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Balancing Desires and Biblical Principles in Dating | BEYOND I DO | S1E17 (VIDEO)
January 11, 2024 · 45 min
BEYOND I DO, EPISODE 17!
Does 'the one' exist? How does a first date actually affect the projection of your relationship? As a believer, finding the balance between the heart's desires and the guiding principles of the Bible can be a delicate dance, and we're here to help you find your rhythm.
Pastor Adam and Ashlee also confront the often difficult subject of compromise within relationships, which sparked from a message by a faithful listener who wrote in about a partner who shies away from marriage discussions.
As we chart the course of healthy, Christ-centered relationships, we shed light on the deep significance of commitment and shared spiritual foundations. Understand the warning signs that might signal a partner isn't ready for the sacred bond of marriage and why the alignment of core values is not just beneficial but essential.
Hear personal stories and biblical insights on the impact of being "unequally yoked" and why the allure of superficial indicators of faith can lead to a rocky path. No matter where you're at in your relationship or dating, there are some gold nuggets here that you don't want to pass up.
As always, don't forget to share your comments with us!
--
Did you hear the news? We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.
How to get the exclusive discount?
SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa.
https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
https://bybarnett.com
--
BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE
https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do
--
Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!
https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo
--
Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa
https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
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Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
January 11, 2024 · 45 min · Beyond the Letter
BEYOND I DO, EPISODE 17! Does 'the one' exist? How does a first date actually affect the projection of your relationship? As a believer, finding the balance between the heart's desires and the guiding principles of the Bible can be a delicate dance, and we're here to help you find your rhythm. Pastor Adam and Ashlee also confront the often difficult subject of compromise within relationships, which sparked from a message by a faithful listener who wrote in about a partner who shies away from marriage discussions. As we chart the course of healthy, Christ-centered relationships, we shed light on the deep significance of commitment and shared spiritual foundations. Understand the warning signs that might signal a partner isn't ready for the sacred bond of marriage and why the alignment of core values is not just beneficial but essential. Hear personal stories and biblical insights on the impact of being "unequally yoked" and why the allure of superficial indicators of faith can lead to a rocky path. No matter where you're at in your relationship or dating, there are some gold nuggets here that you don't want to pass up. As always, don't forget to share your comments with us! -- Did you hear the news? We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett. How to get the exclusive discount? SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en https://bybarnett.com -- BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do -- Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below! https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo -- Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA== https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA== -- Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.ido Tik Tok @beyond.ido ...more Show the full description Show less BEYOND I DO, EPISODE 17!
Does 'the one' exist? How does a first date actually affect the projection of your relationship? As a believer, finding the balance between the heart's desires and the guiding principles of the Bible can be a delicate dance, and we're here to help you find your rhythm.
Pastor Adam and Ashlee also confront the often difficult subject of compromise within relationships, which sparked from a message by a faithful listener who wrote in about a partner who shies away from marriage discussions.
As we chart the course of healthy, Christ-centered relationships, we shed light on the deep significance of commitment and shared spiritual foundations. Understand the warning signs that might signal a partner isn't ready for the sacred bond of marriage and why the alignment of core values is not just beneficial but essential.
Hear personal stories and biblical insights on the impact of being "unequally yoked" and why the allure of superficial indicators of faith can lead to a rocky path. No matter where you're at in your relationship or dating, there are some gold nuggets here that you don't want to pass up.
As always, don't forget to share your comments with us!
--
Did you hear the news? We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.
How to get the exclusive discount?
SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa.
https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
https://bybarnett.com
--
BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE
https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do
--
Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!
https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo
--
Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa
https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
--
Don't forget to stay connected with us:
Instagram @beyond.ido
Tik Tok @beyond.ido
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In this video 0:00 The Importance of Non-Compromise in Christian DatingComments No comments yet. Start the conversation.
