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Who Pays? The Unspoken Rules of Generosity in Modern Dating | BEYOND I DO | S1E24
February 29, 2024 · 55 min
Ever found yourself reaching for the check at dinner, only to be met with a mix of gratitude and awkwardness?Adam and Ashlee open up about the delicate dance of generosity in our latest episode, where we tackle everything from dating faux pas to the intricate balance of giving without overstepping. Our conversation is a blend of humor and insight that takes you through the giving game, with stories of secret birthday meal payments and the silent 'dance' of bill-paying among friends that will leave you nodding along and chuckling at the relatable moments.
Strap in as we venture through the minefield of social etiquette and financial dynamics in modern relationships. Adam shares his journey of crafting unforgettable moments amidst financial constraints, sparking a broader dialogue on work ethic and priorities that resonates whether you're single, hitched, or anywhere in between. Our chat isn't just about the laughs; it's about the heartfelt truths and shared experiences that shape how we navigate generosity, from footing the bill to supporting friends in times of need.
Finally, we don't hold back when it comes to delving into traditional gender roles and their evolution in the face of contemporary dating norms. Reflecting on conservative Biblical principles and the whirlwind of modern feminism, we debate and discuss with an open heart and a critical eye. And for those who've ever been approached by a potential suitor or braved the waters of expressing interest, our anecdotes about charm, wit, and strategy in forming connections will surely strike a chord.Join us for a thought-provoking journey through the nuances of generosity and relationships that promises more than a few pearls of wisdom.As always, drop your thoughts in the comments!
--
BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE
https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do
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Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa
https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
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Don't forget to stay connected with us:
Instagram @beyond.ido
Tik Tok @beyond.ido
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Dave Ramsey Course https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/hosts/alfcranchoca?pc=78239020
--
Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!
https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo
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We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.
How to get the exclusive discount?
SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa.
https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
https://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
February 29, 2024 · 55 min · Beyond the Letter
Ever found yourself reaching for the check at dinner, only to be met with a mix of gratitude and awkwardness?Adam and Ashlee open up about the delicate dance of generosity in our latest episode, where we tackle everything from dating faux pas to the intricate balance of giving without overstepping. Our conversation is a blend of humor and insight that takes you through the giving game, with stories of secret birthday meal payments and the silent 'dance' of bill-paying among friends that will leave you nodding along and chuckling at the relatable moments. Strap in as we venture through the minefield of social etiquette and financial dynamics in modern relationships. Adam shares his journey of crafting unforgettable moments amidst financial constraints, sparking a broader dialogue on work ethic and priorities that resonates whether you're single, hitched, or anywhere in between. Our chat isn't just about the laughs; it's about the heartfelt truths and shared experiences that shape how we navigate generosity, from footing the bill to supporting friends in times of need. Finally, we don't hold back when it comes to delving into traditional gender roles and their evolution in the face of contemporary dating norms. Reflecting on conservative Biblical principles and the whirlwind of modern feminism, we debate and discuss with an open heart and a critical eye. And for those who've ever been approached by a potential suitor or braved the waters of expressing interest, our anecdotes about charm, wit, and strategy in forming connections will surely strike a chord.Join us for a thought-provoking journey through the nuances of generosity and relationships that promises more than a few pearls of wisdom.As always, drop your thoughts in the comments! -- BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do -- Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA== https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA== -- Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.ido Tik Tok @beyond.ido -- Dave Ramsey Course https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/hosts/alfcranchoca?pc=78239020 -- Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below! https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo -- We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett. How to get the exclusive discount? SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en https://bybarnett.com ...more Show the full description Show less Ever found yourself reaching for the check at dinner, only to be met with a mix of gratitude and awkwardness?Adam and Ashlee open up about the delicate dance of generosity in our latest episode, where we tackle everything from dating faux pas to the intricate balance of giving without overstepping. Our conversation is a blend of humor and insight that takes you through the giving game, with stories of secret birthday meal payments and the silent 'dance' of bill-paying among friends that will leave you nodding along and chuckling at the relatable moments.
