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Unified Parenting Starts With Us | S2E38 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
July 3, 2025 · 45 min
How can you raise godly children if your marriage isn’t united? In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack the power of unity in parenting and why your relationship as husband and wife sets the tone for your entire household. From handling in-law dynamics to the biblical principle of "leaving and cleaving," they share how oneness in marriage creates stability, safety, and spiritual clarity for your kids.This conversation is full of practical insight on conflict resolution, modeling Christ-like behavior, and making sure your faith isn’t just taught—it’s lived. If you’re a parent, planning to be one, or just want to build a marriage that speaks louder than your words, this episode will challenge and encourage you to lead with love, humility, and unity.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
July 3, 2025 · 45 min · Beyond the Letter
How can you raise godly children if your marriage isn’t united? In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack the power of unity in parenting and why your relationship as husband and wife sets the tone for your entire household. From handling in-law dynamics to the biblical principle of "leaving and cleaving," they share how oneness in marriage creates stability, safety, and spiritual clarity for your kids.This conversation is full of practical insight on conflict resolution, modeling Christ-like behavior, and making sure your faith isn’t just taught—it’s lived. If you’re a parent, planning to be one, or just want to build a marriage that speaks louder than your words, this episode will challenge and encourage you to lead with love, humility, and unity.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com ...more Show the full description Show less How can you raise godly children if your marriage isn’t united? In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack the power of unity in parenting and why your relationship as husband and wife sets the tone for your entire household. From handling in-law dynamics to the biblical principle of "leaving and cleaving," they share how oneness in marriage creates stability, safety, and spiritual clarity for your kids.This conversation is full of practical insight on conflict resolution, modeling Christ-like behavior, and making sure your faith isn’t just taught—it’s lived. If you’re a parent, planning to be one, or just want to build a marriage that speaks louder than your words, this episode will challenge and encourage you to lead with love, humility, and unity.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
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0:12 Alright, Alright, everybody. Hey. Are we're we're good. Right, Andy? We're going? Welcome, everyone, to Beyond I Do. Mhmm. Thanks for joining us today. We are running a part 2 to our part 1. I don't even know what the0:24 team team hasn't titled it yet. So it's something like0:28 Questions before kids.0:29 Questions before kids, raising your kids Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. So if you're just catching this episode, you can go back to the previous Beyond I Do episode. Watch part 1 if you want to.0:41 If not, this episode isn't particularly connected to the last 1. It's part 2 in the sense of I came across social media posts, and, they had, some questions that everyone seemed to agree,0:53 like, oh, yeah. These would be really good. So Ashley and I started. I think we got 2 questions in of the 9 that is in the in the in the person's social media post and overall became, you know, a good1:05 topic of conversation. And so we are continuing that conversation. And so let me just see. For recap,1:17 what what I'm I'm forgetting the 2 we did last time. I'm looking for them.1:22 It was the 1 was a nonnegotiable after kids.1:25 Yes. What's the yeah. 1 to 2 nonnegotiable habits that each 1 wants to feel like to to to continue to feel good, to feel good in, you know, selves. Are we1:36 prioritizing relationship? Is the baby fitting in our schedule or we're building a schedule around the baby? So you and I shared perspective around how we, you know, raised our boys when they were in the baby phase.
1:48 And so we'll just jump off then into the next 1. And if you remember part 1, we closed the episode by me sharing about what these next questions would be. And
2:00 these are pretty these are good. You know? So here's directly the next question, which is what if 1 of us gets invited on a trip, job, work work trip, destination wedding, and the other can't go? What
2:12 do we do then?
2:16 Well, early on in our when we had Matthias and we were living at your parents' house, you would travel for work. And so there would be times where
2:28 I would wanna go, but I realized early on those trips are boring. And anytime you would say he was going on a trip, I'm not going. Yeah. And I was
2:39 okay. It there was and it it's all dependent on what it was. The you've never gone on a boys trip without and you've gone on guys trips, but not, like, a trip for a week. That's ridiculous. If you're going on a trip with
2:51 your boys for go get a life and don't be married. But that's just my personal opinion.
2:56 Yeah. It's like 2 days, 3 days. Like 2
2:58 to yeah. Yeah. That that's fine. Especially if you're celebrating something or celebrating a big birthday, those are things where, that that's no issue for me. But when it came to
3:10 work or in that instance, I did not feel like going. Because 1, I didn't wanna leave the baby or 2, I didn't wanna feel like tracking on tracking on the baby because we did do 1 where we went, and you had a
3:22 golf thing. I did not golf, but I was able to get to bring my mom. Mhmm. So my mom came, and so we enjoyed ourselves. Me and my mom got the time with both boys because I needed the help because you were busy. And then at
3:34 night, it helped us because then I was able to enjoy the dinners with you.
