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Finding Hope and Healing After Grief
March 2, 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
Some stories don’t end the way we expect. They break. They pause. They change us. Courtney Pray Duke and Kristen Ledlow talk about grief, healing, and the hope that rises—even after deep loss.
Series The Lifeline Series with Courtney Pray Duke March 2, 2026 · 1 hr 1 min · The Lifeline Series with Courtney Pray Duke
Some stories don’t end the way we expect. They break. They pause. They change us. Courtney Pray Duke and Kristen Ledlow talk about grief, healing, and the hope that rises—even after deep loss. ...more Show the full description Show less Some stories don’t end the way we expect. They break. They pause. They change us. Courtney Pray Duke and Kristen Ledlow talk about grief, healing, and the hope that rises—even after deep loss.
Series The Lifeline Series with Courtney Pray Duke
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Answering the Divine Call: Dream, Obedience, and Burning Bush 0:00 Some stories don't end the way we expect. They break. They pause. They change us. In this conversation, Courtney Pradeauke and Kristen Ledlow talk about grief, healing, and the hope0:12 that rises even after deep loss. This is And She Got Up, a conversation on grief, healing, and hope.0:23 What made you finally write it all down?0:27 Obedience to God. I fought it for years. I ran from it as much as I could, putting out every excuse that I didn't have what it took to write a book. That I0:39 didn't have, you know, wasn't a good enough writer. Or I didn't know how to do it, or I didn't have a book deal. And God is like, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to write it down,0:51 and I'll do the rest. And so for me, this book, And She Got Up, is obedience to God.0:59 What can you tell me about that January morning that you woke up having had this vivid dream Mhmm. Of this book having come to fruition?1:09 Well, I wrestled with God for years about it. I saw I I had inklings and visions of 1 day it being a reality, but I just kept kinda pushing1:21 it aside. However, when I woke up on January first, 2023, I sat up in my bed. My eyes were like saucers and my1:33 mouth was wide open, and I was like, God, I'm going with you. I had such a vivid dream of this book1:44 being in our hands that once I saw it, there was no going back. Once I saw it and once I knew that it was a God dream, not a Courtney dream,1:57 you know, and there's nothing wrong with that. But this wasn't something that it was my idea to do. This was very much a God dream and a God idea. And he so much so that he knew I had to see it2:09 in order to to obey and fulfill it and and walk it out. And so there was no turning back. So January first 2023, I started writing2:21 it at the beginning of March Wow. Of that year, March 20 23.2:26 Did you sit down that day, that January first, and plan any of it, dream about any of it? Yeah. Did you just simply start praying about the possibility?2:34 I wrote notes in my phone, and I had already been writing from before the time that Andrew died. I had been writing for a lot a lot of years, just2:47 stirrings in in what God had done, but it was more of journaling. However, I began writing a loose outline. It started with, a few chapter2:59 ideas and where I wanted to take people on the journey and how I wanted to, you know, see how it would come to life. And and that that process3:10 took a long time. You said yes to a lot of big things.3:16 You said yes to being a young bride. You said yes to packing up and moving with Andrew. How do you think that even that prepared you3:28 for the kind of yeses you're saying now as you step into the unknown?3:35 Yeah. You know, in the moment, I didn't think they were radical yeses. But in the moment, I I wanted to please even years ago as a young bride,3:47 I wanted to please God. I did. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know 100 percent if we were making all the right decisions, but I knew that God had joined us together. Therefore,4:00 whatever it is that he was asking us to do felt like it was an it was a yes. And in looking back, I'm thinking, oh, how did we do that? And and and but we stepped4:11 out. We stepped out in faith. We stepped out. We we walked where the peace was. We walked where God was making provisions. And he did. Every little step we took, he would open the door. But4:23 then years later, I never would have imagined that I would be walking in the places I was walking, in the hardships, in the loss, in the devastations,4:36 on the grave, in the moments that could have, should have, might have broken me, forever. And, but those those4:48 something about those early days of simply trusting God, simply trusting that he had a plan and his plan was gonna be better than mine,5:01 it it it started, you know, this process of learning to rework, my faith muscles and build them and get