Strap in as we venture through the minefield of social etiquette and financial dynamics in modern relationships. Adam shares his journey of crafting unforgettable moments amidst financial constraints, sparking a broader dialogue on work ethic and priorities that resonates whether you're single, hitched, or anywhere in between. Our chat isn't just about the laughs; it's about the heartfelt truths and shared experiences that shape how we navigate generosity, from footing the bill to supporting friends in times of need.
Finally, we don't hold back when it comes to delving into traditional gender roles and their evolution in the face of contemporary dating norms. Reflecting on conservative Biblical principles and the whirlwind of modern feminism, we debate and discuss with an open heart and a critical eye. And for those who've ever been approached by a potential suitor or braved the waters of expressing interest, our anecdotes about charm, wit, and strategy in forming connections will surely strike a chord.Join us for a thought-provoking journey through the nuances of generosity and relationships that promises more than a few pearls of wisdom.As always, drop your thoughts in the comments!
--
BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSE
https://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do
--
Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesa
https://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==
--
Don't forget to stay connected with us:
Instagram @beyond.ido
Tik Tok @beyond.ido
--
Dave Ramsey Course https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/hosts/alfcranchoca?pc=78239020
--
Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!
https://alfc.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo
--
We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.
How to get the exclusive discount?
SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa.
https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=en
https://bybarnett.com
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In this video 0:00 Generosity and Relationships20:30 Dating and Financial Expectations
Generosity and Relationships 0:12 We're ready. The recording.0:13 Yes.0:13 Alright, everybody. We got a doozy of a show for you today. We forgot to do an opener, so we're doing it now. So that's how I know it's a doozy of a show. So we talk about a lot of great things today. What do we talk0:24 about, Ashley? It happened so fast.0:26 The only thing on my mind was speed dating right now.0:29 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a great episode. Everybody's got me and Ashley in the room. We got Nancy in the room, Aliza in the room, Andy. We got Phil that came in here, but we talked about first, generosity, be a0:40 blessing to people, opening up your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What what you know, appreciating, moments with people, and then also then we went into Nancy just had a plethora of dating topics she wanted to talk0:52 about.0:53 So Fabulous.0:53 We went into that. Everybody enjoy the show today.0:57 I get, like, from, like0:58 There's a story. Ashley had this best friend. Me and her were dating for, like, 3 months. And what happened was we're dating for, like, 3 months. She tells me, oh, 1 of my best friends wants to go to dinner, with her and1:09 her husband. I'm like, okay. Great. Let's do it. So we meet up for dinner, and I just which is like me and you, I just I skip out, I go to the server, and I and I pay for the bill for everybody.
1:21 And then we come back, and the server comes like, oh, the bill was paid. This husband and wife leave the restaurant, and he just absolutely loses it on his wife.
1:31 He's pissed
1:33 that I paid for the bill. Mad.
1:34 I forgot about this. Livid.
1:35 Like, who does he think he is? Blah blah blah. He's going off on her. They're like, they're like, they're divorced now. They're not even married anymore. But Well,
1:42 we won't use this.
1:43 He just starts, Oh, yeah. They're divorced now.
1:46 They're she don't care
1:47 if she's happily married to kids. She's never
1:49 been married. Yeah. Yeah.
1:50 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.
1:50 You could
1:51 use it.
1:51 I'm just saying use it, please. I'm saying, yeah. But he just absolutely lost it because
1:56 He was saying that I was belittling him. Yeah.
1:58 I was trying to make him look little and make him look broke, and he's not broke.
2:01 He had
2:01 to pay for himself. And me, I'm like, I'm kind. Yeah. Yeah. It's a kind gesture. It's easier to do it that way.
2:08 Yeah. Yeah.
2:08 Like, you wanna split it. To the dim Oh, yeah.
