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Alone Isn't Working
June 17, 2026 · 21 min
Explore the emotional toll of solitude and the importance of connection in our lives.
Series Disconnected Connectors June 17, 2026 · 21 min · Disconnected Connectors
Explore the emotional toll of solitude and the importance of connection in our lives. ...more Show the full description Show less Explore the emotional toll of solitude and the importance of connection in our lives.
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The Isolation Epidemic and God's Design for Community 0:01 In 2015, the History Channel really broke the mold of traditional reality TV when they released the very first season of Alone. Now if you've seen the show, you know what I'm talking0:13 about. The tagline, is very clear and very compelling. Right? No cameras, no gimmicks. It's the ultimate test of human will. Now the premise of the show is pretty0:25 simple. Right? About as simple as it is terrifying to normal people, they take a group of around a dozen or so people, and they drop them off in some of the most challenging, remote, and0:36 inhospitable environments imaginable. They filmed in British Columbia, on Vancouver Island. They filmed in Mongolia, Argentina. The weather is incredibly cold and unpredictable in many0:48 of these places. And once they get there, they're given a very small amount of resources. Right? They're given, maybe a hatchet, a tarp, some very very simple tools and that's it. They1:00 are also given everything they need to record their journey. Multiple cameras with multiple angles because once they're dropped off, they are completely1:13 alone. No gamer crews. Nobody. They are all by themselves and the goal, the aim is very straightforward. In order to win, you just have to outlast everybody else. See, everyone is also given a sat1:25 phone so that they can tap out. Other than that, they kinda just set about living. They just live all alone. It's insane. I love the show. Now I've watched people on this show build1:37 incredible homes, actual dwelling places. Right? Out of rocks, out of adobe mud. A man even cut and built his own long cabin. Many of1:49 them eat incredibly well. Some have loads of fresh fish using primitive techniques. Others have killed small game. There was a dude who killed a must ox with a knife. The men2:01 and the women of this show are just gnarly. And as you're watching this show, you cannot help but be impressed by their perseverance, their knowledge, the strength that they show, their willpower. It seems2:13 like they're absolutely thriving in these barren landscapes. But then, at a similar point in every show, the reality of their situation, of their isolation,2:25 it starts to bubble up to the surface. It brings revelation. It brings memories. It brings a lot of pain. And through all of this strength and knowledge and2:37 understanding and determination, truth starts to reveal itself that these contestants are in fact not thriving. Many of them are drowning, dying2:50 alone. Physically, everything looks great. Right? Shelters that are built, stocked full of wood for the coming winter or storehouses full of food. But mentally, emotionally,3:01 that solitude starts to take its toll. And I've watched men begin to account, estranged relationships with their fathers. A lot of them are unpacking considering where a marriage went bad. They're thinking about wayward3:12 children. They're thinking about great relationships with friends and kids that they're missing out on right now. They start to cry. Many are overcome, and they're processing it all by themselves.3:24 And for a lot of them, this disconnection becomes their undoing. Physically, they could keep going, but emotionally, they're spent. And they pick up that cell phone and they tap out.3:37 And sometimes it comes as a total shock. The ones who looked the physically strongest, who had the most elaborate shelters, the biggest storehouses of of food. They're the ones that break. They're the ones that the3:47 aloneness destroys. And as I sat watching this show, I couldn't help but shutter at the way that art so often and so accurately mimics3:59 real life in truthful and in frightening ways. I started to think about all of the men in this culture, all the men that I know, strong men, knowledgeable men,4:11 capable men, men who have built for themselves beautiful homes, full of resources, men who have plenty stored up for that winter that's coming, men full of wisdom and4:23 grit and determination who also appear to be thriving, but who are also in fact dying alone. And watching the show and seeing the despair, it4:35 became so obvious. We were never designed to be alone. And yet at a time in history today when technology, the flexibility, and the ease of travel has us maybe4:47 seemingly more connected than ever, we are without question the most disconnected generation of all time. The statistics prove the haunting reality brothers alone4:59 isn't working. In 20 23, Mental Health America conducted a survey to kinda understand what's going on in the lives of adult men. They found that nearly 1 third, over 30 percent5:12 of all men claim to feel burnout. Generally discouraged, they find their lives lack genuine friendship. The discouragement that these men feel is so5:23 often born out of the reality that they were made. This intrinsic knowledge that they know that they were made for connection and the disparity between the disconnected lives that men are living5:35 and the connected lives that they were designed for. It causes this this degree of dissonance. This discouragement that starts to reign when our lives are not as5:47 we imagine them, that are not as God intended them. Now and when that inherent, that God given need, that desire, that expectation that we have to live out our5:59 life in meaningful community. When that's absent, when that need is not met, we experience this deep and this unsettling feeling of need, of lack that things aren't as they should be. It's6:11 discouraging. It's heavy. Even if we're unaware as to the genesis of it, if we don't know that it's our isolation that's causing it. But the effects, like I said, you can't deny6:23 them. The effects of our isolation are so many, so varied, and so discouraging. According to USA facts dot org, 27 percent of men, adult men6:35 reported feelings of ongoing and in their words, overwhelming anxiety. To the anxiety disorders today amongst both men and women, it's the most highly6:47 diagnosed mental disorder in the country. 