Skip to content When “No Screens” Backfires | S3E14 BEYOND I DO PODCAST Jan 15 · 53 min ...more
When “No Screens” Backfires | S3E14 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
January 15, 2026 · 53 min
In this episode, Adam and Ashlee get real about devices, boundaries, and raising kids in a screen-saturated world. They unpack a viral “90s childhood” parenting trend (VCRs, landlines, no streaming, classic consoles) and talk about the difference between intentional family connection vs. parenting that turns into strict rule-based control. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep your home grounded without becoming extreme—or accidentally creating curiosity and rebellion later—this conversation is for you.They also share what’s working in their own house right now: no iPads Monday–Friday, weekend structure, and a focus on building maturity over age-based rules. Adam and Ashlee talk through ADHD, dopamine-chasing, teaching kids why boundaries exist, and how to stay consistent in public settings (especially when other parents’ rules get… complicated). Plus: media discernment, nostalgia vs. your kids’ real interests, and how to shape character through sports, discipline, and everyday decisions.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
Series Beyond the Letter Article · 8 min read Screen Time Rules for Kids: Why Explaining the Why Matters Adam Mesa and his wife Ashley talk about screen limits, nostalgia, faith, and why kids need to know the reason behind a rule. January 15, 2026 · 53 min · Beyond the Letter
In this episode, Adam and Ashlee get real about devices, boundaries, and raising kids in a screen-saturated world. They unpack a viral “90s childhood” parenting trend (VCRs, landlines, no streaming, classic consoles) and talk about the difference between intentional family connection vs. parenting that turns into strict rule-based control. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep your home grounded without becoming extreme—or accidentally creating curiosity and rebellion later—this conversation is for you.They also share what’s working in their own house right now: no iPads Monday–Friday, weekend structure, and a focus on building maturity over age-based rules. Adam and Ashlee talk through ADHD, dopamine-chasing, teaching kids why boundaries exist, and how to stay consistent in public settings (especially when other parents’ rules get… complicated). Plus: media discernment, nostalgia vs. your kids’ real interests, and how to shape character through sports, discipline, and everyday decisions.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en ...more Show the full description Show less In this episode, Adam and Ashlee get real about devices, boundaries, and raising kids in a screen-saturated world. They unpack a viral “90s childhood” parenting trend (VCRs, landlines, no streaming, classic consoles) and talk about the difference between intentional family connection vs. parenting that turns into strict rule-based control. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep your home grounded without becoming extreme—or accidentally creating curiosity and rebellion later—this conversation is for you.They also share what’s working in their own house right now: no iPads Monday–Friday, weekend structure, and a focus on building maturity over age-based rules. Adam and Ashlee talk through ADHD, dopamine-chasing, teaching kids why boundaries exist, and how to stay consistent in public settings (especially when other parents’ rules get… complicated). Plus: media discernment, nostalgia vs. your kids’ real interests, and how to shape character through sports, discipline, and everyday decisions.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
Series Beyond the Letter Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Support this leader
Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Give
Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
492K followers
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
492K followers
0:12 What?0:12 You're playing she said, we got after care, blah blah blah. It's like, wait. Let's let's0:16 Oh, be quiet. Yeah. Because well, because, yeah, I'm the 1 that has to be a mother and worry about my kids0:21 picking up. This podcast 30:22 times. No. Did no. No. I did not. How are you gonna tell me to postpone it? Nancy. Sat there at school today and talked for an hour.0:30 Nancy. I ready yesterday. No. She said I was ready yesterday.0:32 No. Yesterday, what did I say? Which is very important. I wanna see my babies and get their homework done because I'm the 1 that has to do that.0:40 My camera a little bit. My head's going off.0:42 Get it yeah. Good. Get it off the screen. Keep his brain off of it.0:45 You gotta fix that camera a0:46 little No. That has nothing to do no. Absolutely not. I did not cancel it 3 times. Then I told your butt to get up at0:52 8 o'clock this morning.0:53 I'm in there with my schedule. Yeah. You said that. And so then you're like, let's push it to 12 30. Then we're at school today, and all0:59 of sudden, mister studious, I wanna be No.1:01 Teacher's pet, had an hour conversation with the professor after. And I'm sitting there, took a picture with
1:05 Nancy and said, it definitely ain't coming at 12 30.