2:11 Like, oh,
2:11 then split it 5 ways. And I would do that all the time, but we are, like, we are, like, at, like, Applebee's or something. We weren't
2:18 we were,
2:19 like, cheesecake. We were at cheesecake factory somewhere expensive. I'd be like, yeah. We're all splitting.
2:23 Yeah. Yeah.
2:23 But, like, we're at, like the bill was maybe, like, 60 bucks. And on top of that, I'm newly dating her. So, like, I'm I'm kinda trying to be, like, I'm trying to impress her, like, more so and less belittle him. I'm,
2:35 like, this is my girlfriend. She wants her best friend. Like, I'm a pay for her best friend and their husband. Tell them I appreciate I'm trying to get in on the circle is what it is. Not me not knowing it was really not
2:45 a circle.
2:46 It
2:46 was more like just a friendship with her and her friend, but but it was just it was ugly. And and we we never went out again. I mean, I think they got in a divorce maybe a year later, but but, yeah. That was, like,
2:57 11 years ago or something
2:59 like that.
2:59 But it
2:59 was, Yeah.
3:00 But you do that all the time, though. Like, you'll even, like there was a time I remember I think we were we were married. I think we were newly married, and I forget it was for either my dad's birthday or my mom's
3:11 birthday, and we were at Olive Garden. And I told you, hey. I'm going to lunch with I was pregnant. I was pregnant with Matthias. I remember that. And, you were at work, and you're like, I can't come. I'm sorry. I can't
3:23 come. Well, he shows up at the end, and we're a table of, what, 12? We had the whole family there. And, he shows up at the end. He was like, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't come. Obviously, I had work.
3:35 And they're like, oh, it's okay. You pull up a chair and you pulled up for, like, 10 minutes. And they're like, okay. I'm gonna I gotta go. And then we go to pay the bill and they're like, oh, the guy that just left paid
3:44 it. And so Adam came in, paid for the whole bill with us, out us even knowing sitting there. And then yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
3:52 It was very nice compliment. Thank you for sharing that, Ashley. No. Like now honestly honestly, I forgot about that. I forgot about that.
3:59 He does it all the time, and it's the sweetest thing ever because it's like, I mean, he was at work. He was like, I'm so sorry I can't come. So we were sad that he couldn't come. It was my whole family. We're just right
4:09 here at Olive Garden, but I'm like, I know he has to work. He would be here if he could, and then he pops up. He doesn't tell me he's coming, but I just told him, I was like, hey, we're at Olive Garden right now. Pops up
4:18 and then pops in, pops out, and pays the whole bill. And he's just like, yeah, that was just something because I felt bad that I couldn't be there. So it's the stuff like that that yeah. I remember that. I remember those
4:28 things for sure.
4:29 I try to budget for blessing. Yeah. That I try to do. I I like I like blessing people. So
4:35 You really do.
4:36 Everybody knows if you're with me Yeah. If you're with me, I'm a either I'm a pay for your meal or that's why Gabe and Jermaine and all them say yes every time I ask because they're like, I'll have to pay for food today.
4:47 They just know.
4:48 I
4:48 feel like if I ever, like, just paid my bill and then walked away, they'd be like, what do we do? What do we technically like?
4:55 You should
4:55 be like, you shouldn't even know.
4:57 But but here's a good conversation
4:59 about that. When I didn't have 2 pennies to rub together. It wasn't because I've I've I've, you know, did well at work or in my career or whatever. I did this when I was 24 and,
5:11 you know, barely could make bills, but I'd always budget to bless people. Right. And you're talking, like, a smoothie, food, coffee, whatever. You know?
5:20 But here's this here's the question that I have, though, because you're asking or you ask them to go to lunch with you. And they know that, obviously,
5:29 that the blessing will come.
