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What To Pray For Your Spouse | Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage
May 26, 2026 · 26 min
Do you feel like your prayer life with your spouse could be better? Do you usually pray about circumstantial things? Mike and Melissa Kruger share about 5 Things to Pray for Your Spouse that will transform your marriage and draw you both closer to Christ.
Series Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage with Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley May 26, 2026 · 26 min · Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage with Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley
Do you feel like your prayer life with your spouse could be better? Do you usually pray about circumstantial things? Mike and Melissa Kruger share about 5 Things to Pray for Your Spouse that will transform your marriage and draw you both closer to Christ. ...more Show the full description Show less Do you feel like your prayer life with your spouse could be better? Do you usually pray about circumstantial things? Mike and Melissa Kruger share about 5 Things to Pray for Your Spouse that will transform your marriage and draw you both closer to Christ.
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Bigger Prayers from Scripture 0:00 Sometimes when we're just praying circumstantial, I think we're actually just pray we're asking for too little. You know, he he owns the cattle on 1000 hills, and we're we're play praying for circumstantial0:12 change or or or things like that. And the Lord invites us to do that. We can pray for our daily bread. We can ask for those things. But the Lord can work miracles in in our spouse and in us.0:30 Well, Michael and Melissa, thanks for being part of Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage.0:34 Thanks so much for having us.0:35 Absolutely. So glad to be with you guys.0:38 You wrote a book called Buy Things to Pray for Your Spouse. Tell us what inspired you guys to write this book.0:44 Yeah. Well, this is really a companion guide. A few years before this book came out, I worked on a book called 5 Things to Pray for Your Kids. It's part of a series that has a lot of different0:56 topics. You know? And I love this series because what it does is it takes scriptures that we know when we think about it. And there are 21 of these passages, and it gives you 5 things to1:07 pray, for whether it's your child or your neighbor or, in this case, your spouse, 5 scriptural things to pray for your spouse, as you go through the you know, these 211:19 different passages. And so what what I love about the series is I think I my prayers can get pretty stuck. Sometimes they can be stuck in how how do I change the person I love?1:30 Right. So this actually directs me to say, oh, how can I join God in what he has commanded of us and really pray scripture for the people1:42 I love most? And and this is obviously most important with our spouse.1:46 I love that. Was there a season for you guys maybe early in your marriage, or just at some point, you've been married for 25 years, to where you you struggled? Maybe1:58 praying together, was that always something that you guys have been able to do well, or did you have to learn how to do that?2:06 I I think our our family and our marriage probably is like most where we we do our best to pray regularly for 1 another, but never really hit the the mark as well as we we hope we could. We, like most couples, are2:16 looking for tangible ways to pray that's that's not just simply going through the list of things that you are doing that week. Right? So there's always the, I've got this busy week coming up and help me through it. And2:27 those those are fine things to pray for. God asked us to put everything in front of him and ask for him, to bless it. But 1 of the things that we think is special about this book is the way the prayers are are more2:37 bigger picture. They're not just, focused on a particular need of that moment, although that might be a good thing to pray for, but also just about what God is doing in your spouse and through your spouse. And I2:49 think this is a new category for a lot of people. So praying for for Christ to be at work in your spouse in ways that continue to make them more Christ like, praying for God's protection over your spouse in general ways,2:59 and then praying for God to use your spouse in ways that are really impactful in the kingdom of God. And I think that really changes the way you pray, because it it focuses, the prayer, the husband or the wife,3:11 more on macro kingdom issues and how, your spouse fits into those. And I think that's just kind of a a really different way of thinking about it, and I think that's really a way to think about making your family more3:22 missional and outreach oriented.3:24 Yeah. That's good.3:25 So how do you I I see this. I work with couples as a marriage counselor, And I always encourage my couples, my couples of faith to pray together. And many struggle with it. And specifically,3:37 especially if they're at odds or there's