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Stop Chasing Popular Men | S3E15 BEYOND I DO PODCAST
January 22, 2026 · 55 min
In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack a viral dating idea: “I want my man to be the leader of his friend group.” And they push back hard—because status isn’t the same thing as integrity. They talk about why chasing the “head honcho” can actually be a red flag, and why what you really want to look for is something deeper: initiative, discipline, character, humility, and the ability to lead in a healthy way—not just perform confidence for attention.The conversation goes further into something most people don’t connect to dating: friendships. Adam and Ashlee get real about how unhealthy relationships can spill into your marriage, your peace, and your family—and why maturity sometimes means letting go of friendships you’ve outgrown, setting standards, and refusing to carry someone else’s chaos. They also talk about “surface-level” friendships, one-sided relationships, and what healthy community actually looks like when you’re trying to build something lasting with your spouse and kids.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
Series Beyond the Letter
Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
Article · 7 min read Why a Popular Man Is Not the Same as a Good Husband Adam and Ashley Mesa respond to a TikTok clip about dating the leader of the pack. They say to look for initiative, discipline and care instead of popularity. January 22, 2026 · 55 min · Beyond the Letter
In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack a viral dating idea: “I want my man to be the leader of his friend group.” And they push back hard—because status isn’t the same thing as integrity. They talk about why chasing the “head honcho” can actually be a red flag, and why what you really want to look for is something deeper: initiative, discipline, character, humility, and the ability to lead in a healthy way—not just perform confidence for attention.The conversation goes further into something most people don’t connect to dating: friendships. Adam and Ashlee get real about how unhealthy relationships can spill into your marriage, your peace, and your family—and why maturity sometimes means letting go of friendships you’ve outgrown, setting standards, and refusing to carry someone else’s chaos. They also talk about “surface-level” friendships, one-sided relationships, and what healthy community actually looks like when you’re trying to build something lasting with your spouse and kids.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com ...more Show the full description Show less In this episode, Adam and Ashlee unpack a viral dating idea: “I want my man to be the leader of his friend group.” And they push back hard—because status isn’t the same thing as integrity. They talk about why chasing the “head honcho” can actually be a red flag, and why what you really want to look for is something deeper: initiative, discipline, character, humility, and the ability to lead in a healthy way—not just perform confidence for attention.The conversation goes further into something most people don’t connect to dating: friendships. Adam and Ashlee get real about how unhealthy relationships can spill into your marriage, your peace, and your family—and why maturity sometimes means letting go of friendships you’ve outgrown, setting standards, and refusing to carry someone else’s chaos. They also talk about “surface-level” friendships, one-sided relationships, and what healthy community actually looks like when you’re trying to build something lasting with your spouse and kids.--Join our AFTER I DO community for Exclusive Content & community!www.afterido.app--Have a question about relationships? Ask us by clicking the link below!https://patria.church.ai/form/BeyondIdo_BEYOND I DO: MARRIAGE COURSEhttps://beyondido.thinkific.com/courses/beyond-I-do--Connect with Adam & Ashlee Mesahttps://instagram.com/amesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==https://instagram.com/ashleemesa?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA==--Don't forget to stay connected with us: Instagram @beyond.idoTik Tok @beyond.ido--We've entered into an exciting new partnership with renowned jeweler Erin Barnett in Los Angeles. This partnership perfectly aligns with our love for relationships and jewelry. Whether you're looking for a special gift, an engagement ring, or a wedding band, Erin has you covered. And as part of the Beyond I Do community, you get exclusive discounts and the opportunity for a private showroom experience. It's time to celebrate your love with exquisite jewelry from our partner, Erin Barnett.How to get the exclusive discount?SEND HIM A DM and tell him you are part of the BEYOND I DO family or mention Adam Mesa. https://www.instagram.com/by.barnett/?hl=enhttps://bybarnett.com
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0:12 How are looking, Andy?0:13 We're recording.0:14 We we recording, my boy? Recording. Yeah.0:17 Andy, you need to get Yeah.0:19 Man, that computer just bleeping, bleeping, blopping.0:22 You're talking about0:23 It's turning on.0:23 20 16. The the someone just asked me my nail girl, she was like, are you doing the 20 16 trend? And I was like, that was so long ago. I don't even think I had a phone. And then I was like,0:35 wait, didn't have a phone. I was like, I had I literally was married. Oh my gosh.0:44 I just don't.0:45 And so when she said it, she was like, do you have any photos? And I was like, oh, no. I was big girl from SeaWorld. No. You will not find a photo of me.0:52 You were healthy back back back in 20 16.0:56 It'll be quick. It'll be quick.0:57 No. I mean, like, when I say healthy, I mean, like, you you was you've held.1:00 You're annoying and rude.1:03 None of you were tidy. You was you was healthy.1:06 Yeah. No. We had gotten married.