them ready, little did I know, for what I was gonna be walking and5:12 experiencing.5:13 1 of the most beautiful ideas that you present in your book is the burning bush on a Tuesday. Could have happened. Chapter 2. At5:25 any point on any day Mhmm. This revelatory moment. Mhmm. Can you tell me about your burning bush on a Tuesday?5:35 Yeah. It was an average ordinary Tuesday. Andrew was in the house. He had made his coffee earlier that morning. I had taken the kids to5:47 school after we packed lunch and had a flurry of, you know, just getting out the door on time.5:52 I get that now. Yes.5:54 I did not get that before. It's a thing. It's a thing. So, yes, we made it to school on time that day, which was a miracle. But, it was such an ordinary day. It was 1 of those6:05 days you just, you just press the ordinary button and everything goes in repeat mode almost. And so, after I got home from taking the kids to school, I got my6:17 coffee, and I went upstairs to sit on my bed and open my Bible and read. And it wasn't anything super special until I walked6:29 in my bedroom, and I felt the presence of God in a way that I couldn't stand up. And I had never experienced6:41 that up until this moment of, like, the feeling of Jesus walking in my bedroom and putting His hand on my head. And6:53 the sweetness and the tenderness, but the power of Him saying, I'm right here with you, but I'm calling you out. I'm calling you out and I'm7:04 asking you to trust me. And I'm gonna send you. And I took off my shoes, and I got down on my face on the carpet on my floor. And I just wept. I didn't7:16 have words. I didn't have I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that God was showing me himself and giving me a moment that7:28 would mark me forever. Little did I know that he was calling me out. He was showing me that it was him doing it. And7:40 that my only response was to take off my shoes and fall down in worship and trust that he was up to something that I didn't have to figure it7:51 out. I wanted to know. I didn't know what was going on. But then the next few days and weeks that were following that, it was almost heavy, almost oppressive8:03 at times of, god, what is this stirring? It was a stirring. It was a it was something that I I couldn't understand, what was going on. But it8:15 was this wrestle of surrender. And so every morning, I would sit in my bed after this moment, and I would do this. I would just say, God, I surrender.8:28 I don't know what you're doing, but I surrender. Here's my life. And it started with that surrender.8:37 Then there were 90 days from that moment to the 1 where widow becomes 1 of the titles8:49 that you carry. That discomfort, that surrender, that waiting, that wondering.9:02 Have you been in any season like that since?9:09 Up to present day, nothing like that. Yeah. There's nothing like that surrender to where the flames were burning. Yeah. I didn't9:21 know what was going on,9:24 but God did. How then do you keep saying yes? Do you keep surrendering to what's entirely unknown to you? How do you continue to say yes9:35 when you don't know what you're saying yes to?9:38 To this day, how do I continue to say no? You know, it God has proven trustworthy. He's proven that when I get out9:50 of the way, even though it's scary, even though it can be there's temptation to be full of fear. And I'm not saying that I I have come to this point where I don't, you know, wrestle with10:01 fear or any of that. I'm not saying that. But I do trust God's heart. When I can't trace his plan, I know I can trust his heart. And that's where I sit today. And10:13 those are that's the the faith and the trust that was built. That's what that's the goal that comes from the fire. That's the strength that comes from suffering.10:25 That's the the joy that comes out of this wild thing called suffering is that having known that sorrow really enables the joy. But I10:37 also know that I know that I know that no matter what we walk through, no matter what we walk through, when given to Jesus, he is going to make a way, and10:49 he is going he's going to fulfill his plan and his purpose. And trusting him is the only place I wanna live. It's the only place I wanna be.11:01 I know that 1 of the reasons it took so long to finally sit down and write these words is because you have to face them. You have to face the reality of what happened. You have to face11:13 the days that followed. You have to face the fallout. You have to remember over and over what is likely on this side of heaven your very darkest11:25 days. Can you tell me what you remember about the day that Andrew walked out and said that he would be home by 2?The Day of Devastation: Andrew's Death and Raw Grief 11:36 He he had loved me my whole life. I mean, we we met when in when I was in the third grade. He was in the fourth grade. And, we fell in love when we were11:48 probably 12 and 13, 13, 14, that zone, and just became best friends and were leading