Skip to content How to Come to Grips with the Real You, Part 1 Mar 13 · 25 min ...more
How to Come to Grips with the Real You, Part 1
March 13, 2026 · 25 min
Who am I? Where do I belong? And what am I supposed to do? The answers to those questions may not be as difficult as you might suppose. Chip reveals how you can answer those questions for yourself.
Series God's Dream for Your Life March 13, 2026 · 25 min · God's Dream for Your Life
Who am I? Where do I belong? And what am I supposed to do? The answers to those questions may not be as difficult as you might suppose. Chip reveals how you can answer those questions for yourself. ...more Show the full description Show less Who am I? Where do I belong? And what am I supposed to do? The answers to those questions may not be as difficult as you might suppose. Chip reveals how you can answer those questions for yourself.
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Chip Ingram is an American Christian pastor, author, and teacher. He is the founder, teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry.
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Life's Big Three Questions 0:11 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.0:14 There are 3 questions everyone will ask and answer in your lifetime. Number 1, who am I? Number 2, where do I belong? And number 3, what am I I supposed0:26 to do? Answering those questions clearly and correctly will set the course for your entire life. Today, we're gonna learn how to answer them well. Stay0:38 with me.0:40 Why do most people spend their lives trying to be someone else? Well, today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram addresses the 3 fundamental questions every human being asks. Who am I? Where do I0:52 belong? What am I supposed to do? Using the story of Adam and Eve's fall, Chip exposes 3 obstacles that keep us from honest self assessment, shame, insecurity, and denial.1:04 But there's hope. God offers a pathway to discover your authentic identity and purpose. Well, here's Chip Ingram with today's message, how to come to grips with the real you.1:15 Well, there's not a lot of things that psychologists and theologians agree on 100 percent, but psychologists and theologians all agree that from the time we're very small, actually1:27 until the day we die, we begin to consciously or unconsciously try to ask and answer 3 questions. Question number 1, who am I? Question number 2,1:39 where do I belong? And question number 3, what am I supposed to do? I mean these are the issues about identity, about security and significance. And we're on a journey, you know you saw it. It's1:51 about becoming a Romans 12 Christian, your true spirituality. And at the end of the day, we can call it all kind of different things, but Jesus made it very clear. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all2:02 your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength, and love your neighbor like yourself. And in Romans chapter 12 it just gives us a snapshot of what an authentic follower of Jesus looks like2:14 in everyday life. And so in terms of loving God he says, how do you love God? What does God want the most? He wants you and me. All that we are, all that we have surrendered to him. And then realizing that it's2:26 a battle, and the world system wants to seduce our heart away from our savior, he wants us to be separate from the world's values. Well, now we're going to move from verse 1 and verse 2 to verse 3 through 8. And here2:38 what we're going to learn is, how do you come to grips with the real you? How do you look in the mirror, not just physically, but in the mirror of your soul, come to grips with who you really are, and say, I'm2:50 fearfully and wonderfully made. I matter. God has a plan for me. I'm not too short. I'm not too tall. I have the right personality. I have the right gifts. I don't need to be like3:02 anyone else. Here's the fact of the matter. Most people on all the earth spend the great majority of their time and energy trying to be like someone else or3:14 wishing they were someone else. And so we dress like someone else, we act like someone else, we have all these different models, and we spend all of our energy and time trying to be a copy of3:25 something that's not nearly as attractive as the 1 unique person out of the almost 7000000000 people on this planet, that have a unique DNA that's yours.3:38 And you're made exactly like you were made by the creator of all of life, because he's got a plan for you, and he's gifted you, and he wants to do something great in you,3:50 and then something significant through you. So we're going to roll up our sleeve, and we're going to ask and answer the question, how do you come to grips with the real you? So open your teaching notes if you will, and4:00 let's jump into those 3 questions. Question number 1, who am I? What's her identity? You're always asking this question. And by the way, for those of you who are parents, so are your kids. The4:12 second big question we're always asking are, where do I belong? This is about