3:39 Yes.
3:39 So those were things where you would say as a husband, hey. I think it would be important for you to come, and then you would either say, hey. This is something that we can bring someone with and the boys can go, or,
3:50 hey. I think just because it's a quick turnaround, let's find somebody to watch the boys, and I would really enjoy if you could come with me. That's the blessing that we do have is we have a great support system now,
4:02 that our kids are older too, to be able to help and watch the boys when we do wanna go away or when we wanna get away for a work trip or business trip. But early on, I realized, like,
4:14 I this is more work. I got a pack of diaper bag. I gotta make sure I have all the right bottles and the cleaning tools for the bottles knowing that I may be wasting milk, and that just you know what? I'm a
4:25 stay home.
4:26 Yeah. Yeah.
4:27 Yeah. I don't I don't have FOMO. I'm not 1 that is like, well, I wish I could have gone. Yeah. It's nice to go places, but there's nothing where I felt that, and I mean, you could tell me, like, made it hard
4:39 for you to go anywhere because I was like, I guess you're going on another work trip.
4:43 No. No. I mean, you know, and I I there's some context, I think, for for for you and our marriage in a couple things. So I think, to me, 1 of the
4:55 standout moments, I think, from part 1 of this episode was that and and it was never really conscious. It's been more of, like, my perspective as as kind of the the man of the house. And if it didn't
5:07 work with you for you, then I would have adjusted and and we would have talked about it. But in the sense that, you know, for the first, you know, 3 to 4 years of the boy's life, I've I've really let
5:20 you kind of being the person that's with them the most and having to care for the boys the most while I'm the principal bed breadwinner. We're we're still, dual income in our home, but
5:31 I I make majority of the income for the family. So, you know, whatever was comfortable for you, whatever whatever is kind of what you wanted to lean with is what I would go, okay. You know, and there were certain things
5:43 I had to do, part of my job and my role, travel or, you know, this or that and everything like that. And I I think the first trip I ever went on was
5:55 we were considering a new missions partner, and so I had to go to the Dominican Republic for 9 days to evaluate whether we wanted to to partner with this organization or not. And so that Matthias was probably
6:07 7 months old.
6:08 No. Your first trip was Azerbaijan when I got hit in the car. When I got rear ended.
6:15 Be re really?
6:16 Yeah.
6:18 No. No. No. No. That was Because
6:20 we went to we flew to New York. It was 1 night that I stayed away, and then you were gone for, like, a long trip.
6:25 It wasn't that long. Wasn't born yet when I was in Azerbaijan. Because that was when Jermaine and Jasmine got married, and I think they
6:33 Is that Israel then? Maybe you were you were in either Azerbaijan or Israel where I got rear ended. And it was Matthias was young because I remember screaming at that man. I have a 6 month old in my car, and it was
6:44 pouring down rain, and I wanted to swing on him. He had no papers, no nothing, no insurance. And he's like, I'm just trying to get
6:50 to the
6:50 hospital because my daughter's sick.
6:51 And then Phil did Phil leave? Didn't Phil
6:53 didn't Phil was there. Stormed over there. Phil stormed over and helped.
6:57 I was That was Azerbaijan. Okay. So maybe maybe in Matthias' first year and a half of his life, I did I I thought it was only 1 trip, but I did yeah. I did 1 1 5, 6
7:08 day trip to Azerbaijan to meet with their government. I did 1 trip to Israel, which was is 10 days. Mhmm. And then I did 6 days or something like that in the Dominican.
7:20 Right? And they were all for all ministry related things. Right? And so, yeah, with those opportunities, a couple of them, you wouldn't have been
7:32 invited in. 1 1 or so, you would have had the chance to go if you wanted to. But for the work side, yeah, you know, it was always, hey, Ashley. What's comfortable for you? So if if I came home
7:44 and you were like, I really feel like I need a trip, then, I mean, I'd be like, okay. Well, let's talk about it. Why? You know? You know? Or I feel like I need to go out with my girls or what. Then I'd be like,
7:56 okay. That's fine. You've you've done that. You're you're not really a sociable you're sociable, but, like, you don't
8:04 My battery goes real dry.