The Importance of Non-Compromise in Christian Dating 0:12 Welcome to Beyond I Do. I got it right. I didn't call it Beyond I Do. I Do. I Do. I Do. Yeah. I knew Goeboger sucked, man.0:22 It was pretty bad.0:24 But I'm like, it was probably bad when it was a show when I was growing up. It just didn't feel that way.0:28 No. It was very entertaining.0:28 I like Kenyon Thompson, though, so that's why I try not to be hard on it. And Kel. Kel used to Kel's done some stuff at our church here before. Okay. So welcome, everybody. Thanks for0:40 joining us. Heard some great feedback from the last podcast, the 1 with Sanaz and Nathan. 1 of the funniest comments at first was someone at first was like, I thought this concept was really invasive. It shouldn't0:52 have happened. And they're like, now that it happened, I'm I'm glad they they liked it, but it was fun. I didn't wanna be We gotta do it again. You know about that 1, Alex? What we did the last 1? The 1 that dropped1:02 today? You saw it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, did you cut it? Yeah. He cut some. Oh, Alex been cutting them now. Or are you doing time codes? Been.1:14 Oh, yeah. Nice. I never I never could tell. I don't know if that's a compliment or not, but it looks great. It looks great. I love watching on podcasts. It sounds good on on car too. Alright. Well, we1:26 did, and then we got Aaron and Erica was our last podcast as well talking about someone's, marriage predicament. It's a little unique. Yeah. So I thought today we'll go back to, everybody's always
1:38 so many questions. You can always do so by going to our Instagram. There's a link there Nancy always puts up. So I thought maybe we get 1 for those that are, single, that are in a relationship or are dating. So
1:50 I saw a couple good questions that couple people asked. I'm gonna conjoin probably 3 questions, and we'll talk about them Yeah. For the next 45 minutes. Alright?
1:59 Let's do it.
2:00 Alright. So here's here's I'm gonna ask a couple questions. We'll talk about it.
2:06 Okay.
2:07 First 1 is, does the 1 exist? What questions should we ask on the first date and throughout the dating phase? And then what shouldn't you compromise as a
2:18 believer when dating? Mhmm. Alright?
2:22 Okay.
2:22 Okay. What what 1 you what what 1 you wanna talk on first, Ashley?
2:30 Let's do compromise. What shouldn't you compromise when dating?
2:36 What shouldn't you compromise dating as a believer when date alright. Alright. Alright. Yeah. What are your thoughts on? What are
2:42 my thoughts on it? Okay. Oh, you want
2:43 me to go first? Yeah. You can go first.
2:44 I don't hear yours. I hear yours.
2:47 No. I mean, there's a lot of thing and there's another person that asked a question that I didn't bring up, but, basically, they said, let me try and find it, which to me would my answer would go into this realm. They,
2:57 you know, we we have dozens and dozens of questions. So someone said that they, I'm trying to look for it and it because I wanna get the context right. But basically, they said they they've been living with someone for
3:07 for 2 years. And in the past year, they've been they've talking about marriage, but every time she brings it up, he gets uncomfortable and doesn't wanna talk about it anymore. So going into what shouldn't you compromise,
3:19 and I'm assume, again, all of our answers come from more of a Christian biblical approach. So we go by our guidebook, the Bible, as opposed to necessarily sometimes we'll share our opinion, but a lot of
3:31 times what we're trying to do is base layer based off Right. What we think the word of God is and what we're called to do as Christians. So, you know, there's a lot of things you shouldn't compromise as a believer. A
3:40 hundred percent. Number 1 is, you shouldn't compromise your the your morals. Whether you were with this person as a Christian or you became a Christian after you're with this person, but at some point,
3:52 you know, to be called a Christian and to be called 1 that, an anointed 1, that 1 that follows Jesus, it means that we've been called out. We've been separated. So it means that your life, your lifestyle, and the way you
4:04 carry yourself should look different from the world, and it and it should exhibit everything that Christ has called us to do. And so when it comes to relationship, it's the it's it's the most perfect picture, and you can
4:15 look at first Corinthian. Marriage is the most perfect picture of God's love for humanity that God could ever create. It's a symbol. And so marriage is a symbolism of God's
4:27 marriage to humanity. And so there is a way to do marriage, and there's a way to not do marriage Mhmm. In the same way that there's a way to know God, and there's a way to not know God. Mhmm. That's what Jesus said. If
4:38 If you wanna know the father, you have to know the son. Yeah. So so that's that's Jesus saying, you can know the father Right. But there is a process in doing so which is to know me. Right. And so
4:50 in the same way with relationships, is there a healthy way to have a relationship in a marriage, and is there an unhealthy way to have a relationship in a marriage? Yes. The short answer is there is a process
5:02 Mhmm. How to have a healthy relationship. 1 of the processes is through vow and commitment because God makes a vow and a commitment to us. Mhmm. And so God expects you as a man
5:14 when you found the 1 that you wanna take advantage of, not in a negative way. You wanna take advantage of in the sense of you wanna appreciate her body. You wanna know her. You wanna love her. You wanna have sex with
5:25 her. You wanna have children with her. Well, in the same way that God makes a vow to humanity. And even if you study the old testament when Israel would pursue other gods and they would worship other gods, gods would
5:36 say, Israel you have divorced me from your heart Mhmm. Because you have followed other gods.