1 in 5 Americans are experiencing debilitating anxiety in some area of their life. Those who are living6:59 as these disconnected connectors, disconnected lives originally intended for connection. This these are no longer the people in the minority. They now represent the vast7:11 majority of men who are living out their lives in this damaging isolation. Mel Robbins, well known national podcaster, recently reported that 40 percent of American adults cited that they7:23 do not have a best friend. Now that might not seem high, but did you know in the nineties that stat was 25 percent lower? There's been a 25 percent increase in people7:35 who claim they just don't have that super close friend. Our disconnection is growing. Men without close friends in the nineties was about 5 percent of the population. That number has tripled. 157:47 percent of men today claim they do not have a group of friends. A recent survey by the Center for American Life that was cited by well known, Christian psychologist and authors, Leslie Leslie Patriot Parrot7:59 recently said this. 76 percent of men claim to not have a friend close enough to share the significant things in their lives, good and bad,8:12 to unpack it with. They lack that connection. But this was not god's intention for us. But what was god's plan? What was his design? Was wasn't community8:24 just a response to the fall? You know, Adam couldn't hack it by himself and so God gave him a helper. Wasn't that just way of God's helping us navigate sin? No. Community8:36 was always God's intention for us. Our God is relational. God exists within the perfect unified relationship between the father and the son8:48 and the spirit. 3 whats, 1 perfectly unified who. John 1 explains the eternal nature of this community. In the beginning9:00 was the word. The word was with god and the word was god. It's that beautiful unity. Jesus said in John 10 30 that he and the father were 1,9:12 united, unified in community relationship. The father said this over his son at his baptism. He says, this is my son whom I love with whom I'm well pleased.9:25 Our God is relational. And since God created us in his image, he designed us to be relational as well. That9:36 sounds obvious. But the way we're living shows we don't believe it. God's intention is that we would live in relationship with him and relationship with 1 another. I love how first John paints the9:48 picture of the beautiful relationships that we can have because of Jesus Christ. John 1 7 says this, but if we're living in the light as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with10:00 each other. And the blood of Jesus, his son cleanses us from all sin. But we live in a culture that values independence. Even though God's10:12 man was created to live in this beautiful inter dependence, giving on himself and receiving support, giving love, giving support, being in relationship with his brothers. We idolize the lone10:24 ranger. But God applauds the team member. We envy the guy who needs no 1, yet God says he pities the man who falls and has no 1 to lift him up. You and I were designed,10:35 purposed, intended to live in meaningful relationship. Yet so many are living their lives out alone. Why? Why would we choose such disconnected lives? Well, it's10:47 important to note that if our God desires connection, our enemy desires isolation. Our enemy who's expressed purpose in scripture is to steal and kill and destroy understands the11:00 power and the purpose of living connected of community, and he is literally hell bent on keeping us by ourselves. First Peter 5 8 explains how it is that the enemy comes after us,11:12 the traps he set for us, the manner in which he hunts us. It's like into a lion. Stay alert. Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a11:24 roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Our enemy is prowling around. He's imitating the behavior of a lion. He's mimicking the attack patterns of a lion. Now note, he11:36 is obviously an impostor. The word even tells us, right, that he's prowling around like a lion. He is not a lion, but he is trying desperately to hunt like 1, to11:48 hunt us like 1. You ever watch the Discovery Channel? You ever see how lions hunt? They slowly approach a pack, a herd, a group of unsuspecting12:00 prey. And then they spring. They cause chaos. Right? They jump out of their hiding places at right time. They start to chase the prey. They roar. They bare their teeth.12:12 They're inciting fear, but what is it they're looking for exactly? What's the aim of this whole exercise? What action are they wanting from their prey? Simple.12:24 They're waiting for 1 member of the herd to head off alone. Alone, maybe in their naivety or inexperience or youth or even in their foolishness or maybe12:36 in their pride and arrogance. But 1 member of the herd heads off alone and ends up on the menu. As intensely as the Lord Jesus12:48 desires our connection in community, our enemy hunting us like a lion plans and desires for our disconnection in isolation. God wants us13:00 connected in community. The enemy wants us isolated, disconnected, and our enemy will stop at nothing to lead us, to tempt us, to get us in this isolation through a variety of means that haven't13:12 changed for the last several thousand years. And even if he can't lead us into physical isolation, the enemy will tempt us, shame us, or even try to13:23 trick us into mental and emotional and even spiritual isolation. And how does it start? It usually starts by taking a step back. Withdrawal13:36 is usually the first step towards isolation. Withdrawal is often as subtle as it is dangerous because it usually starts invisibly. It starts13:48 internally. The way we think, the enemy tempts us to change the way we think about and feel about other people, ourselves, God even.13:59 And usually, at the beginning of that isolation, the beginning of that withdrawal, this is where