conflict or they're someone's bitter about something. When they go to pray together, oftentimes, the the goal becomes, I'm gonna pray this in front3:49 of you because I want you to hear it and this is a safe way to say it. But I really what my whole goal is is to fix you. What do you guys say? Do you see this? How do you address this?4:00 Yeah. I would say that's definitely probably probably something to be warned against. Right? And I think what prayer should do in all of our hearts, as we look to God, it should actually awaken4:12 maybe what I need to change. That as we come into prayer rather than, hey. Dear lord, you know, here's how Mike needs to change or, you know, looking at that, we really want the4:23 scriptures to impact our own heart and really, you know, encourage us to look at ourself first. And and and, you know, marriage is a journey, and marry marriage can be hard, but we all have4:35 things that as we're praying for 1 another, we we need to first always ask the lord, hey. Will you show me my faults, lord? Show me how I need to be in this in this marriage? And and that's4:47 just a good place to maybe even start when in our prayers rather than thinking through, yeah, this passage of scripture really applies to him. Maybe ask first, hey. How does this passage apply to my own4:59 heart and what maybe needs to change as I think about myself going into this time of prayer? You know, we we really wanna be, loving even in our prayer life, as much as we can be.5:11 Melissa's point is actually 1 that Jesus himself makes very famously when he talks about praying. He talks about the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and they both go up and they they pray, in the temple.5:22 And their prayers are very different prayers. 1 prayer is the Pharisee looks outside himself and uses his prayers sort of as a as a weapon against someone else and say, well, I'm glad I'm not like that guy. He's the real5:32 problem. And then the tax collector prays, well, I'm really thinking about my own sins and my own shortcomings. And that that that humility is what makes the difference between those 2. And and and I think, you know,5:44 Melissa's point is great for for for spouses is, of course, we pray for our spouse. We don't just pray about ourselves. But we do so in a posture of humility, and we do so in a posture of of trying to get the log out of5:55 our own eye before we look at the speck in in our spouse's eye.5:58 Do you guys do that, like, thinking about, okay, Lord, the log in my own eye, you know, Lord, help me in this moment to be humble, like, reveal in me. Do you guys6:10 actually pray that out loud first together or is that just something that you would do kind of leading up to your time of prayer together? Like, are you each confessing6:22 individually, you know, or do do you ever do that kind of thing together?6:27 That's a good question. I wouldn't actually say that that's normally a practice that we do together, confess, you know, with 1 another in that in that way. I I think both of us in our own private prayer lives, I journal6:39 a lot6:40 Okay.6:40 My prayers. And so, I tend to go into those maybe a little bit hotter about an issue. Right? And what I find is helpful about that is I can write it all out. And as I'm6:52 doing that, I always find, it slows me down. Mhmm. And it makes you really consider what I'm saying because, you know, I mean, the Bible tells us reckless words can pierce like a sword,7:04 but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Mhmm. And and so what I love about journaling and writing out my prayers is it slows me down, and it makes me consider my own heart in that. And so I would7:16 say a lot of Mike and I's prayers are are really centered on what we're praying together, and we're focused on together. And we're praying for our family, and we're praying for what the Lord's doing in and among us as7:26 we're working on things together. So that's typically where7:29 Gotcha.7:29 We're praying. I mean, to be quite honest, we're working through an issue. Normally, we're talking that out. Right. And then we're we're I would maybe say I don't use the prayer time together as the time to maybe work7:41 out our relational differences.7:43 Yeah.7:43 Not that you can't maybe ask God to help do that. Mhmm. But but I think, confession and repentance can just happen in talking with 1 another7:51 That's true.7:52 A lot of the time.7:52 Yeah. Mhmm.7:53 That makes sense.7:54 Absolutely. So you guys talk about the fruits of the spirit in your book. Which ones would you say which of the fruits of the spirit are most difficult for people to embrace or even to8:06 pray through?8:07 This is 1 of the favorite parts of the book actually for me is because it's so scripturally centered. When you when you say, I'm gonna pray for my spouse, what what are we what are we actually asking God to do? It's good8:18 to pray for individual needs that I might have. But when we think about them being shaped, we're actually saying we want you to change our spouse in certain ways, not because we're praying against