5:29 Obviously, if they go Obviously, if they go with you, they they they probably think too, like, oh, I I I'm I'm up for going if I have to pay. But, obviously, knowing you, if you is it right to assume as
5:41 a person? If you're inviting me to lunch, let's just say, hey. Let's do a lunch date. I wanna take you out to lunch. I wanna take you out to lunch means I'm paying for it. Is it is it all in the
5:53 language? You don't have you have to be my so. Okay.
5:56 I I think I think I think that you, I think you ought to pay for the lunch if you're at least try to or fight to well, there's really 2 reasons why.
6:06 Okay.
6:07 If you are a mentor figure taking someone to lunch or being asked to lunch as a mentor, you wanna try to pay the bill. Right.
6:16 I agree.
6:17 But also, if you ask someone to lunch so here's where it's kind of dual. Okay. If you're asking someone to lunch because you wanna learn from them or that they're pouring into you, then you need to fight to pay the bill.
6:28 Mhmm. So to me, it works both ways. If I'm going out with someone I mentor, I'm still gonna pay the bill. Right. Now if someone I mentor says, can I pay this? I don't fight. I guess, you can. Like, pastor Adam, let me
6:39 pay this for us. Let me buy our dinner. Let me go I go, yes, you may. I don't like fight it or I don't I don't go like, no no no no no no. Let me pay. I just go you wanna pay if if I'm with someone and they look at me
6:50 and they say, can I pay this time? I don't I don't argue. I don't fight. I just go, yeah. You can. If that's what you would like to do, I I'm, you know
6:57 Why don't you fight? Because I always fight.
6:59 Because my thing is, like, if you wanna bless me then then then and it has nothing to do with me being me. Yeah. It's just, hey, as a as a friend, if you wanna bless me with a meal, then I believe that's an act of
7:10 generosity. So I'm not gonna I'm not gonna steal your generosity from you. Jesus says that. He says, if someone asks for a drink of water, go get them a glass. Go give them a drink of water. To me, I that's how that
7:20 view. So if somebody says, pastor, let me pay this time. Now at first, I'll go like, no. No. No. Let me get it. Get it. I don't if they back off cold. But if they go, no. I insist. Then I go, okay. Yeah. No problem. Now
7:31 there are ones that I may know that they're gonna do it. So 9 times out of 10, I slip out to the bathroom and I give it to the waiter ahead of time. But if if I'm going to coffee with someone and they say, can I pay for
7:41 our coffee or let me pay, I just back up and I go, thank you so much? I really appreciate it.
7:45 Yeah.
7:45 I don't, you know, try to fight it. But if no one's touching their wallet at for like, I'm fighting for it every time, and I don't care. And I'm not gonna walk away and be like, they, you know, they should have paid for
7:54 my meal. They asked me to be here and blah blah blah. We, you know, you and I just went out with a group of pastors and and and we we paid for their day everybody's dinner, and and they 1 of them said, why did you do
8:04 that? We all could have just split it. And and I said I said, what does it matter? We had fun. We you know, my wife met new friends and your wives. Like, who the what does it matter who who paid for whatever?
8:16 Like, I budget to be a blessing. If I didn't have it, I wouldn't have had it. I wouldn't split it, and I woulda but I don't necessarily buy luxurious things or whatever. And so and so specifically for me,
8:28 I I budget my lifestyle around memories and events. Mhmm. So for me, going to dinner with someone or lunch with someone is really the pinnacle of my day. Yeah.
8:40 So it's a great memory for me. So I'm gonna I'm gonna pay every time. So I think to me if you're going out with just your mutual friends, then say, hey, we haven't caught up in a while. Let's go to dinner. So I split it
8:50 all day. I would never expect someone to split that. But if I'm like, hey, you're you're like someone I I'm trying to learn from Yeah. Or that I really look up to, and I'm gonna ask you to dinner, and I know that you're
9:01 taking time out of your life
9:02 Mhmm. For
9:03 me, this is Adam. I'm gonna fight to pay the bill.
9:05 Yeah.