1:08 Then I got then we went home Then we went home. And then who cooked you some lunch or made you some lunch? I did. Like You cooked? You meant cooking. I cooked lunch, and then I made lunch, and it was healthy.
1:18 She's cooked twice. She don't
1:20 have it. She cooked twice. Don't know
1:20 how to act now.
1:21 Whole domesticated woman. Don't blame me. Don't blame me. 20 26, New Year, new me. Wait. You served him?
1:29 I was
1:30 She fed him. I thought I had him
1:31 she said I said it on the table.
1:32 I said it I said it very nice. It was very nice. She made it a place.
1:36 Yesterday. Yes. She did.
1:37 She made And I did met dinner yesterday, and then he wives, hear me out.
1:41 I ate it on a work call. So
1:42 And I had to call him from outside to come inside because it was still hot. And he like, he told me, eat it while it's hot. It's disrespectful. It's rude. I said, if don't get your
1:51 butt in here right now,
1:52 I've been slaved over this whole meal. The Crock Pot slave
1:55 Listen. I
1:56 over that whole meal. And I got business.
1:59 I take care
1:59 of Whatever. Anyways, it was I have
2:02 business to take care of.
2:04 And I made that meal within 20 minutes today. Dang. Sweating. Don't smell my pits. Alize, can you give me that bag real quick? I wanna show everyone. Everyone has been not every I won't say everyone
2:16 because I think you say when you say everyone, it's like, really everyone? No. About, like, 5 women were like, show us what Adam, which is now a couple weeks ago, got you for Christmas. And we talked about the
2:27 sentiment of, like
2:28 Yeah. How good my gift was gonna be.
2:30 Yeah. Yeah. Well, and you got yours on too, so don't blame me.
2:34 Got me a new necklace.
2:34 I like it. I did. So it came in the mail finally. It was late, but it's okay. So everybody. Welcome to Beyond IQ.
2:44 Thanks for joining us today. So good to see you guys. Yes. Yes. Let's jump into that. We got Ashley today here at the table as you guys can tell. Yes. So let's jump in and give us some
2:56 context through your voice. Oh. We can
3:00 So here is the But give them context. Like I'm I'm but oh, wait. Hold on. You can't see
3:05 it. No. People may have not seen that episode.
3:07 I was trying to give context, and you said, hello, everybody. Welcome to Beyond I Do. Was I not? Yeah. Exactly. Okay. So a couple weeks ago, Adam and I were talking about the sentiments of gifts and how do you gift
3:18 someone that you feel like either gifts themselves, what they want.
3:22 Really, just the context of why you're about to show this bag. You you move it quicker. Move it quicker.
3:29 You you wanna do this by yourself?
3:31 No. I'm okay.
3:31 Show real time, real relationship. I will step out this room, and you can do it by yourself.
3:35 Go ahead. Alright. Give us the
3:36 the Lonely.
3:39 Our whole podcast is gonna be you doing the epi just resaying the whole episode
3:44 that Okay.
3:44 Came to this.
3:45 So I opened my bag, and it's it's a bag.
3:47 So it's totes. Hold on. You still have not given let me give the context. I hyped up We have
3:53 a lot of people
3:54 Christmas gift.
3:55 You
3:55 did. Not everybody who's watching this may have seen that episode.
3:57 I was getting there. Cut me off.
3:58 No. You didn't. You were about to lift it and be like, so this is what he got.
4:01 I was before you cut me off. You said get to the point. Here's that.
4:04 I didn't. I said just make it no. You were recapping the episode, and I said, no. Just say, Adam was hyped up
4:10 this week. Remember what app episode, and they're like, maybe I wanna go back to that 1 to see if I really am a good gift giver.
4:15 Exactly. But then they the way you were explaining it, they wouldn't have had to go back to the episode because they were gonna rehear the episode right now.
4:21 Doing y'all a favor.