5:41 Yeah.
5:42 And so God speaks when Israel rejects God, God and and they and they follow idols Mhmm. God says, hey, they you're divorcing me.
5:51 Yeah.
5:51 You're you're you're breaking the covenant, the vow that I've made to you. So when God says, as humanity, if you wanna mirror Mhmm. Mhmm. My love for you, the way you're gonna do that is by choosing 1 person,
6:04 and you are going to choose to be with them and love them and start a family and create a legacy. And so there's a lot of things you shouldn't compromise in the dating phase that that actually, number 1, are you starting
6:15 the marriage early Mhmm. Without the vow Right. And the commitment. So what does the marriage look like starting early? It looks like living together. It looks like partaking in in sexual exploitation with
6:27 each other Mhmm. Exploration with each other. Mhmm. Before you make the vow and the commitment, it looks like, it taking care of each other Mhmm. Before you make the vow and
6:39 the commitment that may be financial, emotional, whatever that may be in terms of regular needs. Mhmm. And then there also comes down to your belief system as well. And so, scripture tells you not to
6:51 be unequally yoked. Mhmm. And so unequally yoked looks like a person who, if you're a Christian that goes to church and follows God and makes Jesus your Lord and savior, then you
7:03 don't you don't wanna date someone who and and just because they have a cross on their neck, just because they have a verse in their Instagram bio or or on their TikTok bio, it says God first. That doesn't mean they're a
7:13 Christian.
7:14 Right.
7:14 Their life has to exhibit it. Right. Their their their their fruit has to exhibit it. Mhmm. So to me, there's a lot of things that you shouldn't compromise, and then in the sense of it is is is how you pursue the
7:26 Lord. Mhmm. You don't have to find someone that has to be at the same life journey as you and have have the same verses memorized as you and yada yada yada, but but you have to see that they have that same value and that
7:37 same stream of heart that they're going towards.
7:39 Yeah.
7:40 And so, those are be and I could talk more, but those would be some of the onset things that I would say
7:45 Yeah.
7:46 If you're any of those compromising positions, either a, collectively as a couple, you need to make the change Mhmm. Or you need to leave them. Okay. You know? Yeah. Absolutely. As hard as that is,
7:58 but but but I've never understood if I was a girl or even a guy for that matter, and I was a guy who was trying to marry someone who didn't wanna marry
8:10 me. If I was with someone that after years of being together, they were unsure that they wanted to be, like but they're cool with getting a puppy with me. They're cool
8:22 with putting their name on a lease with me.
8:24 Holding hands, going to movies, things night.
8:26 They're cool with cosigning on a on an apartment with me. Yeah. They're cool on all of those things.
8:32 Right. Sharing, splitting Christmases, going to your families, going to their family.
8:35 Exactly. Exactly. They're cool with all those things.
8:38 Yeah.
8:40 But and if there's trauma or whatever, you need to go to counseling. But outside of that, like, if you're saying, oh, there there's just still more I need to see. Like Yeah. You need to walk away. Like, you gotta walk
8:49 away. They they just it it it rarely ends well when you are part partaking in all of the enjoyments of life and family. And the 1 thing where they draw the line is
9:00 Yeah.
9:01 Is marrying you.
9:02 Absolutely.
9:03 To do everything else.
9:04 And because the because the the 1 thing of marrying the person, I think that the that the that you're settling because you're settling with an expectation that you're you're gonna be content
9:16 with not being married. But also going back to what you said is the fact that the 1 thing that you wanna do don't wanna do is get married. Well, then that leads me to believe that there are multiple signs within this
9:28 relationship that says you are not the 1. Because if you're not willing to commit to that person, that woman, that man, there are certain things that you're saying I can let brush
9:39 by and I can brush it off because we're not married.
9:44 Yeah. They're they're
9:45 but if we're married, they act like things change. But at the end of the day, there's still grace and love. Because if you're able to show the grace and love in a relationship when you're dating through all these years,
9:55 doing the sharing, doing all of this, I don't see what this difference is that you can't hold that same commitment of grace and love Mhmm. When you're married.