security. Every person is made by the God of the universe to need to belong. To need to4:23 understand who you really are. And we go about it in some ways, sometimes, that are very dysfunctional. In fact, sometimes very dangerous. Third question we're asking is, why am I here? What am I supposed4:35 to do? I mean, it's fundamental. It's so fundamental and so overwhelming, sometimes we blow past this 1. I mean, when's the last time you actually stopped and said, Why am I on4:47 this planet? What is the meaning of life for me? A big part of the whole midlife crisis is people looking in the rearview mirror and going, I'm not only not asked that4:59 question, when I start thinking about it very deeply, I don't like the answer. Because I not only don't know, but I haven't given much energy or time or track record to what I think probably5:11 matters most. Now, before you get too down on yourself, right? Because honestly those are big aren't they? Those are so big, isn't it interesting the biggest issues in5:23 life you can sort of shove down because they're so hard to answer? It's like, well yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean who here would say, Who am I really and where do I belong and what am I supposed to do? Come on Chip,5:34 would you get to something serious? Right? There's no bigger questions than that and yet the great majority of people have not thought deeply or could give you good clear answers to that.5:47 But let me tell you why. Let me explain why those are so hard to answer. Turn in your notes to page 2. Something happened. Something happened to our first parents that we've inherited from5:58 them that make these 3 questions very hard to answer. It's why the world has such a pull on us. It's why we settle for lots of superficial6:10 answers to those things, knowing down deep in our soul they don't really satisfy. The passage is Genesis chapter 3 the context is the cosmic coup has occurredThe Fall's Obstacles: Shame, Insecurity, Denial 6:23 the most loving being the most generous being the giver of all life the creator of the universe Yahweh God has created mankind and told them that all that I have and everything's available, there's6:35 only 1 small limitation, don't eat from that tree. And our parents, first by deception, then by an act of the will, it was a coup, it was a rebellion. And sin entered the6:47 world. The theologians call it the fall of man. And we pick up the story, and we find out what happened. And as we pick up the story, you'll discover why for you and me, it's really hard6:59 to answer those questions well. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God7:11 among the trees of the garden. It's the first time this has ever happened. They ran to meet him. They lived in a perfect environment. They they were naked emotionally. They were naked spiritually. They were7:23 naked physically. Some theologians think there was radiation of light that came out from them before the fall even. There was absolute complete intimacy with God, intimacy and vulnerability with 1 another, unconditional7:34 acceptance. Life was perfect. And now they hear God coming and for the first time they hide. Then the Lord God called to the man and said to him, where are you? By the way, this is not an informational question. This is7:46 diagnostic. God knew where he was. He's gonna ask a series of questions to help Adam discover where he's really at. Adam said, I heard the sound of you in7:58 the garden. I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid myself. If you got a pen, when you pull it out, encircle afraid, naked, and hid. That'll come back later. You're gonna find there's8:10 a relational pattern in that that you have and I have and every human being has. And God said, who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I've commanded you not to eat?8:22 And so he's gonna answer God and it's very interesting if you happen to be his wife this is not a good moment. What you're gonna learn is you can't trust this guy. For the first time ever what you're8:33 gonna learn when the pressure comes, what he's gonna do instead of own his stuff and be a man, he's gonna be passive and he's gonna blame you. And so Eve is probably8:45 standing there, knowing the whole story, and she's gonna hear her husband say to God, the woman that you gave me to be with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate it.8:57 Translation, it's not my fault, it's her fault, and by the way, you're the 1 who gave her to me, so let's do the math. Not me, it's her. It's your fault really, God. And so God moves on9:09 with the progression of diagnostic questions. Then the Lord God said to the woman, what is this that you have done? And the woman, being a very quick study, says the9:20 serpent deceived me and I ate in other words it's not my fault either it's the serpent's fault and who made this garden and who made serpents and you know what all the problems in life are God's9:33 Isn't it interesting a lot hasn't changed? When there's a tragedy, when there's a difficulty, when something happens in the