them or that we're8:26 always thinking about how they need to be different, not us. But but we want our our spouses to grow, and be more like Christ. And so what's it look to be more like Christ? Well, you you you reflect the the the character8:37 of the spirit. And so, you know, we we think about joy and peace and love and kindness and patience and gentleness and self control. He's obviously right out of Galatians 5. What is the thing that's the hardest for8:49 for a particular individual to sort of embrace as 1 of the fruits of the spirit? Well, it probably depends on that individual. Mhmm. I mean, when I when I think about the Melissa praying for fruits of the spirit in my8:59 life, I imagine she's probably thinking, patience needs a lot of attention here. So I'm gonna pray a lot for patience because I'm that's not my that's not that's not the fruit of the spirit. That's that's number 1 for9:09 me. And so but you know what? She she wants to be more be more like Christ. And it's not she doesn't pray for that in a selfish way that, like, I want Mike to be patient so that it's easier for myself, but rather we prayPraying with Humility First 9:21 for each other that we reflect Christ's character so that he gets the glory and so that the kingdom can advance. And I think that is that is really part of the theme of this as I mentioned earlier is that we we9:30 definitely wanna avoid this sort of insular vision of this where it's sort of just the spouses together in a micro little world. They've created kind of back and forth praying for and against each other in a sense, but9:41 rather really thinking outwardly. And I think the fruits of the spirit are are designed to do that exact thing.9:46 In some ways, I feel like it's calling that out of your spouse even though they don't hear you saying it. Thank goodness we don't have to display those things on our own, that we can call upon the God of this universe to9:57 empower us to be that. And so in many ways, when I pray for Greg10:02 Yeah.10:03 And I pray for true to10:04 the spirit, are you praying self10:05 control and patience, those good ones. Gentleness, all of those. I ask him to really to empower you to become that. And I always I'm so relieved because I don't know10:17 that any of us have it in us naturally. That that is something that God can give us more of.10:24 Yeah. I love how you said that. Well, I was just gonna say, I've heard Mike give a lot of wedding sermons through the years. And what he actually always hits on is, 1 day, in your own10:36 strength, you're never actually gonna be able to fulfill your vows to 1 another. You're always gonna come shore up short in your own strength of trying to love this other person well. And and so in some sense, prayer10:48 is that, reliance on the Lord for what we can't do for 1 another. I can never love him well enough. He can actually never love me well enough. We are finite11:00 individuals. We don't have infinite sources of love. So we actually have to be rooted in an infinite source of love, or we're never gonna love each other well. And so it's right and good for us to ask for11:12 that well to overflow in our home, but it's not gonna be an I'm never gonna be able to do it enough for him, and he's never gonna be able to do it enough for me. And that it's that acknowledgment of that that we11:21 desperately need the Lord in our marriages.11:24 Which is so powerful. Mhmm. Melissa, you said something that made me think about, you know, we've we've, of course, attended many weddings. I've performed the ceremony at plenty over the years.11:36 Mike, I'm curious for for you as as you go to do a a wedding ceremony. What are some of those big things? What's 1 or 2 of the most important things that you're thinking? Man, I really11:48 want this young couple to get this. If they could just understand this 1 thing or these 2 things, that would make such a big difference. Like, what what when you're doing that, what what really stands out for you?12:00 Yeah. There's there's there's 2 major points I hit at, and they're related to each other every time I do a a wedding homily. 1 is a little related to what Melissa said, which is that if you're gonna love your spouse, you12:11 you've gotta be drinking in God's spirit and his word before you try to love your spouse rather than the other way around. And the analogy I give is just like when you're on an airplane and the flight attendant say that12:20 if an oxygen mask drops from this from the ceiling, put your own on first before you try to help someone else. Yeah. It always sounds so selfish to me when I hear it. I'm like, wow. I'm really looking out for me first.12:30 No. No. The point is is if you're not breathing oxygen, you're not good you're not useful to anyone12:34 Yeah.12:35 If you're not staying alive yourself. So there's a sense of which in marriage, if you're gonna love your spouse, you've gotta be feeding yourself spiritually on the oxygen of the gospel. The the other thing I say too,12:46 that is really a key point for marriage that that is, I think, important to bring up in homilies