Skip to content Rekindling Romance After Marriage Gets Real | S2E31 BEYOND I DO PODCAST May 15 · 1 hr ...more
Rekindling Romance After Marriage Gets Real | S2E31 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
May 15, 2025 · 1 hr
In this heartfelt episode, we explore the beauty and challenges of intimacy in marriage through the lens of Ephesians 5. How do couples stay connected—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—especially after kids, stress, or past trauma? This conversation dives deep into the ways love mirrors Christ’s relationship with the Church, emphasizing the importance of communication, healing, and seeking both divine wisdom and practical support. Whether you're newlywed or years in, this message is a powerful reminder that nurturing your marriage honors God and strengthens your family.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
May 15, 2025 · 1 hr · Beyond the Letter
In this heartfelt episode, we explore the beauty and challenges of intimacy in marriage through the lens of Ephesians 5. How do couples stay connected—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—especially after kids, stress, or past trauma? This conversation dives deep into the ways love mirrors Christ’s relationship with the Church, emphasizing the importance of communication, healing, and seeking both divine wisdom and practical support. Whether you're newlywed or years in, this message is a powerful reminder that nurturing your marriage honors God and strengthens your family.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com ...more Show the full description Show less In this heartfelt episode, we explore the beauty and challenges of intimacy in marriage through the lens of Ephesians 5. How do couples stay connected—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—especially after kids, stress, or past trauma? This conversation dives deep into the ways love mirrors Christ’s relationship with the Church, emphasizing the importance of communication, healing, and seeking both divine wisdom and practical support. Whether you're newlywed or years in, this message is a powerful reminder that nurturing your marriage honors God and strengthens your family.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Support this leader
Liking this video? Support this ministry.
Give
Support this leader Liking this video? Support this ministry.
1:01 Yeah. So Tom Yeah. Thomas drinks more. No screaming, bub. Thomas drinks more water than Adam. Adam will drink a swig of water to hydrate himself before he goes to bed.
1:13 A swig?
1:14 A swig. 1 swig. 1 swig.
1:16 Wait. Really? Last night, I make an ice cold water every night and put it by my bed because sometimes I wake up, either I have to go to the bathroom or I'm like, oh, I'm parched, so I'll go drink some water. And every
1:27 time before we go to bed, Adam goes, let me get a swig. I'm like, you're gonna get a mouth on my stuff.
1:34 She acts like I'm gonna actually take it. But, you know, I've been researching bio biohacking. So biohacking. So I got hydrogen tablets that I'm committing to myself Oh. Not to you. I don't
1:46 need to are they? What's the brand?
1:48 H 2 tabs, the 1 you hid in my bathroom counter that you opened in my mail, put them upstairs.
1:54 I didn't know what
1:55 those are those.
1:56 Oh, I would've I would've
1:58 no. You're not you don't know anything about hydrogen water. So
2:02 I don't need to.
2:02 Without the research, you can't. Don't touch it. I don't
2:05 wanna touch it. Yeah. So now this is a cheat code because you don't drink water. You just need to take a No.
2:13 Matthijs is like, you know, there's a DJ and then they're like, where where where? Someone's in the background. He's like adding in, like, background. Yeah. He's adding, like, filler words to whatever we say. What a
2:24 goop. No. You still have to drink water.
2:26 Okay. So then so was it, like, salt pill?
2:29 No. It's more than that.
2:30 Pickle pill?
2:31 No. No. Because high what
2:34 salt pill?
2:35 It's it's for minerals. It's for it's for your body. For, like, it's like Gatorade. Kinda like Gatorade, but without the flavor. Hydrogen tabs are not that. Hydrogen tabs are are more than that. Their water consists
2:47 of h 2 0. Okay? So hydrogen tabs, it just consists of hydrogen because hydrogen apparently is like the the lightest gas on Earth, and so
2:58 it it actually penetrate into your body. So, like, you can also take a hydrogen bath, like, if you buy a machine Yeah. And the hydrogen will actually secrete through your body to to hydrate it.
3:10 Yeah. So it's a it's a higher form of hydration.
3:13 So it's better than my electrolytes?
3:15 It's better than it's you know you know what? Like, man, I hate to I don't wanna start no drama.
3:20 Start it. Let's go there.
3:21 You know what I
3:22 go there.
3:22 But you know that, like
3:23 It's better than the alkaline and No.
3:25 They're like they're like MLMs, the Kangen water. I mean, I don't wanna be I don't you know? Oh. But, you know, it's like but unless Kangen I don't think Kangen water is hydrated. I don't know what it does.
3:37 But, you know, keg and water, they, like, said it was you know, they would tell you, like, oh, stand on 1 toe, and then you look. You could do it once you drink the water and all that stuff like that. So I don't know
3:47 whether it's legitimate, but hydrogen water is legitimate because so it's it's concentrated hydrogen.