1:08 I got you when you graduated your master's. 16.
1:11 I have some photos, but, like, people are posting fun ones, and I'm like, that's not fun. Like, I graduated, and I was big girl.
1:18 Yeah. Yes. I mean, you was healthy.
1:21 Yeah. She was I look like an auntie, literally.
1:24 She was she was she was around. She was enjoy she was enjoying her first year of marriage. That's what it was.
1:29 Aw. That's good.
1:30 That's it. She was
1:32 Like
1:32 Being big in, like, places that were creasing, and you shouldn't have rug burn from yourself from your legs rubbing together.
1:40 That's hey.
1:44 Listen. Bro, get a Celsius or a coffee and wake up.
1:48 You need Hey. Listen. I'm awake. It was no. I don't oh, yeah. I have a red boy. I have 1 right here. We're not sponsored by Okay. I'm not
1:56 gonna break a nail. Wow.
1:56 You almost broke yeah. That you just went to your third nail appointment this week. Yeah. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Beyond I Do. Thanks for joining us. For
2:08 some reason, my wife doesn't think I got energy. I'm good. I'm locked in. We, we've had a great couple episodes. It's good to see everybody. And, yeah, that, we were just in the middle of
2:20 talking about that little I don't know how people are getting their 20 16. I thought they were getting their 20 16 Instagram posts.
2:27 That would've been fun. That's more fun. Right?
2:29 Well, because you post on Instagram what tends to be what you want to be shared. So I thought people were like reshare. But even a lot of people, like I had to go scroll. Sammy Rod that's always on this, he he literally
2:40 posted the Instagram posts
2:42 from
2:42 back in the day. So I thought that was something. But I guess people are, like, literally scrolling and then just resharing.
2:48 How many? Oh, yeah. I mean,
2:50 I don't think it'd hard for me to scroll that far because I really don't
2:53 How many posts do
2:54 you have?
2:54 How many posts do you have?
2:55 Well, I probably have a lot more so for, like, be it's because beyond the letter and beyond the but, like, if you removed that How many are for me? Many for me? 1600 posts. Dang. That's a lot?
3:07 I have 800, you psycho.
3:10 Yeah. I have 200. You got 2 well, you gotta remember, Alize, you were you were 3 when Instagram came out. I got Instagram the week it came out. My first post was
3:21 pastor Heron was my first post when we were in college. We just thought it was a photo filtering app, and he took a selfie. And I was like, check this out. You can edit your photos and add filters. And I showed him, and
3:32 then you hit saved and you posted it. And we didn't know what that was. We didn't know you could, like, follow and share people. So that's what it was back then.
3:41 I have 4 posts.
3:42 So I've had it for that long. You have 4 posts, Andy?
3:45 Andy doesn't post.
3:46 He doesn't post.
3:47 He's also a little baby. He still got a lot of years ahead of him to
3:51 You never thought would
3:52 it Yeah. I didn't I didn't think 1600 would be a lot.
3:54 That is a lot. Oh, actually, it was cute in 2016.
3:58 But I get yeah. I just get tagged on a lot of stuff is what it or not tagged, but it's like a lot of
4:02 it's like That's when we started Fresh Start. That's when we started Fresh Start.
4:06 Yeah. We started Fresh Start back in the day. 10 10 years ago is when we did our start our Wednesday night. Yeah. See, you got some decent stuff. And we we did the Snapchat filter on it. That's what that was. That's how
4:15 you
4:15 In 2000 You remember that?
4:17 Your 2
4:17 I have your 2016. There you go.
4:19 Oh, look. Me on my Harley. Yeah. Yep.
4:21 Oh, yeah. You have some, Pastor Ashley. You
4:23 can post those.
4:23 Yeah. Know. You could post me on a Harley.
4:25 Look. Let people know. Blonde tips.
4:27 Yeah. Look. I had blonde hair.
4:29 When you had hair.
4:29 Yeah. Look at that. See? Yeah. You got some juice right there. That's some good stuff. Yeah. It is. Everybody post your 2016 and tag beyond I do. We wanna see whether that was a good year for you, a bad
4:41 year for you. We'll let you know. No. I'm just kidding. We'll provide feedback. We'll give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Yeah. 20 16, I created my own custom coffee brand called Fresh
4:53 Start Coffee. Remember that? We our Fresh Start. Yeah. Got some posts. I'm finding it right now. Look at that.