8:05 You're not like you don't look you're not like
8:08 I wanna be on my couch.
8:08 You're not always trying to hang out with girlfriends or anything like yeah. You're that's not your thing. So so do you. It's like you going out is not what recharges you, and we talked about that yesterday. We're We
8:19 talked about as well. 1, which is like yours is fitness. You feel like you gotta work out and stuff like that. So that's not really what you're looking for for you. So it it's me understanding my wife. It's me
8:30 understanding what's important to her, what's a dynamic for her. Also, you also understanding me and what my, you know, job, you know, dictates my responsibility and my role,
8:42 you know, in what what I do for work and and and that being on the same page. So I think what stuck out from part 1 is understanding that, you know, I really heavily
8:55 lean towards you for the early couple years. Like, what are you comfortable with? What do you want? What do you need? Because you're around the boys the most at that season and at that time breastfeeding.
9:06 And But I know that you didn't you know? Like and you did that not in a way of, like, those are your like, you do it. You figure it out. It wasn't that because, like, there's nothing I can do. I can't
9:18 breastfeed. It's not like I couldn't change a diaper. I couldn't do anything. But, like, you did it in a respectful way because I was like, can you just get out the way?
9:28 Well, yeah. And that's that's that's those points where I'm saying it's your personality type too because, you know, I I I, you know, I tell guys all the time because we're know, I'm always around young men, and they
9:40 talk about yeah. Adam, do you have any advice when, you know, we have this baby? Blah blah blah. And they go, hey. My advice may work, may not work. Ashley and I consciously, unconsciously, we have very traditional
9:52 marriage. We have a very traditional makeup in our home in a lot of ways. Not every way. Like, I do most of the cooking or or stuff like that, but still in the sense of, like, mom, dad roles, father as
10:04 leader, provider, husband, you know, guide, then wife, you know, the 1 that follows her husband's lead and but also as the the nurturer and the mother and, you know, like, that's really where we're
10:15 traditional in that sense. So I always tell young guys all the time, like, I I've I've maybe I've given 1 of our sons 2 bottles in his life. Like, Ashley never
10:28 yeah. And our boys took bottles because they would go with grandma or whatever a lot. And and and but if I was in the room, Ashley was always like, hey. You you work a lot. Let me do this. I'll breastfeed.
10:40 In the middle that I've never had to wake up in the middle of the night to feed any of our sons. So very blessed by that. So I tell guys all the time, know, He's
10:48 not whipping nothing out. And, like, for me, at the end of the day, I'm looking at like, when wives are like, well, he should wake up because if he's so we both need to be tired, that may make that make sense. Diapers
11:00 get out the way. Like, it just comes with
11:03 diapers, but Ashley probably did it 90 percent of the time. And not because I wouldn't. It it for her, she's like, I do it faster. I do it quicker. And but, again It's when I'm talking about personality type. Ashley is
11:15 Ashley, there's a couple people in our life that we know of that are, like, they're true mothers. Like, they they they were born with this, like, like, with the desire to just
11:27 mother their children. You know? And and Ashley that way. You know, like
11:31 mother them. They don't wanna be anywhere without you. I'm like, good.
11:34 Yeah. That's Ashley. Like, mothering her boys are not an inconvenience, you know, when they were babies, anything anything that was, like, diaper changing, feeding them,
11:46 you know, yeah, Ashley would emotionally be tired, overwhelmed, whatever. But 90 percent of the time, it to her, it was, I love it. I wanna do it. I'd have to, like, fight to be like, I want some experiences. Like, I
11:57 wanna say I you know, and then, and then finally I just backed off. Was like, no, she, she, like, she loves this. This is, this is her. And we have a couple friends that like, they're the same way, you know, Nicole is
12:08 that same way. Like Nicole, who, who, who they're very good friends of ours or 1 of our best friends, Nicole's the same way. It's like, this is a mom. Like Mhmm. She was born to do this where other mothers go like, yeah.
12:18 If I could give them away, I would. And and that's fine. That's not even that's not a diss on their personality. They they have a different personality. Ashley had that personality, which, again, for my work ethic, it
12:30 worked to my benefit because it let me, you know, sleep at night and and and and and wake up and go to work and everything like that. And so I wasn't I wasn't on 2 hours. I've
12:42 never I never you know, our boys would sleep and Ashley would never wake I wake up fully recharged, go to work Mhmm. Do what I had to do, you know, or whatever. And so that that was a blessing.