3:53 Okay.
3:54 So you basically need, apparently I mean, I'm not a doctor. I'm still researching it. Apparently, you need, like, less of it than normal water because it'll actually like, it gets through your whole body and system. But
4:04 when you are tablet? Well, the ones I have are tablet, but it's a machine also.
4:09 Okay.
4:10 Like, that's what how people the real the the really ultra wealthy people install, like, machines and all. Like, they they they they, like, invert them into their cold plunges and all that stuff like that. Where
4:22 I'm just doing the little the little tablet things, which I think are like I think it comes out to, like, a dollar a day or something like that is what you're you just go on a subscription and they
4:30 It's like 60 bucks for a 60 pack?
4:33 Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. And they want you to take 2 to 3 a day.
4:36 And so what's the, like, the results? People are saying, like, oh, I feel so much better.
4:39 Increased hydration, clear skin, clear skin, increased hydration. Yep. Like, you know, everything that water does. So mental clarity. Mhmm. You know?
4:51 How about you get half and I get the other half?
4:53 No. I don't think so. I think that I think they I think they
4:56 you I would be more consistent, and I would take them more.
4:58 You make your own living, and you can buy the things that
5:03 are you.
5:04 That's my living. Think you could. I didn't just pay for that thing you just put on your head right there that is brand new and puffy.
5:12 So I
5:12 don't think I paid for that. You did.
5:14 So I paid for this.
5:15 I did. So add that add the little tabs that you tried hiding in our house. You go ahead and
5:22 Well, I just hide them again.
5:24 No. I'm good. I already put them somewhere else.
5:25 No. You didn't. They're right there on the counter.
5:27 They're not.
5:28 Did you take 1 today? Did you take 1 today?
5:31 Yeah. So the the no. The point when I went to get water earlier in my office was that I forgot them at home because my wife put them in a weird place, and people with ADHD, we have to have it in a very specific place.
5:40 Them, and then he now said he hid them, so he hid them from his house.
5:44 But they threw yeah. Well, I put them downstairs by my thing, so I wouldn't forget them. And here we are without it. But I so we
5:53 don't start tomorrow.
5:54 I'll let everybody know by next week's episode.
5:56 Right. Let's see if you have clear clear skin.
5:58 Yeah. My skin, it looks good. I got good skin. No. You only have
6:02 good skin because you guys he do you know what he doesn't do? Wash his face. He doesn't? I mean, in the shower. But, like do more than
6:13 do more than average men. I mean, I literally have Kiehl's facial wash that I do in the shower and all that kind of stuff.
6:19 That has run out.
6:20 No. It's
6:21 not the little 1. That's mine. And I use it
6:24 because you took my big 1. I had, a big gallon 1, and Ashley be like, squirt squirt squirt squirt squirt squirt squirt.
6:29 I have, like, 2 I have an exfoliant of a face wash, and then I have a regular nice face wash. You don't put any cream on your face. You don't put
6:37 any I moist hold on. I have Kiehl's moisturizer in my office right now.
6:43 In your office. When do you wash your face? In the office. I mean,
6:47 I put it on every couple times a week in my office.
6:51 Sounds like that TikTok where a girl walks in, her husband's showering, and he's using the scrub that's for her face on
6:58 his face.
6:58 But She's like be livid. Would be livid. Face.
7:02 Listen. I'm more hygienic than Ashley. No.
7:05 Matthias, what do you put on your face that mommy makes you put on your face every single morning? So? Water. No. But you wash your face with water, but then what else do I make you put? I put little white dots of
7:17 what? Lotion. Lotion because we can't be what? Ashy. Ashy.
7:22 And then what does daddy do on your clothes? I spray you with? Kala. Kala. Make it that smell
7:28 good. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. Girl. Yes. We have to.
7:32 Hey, Matthias, do any kids at school ever notice you smell good?
7:37 Yeah.
7:51 Well He's like, thank thank he's not everyone's sniffing my kid. Well,
7:55 mean, I don't know. Do you do you hug your classmates? Like, do you guys give each other hugs or high fives?
8:01 High 5.
8:01 0, okay. Cool. I didn't know if you were hugging someone. They'd be like, oh, you smell good, Matthias. Matthias, you smell so good. Yeah. As you can see, we got Matthias on here for a little bit. He got out
8:13 of school a little early. He's got a haircut coming up that grandma's taking him too. Yep. So he's sitting he's sitting with us until for Mother's Day, but he's sitting with us until he has to leave. But
8:25 we got a good episode for you today. Welcome everybody to Beyond. Do, as always, it's Adam and Ashley here. No interview today other than whatever Matthias decides to interject from time to
8:37 time and and and add in. We had a question submission that came in, and so we wanna be able to answer that today. Would love to see what you guys think of it as
8:49 me and Ashley also respond. I gotta pull it up. And
8:53 What about me?