4:59 Oh my gosh. People are gosh. I was a loser. Wow. You just think because I'm like, when you think
5:08 about it best friend got engaged. We got a we got a picture together. You know? So Look at that.
5:14 I feel so corny now when I do selfies. Like, at what age should you stop taking selfies? Never? Never. Never? Because I was, like, looking at my 16, 2016, and
5:26 I'm like, imagine me. I see it in the car.
5:33 No. Yeah. Let's not. You didn't even put on makeup today for this episode like this.
5:37 Bro, I had a face
5:39 mask. That, dude.
5:40 I had a face mask, put my whole facial cream on Yeah. You're scared. Or my skin to be glowing. You don't need to put in all those chemicals and stuff. 2026, new year, new me.
5:50 Well, you also are, like, gonna get clipped, so just whatever just be ready for that. Well, it
5:55 doesn't matter because I have a runny nose.
5:58 Oh, that's good. Just go ahead. I mean, you know, you wanna go natural? It's it's all good.
6:02 Who would I look good for? What does it matter? Would you want me to just look ugly? What does it matter? They'll be like, oh, she's got he's got a Neanderthal of a wife. Who cares?
6:08 It's just that we you know, what we do, we operate in excellence at all times.
6:12 Yeah. I still look cute. Okay. Beauty is in the eye beauty is in the eye of the beholder for current facts. What? This is second time you've already said it. Look very you look
6:22 very pretty, but it's just this is a perfect this is a very this is a professional atmosphere.
6:26 Then you shouldn't have worn your glasses.
6:27 This is a this is, yeah, professional. I wear my glasses. I'm studious.
6:32 This isn't I didn't wanna This isn't school.
6:35 Yeah. It's still. I'm studious. It's like I got my glasses on. Mhmm. My my contacts have been hurting.
6:40 A nice sweater.
6:41 Alright. Yeah. Your outfit's fine, Ashley. It's great. You know? But, like, all the lights are on you.
6:48 I look fine. And maybe my eyebrows could just be brushed, but that's Your
6:51 your hair could probably, you know
6:53 No. Because it was a treatment. What did I tell you? What did I tell you?
6:57 You got a hair treatment?
6:59 So I had gotten a hair treatment. I had to wash it today, and I didn't wanna put any gel or product on it because I'm straightening it later. How how long have you been married to me? Not to not know the details and the
7:07 routines of my hair.
7:09 Listen. Listen. That's great.
7:11 This is marriage. Hello. This is where you should. You've married a half black woman.
7:15 That's great. But we're not doing this show in our backyard in a closet. This is this is consumed I love by a lot of people.
7:25 And so said today, my head this would be on. You couldn't even tell that I don't even have gel in my hair. Got my little Yeah. We can tell.
7:31 Maybe I should have
7:33 sprayed sprayed some dye in your hair so it doesn't look see through too.
7:36 Yeah.
7:36 Yeah. Don't zoom in on his. Look.
7:39 Yeah. I've been my hair been thinning because all that testosterone I'm on. So we're trying to I got
7:42 some Oh, now you you got excuses, but I can't have no excuse.
7:45 Yeah. Mine is mine is a a comedical question.
7:48 Uh-oh. That you gave to yourself.
7:50 You can't you can't you can't make fun of people's medicate medical conditions.
7:54 I do every day.
7:55 That's right.
7:55 You live with me.
7:57 It's wrong when you when you when you make fun of me. When you make fun of me. The things you make fun of me about, I can't control. So that's the thing. That's not what's right.
8:06 I will say that I was really I was really mad at you today when you left the house. I'm gonna tell you that. Could you just guess what you did when you left the house? You did something really nice, which I appreciate
8:14 it. And I'll give you a hint. You fed my dog. Thank you so much. But I had cleaned my house for an hour and a half. My Oura ring told me. What did you do?
8:21 I I set the trash on the table telling myself, throw this away when you go to leave.
8:27 And you wanna know that it wasn't even small trash, guys. It wasn't like a little napkin, a little paper towel. No. It's the big giant bag of dog food that was empty. Empty. Didn't care about me. Didn't care that I came
8:38 and sweat, mop, did all dishes, made it smell good, put new scents in scent thing, all that. Then left the house and just left that right there. Thank you for feeding my dog, though.
8:46 Listen. This is what this is what I want credit for. K. It was because I put it on our our kitchen table.
8:56 Yeah. Gross.
8:56 So the the old big dog bag went there because I wanted it in my eyesight because of my heart. I said, Adam So throw this away.
9:06 So did you have your glasses on or off when you left the house? Because your eyesight must have just been blind when you left.