world, isn't it interesting as human beings what I always hear is, how could God let this9:45 happen? How come every single day how could God let me breathe? How could God give me this? I mean, we don't, like, list every good thing that he's ever done, but anything goes wrong, well, good point. I'll tell you9:55 what. Right?9:57 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We're halfway through today's message, so don't go anywhere just yet. Today's insightful lesson comes from our series called God's dream for your life.10:09 Want to dig deeper into these truths? Well, the full series is ready for you online at living on the edge dot org. You'll discover extra teaching content, downloadable materials, and10:21 discussion guides to take you further. Find it all at living on the edge dot org. Well, now let's rejoin Chip with today's message.10:30 3 obstacles you'll see in this passage about why it's so hard to come to grips with the real you. First is fear rooted in shame. Notice he says, I was afraid. Well,10:42 why? I was afraid because now for the first time ever Adam realizes he's naked. And and and don't Of course it's physical, but well well beyond. What he realizes10:53 is he's exposed. What he realizes when he meets the eyes of someone who sees absolutely perfect through everything, he doesn't measure up. There's11:05 a self consciousness that has occurred. And can I tell you that this is how we relate to God often? And this is how we relate to 1 another? It is that the11:17 primary means of relating to other human beings and God is fear, and it's rooted in shame. And so we relate to 1 another in fear and spend an11:28 inordinate amount of energy posing and image managing. And since we're not sure who we really are, we want to be liked by other people, so I call them11:40 personality holograms. Because of your background, and your gifts, and the part of the country you grew up in, and all these factors, somewhere along the world you learn people in certain groups like11:52 this, and so you learn to act like that, and dress like that, and need to drive that, and your kids need to go to this school, and you have all these things that somehow, someway, if all that is lined up, because you get12:04 affirmation from that, you get approval from that, you're admired by people. Here's the problem. What you know is this hologram that you're projecting of this person that has it kind of together and is loving and is kind12:15 and is a good whatever. You know down deep in your soul that really doesn't represent all of you, let alone some of the lot of the real you. And even when people love the hologram, you don't get love because you know12:26 that's not you. And that's why we find some of the people that are most beautiful, the most successful, and we find them doing things that we scratch our head and say, how could someone that has all the things we12:38 all long for kill themselves or destroy their life with an addiction? It's that discrepancy in their soul. It's fear rooted in shame. Notice the second thing that happens in this12:50 Not only did they say I was afraid. He says hiding rooted in insecurity. See, when you're naked you feel insecure. You feel inadequate. And so you hide. Not only were you afraid, but13:02 I hide the real me from you and you hide the real you from others and from God. Isn't it amazing when you don't feel like praying especially if you down deep feel you know, sort of13:14 that low grade guilt in your soul? Maybe it's not like really big sins, but sort of the little ones start adding up, and you just don't feel very motivated to pray. I don't know about you, but what I realize13:25 is I don't want to go talk to God right now because I know how this is going to go. Right? He's going to cause me to be honest, expose me for who I am, and I don't like that. And so I play this13:37 game like, well if I don't really talk to him very deeply right now, he doesn't really know. But don't you do that with your mates, those of you that are married? Don't you do it with your roommates? Don't you do that13:47 with your best friends? Don't we play that game? We have fear that's rooted in shame, and then we hide in our insecurity. And can I tell you something? Here's a great little message to learn. This is a13:59 freedom message for me. Everyone on the earth is desperately insecure. And you cover it 1 way, I cover it 1 way. Some people14:11 cover it with, you know, what they've done, and their performance, and their success, and other people with their story that they tell. But we're you know what? It's called the fall.14:23 And you relate and I relate by hiding. And we hide because we're insecure. The, third relational implication of why it's so14:34 hard to answer these questions is blaming rooted in denial? The man says, it's the woman. The woman says, it's the serpent. But ultimately, they they both14:47 they blame God. Now, here's Before we go on, because we're going to talk about Romans chapter 12 verses 3 through 8, is actually going to help you14:59 discover. I mean, the tipping point of