10:05 Yeah.
10:05 I think that people don't understand the same amount of when when I hear people say, let's let let's go back to the dating stage. Let's remember the dating
10:17 stage where it was care free. You're loving. You're this. What was there? There was a lot of grace because you were having a lot of fun. Mhmm. There was a lot of grace, and there was a lot of love, and then there was a
10:26 lot of care. Although we still both had our our, eyes wide open and and seeing, like, our morals and our ethics aligning with each other, and that they did, we never
10:38 compromised that. We never compromised our faith with within our relationship. But there's other things too where to say, like, does Ashley's b o smell a little bit stronger than the next woman? Yeah.
10:49 Probably. But those are things I can get you know what I mean? There's things that I can get over. Does Adam, leave his shoes around right when he walks in his house and he doesn't take him upstairs? Can I get over that?
11:00 Yeah. Those are things that we can talk and walk through. But is there grace through that? Because there is a level of grace of you, hey. I think we can work with. This is something that I can work with. I can work with
11:13 Ashley, telling Ashley, hey. You go, okay. Let me buy you some perfume. Hey, Adam. Let me buy you a shoe rack. There's things that we do in the dating stage that we overglorify to say, like, oh, we're good and
11:24 content because we're dating. Well, then what's the difference between putting a ring on it?
11:28 Yeah.
11:28 If you're able to do all of these things and you're able to love that person, you're able to split the Christmases and decide those things, then what does it take to go down the altar to vow and commit? What are you so
11:39 afraid of? And that's what I would ask the person. What are you so afraid of of making this commitment to somebody? And then I
11:45 would More than likely for him, it's not that he's afraid with anything. It's just nothing changes.
11:50 Well, and and in in his eyes, nothing changes. But at the end of the day, his commitment becomes stronger and his commitment becomes more responsive.
11:59 Care about being committed.
12:00 Right. Then at the end of the day, yeah, they they
12:03 don't need to be in
12:04 a like you said, then the woman doesn't need to be in a relationship. If you're going around living together with him, I mean, I'm gonna just shoot a straight, like, dump him. He's not willing and wanting to commit to
12:13 you. Don't waste your time on somebody that doesn't care about what you care about. Because if we were to date and you're like, oh, I don't plan on ever getting married. I'd be like, alright. Bye. This is not a desire.
12:23 Like, I I want to get married. Like, that's what I'm not gonna compromise because I think I love you and I think you're the 1. Absolutely not. If he keeps slamming that door in your face, why is he slamming the door in
12:35 your face? Or is it God closing that door and him truly trying to show you this man's true colors and true intentions that he has nothing else for you because he's getting
12:47 probably home cooked meals. He's getting to lay with you whenever he wants. He's getting to feel like he has a home, but he's not making what truly or he's not doing what truly matters, and that's saying I commit myself
12:59 to you to love you like Christ loved the church.
13:03 But it yeah. But yeah. To to me that so that's Like, for me, if you're a girl and the guy There's a lot of problems that exist today.
13:15 If a guy is not taking the lead
13:17 Oh, a hundred percent.
13:18 Like Yeah. You know, because I would even say, even if you tell him we should get married, if he goes, okay. Tell me when and go pick your ring and I'll buy it. Like, that's not any better.
13:29 No. Absolutely not. Absolutely. But and if it's also her always bringing it up, it's
13:34 like that's yeah. So that's what I'm saying. Like, the marriage is not the fix. Yeah.
13:38 No. No.
13:38 Marriage is not
13:39 the fix. Yeah.
13:39 I know you're not saying that, but I'm saying don't not compromising, like Yeah.
13:42 Yeah. Yeah.
13:42 Yeah. Yeah. For for like, just to say, okay. Well, you heard it. Adam Ashley said, like, yeah, I gotta break up with you or we gotta get married. And he's like, alright, cool. You have to get married. You know, let's go
13:52 to Kay Jewelers and pick you up. So I don't know.
13:53 We've been in multiple cases where we've even told people who have had kids together. We were like, you've been still not getting married. Like, this isn't gonna be the fix to
14:02 Yeah.
14:02 What is already technically broken. Let's go through healing through this to maybe this could be the answer. But it's not the end all be all. Marriage is not. At the end of the day, god wants who he
14:14 has for you. And if it's been clearly showing signs
14:17 Yep. So let's talk about for a guy for a second. Okay. Because that that's for the girl.