worship together. Eventually, we just knew God had called us to be together. I can't really explain11:59 it other than the fact that there was a mission for the 2 of us to accomplish together. So we did. We got married at 19 and 20. He had loved me so well. I mean, rolled out12:11 the red carpet for me with honor and love and respect and admiration. I mean, he was just just incredible man. Incredible man of God,12:23 incredible husband, incredible friend, incredible father. And on the side, Andrew was an avid cyclist. So, the morning of November 20 first, 20 12, it was the day12:35 before Thanksgiving. So, we all know how that feels. You're amping up for the holidays. You're getting ready. You're cleaning the house. You're decorating for Christmas, maybe. I don't know. But, taking off work, kind of12:47 starting to downshift a little bit, and gather your plans. And that's what I was doing. So, I went to the store, the grocery store, that morning. I was getting stuff for a broccoli salad that I was gonna make. We were12:57 gonna have Thanksgiving with our friends the next day. And, Andrew was taking care of the kids and doing all that. And he said, I'll, you know, I'll plan a ride when you get back. And he,13:10 whenever I got back from the store and we just caught up a little bit in the morning, He had his jersey, his bib on, you know, all the spandex, getting ready to go on a 75 mile ride. I mean, no big deal,13:22 right?13:23 I could never.13:24 He was, yes, very unique specimen. I mean, he was in just tip top shape, just pro level, basically. And but this is what he did on the side. He was a worship pastor. On the side, that's the way he cleared his mind13:36 and really just let down. And so I loved every time he rode, he just had the best stories and was so inspired by it. And it, it was beautiful. I love we it was a beautiful part of our life. And, he was13:48 gathering up his snacks on the counter, and he looked at me and he said, is there anything I can do for you to make your day more enjoyable? And I said, no. You've been amazing. Just go and have fun. And he14:00 said, okay. I'll see you. I'll be home by 2 o'clock. And I said, alright. I love you. And he said, I love you too. And his face was so, like, so soft. It was almost like it had a filter over it. Like, it was14:12 angelic. And of all the years I'd known him, I was 29. He was 30. We'd known each other and been together over half of our lives at that point. And I'd never seen his face look like that. And I can remember14:24 just looking, like, thinking, what? That's kinda weird. Well, he got his stuff, put it in his bib, jersey, and walked out the door, and I can remember hearing the garage door shut vividly that day.14:37 And I prayed for him just like I always had. And I remember praying, lord, just protect him. Keep him safe. And went on with my morning and was getting the kids we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that day.14:49 Carson, my youngest, had, his diaper on, ran around the house, like, smeared in peanut butter and some kind of mysterious glue all over his back. I don't know what they they offer them voice mail. I have no clue what's15:00 that way. Yeah. And so, you know, we're just living normal life. And so after I'd fed the kids and did all that, I went upstairs to have a moment by myself to eat my sandwich and my phone rang. And15:12 it was a number I didn't recognize, so I sent it to voice mail. It came right back up. I did that 3 times. And on the fourth time, I got a voice mail. A very frantic lady, she15:24 said, your husband, Andrew, has been in an accident. You need to get to the hospital immediately. That's all she said and hung up on the voice mail. My whole body grew hot,15:37 And I started shaking, like, I couldn't control my arms. It was it was so crazy that I got up and I screamed. I was like, kids, get in the car. We gotta go.15:49 You know? And I was trying to stay calm, but it was it was a struggle. I didn't wanna scare kids, all these things. But there wasn't time because I was thinking, you know, I didn't know what was going on. And so, we get15:59 in the car and we speed down the highway. And I was praying out loud, and the kids were upset. They didn't know what was happening. None of us did. And I just said, Lord, just please keep him safe. I'll do16:10 whatever it takes to take care of him. It will be, like, just keep him alive. Keep him alive. Keep him safe. And I tried to call Andrew, and I didn't get him either. And he always picked up his phone. So just as soon as16:22 we were nearing the hospital, I got another phone call, and, it was from Andrew's dad. He said, are you with the kids? I said, yes. He said, get out of the car. And so I did. I pulled over on the side of the road, and I16:34 got out of the car. And he said, Andrew didn't make it. And we both hung up, and I just got on the pavement on my knees, asphalt, and digging in my kneecaps. And I was16:46 like, god. What are you