discovering who you are, where you belong, and what you're supposed to do. Verse 3 will tell us in just a minute who you are, verses 4 and 5 will say where15:11 you belong, and verses 6 through 8 will be the beginning of you getting really clear on your role and what you're supposed to do. But I want to tell you kind of a follow-up story, because it's 1 thing to say, Okay,15:21 everyone's desperately insecure. What do you do with that? Must have been 10, 15 years later, and I'm on this journey, in fact, on a 3 by 5 card I wrote shortly after that, it just15:33 my desire cards to renew my mind. Lord, I long to be more authentic in every relationship by your power and your grace. And I was invited to, I found out later, a15:45 very exclusive dinner. It was called the National Religious Broadcasters, and they had probably the top, maybe 20 or 30 communicators in America with their wives, and these people put on this dinner. And I had no idea,15:56 you know, like we're on 10 stations, or I don't know. It was not like, I mean it was like Chuck Swindoll's on every station has written 25 or 30 books, and he's sort of the voice of America that's still going strong. And16:07 so I come to this dinner with my wife. It is life. It made when I was intimidated before seem like, you know, just baby steps. And so, of all things, there's, you know, they go around and they have a little16:19 name plate, and, you know, and so I sit down and the name plate next to me is Chuck Swindoll. And I'm going, Oh no. And so, you know, I have time and I'm16:31 sitting there, and I For me too. I'm from California, and you know, I got a tie on and a coat, and I'm totally uncomfortable just in how I'm dressed, and you know, it's real fancy, and it's in a real fancy place, and He16:41 sits down, I sit down. I'm sitting there thinking, what am I going to do? Because I'm not thinking I'm insecure, I'm feeling very insecure. So I go through my mind about, like, how should I do this? Maybe I'll take the,16:53 Hey Chuck, how's it going, man? Nah, I don't think that'll work. How about the real, Excuse me, Doctor. Swindoll, how's the ministry going? Nah, I don't think that'll work. Literally, you know, don't you17:05 all do this? Like, what am I going to do in this situation? And I and I and I remembered this. Everyone's desperately insecure. I can't really believe he is, but I'm thinking the Bible's true. So I just thought,17:18 I'm going to keep applying what I've been learning. And I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, said, excuse me, mister Swindoll. This is my first time here. And I just have to tell you,17:29 I'm way over my head. This is very intimidating. We're not on very many stations. I don't not only know how to act, I don't know how to do this whole broadcasting thing. Could you give me a17:41 couple tips? And I'll never forget, he pulled back his chair, put his arm around me like this. We got that Chip. Call me Chuck. And for the next half hour, he began to explain the journey. And then17:53 for the next 6 or 7 years, I went to that dinner, he went, Chip come here. And he would kind of say, Well, tell me what's happening. And then he would coach me. And why? I could have posed. I could18:05 have said, do you understand? We were all on 1 station. We're on 7 stations now. What do you think? Oh, yeah. Worldwide. Well, that's pretty good. But do you understand18:17 what happens when you take off your mask, and you're just real, and you're honest with where you're really at? Do you know what it is? Do you know who's coming out? The most attractive person on the planet that God made.18:30 The real you. Now, look in your notes because here's what I want. I want to take you on a journey to to the beginning points of discovering who you really are, where you reallySober Self-Assessment: Embrace the Real You 18:41 belong, and then what you're supposed to do. God's answer to the dysfunctional pattern of hiding, and shame, and fear, and denial is18:53 this. Who are you? Verse 3. For by the grace of God given to me, I say to everyone among you, do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance19:05 with the measure of faith God has given you. If you have that pen, pull it out, underline the word think. Then when you get to then you ought, underline the word ought, but rather think,19:16 underline the word think, and then underline sober judgment. So you have think, ought, think, and sober judgment. You underlined ought because in the original language it's how you ought to think, but as they translated19:28 it for just a smoother reading, they omitted that word. The same root word, think, think, think, and sober judgment is all the same root word. The word sober judgment gives us the best idea.19:39 It's don't think of yourself like someone who's drunk. When a person's drunk what do they do? There's an external influence that gets inside of them that cause them to look at life in a19:51 way that's not accurate. So he says don't be drunk by the world system, don't be drunk by whatever you think, don't be drunk by what your family