have that on key chains. You know, I wasn't so impressed. Oh, but see, Jackie hadn't heard it before.25:20 So when Alice is weeping now in the telling of 2 sets of footprints and then 1 set of footprints, She said, look, Jackie, look. He carries us.25:33 He carries us. Jackie said, can we pray? I'm like, yes. The food is bad. Let's pray right now. Nothing to do with the food. Jackie said, oh,25:44 I forgot to mention, she was Muslim. Oh, a little minor detail to God. She said, dear God, I now realize you have been carrying me my whole25:56 life. I want what my friends have and I figured it out. It's you. It's a relationship with you. That's what I want. Well, friends, we lifted our heads.26:08 Forget dinner. We leaped up. We were so excited. We didn't know what to do. I put on a record, vinyl record, round and black with26:20 hole in the middle. I lifted a needle on it. It was Sandy Patty and Larnell Harris, remember? More than wonderful. And we sang all the words and26:32 didn't know any of them. Y'all we made them up. Then Jackie was so excited. She said, Lizzy, Lizzy, tape my picture. I think I look different. So I got out a Polaroid26:43 camera. If you've never seen 1, they're magical. The film spits out like a tongue. It sits there for a minute. You wait, you wait, you wait. You peel it back.26:55 The image comes up and there was Jackie, a woman transformed. All I could think of was second Corinthians 3 18, but27:07 we all with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory just as from the Lord,27:19 the spirit. When you sing glory, glory, hallelujah this Christmas, I want you to remember that that glory shines on the face of27:31 everyone who's received his grace. May it be you, my friend. Merry Christmas. Thank you so much.Navigating Doubt and Deepening Faith This Christmas 27:42 Liz has such a beautiful sense of humor. I I love hearing people when they speak, when they when they do such a great job to bring that humorous side in because she was talking about some some27:53 tough stuff. Mhmm.27:55 And humor and biblical truth in combination is amazing.28:00 Yeah.28:00 And as we're approaching Christmas, I know that there's a lot of people that struggle with some really hard things throughout the holidays. You know, whether that's betrayal or28:12 feeling rejected or feeling alone. There's there's so many things that can be going on. Amidst this holiday celebration and celebration of our28:24 savior's birth that can put a real damper on that. And it's difficult when you're looking around and it appears that everybody else has exactly what you want in your life.28:35 Yeah. She's talking about Zechariah and Elizabeth and just Zechariah's struggle28:41 Mhmm.28:41 With doubt. I mean, when the angel came and told him that she was gonna have a baby, his response was total disbelief.28:50 Mhmm.28:50 Like, this is impossible. And and and to contrast then when the angel talked to Mary, that's what always stood out to me Mhmm. Was here you have 2 people that in in in in in first looks like they both29:02 respond in the exact same way, but Zechariah is muted. And what was helpful for me to understand is that, you know, Zechariah should have known better. Like, he29:14 he he based on what he did29:17 in29:17 life, he he should have been able to to receive that from the angel in in in a confirming way, but but his is all about prove it to me. Mhmm.29:28 You know,29:28 that that unbelief versus with with Mary, hers is more help me to understand. Like, you're saying now I'm pregnant, but I'm a virgin.29:37 Right.29:38 Like, woah. How is that even possible? In in in and that's that's how we can respond at different times. And that was good for me to think about as I feel like I hear29:49 from the Lord or if I'm wrestling through a spiritual issue, to be aware that that am I showing up like Zechariah in more unbelief, like, that there's no way that this can happen. I don't trust30:01 God in that way or with this versus Mary just going, woah. Gosh. To help me to understand that better.30:10 Mhmm. And, you know, doubt is something that all of us deal with at some point.30:15 We30:16 do. And it's it's really a natural part of our faith journey because when we're doubting, we are we're grappling. We're digging in deeper going, okay,30:28 what is going on here? And we're going deeper to that deeper place of of identifying what it is. I know 1 of our daughters, I won't say who, has just been struggling through, you know, I30:40 don't feel God. I don't see God.30:42 What's the evidence?30:43 Yeah. So is God real? It's been so rewarding to enter in with her just to identify how her doubt is really feeling her faith.30:52 Yeah.30:53 And how she when she grapples through that with God, that she often ends up on the other side of going, yeah. Today, this is where I did see God show up or I felt God or this is what31:04 I received from the Lord. And so, we just wanna encourage you as you are walking through your journey, your faith journey, you know, recognizing doubt more than31:16 likely is gonna be part of it. Yeah. Really dig in and go what's under the waterline here? Why am I doubting? What's happened? What am I feeling? All of it. What's under the waterline?31:27 Yeah. Because the other day, as you and I were talking to to our daughter Mhmm. You you as you were quizzing her kind of doing that, hey. What what what's really going on down here? What what's really happening?31:39 What's interesting, she was preparing, remember Mhmm. For their their bible study. It was they were gonna go out and do some witnessing. Uh-huh. She was so anxious about that. And in her31:51 mind, she was so afraid that someone was gonna say, well, show me the evidence.31:55 Uh-huh.31:55 And she she couldn't come up with it. She didn't know how to answer that. So it created that that doubt32:01 Yeah.32:02 And angst in her. And I think you're right on, Erin. Just just a willingness to go under that waterline. What's what's this really about for me?32:09 Mhmm.32:09 And I know the Lord will meet you there. Yeah. And he's faithful to do that when we're asking the questions. I love when he speaks to us in our hearts just to know that he32:21 sees us, he hears us, and he's with us.32:24 Yeah. You know, and as we head into the new year, boy, what what a great opportunity to confront or, you know, to work through these doubts. Mhmm. You know, how how are these doubts showing upShow more In this video 0:00 Welcome to Christmas: Gifts, Love Languages, and a Special Message3:25 God's Impossible Miracles: Elizabeth, Mary, and Personal Transformation27:40 Navigating Doubt and Deepening Faith This Christmas32:29 Expressing Love at Christmas and Embracing Healthy Conflict
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