8:54 What what about you? What do you want? What do you what's your favorite song right now? Don't spin it. Don't hit the mic.
9:04 What's your favorite song?
9:05 What's your favorite song right now? For a shrink? Yeah. It's every kid's favorite song right That's
9:11 About to have a good day. Is that 1? Yeah.
9:14 And with ice, you don't have to stay on here if you don't want it. You can go on the couch on the iPad if you want. Okay? K. If you get bored.
9:20 Oh, god.
9:21 Yeah. Okay. Alright. Cool.
9:22 Alright. Can shoot him. Jeez. Alright. Alright. Whatever. Alright.
9:26 Here was the question. Okay. Question is, how do you deal with romance after children? Speaking of which, we got 1 of those. Look at that face. Look at
9:37 that face.
9:37 If you're watching on YouTube, dude's gotta look, man. How do you deal with romance after children? My high my husband and I are very disconnected. Yeah. We get that.
9:49 Well, you wanna go first?
9:51 Yeah. I'll go first. You know, I won't say that Adam and I had it easy after we had Matthias by any means. So we had to really work on it, and it wasn't
10:03 until my husband brought it to my attention. And I kinda knew, but it wasn't until Adam sent me that text message that we've talked about on our podcast before.
10:13 Doesn't mean they've heard that episode, so you don't have to assume everyone knows, you know
10:16 Oh, okay.
10:17 All the history
10:18 and everything. To reset it?
10:19 Well, I mean, why not? People everyone don't listen to every episode. But let's just say this real quick. Yeah. When we talk of romance, we would define it in 3 areas, which is physical romance, emotional romance. Well,
10:30 you use intimacy interchangeably. So your physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. And so and so we think a well rounded healthy romance
10:41 speaks to those 3 areas.
10:43 Right.
10:44 And so in her question, our romance has taken a hit. First of all, it's defining what aspect first of all, it's defining what aspect of the romance is
10:56 taking a hit. Is it all of them, physical, emotional, and spiritual, or is it just 1 of the 2 or 2 of the 3 or whatever that may be? And we'll and we'll do we could define that more in the episode as
11:08 well, but it's defining then what are those, which mostly when people talk about it, they're talking about well, the woman's normally talking about emotional intimacy is missing in their love life, and men
11:19 generally are talking about physical intimacy. But women will still admit that there is no physical intimacy either. And so that can all go into play into the complicated aspect of the romance,
11:31 especially after children. So Right. I'll let you take it from there.
11:35 That's good. Yeah. So speaking of that to where Adam and I in that point after Matthias, we see each other. We were with each other all the time. We were living with your parents at the time too before we moved out.
11:48 And you and I, we literally shared a bed with Matthias. So being emotionally there Adam was always emotionally there.
11:59 Emotionally there for me, you'd have to answer that as far as how you felt emotionally if I was there present or fully consumed with Matthias. But the physical was not
12:11 there at all. And so we had lived with your parents for pretty much a year, and it was probably I mean, we're transparent
12:23 here. Intimacy was, what, 10 maybe 10 maybe not even that. 10 10 times after Matthias was born oh, into his first birthday. And then
12:33 Yeah. Probably.
12:34 Probably. And then we move into our house, and then it was probably about another 6 months into our house where we're getting our feet wet in the house,
12:46 getting things organized, finally feeling like this is us. This is how we're starting our family. And in within that 6 months, I don't think we were intimate probably once of us moving in. And it was I can make every
12:58 excuse under the sun except I didn't try. So that was my that's what I would say. I didn't try to be intimate. I was like, I would kind of make excuses. And then I get got sick after Matthias, so
13:10 that was another excuse that I can make. But I know in that moment, I could have emotionally and spiritually been there better. And then I know,
13:21 obviously, physically, through the times of me as far as not feeling well, being sick, led up to that 6 months now being in our new home. I get a message from Adam.
13:33 He's outside by our little fire pit that we have, and he shoots me a text message, and it's about, I would say, midnight or 1 o'clock. And I wake up because I'm I'm feeding Matthias still, and
13:45 I get this No.
13:46 You're not feeding him, but then we had Thomas by then because was 20 21 20 21, I think.
13:52 I thought we were just recently in the house. I thought it was 7 years.
13:56 No. Because it was it was 7 years in January. It was COVID.
14:00 It it no. It would have been him. It was 7 years because you we were like, I don't know how we made it to the 7 years. Like
14:05 Oh, okay. Wanna say that it was 20 20. It was during COVID.
14:09 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because in 20 19
14:12 20 20 would have been 5 years married.
14:13 Because when do we move into the house?
14:15 20 19.