doing? Like, anything but him. Anything but him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. You know? And so then I16:58 had to go I've gotta get in the car now, and I've gotta tell my babies. And it's to this day was 1 of the worst things. But God gave it a supernatural strength.17:10 And I didn't know what to say, but I said, guys, and daddy's with Jesus. He's with Jesus. And so we just had this car ride from hell moment.17:22 And, rock bottom, we were at the bottom. And so we pulled up to the hospital and, I grabbed hands with the kids. I didn't know what to do. I just remember17:34 the sky was so blue and so clear. And you're thinking, how can something so dark happen on 1 of the brightest, supposed to be 1 of the happiest days of the year where we're giving thanks? And I17:46 couldn't even imagine. I wanted to do anything but give thanks. But I grabbed hands with my babies, and we knelt down on the hospital parking lot ground. And I said, I17:58 remember it so plainly. I didn't know what to pray. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know up from down at this point. But I said, god, I don't know what you're doing,18:10 but we trust you. I wanted my kids to hear me say that. I wanted them to see that our whole world just blew up. But we have a Father who18:22 said that He'll never leave us and never forsake us. And so now we're walking in the reality of what God's word says.18:30 Because that's such an added layer to your grief. Oh. Not just navigating the loss of a marriage, but motherhood to children who are navigating the loss of of their18:42 father. Yeah.18:44 How did you walk that tightrope between falling into your own grief and still showing them how18:56 not to grieve like those without hope.19:00 I didn't do it great every day. I will say that there were some days that I I needed a lot of help with the kids, and and I and I had some really good friends that walked alongside of19:12 me, you being 1 of them. And, God supplied and provided in so many ways. But watching my kids go without their dad was 1 of the19:24 hardest things and still is to this day, just heartbreak on a whole different level because you can't fix it. You can't make them come back. You can't give them what they want and19:36 need and deserve. I mean, no child should have to go without, you know, their parents. And so, but I wanted to walk in a way. I wanted my kids to see mom mom may not19:48 she's not gonna do it alright. And there was it was really messy some days. You know? But there was such a grace in it. And there was a it was like I20:00 saw the grace of God change shape for every day no matter what it was that we needed, what we were lacking, what we needed levity20:11 and support with, what we needed. You know? And in any given day, 1 of us was having a really bad day. You know, just kinda circulated around there in those early days. But I wanted my kids20:23 to see that we're not living for this world. Like, this is not our home. And I can remember telling him, daddy gets to be home. He's home with Jesus. And and we would sit around, and we would talk about20:35 him because he was a great cook, and he he cooked the majority of our meals. But we just would have silly moments of of seeing daddy imagining him with a little chef hat on and making food and just being20:47 so happy and being with Jesus. And I just, you know, I wanted them to, in their little childlike ways, be able to connect the dots that Andrew's fully alive.20:59 I mean, this is what the Bible says. Jesus Jesus rose so that we could live. Jesus died and rose so that we could live and live forever. And Andrew loved Jesus more than21:11 anything. And now he got to be right there with him. So I, as a mother with all these broken hearts, wanted to just keep keep lifting my kids' eyes. And it's been21:24 you know, it changes you. You start to see suffering everywhere, and it it's almost like a superpower where it gives you compassion. You know, my kids now have compassion for their friends21:36 and people that have gone through really hard things and losses, and they're able to step in spaces. But those early years, I call them they're somewhat of21:45 the lost years, but God was faithful to meet us in every moment. I remember this now many years ago, seeing you21:56 sing on stage, this, of course, after the loss of Andrew, but far before what we know is not the end, but now the middle of the story that you're sitting in.22:09 And you singing like a bride waiting for her groom will be a church that's waiting for you. And I remember thinking,22:21 if she can sing those words, they must be true. How do you wait wellShow more In this video 0:00 Answering the Divine Call: Dream, Obedience, and Burning Bush11:28 The Day of Devastation: Andrew's Death and Raw Grief22:31 Grieving with Hope: Parenting, Waiting, and God's Word37:08 Redemption Rising: New Love, 'She Got Up,' and Sending Hope
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