9:06 Now if you if we go and me, if I'm, you know, pouring into someone, I am gonna try to pay the bill. So to me, it is a little bit of a dance either way. Only time I do it, me me and my me and
9:17 my, buddy Eddie, he, you know, he works in he's a contractor. He works in construction. He and I just basically, just let each other swap
9:25 Yeah.
9:25 Paying the bills. Yeah. So we try to remember we try to remember every time. Like, we don't talk about, like, hey. Who got it last time? Right. It's more of, like, you just more of a memory of, like, whoever pulls out
9:36 the card first. And, normally, how me and Eddie will do it is we'll go to lunch, and then, you know, halfway through the meal, 1 of us will pull our wallet out and put the card on top of the wallet, and then you just
9:45 know, like
9:45 They got it.
9:46 It's just back on. He's getting it. You know? And then he may get 2 or 3 in a row. Yeah. You know? Because we we're not hanging out every single week. Right. So Right. He may get a couple in a row, but eventually, I'm
9:56 like, oh, I'm I'm catching up or we're taking him and his wife out and we're swapping. You know? I think that's a better way than just, if if if the Lord has graced you enough to be able to, to do that,
10:08 then then why not? And if he's not, you know, there there was a time, I share the story. Went to dinner years ago, Phil, when you guys were really financially tough. There was a time I was with a group of people in
10:20 church, and we wanted to celebrate someone's birthday, and every it was a big birthday, like, I I remember it's like a 30 fifth or a fortieth. It was a big deal. And so they asked us. They said, hey. The the husband
10:31 said, I wanna take my wife to Fleming's. Would you guys go? And, I said, yeah. For your spouse's fortieth birthday or whatever it was, yeah. We'd be happy to go. Like, hey, Phil, Ange, you guys should come. And he said,
10:42 oh, no. No. No. It's okay. And we're like, what? You don't have that? You can't go like, what's are you free that day? He's like, yeah. I'm free. And then he's just kinda like, we just man, we don't have the money. It's
10:51 been so hard lately. Yeah. And I was like, oh, bro. We're, like, you're that's not gonna happen. You got you guys are gonna come to Fleming. Right. We we we gonna cover you. That's not that's not an
11:03 excuse. We can all Right. I'll I'll I'll do it my best. I'll cover your guys' your I want you there. I don't want you to you're our friend. I don't want you to miss the memory. And so he came, and then I don't know how
11:15 it got figured out or whatever. Well, they all we were splitting the bill. And then we're all splitting the bill, and everybody was doing their math. And they said, hey, Phil. This is your number. And I said, oh, no.
11:23 Give that to me. I'm covering Phil and Ang for this dinner. And then everyone else at the table said, well, then we'll all split it. We'll we'll all split it. That's great. I'm glad Phil and Angie made it because at
11:33 first, I wasn't even gonna say anything, but with the way they were splitting, you couldn't not. I was just like, hey. Give it to me. And then everyone decided, well, then let's all split it and and cover it. I think
11:41 that's what great friends do because you never know when you'd be on the opposite side of that. Right. And we have been on the opposite side of that. Hundred percent. What's Sanaz and Nathan? Yeah. Nathan and when we
11:51 were when we were younger and we were financial buyers. Went to
11:53 Hawaii and we had nothing. And we Well, they looked after us then. Yeah. Yeah.
11:58 But then they also looked after us when your, car broke down Yes. And we needed a new car. And and the the we needed, like, a thousand dollar down payment in order to get the loan. And Nathan was like, check yours
12:10 whatever you used back in Zelle or whatever, you know, 8 years ago or whatever. And he he Venmoed me a thousand dollars.
12:16 Yeah. Yeah.
12:16 And was just like, that's for you guys. We want you guys to know we love you, and we're so sorry your car broke down and blah blah blah. And we were like, oh my god. Yeah. I think when you live by that way Yeah. Because
12:25 you'll always be sometimes on that receiving side of being financial. And and, to me, there's always something we can do, right, for someone else. You could you you you may not be able to
12:37 pay someone's dinner. That's a reality. But you could buy someone's coffee.