tells you. You need to have a sober self assessment. You need to20:03 think accurately about yourself. That's the first command. You need to come to the point where physically, relationally, spiritually, emotionally, your soul, you can look in the actual mirror20:15 and say, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. And come to the point where these are my strengths, these are my weaknesses, God given, this is how he's given me, but where you think20:27 accurately about yourself. Notice, don't think too highly of yourself, don't think too lowly of yourself, but to think of a sober20:38 or accurate judgment. And then this little phrase, notice it says, according to the measure of faith that God's given you. Newell in his commentary on Romans really puts it well. He says faith in this20:50 situation is not a subjective faith. In other words, it's not faith in Christ, it's the faith. He says it's a standard by which we're to evaluate ourselves. This objective faith is the biblical view of21:02 ourself. It's who you are in Christ. It's how God has gifted you. It's understanding his plan for you. It's like the first 3 chapters of Ephesians. It's you need to see yourself as loved,21:14 adopted, sealed by the spirit. You have a purpose. You're his workmanship.21:22 This is living on the edge with Chip Ingram. Chip has more to share in just a moment, But remember, if you missed any part of today's lesson or just wanna revisit what you've heard, you can always find these lessons21:33 online at living on the edge dot org. Throughout this series, God's dream for your life, we've explored surrender, mind renewal, and authentic identity. These aren't21:45 abstract concepts. They're practical truths that change how you live every single day. For more than 30 years, Living on the Edge has helped believers stop pretending and start living21:56 authentically, not through superficial self help, but through deep biblical teaching that addresses who you really are in Christ. Right now, people across the country are breaking free from the exhausting22:08 cycle of performance and image management. They're discovering they don't need to be anyone else. God made them exactly as he intended. This freedom spreads because faithful partners make this bible22:20 teaching accessible. Your support extends our reach into lives desperate for this truth. Monthly gifts, regardless of the amount, make a huge difference in helping us plan ahead and keep these daily22:32 messages coming across the globe. Every contribution matters because every gift helps someone discover their god given identity and purpose. You can become a monthly partner right now by22:44 simply going online to living on the edge dot org or send your 1 time gift through the mail to living on the edge, PO box 3007 Atlanta, Georgia 3 0 0 222:56 4. You can also call us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3. Well, now here's Chip.23:03 As we wrap up today's program, I'd like you to maybe take just a minute and ponder what you've heard. When I talked about, you know, the strong and the weak, the book, and how I learned, I was desperately23:15 insecure. And and I think I probably had a little too much fun teaching this because I I was really intimidated by really powerful, wealthy people. And and then I got to where when I saw them, you know, posing and23:27 powering up, I kinda had this little funny thing going inside, like, wow. That dude is really insecure just like me. But it freed me up. And, you know, there's some of you that are in workplaces or even family23:39 relationships or dealing with life in such a way, and you have this picture that you're the only 1 that has these fears. You're the only 1 that's insecure, or you think, weakness or23:50 insecurity is something that, you know, is just unique to you, and there's something wrong with you instead of there's something wrong with the human race. And because of the fall, we have been hiding. Because of the24:02 fall, we do have shame. And I want you to know number 1, Christ is the answer. But I've had the opportunity to take I cannot tell you how many groups of people through this small group study.24:14 And 1 of the thing that just blows my mind, especially with the 20 and 30 year olds, is when we get to a sober self assessment and people have this moment that I don't have to pose, I don't have to pretend24:26 that the most attractive person in all the world is the person God made me, it is a freedom. It is so liberating. This needs to sink from your head to your heart because you know what? You can24:38 get freed up and have a lot more fun in life and just might be a lot more useful24:43 to God. I'm Dave Drewey, and we'll see you again next time when we continue our study on God's dream for your life. Don't miss it next time here on Living on the Edge.24:55 Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.In this video 0:00 Life's Big Three Questions6:16 The Fall's Obstacles: Shame, Insecurity, Denial18:32 Sober Self-Assessment: Embrace the Real You
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