4:22 Yeah. I hyped up the Christmas gift that I was gonna get you, and I said, oh, your your your sister says she's gonna love it. Your mom says she's gonna love it. And then I said, trust me. You know, you just make you cry
4:33 or whatever. And and so we hyped it up. And then we said, hey, everyone. We will show you what Ashley got originally on Instagram, which you never did. On Instagram, you know, we'll share what I end up
4:45 getting here. So then now we have here where now you were gonna show what it is Is it my turn to talk now? Yeah.
4:50 Here we go. Okay. So my turn. So he got me a bag, and not just any bag like he always said, the the YSL bag or Saint Laurent bag. But on the bag, it's what it's canvas.
5:00 It's not very expensive.
5:00 No. No. No. So what's what's very special and unique about this is it he customized it. So he took the canvas bag and put my patches that I had stored away that were your mom
5:12 had recently found a couple months ago that these are all my national championship series, from when I was younger playing soccer. Mhmm. And so you know how you just have things or you you
5:24 you do things in life and you get rewarded or you get patches or you get medals, and you they end up collecting dust. And so this was a very special
5:32 them in,
5:32 like, a little jewelry
5:33 box in, like, a ziplock baggie.
5:35 And You know? For me, it would be explaining to my kids later in life, oh, look. Mom did this or that, but now it's And expresses
5:42 traditionally would be in your on your on your shorts that you played in. And then I guess you after every year, you would your mom or someone, you'd cut them off
5:49 or Yeah. We cut them off or the shorts, you just patch the shorts and you play with those ones, and then you get new shorts and do it. But I only did 1 pair of shorts because I was like, those are my favorite shorts. So
6:00 and you had that lucky short thing.
6:02 Just kept repatching Yeah. The same shorts. Mhmm. Okay.
6:05 Kept repatching the new
6:06 to take them off
6:06 Yes.
6:06 To put your new 1 on.
6:07 Yes. So this is all the way so it says 2018, 2005, 2008. 2008. Sorry. Well, 2008, 2005, 2007 state championship champion,
6:19 2006, 2007 regional champion.
6:23 And then your nickname was Big Bird?
6:24 My nickname was Big Bird. So I had never put this on anything because I was gonna put it on my shorts, but the my shorts were too they weren't big enough. They or long enough. And so that I my, coach had
6:36 gifted me or a teammate had gifted me, and I just never put it on. So this bag has now gone everywhere, and it would
6:41 probably be it's probably gonna
6:42 be tore up, and he's gonna have to give me a new 1 because I've literally carried it almost everywhere. But yeah. So this was something I did cry when I opened it because you think about the things that you've done in
6:51 life, the hard work, the the time, the hours, the travel, the experiences, and sometimes you can't. When a lot of people say, well, don't live in the past, but sometimes the memories in the past are what
7:03 make your life special. And, so now that I get to share this every time. And there's a lot of young girls that I know that play sports and soccer that I've mentored, over the
7:15 last couple years, and they would have these patches. So it's something that you have something in common with even at an older age where you can still be, you still have relation with that or you still have, what's the
7:27 word I'm looking for, Similarities.
7:29 Yeah.
7:30 Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So here's my bag that I carry everywhere, guys. I absolutely love it, and I got
7:36 yeah. Was quite the process. I discovered this little jewelry box a couple week well, not a couple weeks ago, but but, like, back in October. And I was like, oh, what's what are all these patches hanging out? And I
7:47 looked, and I and I was like, wow. I could I could I should probably do something with these. And then I thought I was gonna put them originally on, a little, like, a a big old picture board thing that you can, like,
7:57 submit them to, like, frame bridge, and they'll, you know, set them and you can hang it somewhere. And I thought, okay, I might do that. And then I don't know. I saw I saw something that had patches. It was like some
8:07 brand like Bodhi or something. And then I was like, oh, maybe I can get. And I did name brand just because, hopefully, it should be quality. I didn't wanna do, like, a Trader Joe's canvas and Yeah. And it tear up in
8:19 time. And, hopefully, that doesn't tear up. So I wanted something that was, you know, that was a kind of a name brand canvas that hopefully will was made very well because I was gonna put something special on it. So
8:30 that's why I went in that direction. And then, I took it over to my, my seamstress because I get all my my shirts, my pant. I like all my stuff length fitted
8:42 perfectly. So I go over to her, and I'm like, hey. What what do we gotta do to get these patches on? Because there's, all these pockets and stuff. And she's like, man, I basically have to, like, rebuild it. And then I
8:51 was like, yeah. Let's let's let's do what we gotta do. So, you know, she had to take a lot of things apart and, you know, sew it all on and all that kind of stuff like that, but it ended up coming out really good.