9:13 No. I have a medical condition called ADHD, and I and I had to go.
9:20 I literally heard the door close. I walked out and go, come on, Maverick.
9:23 No. He did not. Listen.
9:26 But we're here.
9:27 We're here. We're here. We made it, everybody. Thanks for joining us. We we listen.
9:30 Thanks for listening.
9:31 We got a a short kinda singles episode. So if you got we gotta give some nuggets to some singles hopefully today. We like to teeter, but I think it'll it'll definitely tap into marriage for sure. So we teeter. You
9:43 know? We've done a lot of recent episodes on parenting and some recent episodes on marriage. So teeter back into anyone in those single seasons. We got a big group. Mhmm. We got people that do watch parties.
9:55 Whenever we do singles episodes, they, you know, shout out. So this will probably be a singles conversation. We saw a TikTok video that Nancy ended up selling sending us, and and we said, oh, yeah. That's we think that's
10:07 a good conversation, but I think it it'll go broader into marriage probably itself as well because it's just you know, you love those single women that have expectation on fellas, the the men
10:18 that they date. And
10:21 I didn't have much, but let's look at the clip.
10:23 You didn't have much of what? You didn't have much what? I don't I didn't get the joke.
10:29 I don't know
10:29 my name.
10:30 He said he had high expectations for a lot of men. And I said, I didn't have much for you. But let's see what doing. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, ahead.
10:39 Meeting a guy. Uh-huh. You meet his homeboys, and you realize, like, he ain't the leader of the pack.
10:44 I
10:44 can't. I can't. That's I have
10:46 care about what
10:46 they look like, but I want my man to be the head honcho.
10:49 Like, 35. Yeah. I'm like, 35. Talking about too much of your life for your man to be the leader of Alright, Andy. We good. We good. Alright. So
11:01 the fact that this is serious is insane. Yeah. That guy. Yeah. You guys are 30 35.
11:06 Like, you're not leaving anything.
11:07 But throughout the whole video, he keeps upping the age. He's like he's like, I can't believe you're 45 years old, you're still saying and then he goes, I mean, you're in your fifties. Come on. He just kept he just kept
11:18 upping the the the age category.
11:21 Yeah. I I mean, I think that any I don't understand that. Like, for me, that doesn't make sense to me. If you're normally the head honcho of your male friend
11:32 group, yeah, you have the confidence, but then also I would put you in the category of probably narcissistic, probably very demeaning, thinking you have it all, thinking you're
11:44 untouchable because that's what I went after when I was dating the guy. No. And then I didn't unintentionally go after the the leaders, but they put themselves out there as we were dating like, oh, I'm,
11:56 I'm the man. I'm the guy. I've got it all. You should come to me. I'm the 1 that operates this thing that they don't move without me. That stuff is weird. Like, at the end of the day,
12:08 a man leading a pack of men in the wrong direction and not spiritually like, it there's a difference from the worldly men and the and a godly man. Like, the worldly
12:20 men, if they're the leader of the group, where are they leading them to? To the clubs. To what? To meet more girls. Mhmm. Like and he's gonna be the 1 that's gonna be the 1 to go out and they'll they're gonna make him
12:31 go, hey, you go. You go talk to her. You you're the confident 1. You don't do this. So if you think that that he's gonna do that with you, he's gonna do that with everyone else. Yeah. Like, just because he's confident in
12:40 the male group of his friends and he's the leader of the pack, I think that's weird.
12:47 Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, it's it's it's it's kind of like it's like if I met a teenager and they said that, I'd be like, oh, it makes sense. You're 13. You know? You're looking for a popular guy or whatever.
12:59 It's like but then when you like, the the guy followed up with but it's like, when you're in age of maturity, you know, and you're start to get into your late twenties, thirties, forties, you know, and beyond, and
13:11 you still have this concept of popularity, fanfare in a man. You know, it's it it shows ultimately there's still a a
13:23 massive amount of immaturity in that person or in those individuals, the fact that both of those women agreed with that concept. I think more than anything, what a woman should be looking for
13:34 in a man is not him leading his friend group or being the most influential in his friend friend group. Because when a friend group is healthy, then there really isn't there may be
13:46 leadership amongst the group
13:48 Right.
13:48 But there isn't a leader of the group because they should all be holding each other accountable. They should all be leading in some way, shape, or form because we all have weaknesses. And so this concept of
14:00 an individual guy that's a leader with no weaknesses that isn't called out really by his crew. And it's like, oh, he, you know, he he says, let's go or whatever. And so that's a
14:12 massive amount of immature. What what a what a woman should be looking for is not necessarily leadership amongst his friend group. Is something you can measure without his friend group is initiative.