14:22 Because he can For
14:23 a guy. A guy. Yeah. For guys because this is where guys do it. This is what girls do. Girls take lazy men, and then they try to change them Mhmm.
14:35 Move in with, it's a project.
14:36 Yeah. Yeah.
14:37 Yeah. Yeah. So they'll take lazy guy.
14:38 Work on him. I can change him.
14:40 Yeah. Or or whatever. Yeah. We'll move in. And when you get married, me, oh, eventually, I love you. I want to. I want to. Trust me. I want to. You know? And they go, oh, he wants to. You know? And so, and then when she
14:51 really gets mad, he goes to Tiffany's and buys her a a a promise ring, you know, at 32 years old or whatever. So it's just like so and then she's like, oh, let's see. He made a promise to me. It's like, we're not I get I
15:01 did that to my girlfriend when I was 15 too, you know. So, that's for the guy. Right? Let let now let's just say you're a guy now, and you're like, okay. What's the red flag? Like, what shouldn't I
15:13 compromise with this girl? Maybe I'm living with a girl, and maybe I need to decide Mhmm. Whether I want to marry her or not. What what should make me move out or not want to marry her? And and I would say, which was
15:25 very truthful, and it's the it's the it's in the cultural standard, and in the secular world, it's the it's the no no you could talk about, and it's the no no you could look at. But for her, you're gonna have to look at
15:35 her attitude and her submission, her ability to submit. Don't sing. So so it Independent strong women who don't
15:43 think they need a man.
15:43 Yeah. Or or you're that or you're living with her, but she is she's unkind.
15:49 Right.
15:49 And she's gossipy. Right. And she's the Bible talks about this, you know. Apostle Paul says, look out for women that go from door to door and they gossip and they have nothing else to do all day and they blah blah, you
15:59 know, like and so as a guy, because what guys do is they'll marry women like this Mhmm. And then they'll be like, man, my relationship's hell. Mhmm. She's always yelling at me. She's always on my neck. I'm never good
16:10 enough. Mhmm. I can never do enough. I can never and more than likely, whether you were living with that girl or dating that girl, that was that girl. Mhmm. Maybe not as maybe as she gotten older, it's gotten louder, and
16:20 as she has a family now, she got more confident to say what she want or do what she wants. But when you were dating, and you were trying to give her only the restaurant she wants, and you're, like, you're just trying to
16:31 always make her happy, and she's never happy, and you're wanna you know, we we've counseled people like that before. We've been premarital with couples where where I've told them in, hey. Before you marry this girl,
16:41 there are some things you need to look out for because every time we meet, she is telling you how to think.
16:46 Right.
16:46 And and and when you say, oh, I think our family should do this in the future, she cuts you off and says, no. We're not gonna do that. And then you go, okay. So when you when you look at a girl, what's the red black for
16:57 a girl? What should ladies look out? Is I would advise any guy that that if that's the girl that you're with Mhmm. That you gotta move out. You gotta break it off. But some guys, many guys, because guys are pretty
17:07 fortuitous. They guys are fine with not being in a perfect relationship. Right. Right. Guys will live with a bad relationship. Women will be in it and just complain about it a lot. But a guy will just like get quiet
17:19 about it and just be like, well, that's my life, and I'll come home and I'll you know, like, they they kinda shrink. Right? So a guy that will shrink like that is in the dating phase. You need to look out for that stuff.
17:29 Mhmm. Always talking bad on everyone. Mhmm. Never likes anything. Always complaining about everything. Mhmm. In the date now, if you married that person
17:37 Mhmm.
17:37 You gotta pray for her. You you have to try to pastor her. You gotta try to shout. You gotta try to correct her.
17:43 Yeah.
17:43 You gotta try to now begin to lead her. Like, there's certain things you you you, like, you gotta live with, and you gotta work through it, and you gotta pray more than anything. You gotta pray for her and and ask the
17:52 Lord to work on her heart.
17:53 Yeah.
17:54 In the same way, if you married that guy like that, you need to pray for him, the the guy that never leads or the guy that never takes you out on dates or whatever. Like, you gotta you gotta pray for him. But if you're
18:03 in that dating spell and you have the opportunity to get out of a relationship, whether you're in a male relationship like that or a female relationship like that, it very very rarely does marriage consolidate and fix
18:15 that stuff.
18:16 Right.