9:01 It
9:02 did. And and, yeah, it brought you to tears. And so yeah. You know, guys, I just for the fellows watching this, I just want you to know, you don't have to be me. You just, you know, you don't
9:16 ladies, don't look at your husband and be like, why don't you know?
9:18 You please don't be him because there's a lot of qualities you don't know that we don't share that
9:22 you please. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying there's there is a talent that you see, which is
9:29 What we put out there, clearly not important.
9:31 Awareness, which is what I'm very aware of other people's, you know, things. I can pick stuff up, but there are other things that I'm I'm very not good. I'm not good with empathy.
9:42 I'm not good with emotion.
9:45 Keep going.
9:46 I'm, I'm I don't take anything serious. Everything to me is kind of meaningless, so I don't
9:52 Keep going.
9:56 So there's a lot of other things that's like, I kinda suck joy out the room pretty fast and everything like that. So it's not they're not it's all not rainbows, but I'll say 1 thing that I encourage guys to keep up on is
10:07 is continue to date your wife, continue to be intentional. This is something I would have done, you know, to woo you in the dating phase that, you know, 12 years of dating,
10:20 you know, it's still important to me to want to continue to do because I do know that as we've aged, my faults have also gotten louder. And so I need to also make sure the things that you chose to marry
10:32 me stay just as loud, the intentionality of things and the awareness of the needs of my wife.
10:40 Yeah. Because there's a lot of times where I'd be like, he got me that bad, girl. He got me that bad.
10:46 It'll be okay. Just think about how much he loves it.
10:50 He loved me to give me that bag. That was sentimental because I wanna hurt him.
10:54 Yeah. And then on the flip side, Ashley has, like, never done anything sentimental in her life. And that's
11:00 What is around your neck? Well, very thoughtful.
11:02 Yes. It is very
11:03 thought. Let me see.
11:05 Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say It's not thoughtful. Maybe it's sentimental. Yeah. Because you've
11:09 been wanting it for the last 7 years, and we couldn't afford it.
11:12 Yeah. It's just a pendant. Yeah. It's a pendant that I've always wanted. And and It's Jesus Christ. It's Yeah. It's just it's it's a beautiful piece by a jeweler. You know? For those that don't know those that don't know
11:23 fully the podcast, but I I used to work in the jewelry industry. I still do work in the jewelry industry. I make custom stuff and everything like that. And so so I really I really like the art of jewelry because I still
11:35 participate in creating it. And so a jeweler had has a very nice piece, and I've always admired it. And and I know him. And from afar. And I and and about
11:46 annually, I would send it to Ashley and be like, hey. I think I'm gonna finally buy it. I think I'm gonna finally buy it. And then I haven't gotten around to it. And so, yes, for Christmas, you got it for me, which,
11:55 yeah, it'd be sentimental for the fact that I've desired it for a very long
11:58 time. It's very sentimental because then I went leaps and bumps jumps over high because I missed the whole movie movie day because the pendant was coming, and it needed to be signed for, and so someone had to stay. So I
12:09 vouched to stay and miss out on that buttery popcorn for your necklace.
12:13 Yeah. I took the boys to the movie so that you could wait for my package, and then I made you deliver it. I did. I had
12:19 can you bring it to me? So something that he said he didn't love, and he can I have it right away?
12:23 I said, you've got me stuff I've loved. Yeah. For sure. But but I mean,
12:26 like What?
12:27 But I mean, like, listen. Over the
12:28 years no. Because you and I had there was a time. We can list you know what? We had an argument 1 time because
12:34 talk a lot
12:34 on
12:34 this podcast.
12:35 You normally talk a lot. There was this 1 time because with gifts, I'm just saying, him and I got into a heated argument about gifts because it was Mother's Day and Father's Day. And we
12:47 from the beginning when I dated him, he made that statement where it kinda like
12:51 You're not you're not you're not my mom.
12:53 My mom. And I was like, okay.