cynicism, pervasive negativity starts to take root. We start to think about other people a certain way, their desires,14:11 their intentions a certain way. We start to interpret situations in a certain way that gives us permission and maybe even encourages us to go it alone,14:23 to isolate. The voices sound like this. People can't be trusted because you'll just get burned again. That guy's a hypocrite. How would you invite him in? He can't be trusted.14:35 And who is he to call you out? His life's a mess. You don't have the time or the energy for these friendships. You're better off alone. And on and on we14:47 go justifying to ourselves why isolation is really the right choice. The problem is you and I can convince ourselves of just about anything. You and I can rationalize14:59 and explain almost any behavior. And what gets really challenging in this broken world is when we go through things in life, difficult things15:11 that actually strengthen and reinforce these false ideas. The false idea that community is bad is reinforced when we face real hypocrisy. When we have our trust15:22 breached by our closest friend, when the tough stuff we go through starts to confirm our deepest fears, in that moment, we can wrongly deduce that we are better off alone. The community15:34 really doesn't work. And the older we get, the further and easier the isolation becomes. It starts to draw us away from our community. The15:46 further we go into our own aloneness, we don't realize that it's not working for us. We get blinded to the effects.15:58 But how did we get there? Where does this aloneness begin? Even if we recognize that it's not working now, how do we get here and how do we avoid continuing16:10 in this type of a life? When do we first start to isolate? Right? Even if we realize this need, how do we go about finding community? Even if we say, man, I wanna be connected in16:22 this series, disconnected connectors. We're gonna unpack the reasons why you and I are hesitant to connect. The thoughts that have to change in order for us to pursue community like we16:34 must. And even some of the generational benefits that happen when we start to live our lives out in community. Get ready, boys. This is going to get awesome. I'll see you next16:46 time.16:48 Greetings, men. Kenny Luck, founder of Everyman Ministries. You You know, after 30 years of helping men in the mental health, pastoral, and coaching context, the 1 working assumption I've operated on is17:00 this. Men, they're like icebergs. You only see the tip. Under the waterline of the image that they are projecting and the lives that they are living are massive spiritual, emotional, and relational17:12 battles they recognize, but they're just not talking about. And it creates a dissonance. It creates spiritual plateaus. It creates a dissonance. It creates spiritual plateaus. It creates unresolved tensions17:24 within that start to eat away at their faith, eat away at their hope. It opens them up to spiritual attack and lies to the point where so many, if they were honest would say, I believe in God and I believe his17:35 promises are true, just not for me right now. Have you ever felt that or thought that? Well, here's the thing. So many men I counsel and coach say the same thing. I'm attending church. I'm reading my bible.17:47 I'm going to men's group. I'm praying. But I'm not sensing or experiencing God the way I see it promised in the bible. You know, that abundant life that Jesus speaks of. I'm I'm not breaking17:59 through, and I know there's more. I just don't know how to get there, and it's confusing me. It's affecting my relationships with God and other people. Now if you've ever felt the same way, if you've ever had any of18:11 those thoughts, welcome to the club. As men, we go through different seasons of personal, professional, and, yes, spiritual life. And listen, that calls18:23 for new Christ formation, new faith steps, new discoveries, and new thinking. You see, there's no big mystery here. The big wheels of life, of relationships,18:35 Christ formation, and of fulfillment turn on the hidden axles of what the Bible calls your inner man. So when the Bible says, watch over your heart with all diligence, for18:47 from it flow the springs of life, it's not calling for new outer spiritual behavior management. It's calling for a new you. You say, how do you know, Kenny? Because God called18:59 me personally into a new season of Christ formation after 25 years as a pastor and counselor. And you know what I needed? I needed a community of brave brothers, of19:11 professional men who were spirit filled, and I needed a solid process and godly coaching to walk me into a new place of strength, a place of powerful sacrifice, a place of complete19:23 tenacity in my purpose, a place of growing authentic generosity, and a place of meaningful insight into myself first and for other19:35 people. That's my promise link. What's yours? If you're like me and you want a new place of growth, if you want the dissonance to go away, if you want an inner breakthrough in Christ, if you want to discover what is it19:47 that is holding you back spiritually versus continuing to say some narrative to yourself and other people, just lean in right now. There is a next adventure in God19:59 and in life waiting for you. But the old thinking, the old victories you cling to, the old patterns of living, just the old thought processes are not going20:11 to cut it in this next adventure God has for you. The promised land that he has for you. And that's why I'm inviting you into the every man promised land living experience, where Christ formation20:23 advances in new ways, where the language of the heart is spoken, and where the enemy, he takes it on the chin and strongholds are broken. You want your next adventure in Christ20:35 to begin? Then fight the good fight like I did. Believe. God is at work. Register. Get into an every man promised land group. Our team of trained coaches are eager to20:47 meet you and to start getting you prepared for the greater works of Jesus in and through you for this next season and adventure of life.In this video 0:00 The Isolation Epidemic and God's Design for Community
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