18:16 So if if he's not leading and he's not dating you and he's not romanticizing you in a way that makes you feel special. Not not not not ridiculous. Like, you don't need to be renting out the Empire State Building or
18:27 anything like that, but thinking about you and and and and desiring you and and and for, you know, you see an approach where he tries Mhmm. Then,
18:39 then, like, that's what that's what you need to look for. If he don't have all that and then you're just like, we we should get married, and he's just like, yeah, fine. Because once you because here's what would happen
18:50 more than likely for this individual, the 1 who's living together or the 1 who's just dealing with compromise. Almost always when you put your foot down, either a, they'll put their tail in between their legs Mhmm. And
19:01 they'll just be like, yeah, whatever you want. Let's do it. Or b, they will leave you. Mhmm. And it'll show you what the relationship really meant. I've I've done that before. Over the years, I've had people who have
19:12 become Christian, both the couples Mhmm. And they would live together, and then and then the and then the sometimes what would happen here's more I'm giving a practical example. So most a lot of the times it was, the
19:24 the couple would decide and say, you know, we're gonna get married in 6 months or a year. So from the time being, we're gonna we're gonna either move I'm gonna move out of the apartment or or she we're gonna sleep in
19:34 separate beds, whatever they decide, and we're not gonna be intimate with each other Right. Until we get married. A lot of times what happens if they're both not on board, 1 of them ends up leaving the relationship.
19:46 Yeah.
19:46 Because the moment you remove playing house from the equation
19:50 It's not fun anymore.
19:51 It's not fun, but also reality sets in.
19:53 Yeah.
19:54 You can't you can't drown it with with a with a fantasy anymore. And and so now when you're not regularly having sex and all this stuff like that, you Right. Come to and you're like, oh, I don't I don't think me and this
20:04 person are for each other.
20:05 Right.
20:06 Right. You know? And that's why people get they then they get married and then they and then sex goes dry and then they go like, what? Why did I marry this person?
20:15 Right. Right.
20:16 You know? And so what I've found is like either what would happen is if you start to kind of when you don't want to compromise anymore and you put your foot down Mhmm. Either either that person is going to just
20:28 be like fine and their heart's not gonna be right Mhmm. Or they're gonna leave. Right. And and and on on a great the greatest outcome that could come from it, which would be my hope for most people, is then but that
20:38 person wakes up Right. And realizes, hey, I need either for a man, I really need to take lead or for a girl, like, I really need to work on work on my attitude or myself or the way I talk to x y and z, but,
20:50 that person had all those people have to come to that on their own.
20:53 Right.
20:53 So you you you adding a if you don't do this, I will leave the relationship. Yeah. It's not gonna fix the problem. Think
21:00 and even in our relationship when we were dating, we even had those conversations where there were the the same conversations that we had kinda with Sanaz and Nathan. Like, prior to us even getting married, it was 1 of
21:12 where I looked you in the eyes and I was like, what do you like about me? Uh-huh. Like, what is it that stands out about me more than everyone else that you've dated in the past? And we had those
21:24 true hard conversations because it's like, if you can be honest with me in that, and obviously, we weren't having sex, like, be honest with me to say, like, what makes me stand out?
21:35 Yeah.
21:36 And what what doesn't make me stand out? And what what is, like, what is a weakness that you see in me? Because I think that'll that'll explain the truth. Because if they don't have a true foundation of what
21:47 they really like about you, they're just enjoying what they're do like you said, they're enjoying playing the house. If they're not like, well, I love that you're
21:55 Yeah.
21:55 You're very caring. You're very intentional. You're always on time. You're always asking me this. You know my love languages. You're you know my affirmations and all this ins and outs. And if you're
22:07 and if they're like, well, I I think you're really pretty. You're like, oh, heck. Run for the hills. Like, there's nothing.
22:14 Or we have fun. Like, I like going to Dave and Buster's with you. So you go to Dave and Buster's with the dog. You know? Right. And
22:22 I feel like we're in a culture of you guys are describing, like, situationships. Now there's, like, a name for it.
22:27 Oh, is that a thing?
22:28 Oh, okay. Okay.
22:29 Okay. Okay. You're not in a committed relationship, but it's like, oh, I'm in this situationship. Oh. But that doesn't make it a relationship just
22:36 because you
22:36 have the
22:37 ship to it.
22:37 Right? That sounds that sounds like a situation.Show more
Adam Mesa492K followers
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