12:52 But that's not everyone. Yeah. And that allowed you, when you would come home, like, hey. Do you wanna go be in the shower for a little little bit? Like, there were things that he knew that I was doing at night that he
13:02 would pick up. Hey. The bottles are downstairs. Rinse them off for you. Do you need any? Hey. Or, hey. I just called
13:08 never had to worry about food ever. Never. Made sure I made sure she had breakfast. I made sure she had lunch. Everything. Dinner. You know, that that's the stuff I made sure that was taken care of.
13:19 Pump. Know? Be like, hey. I just got finished pumping. He would go put it in the bag, put it in the freezer. That's your job.
13:24 I'd mark
13:24 it. Mark it. Dates.
13:26 All that stuff like that.
13:26 All I needed to do. Yeah. And it just worked because it was for us, I felt in order for us to be a good team, let me do what I know I'm good at. And I and I wanted to be good at being a mother. And
13:39 so that's the thing where I feel like a lot of men now are trying to figure out, like, how do I help? And I wanna help, or she's not allowing me to help. And sometimes it's not the fact that we
13:50 don't want you to help. It's just it just comes second nature. Like, God has created us as women to be mothers. And in order to be a mother, it just comes. Naturally, cleaning up
14:02 poop and not getting gag reflexes just naturally comes. It would be my pure enjoyment with him whenever there was a blowout. You wanna do this? And he's like, or
14:15 I'd be like or I'd or he'd be the baby would be in the carrier, and poop is running down. He's like, oh my god. Like, it's pure I
14:22 feel like I'll Venmo you 20 bucks to not have to do it. I would. I pay her sometimes.
14:26 Do that.
14:27 I'll be like, I'll pay you 20 dollars
14:29 right What would
14:30 it take? Do if
14:31 We've even done that now. We've done that well, I mean, it just when you're on a team and you're on the team that you love, like, Adam and I, this is so far left, but I think it was just such a
14:43 pure because I could have totally done it 1 way or the other. The other day, we walked in. We were hanging out with our friends, and we had left rooster at home. And rooster had been
14:55 gone with the I always say, what where is he at? The marines? I always say he's he's
15:00 at the like the people the company who watches him.
15:02 Who watches Well, he, girl, he had a blowout. The dog had a blowout rooster had a blowout in the cage.
15:08 Because the at the we what we suppose is at at this training place he goes to, he's probably somehow got into a dog's kennel and ate their food, which, you know, dogs can't mix food or
15:18 else it
15:18 does it. So he he he had, like, crazy diarrhea, and we were gone. So in his cage
15:24 In the house.
15:25 And I'm like, crying.
15:26 Adam, you slept. And he's like, no. So immediately, instead all the time
15:32 I think if the day I forget the actual day, but as I this is gone all day. I was at work
15:36 all day. We were gone all day. Rooster was here.
15:38 And I was
15:39 ready for bed. Preaching, and we were just, oh, baptisms. Baptisms.
15:42 Comes baptism
15:43 weekend. Baptism weekend. Yes.
15:44 So baptize 700 people.
15:45 700 people. Baptize America. So then we come home, and I have the decision to make as a wife. Because every time I always be joking around, that's your dog. I ain't doing nothing with that dog. Whatever happens with that
15:56 dog and majority of the time, I do. But in that moment, I was like, my husband I'm like, you know what? We have to tackle it this like it's a kid. A kid makes a mistake. You take 1. 1 parent
16:08 handles the kid. The other parent handles the mess. And that without question, I was like, hey. Grab rooster. Take rooster. Mind you, then I'm getting bleach. I'm getting pine saw,
16:20 all of it in there. And he's like, did he throw up? I said, no. That's the the pine saw and the bleach, like, marinating the poop. Yeah. So then in without questions asked, and then we come back, and he was like, hey.
16:31 Thanks for your help.