14:24 You know? That that is thanks for cracking your fingers for all of us. We we're all we all really enjoyed that whole experience for you. What he should
14:36 what you should be looking for within the guy in the dating phase that can translate that you need to be able to translate into marriage is, does he take initiative? And
14:48 initiative is measured in many different ways, but it's, does he does he speak his mind? Not not in a negative sense, but does does he share his opinion, or or is he just isolated? Even
14:59 introverted people can stretch themselves and challenge themselves to to be able to speak confidently. Does it does he have discipline? Is there characters within him that he takes
15:11 initiation in is what is his disciplines? Does he have disciplines of of reading, of writing, of the gym, of work, of family? Like, does he have any disciplines
15:22 whatsoever? Does he take initiative in your relationship? And so, you know, does he historically, what I would try to do with you, both marriage and dating, is give you an
15:34 opportunity to always say what you want to do. Hey. What do you wanna do today? Do you wanna go to movies this or that? If you say, I don't know, I always try to carry an idea in my back pocket. But I wanna create space
15:43 for you there. Like, oh, I would love to do this. Okay. Cool. But if you go, I don't know. And what a what a lot of men I was I was actually recently talking to a a who has children
15:55 and and things like that, and it was an honest conversation he and I had. And I said, what's often happened is he's been the responder in the relationship. Mhmm. In his
16:07 marriage and his children, he responds. And his response is that he wants everyone to be happy. Mhmm. You know, he he wants everything to be copacetic. He wants to do what he
16:19 thinks everyone wants, whether it be his wife, and he'll do it at his own demise. Mhmm. And so what I encouraged him to do is to say, hey. Great leadership as a man is not
16:31 playing the second fiddle role in the family where you're just the back end support, where you're just trying to make sure no 1 gets upset or angry and everybody's happy. Your role is to
16:42 initiate. Now and and it's a broader conversation, but I had told him it's the it's the wife's job. She's a responder. Mhmm. The man's the initiator. You even look at the the the human anatomy. God
16:54 created us that way. The man is the initiator in the human anatomy. The women responds. And so that is how God has created us, and then you just kicked out my headphones. Thank you so much. She just Ashley's just
17:06 really really need a lunch break or something? Anyways, what I was talking about was
17:17 so what we were talking about was that it's important that he initiates and he leads because, their the family, the children, the his
17:29 wife, they want to respond. And if he's consistently kind of just not leading, not taking initiative and he may take initiative in other areas. He may take initiative and, hey. We should all go to Disneyland or
17:41 something like that. But when it comes to the areas of leadership that the family needs dad to speak into, dad to lead in, his perception of it was, you know, when I do that, that may create
17:53 conflict or chaos. And and I don't want I don't I don't want that. I I want my for various reasons, how I grew up or whatever, like, I want peace in my home. And, well, you know, like, and I I share with him, if if
18:04 you're just pursuing peace at someone's detriment like, could have peace at your children's detriment. You could have peace at your wife's detriment. You could have peace at your detriment. That's not peace. That just
18:14 means that 1 of you is just taking the blows for the family. And at some point, everybody reaches their level or their breaking point in that regard. And so I just encouraged him to, like, start taking
18:26 what what is in you, what your heart is saying, which is to take more initiative. And in the dating phase, that's where I would encourage a woman. Like, you're not looking for this leadership of, like, honchoness and,
18:36 like, you know, this this roughness. You're you're looking for initiation is what is what you're trying to to to to judge rather than does his crew follow him around like little ducklings.
18:47 You know? Well, I think that's what they're saying is that they want someone that's gonna take initiative and that if they're willing to take initiative within their friend group, then he's more attractive than the
18:57 timid, quiet if someone's that's taking the initiative that they're thinking is, then they're gonna be able to decide, they're gonna be able to lead, they're I'm not gonna have any issues, but I think that they're not
19:07 looking at a bigger perspective of why wouldn't you just want all like minded. Why wouldn't you want someone who was a leader but also was in a friend group that had like minded leadership
19:18 within that friend group? Because if I were to look at like someone like your guys' friend group, like you and the guys that you hang out with, you guys are pretty much the same. There's not like, guys have
19:30 all your you guys have different giftings and you guys are Right. Unique in in different ways. But if I were to take you guys out of your circle, you guys are all leaders. Right. There there was
19:42 there I wouldn't say that anyone in your group would be timid or unsure. Do they have do some men have insecurities? Absolutely. But I think when it comes to who knowing who they are,
19:54 I think that that maybe is what they should have said is I need a man that knows who he is within his friend group and isn't gonna isn't gonnaShow more
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