12:56 I'll picking up your clothes like I'm your mama.
12:58 What do you mean? Now I'm a cook and
13:01 a chef. I'm your mama. Yeah. Uh-huh. So
13:04 there was this time where him and I got in this heated argument because I it wasn't about it wasn't about, the fact that he didn't get me anything
13:16 is I wanna teach my boys to honor their father on their on Father's Day, and it I didn't feel like it was reciprocated on Mother's Day. So then I just took it out on him, I was like, well, you know what? You didn't even
13:27 give me nothing anyways. And he was like, you didn't give me nothing. And then he brought back he was like, no. You got your your tattoo with your boys with the Cheetahs with the tattoo. And then I was like, oh, remember
13:38 that Sandra Sandro jacket I got? That was for Father's Day, and then we both looked stupid. And we both said, oh. Yeah. Sorry.
13:45 Yeah.
13:45 Yeah. But I do get good gifts, but we just apparently gift
13:49 too much because we forgot. You a a custom tattoo of you and your boys in cheetah print, and you got me a jacket for sale.
13:56 It was 400 dollars. Exactly. As much as the tattoo.
14:00 I don't think it was.
14:01 Yeah. That that brand is expensive. And I got you your gorilla tattoo, mister monkey man.
14:07 Yeah. Yeah. Just like just about years
14:09 ago that was same. For Father's Day. Was because I love you.
14:12 It was for Father's This is to protect. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's was Father's Day.
14:16 It was Father's So I got you that and the jacket. Bro. Girl, you went in.
14:21 Bro, what? You're in, like, multiple this is like a multiverse. You're in different years right now.
14:26 No. They all bleed together. Father's Day is every the amount of time, all of them come together.
14:31 And it happened every like, the this was different Father's Days. You know? But just an just just a brief. There's many instances, brief overviews. You know? Oh, wait. Wait.
14:43 What do you want into? When I asked you to marry me a custom lottery ticket And that was really cute. That you scratch off, and it said, you've won the lottery.
14:51 I like that with happiness. There was no money. There was no money.
14:54 Listen. Since yeah. You've drained me. So you it was a financial lottery. Custom. I've done, like, custom candle for you.
15:05 I did a custom bag for you.
15:08 It's great.
15:08 There's a lot of other very intentional things about your life that I have got for you. And I'm just saying not to compare. You don't have any of those
15:20 stories, so to say, other than the the gorilla, which you didn't connect it. There wasn't, like, sentiment behind it. It was just
15:29 You were saying you wanted it, and then I reached out to the tattoo artist. I send them paperwork.
15:33 So that I would say, okay. That's in that's in the stream. And then I would say and then the and then the necklace goes in that direction.
15:39 Because I got you something I got you something. Oh, no. Because, I got you something. You better think real hard about what I got you, where I lied about the whole day because we can't say it on here. But I'm a tell
15:50 you, you better think about long and hard what I got you.
15:52 Are you talking about my thirtieth surprise birthday party?
15:55 Well, that part that 1. 0, you keep adding. You you remember too.
15:58 Well What's another what's the other 1? Maybe I'll The booklet? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can say that on here. We're
16:05 married. Okay.
16:06 What are you talking about?
16:09 I don't they're 18 year olds maybe I don't know. Well, Andy's just turned 20.
16:13 No. I did a voodoo barber shoe for my ass. Woman. Yeah. You did it. Yeah. And it wasn't for, like, our you know, it wasn't early on. It was, like, a couple years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Because you have a history of being very
16:22 insecure about your body and and all that kind stuff like that. And so yeah. And so you you reached out to this woman who's very well known, Boudoir, and and, yeah, you got me a book. Yeah. So okay. I'll take it back.
16:33 You have you have made an effort in the latter year as we've gotten older.
16:39 Trying a little bit harder to to keep up with you is hard.
16:42 Yeah. Because the first 7, it was like it was like, I don't first 7, I was like, I don't think she has feelings or emotions or romantic side
16:53 of But, yes, in the later years of life, you have you have very much improved. I'll I'll say that.
16:59 When you're a big back paddy whack, you really You're so insecure.Show more
Comments No comments yet. Start the conversation.
Comments
Keep it kind. Comments are public.