16:32 And it was it was so much better because in my head, I'm like, man, I gotta I gotta give him a whole bath, dry him. Then I gotta go get this kennel. Then I gotta, you know, to house, all that stuff, blah blah blah. So
16:43 then just like even that was like, oh, I don't have to do it. So it took me 45 minutes or whatever to fully wash him well and then come in and in my head, I'm like, okay. Another 40 minutes of cleaning, but all while I
16:54 was outside, really. So I didn't really see what she was doing. So I come in and then Ashley cleaned his whole kennel. And I and then she literally just put the trash bag out outside for me to throw it away. But I and
17:06 but I was like, oh my goodness. Like, thank god. Like that, I just you know, in my head, I'm like, here's an hour and a half when I just wanna go to bed. You know? But that yeah. It's that that's what you do with
17:17 children, you know, too in that sense. And it it's, you know, dividing and conquering to the degree that is is restful for both. Right? Like, I could've I could've helped feed the
17:28 boys or whatever to but to you, you were like, oh, it's not really an inconvenience. I'm good with it. You know? Like, it it doesn't bother me. But, again, that's where it comes down to, like, personality type. So
17:40 for you, it's not you're not like, oh, I gotta get out the house. I gotta get away from these boys. It's, your your mother, your your your
17:48 mom boys. Come on.
17:49 Yeah. You want them with you. You you know? Times I have watched them. You're like, oh, I miss you guys. I'm like, it's been 30 minutes. Right. Know? But that's your personality. So everybody's personality is different.
17:59 So the point I'm trying to make is I've tried and you've tried to adapt towards each other's strengths and personality. And if for some reason you wanted me to do my part
18:11 and, you know, feed the boys a bottle or whatever, then I'm gonna do that. You know? If you wanted to go away 2, 3 days for a thing, okay. Like, we'll we'll handle that, and and
18:23 we'll we'll make sure that, you know, everything is is taken care of. So let's go to the next question. K. Alright. Next question is no. I don't wanna update my software. Thank you so
18:35 much. Alright. Oh, how do you hand how do you how do we remember this, the question of the person who's gonna have a child. So how do we want to handle advice from our families,
18:47 especially when it contradicts what we're choosing? So we could talk about how how we've done that over the years. Yeah. You know, how do you how do you handle the in laws, their opinions, which obviously they have
18:58 them. Yeah. And at times, many of times, they contradict. But let me say this. I'll give a re I can't remember if I shared it on the podcast. Do you know did I share a recent, story on the podcast about my mother-in-law,
19:10 my nephew, and my house?
19:12 Yeah. With the popsicles. With the popsicles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
19:14 The popsicle. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So my
19:15 shit again.
19:16 Yes. Nancy said say it again. Say it again. Say it again. Well, it's just a recent example of not necessarily our kids, but home you know, our home. And, you know, we had we had all of Ashley's family over over
19:28 at our house for something. And 1 of my nephews, who they're twins, he went in our fridge, and he just he grabbed a soda. And my mother-in-law stopped him and was like, wait. You know, I think it was Ace
19:40 who it was. It's like, Ace, you know, don't go in your uncle's fridge. You need to ask permission. Make sure you go to him, and you ask him if you can get a soda from the fridge. Mhmm. And I said, you know, I said,
19:52 Betsy, with all due respect Yeah. This is my nephew. This is my home. Nephew, you can go in my fridge whenever you want. I don't there nothing I own. You know, everything you see
20:03 down here, you know, help yourself. Food, cabinet, pantry, you know, fridge, have as much of it. Even if you have the last thing, help yourself. Right. And then and then your mom was like, well, we just we have
20:15 a different view of it. And I said, and when he's in your home, he can respect your
20:20 rule Right.
20:20 Of what it is. But when he's in my home Yeah. He's like, they can tell the difference between 2 different homes. We're not confusing him. Right. You know? He know I want him to know when he's at my house. Right. Ashley
20:31 and I literally I said, Ashley and I don't operate that way. Right. Very different. Your mom, great. And your mom's, you know, very mature and very spirit filled. She was just like, okay. For sure. You know? Like, you
20:42 know?
20:42 And and I think it's it's unique in that way because we always we have our community, and Erica and I will go back and forth because it's 1 thing, though, like, when our boys are home with us,
20:54 though, and if they do want something from the fridge, we do have them ask permission because they could be on their fifteenth popsicle. And so
21:04 yeah. Yeah. So, like, yeah, you know, nephews, it's a party. It's do yeah. Help yourself.
21:09 But yeah. For the boys on that day. It's like, free. Go. Boys, go. But when there is no party and there is structure in the home Yeah.
21:16 It's a normal day.
21:17 That's a normal day. And so but the the the Yeah. They know they can get water whenever
21:22 they want. They know they can get fruit whenever they want.
21:24 Yep. But but but treats near the chips. Yeah. Soda. Yeah. You gotta ask.