12:41 Right.
12:41 You can, you know, you can I think I have a
12:44 I have the problem with, the the what you said is robbing someone's blessing? Like, I I it's the same as, like, someone giving a compliment. I don't know how to react or to receive it
12:55 because I'm like, this is awkward. I make it awkward. They're not making it awkward, and it's not awkward for it's easier for me to just pay. And then you be quiet. And that's how I feel. Like, what if
13:07 it's against
13:08 for me?
13:08 It's not awkward if you just look them in the eyes and you say, thank you so much for paying. I appreciate it. And then it moves on.
13:13 Yeah. That Yeah. Well, I get but I'm like
13:18 But you're trying to play a dance. I don't play a dance. Yeah. I know. I know. I do that. Do someone go if I so because all I do is I pull out the wallet and they go, no. No. No. No. Let me get it. I go, if you'd like to
13:28 get it, you can get it. Yeah. No. I must keep
13:30 people out the way. No. I just
13:31 Yeah. Oh, Phil grabbed your line.
13:34 Can you hear me?
13:34 Yeah. I just wanna tell a quick story. So You're gonna have to get lower, bro. Hey. So, You lost 2 pounds. I remember now.
13:42 Yeah. I remember 1 time we paid 1 of my 1 of my bosses, my old bosses. We would hang out with their daughters a lot. And me and Ange paid for lunch 1 time, like, a 25
13:53 dollar lunch, and she got so upset. And these people, they had bucks, like, millions. Like, she had a lot of money. And she got so mad, dude. She takes Ange to this to the mall,
14:05 like, oh, we're gonna go get our nails done. Pays for the nails, and then when the nails were done and it was, like, a hundred and 25 bucks. Like, Ange never gets her nails
14:13 done like that.
14:14 And then she brought out, some Celine glasses or or Chanel or something like these dark it was Ange's first pair of, like,
14:23 nice sunglasses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
14:24 He gave it
14:24 to her and said, don't ever pay for my lunch again. Bro, they were, like, 795 dollars or something. And she still has it to this day, but that's the story, bro. We were like, alright, Ben. Yeah.
14:35 Right. Right.
14:35 Alright. You want another 25 dollar lunch?
14:37 Can I take you to lunch tomorrow? Because I got my car that needs to be worked on. I got a flood in my house right now. Can I take y'all to dinner? Right.
14:47 Wait. So when it comes to dating though, so would you date a broke guy who's, like, trying to
14:53 Absolutely not.
14:53 Because you guys were married and you were when you're talking about, like, struggles. Right? Or were you dating?
14:57 No. So, you know, we were We were
14:59 dating, but I was dating and married when we financially were struggling. Yeah. Yeah.
15:04 So, like, for me But I I wasn't broke at work. Yeah. I
15:07 worked. So You know?
15:08 Okay. So the and I'll say this as well. Like, Adam has made mention that I've dated a couple guys that had money. They've never flaunted. I've never Adam was the first person to, like, not flaunt
15:20 to me, but he was the first 1 to explore that with and that wasn't until after we were married as far as, like, the nice nice things. Like, he would buy me nice necklaces and jewelry and stuff like that. The guys
15:32 I even dated, like, they were athletes, but they were broke at athletes because they weren't even in the league yet or they were there, but they they just weren't financially, like, showcasing
15:44 their money in that way. So, like, when Adam and I dated, I never even still had the expectation of, like, what it meant to go to a nice restaurant. Like, I'd been to I'd been to, like, 1
15:56 nice restaurant on a date and then with 1 boyfriend, but then that was it. Most of the time, like, when I was in college, I was considered the 1 that had the money because my parents I had this full
16:08 scholarship. I lived in an apartment, but my parents paid half of it. So and then they would give me money on top of the money that I got from the school. So I was looked at like I was the 1 that had the money. So, like
16:19 and and at that point in time, I didn't even know what it meant to have I was like, I have groceries from Walmart in my fridge. Yeah. I guess I have money. But, like and I lived off campus, so I guess that means I have
16:29 money. Everyone still lived in the dorms. So then when I met Adam and then I lived when I lived in Chicago, I lived with my aunt. So by the means as far as, like, what it meant to have money or
16:41 did I consider Adam to not have all the finer things, I looked at it more so as, like, was he kind when or would he pay for the meal, like, when we went? Or when we went to
16:53 coffee, would he pay for it? Or he would order for me. Those are things that I look for more. And it wasn't having to be lavish or none of our dates on the first couple dates were very, like, extreme
17:05 of, like, him doting to me and and taking me to Fleming's or Javier's or anything like that. It was more on a relational side
17:13 of the book. That. Yeah.