14:15 20 19. Okay. Yeah. So 20 20. 20 20. So right before Thomas. And yeah. So we're in the house. Matthijs is about to be 2, and I get a text message from you about
14:27 12, 1 o'clock in the morning, which I was still waking up with him. Good night for them, bro. It's always 3 years old. So because I wouldn't have just woke up from my phone randomly. And so I get a text message from
14:39 you basically saying, like, I love you. I'm in love with you. I want nothing to do but be your
14:50 husband. But in this moment, I feel like we're just friends living with each other. Yep. There was no physical there was I I and you basically said, I don't know. I I know my strength, and I know
15:02 that I could stay loyal to this relationship and our marriage, but a physical need that I want to feel intimacy with my wife. I wanna feel attractive. I don't know if you're attracted to me. I don't know if
15:14 you're there's something wrong with me. If I'm doing something wrong and you didn't put it all on me, you also Yeah. So tell
15:21 tell me what you need. Yes. You need from like, what am I, yeah, what am I missing?
15:26 Yeah.
15:28 What am I lacking or not doing that? And and I did. I said, I I feel like I do everything.
15:34 Right.
15:34 I provide for you. I you know, like, I we we go out. We all these things like that.
15:40 Know? Like, yeah. Vacations.
15:42 Compliment you, all that kind of stuff like that. And yeah. And then and then I say yeah. And then I essentially said, you know, there's nobody I'm looking at. There's there's no 1 I'm attracted
15:53 to, but, you know, I think I I think I'm strong enough, but I basically said, at this point, it it's potentially not a matter of if I would ever do something in our marriage. It could
16:05 be when I do it. Mhmm. Because you basically put a gun to my head, and in the future, I and I said, wanna let you know right here in this moment, in the future, which would be probably many years down the line if
16:17 things don't stop. But Or change. Yeah. Or change. But if I pull like, if I if I pull the trigger and I ever do something stupid, I take full responsibility for it.
16:29 But just know you gave me the gun, you loaded the gun, you pulled the trigger back, and you candid it to me. And I'm not blaming you. If I ever do something dumb, it's my fault. I should lose
16:40 everything, you know, if if I ever would do that. But, you know, basically, intimately, I'm I'm miserable. Mhmm. You know? Mhmm. And that at that time, that was year 5 in our
16:52 marriage, more so 6. I wanna say it was 20 21, but Thomas wasn't born yet. Know. So it might have been yeah. I don't know. Somewhere around then. And and we had
17:04 intimacy issues from the beginning in terms of physical intimacy. Romance was fine. We go out, you know, have conversation. We've always been each other's best friends, so we always love being around each other.
17:15 But predominantly for you, it's something that even married before kids
17:20 Mhmm.
17:20 You struggled with. And and and and then you just adding children just made it an even more easier excuse for you. Mhmm. Intimacy was never fun for
17:32 us. You never made it fun. You never wanted to have fun. You wanted to get it over with. Your idea of intimacy was me just coming home from work and us sitting on the couch. That to you was was the best
17:44 thing ever. Watching Harry Potter together, you would have been like, oh, we were really good on romance. You know? And part of that is is, unfortunately, how you were raised. Not that your parents did a bad job, but,
17:56 like, it is important as you're raising children that when they get to a certain age, it's important to talk about intimacy. Mhmm. Especially in a Christian household, we make it we make sex and intimacy feel like it was
18:07 given by Satan, and it's demonized left and right. And then so you get married. You think that you're what you're doing is wrong, and, you know, you and your spouse wanna do stuff, and you go, oh, no. I think it's only
18:19 supposed to be like this because that's the way Jesus would want us to do it, and and that stuff isn't true. And so it plays into the psyche Mhmm. And and the marriage. And and for you, it was other
18:31 things as well. And so so, yeah, with children, on top of the romance, like, us, the emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy
18:43 had always been relatively strong. It was the physical intimacy that's all had always been our struggle. And then over the past couple years, I mean, it was something that for a while, even after that moment, you're
18:52 like, okay. I'm gonna do like, I'll be more you know, you message me. I'm so sorry. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm gonna get back on track. And then, you know, you get pregnant. You have Thomas, and you kind
19:04 of fall back into the Mhmm. You know, same rhythm and routine of having an easy excuse of, well, you know, we got this baby and all this stuff. We got all these responsibilities. And so it it it affects.
19:15 Mhmm. So for us, the way that we've dealt with it now here's the thing. Like, not everybody could talk to their spouse the way that you and I talk to each other. So I always qualify people and say, like, we built our
19:27 marriage on extreme transparency, openness. You were also a professional athlete, so you you like to be told very black and white Yeah. You know, how things are. And so, like, you gotta know your marriage. You gotta know
19:39 your spouse because I've heard guys that have heard our story and gone to their wife and been like, I'm gonna cheat on you any day now if you things don't change. And then the wife's like, woah. And then, you know, allShow more
Comments No comments yet. Start the conversation.
Adam Mesa492K followers
Comments
Keep it kind. Comments are public.