21:29 Yeah. Because we
21:30 what have you eaten of nutrition today besides the junk? But, yeah, our you know, it took some time, because I know we had talked about when it's, when it
21:42 comes to your parents about just the the pleasing of your parents. For me to understand and to recognize in
21:53 myself, I'm an adult. Mhmm. And so I'm an adult with kids. And so I think having those conversations and sometimes even those friction conversations with your
22:05 parents are tough, but they need to be had. And and you I feel like the respect needs to be I've respected you mom and dad for so many years. And here's
22:17 how I'm raising my kids now.
22:19 Yeah.
22:19 This is what I would like to do now. So me and my mom have had many tough conversations because 1 thing, my mom is not an iPad person. I am an iPad person. She's like, this is rotting their brain. And I'm like, yeah. And
22:31 there's a thing called brain rot the kids love. And so I'm the type of person where I'm like, you know what? You can say you can say how you feel Mhmm. All the time. But if
22:43 it's gonna negatively affect not only my feelings, but if you're speaking which she does, like speaking down on my children, that's where I'm gonna pause you. Because that is not something that we accept. That's not
22:54 something we're gonna receive. Unless you're gonna speak light to it and life in it, then then you can speak. But if you're going to only contradict and you shouldn't do this, you should you didn't have this at the time.
23:07 You didn't have an iPad. You don't know what you would have done at the time. Right. So you can't speak to something you don't know when we weren't ever raised in this kind of era of I mean, when the phones came out, I
23:18 got a phone. You know what I mean? So, like, what's the difference of I don't know what my mom would have? She probably would have said maybe I wouldn't have, but I got a phone. Yeah. 1 phone. I got the Nokia with the
23:28 snake.
23:28 Yeah.
23:29 Like, the Yeah. So for me, having those tough conversations with my parent with my either my mom or my in laws is we just let them know this is the way that we raise our
23:41 kids. And if you guys
23:43 And and we have the opposite conversation with my mom and dad because my my mom and dad, they raised, you know, me and my brothers, like, we were very sheltered, but at the same
23:54 time, our our our home, our environment was very, like, independent, free. Yeah. Do whatever you want. Do it like, my mom like, they never kept tabs how long we were on the PlayStation, how long we
24:06 were on Xbox. They never it was just like, as long as you're home, like, do whatever you want. Yeah. You know? And and so, like, and they're they they grandparent that way.
24:17 Yeah.
24:17 It's do whatever you want. Like, we don't care. You know? Not in that they don't care. It's like, you're home. You're like, how much trouble can you get into? Like Right. You know? So so they we were never allowed to go
24:27 to a friend's house, never allowed to do x y z. But at home, it was like, you wanna go in the fridge 100 times? Go in the fridge 100 times. You wanna Right. Do you wanna go you know, you wanna play Xbox for 20 hours on a
24:38 Saturday? Play Xbox for 20 hours, we don't care. You know? Mhmm. So it was very much like that. So the grandkids are that way. So we'll have the opposite talk with my mom and say, hey, mom. The boys are coming. They're
24:48 gonna have their iPads only a couple hours. Yeah. An hour at most. Yes. 2 hours at most. Evening only, please.
24:55 Communicate when they're hungry. Yeah. Don't let them just rage the
24:59 I asked them I asked them if they're hungry, and they said no. I'm like, yeah, they're children. They're with their cousins. They're not gonna feel hungry until 9 o'clock when they're texting us because they have iPads.
25:08 Dad, I'm hungry. Right. I'm like, well, did you tell grandma? No. We you know, she never asked. It's like, well
25:14 I'm on my 12 pack of goats.
25:15 Know? Then I'll call my mom and be like, why didn't you feed them? Well, I asked them. They said they weren't hungry. I'm like, well, mom, you you know, like, so
25:21 But she's very loving in that way because she wants the kids to feel safe. She wants them to feel that grandma is gonna love them
25:29 or guard them like My mom's not from the south, but she's that southern grandma in the sense that it's like warm all warm hugs. It's Yes. You know, whatever treats you wanna do. Like, what whatever you
25:41 wanna do. Like, whatever you want, whatever you wanna get, it's it's yours. And so we have to talk to her and be like, you know, stop spoiling them. If you go to Target, 1 toy only, please. We don't want more crap in the
25:52 house.
25:53 I'd rather have clothes and underwear and pajamas. Have them pick that out over toys, and she'll do that. Yeah. And so she's very because we obviously parent different than my, brother and sister in laws. AndShow more
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Adam Mesa492K followers
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