17:15 Yeah. So the When
17:15 we met, I maybe made, you know, 40 or 45000 dollars a year when when when we first met. And so that that's a pretty entry level, you know, where where people normally start making
17:27 money at in their twenties. I was in my early twenties. So and I had a I had a home, and so my house mortgage was, like it was, like, 2900 a month making
17:39 45000 a year. Mhmm. Because they were they gave me a lot. It was a weird first time home buyer thing. You only needed 9 percent down, but no 1 told me, like, how much that really does bite you in the butt if you get
17:49 house broke. And so you're like, oh, I can I can get this size house and only have to put down 14 grand, but they're like, yeah? But also your payment's gonna be 3400 dollars or 2900 dollars. So I
18:01 didn't. I just always been you know, everyone has, for the most part, things they spend on. And so and and, you know, and and so everyone has that thing that to them, you know, like, they'll
18:13 they'll spend money on. And so for me, it was, like, food restaurants. It was restaurants, food, and, like, memories. Everything else, I I lived very like, I didn't have furniture in my house.
18:25 I didn't have so
18:26 I didn't have none of that stuff. I I literally had no furniture in my house. So I had 1 couch. So I didn't I didn't that that's not where I necessarily spent, my money. I spent on restaurants. And so and so that's
18:38 all it was, you know, in that case. So but when we dated, I just I just tried to, create great memories with her, and that's how I would spend whatever money I had, which was not much.
18:50 Yeah. But relatively soon so we had money issues, but relatively soon, I started making a marketing company that just took off. Yeah. It took off. So, it was just there
19:02 was no end in sight with how much money I could make at that time with that. Yeah. So it just if I wanted to make more money, I could. I could just take on a new client, and I was charging anywhere between 2 to 5000
19:13 dollars a month per client. Mhmm. And so I was and
19:16 sometimes I'd have to pay, like, videographers or photographers or because it was a marketing
19:16 company for business. But I because it was a marketing company for business. But I was like, it was blowing up. And that's really what changed until I said no to go like, I was in full
19:28 time ministry, but then it was, like, at a place where the church needed my whole heart. And that I had was, like, that was in 20 18. 20 17, 20 well, 20 18 when I had to fully,
19:40 like, give that up, which that was like, lord, we fully trust our finances to you. Because before that, it was just like, I can go get a new client. I can go get a new client. I can get you you know, that's how I was
19:50 when I first met, Phil. I I had that marketing company, and so it was just 1 extra client, 1 extra client, 1 extra client until I got offered that, deal for 2500000.0 dollars. And I,
20:02 and and I said no because I'd have to quit full time. And it was over it was a contract thing. It wasn't like they were gonna give it to me right there. But it was like a contracted thing, but in the end result would
20:11 have been that my company would have made 2500000.0. And I would have had to probably pay about 1.5 in staffing, stuff like that. And then that's when I talked to Ashton. I was like, I'm gonna if I do this, I'm gonna
20:22 have to get out of full time ministry for a few years. And we just felt like that wasn't the Lord. And Mhmm. Yeah.Show more
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