is that marriage isn't really about the other spouse in the way we think. Sometimes marriages are sort of a husband12:57 staring at the wife and a wife staring at the husband, and they sort of just look at each other and they love each other and you're the greatest. Well, there's a sense in which that's true of any romance. Right? We also13:06 know that over time that that staring at each other has got other sides to it. And I think it also misses the point of any relationship. The relationship isn't so much stare at each other as if you you are the ultimate13:16 thing and that your spouse is supposed to think you're the ultimate thing, but rather you're together to stare at something else, a third thing. And so so you're you're really, spouses rather than looking at each other,13:25 I I give the analogy is that really you're standing side by side looking at something else. What is that? Well, it's Christ and his kingdom and the calling he has for you together. So you're standing together, so you're13:35 united, but you're not united about 1 another. I think that's gonna lead to massive disappointment in marriages. It normally does because you realize, wait a second. This this the spouse isn't all that I thought they13:45 were gonna be. But but you can never be disappointed with Christ. And if you look to him together, standing side by side, that's just a a massive game changer in any marriage.13:53 Mhmm.13:54 That that this really good to I could because I love the visual standing there side by side, not just looking at each other, not just looking inward, but looking outward to say, God,Fruits of the Spirit in Marriage 14:06 how are you going to use our marriage? What what are you gonna do through us? Is there a way that you guys specifically pray for that? Like when you come together, you're praying, is14:18 there a scripture that that you pray over? Kind of what are we gonna be about? How are we gonna bless others with our marriage? How do you guys do that?14:27 1 thing I can say, and I'm so thankful for, when we we met when we were in college, we met through University Christian Fellowship14:34 Okay.14:34 1000000 years ago, it feels like sometimes. But our very first conversation, I can remember, it was about ministry, and it was about serving the lord together. And I think 1 thing, that we can14:46 both say is we were excited then to find someone else who was excited to live missionally.14:52 Mhmm.14:53 And I think the the scripture I pray the most is that we'd walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. I mean, that's what I pray for Mike and me. I pray for our kids is that our lives will be marked by walking in a15:04 manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. That whatever comes, that would be the legacy we leave. Because we see in our world, you know, a lot of a a lot of things go very askew. And so,15:16 and here's the thing. I I can't keep Mike, and he can't keep me. The lord keeps us. He holds us fast, and so we have to cling to him and say, may this be15:28 true. Keep us, Lord. We desperately need you.15:31 I love that. Just thinking about how desperately we do need God amidst those trials and challenges that come. I always bring up the verse, those who marry will face many trials and troubles15:43 in this lifetime. And so it's not a matter of if, but when. So how do you encourage couples when they're both struggling? They're both burned out. How do they support each other15:54 specifically through prayer or any other way?15:57 1 of the hardest things in marriage is when you watch your spouse walking through a difficult season. It can be lots of things. It could be losing a parent. It could be job problems. It could be health issues. It could16:07 be personal struggles. It could be a number of different factors. It could be they're being attacked by the world or being, or people are are trying to work against them. It could be the temptations of of,16:19 of the devil. It could be lots of different things that you see your spouse struggling with. And 1 of the things that's so hard as a as a spouse is that you can't fix it always. Right? You can't just say, oh, let me go16:30 in and I'll I'll make it all all correct. Although most husbands, including me, should think we can Okay. Fix everything. I do. But Yeah. No. Of course not. But this is where the prayer comes in. So 1 of the sections16:42 in the in the book is is talking about praying to for our spouse to be protected from from attackers, from temptations, from from weakness, from from from discouragement, from depression,16:54 from some form of anxiety. And so this is this is where I think we really can go to the Lord, on behalf of our of our of our husband or wife and really ask God to do the hard work that, obviously, we17:05 we can't do on our own strength.17:07 That's so good.17:08 Mike, there there's there's so many men. So as husbands, you know, we we struggle to to pray with our our spouse. We hear that as a complaint.17:20 Certainly, I know in Erin in our marriage, I mean, that's that's that's been something we've worked on. Mhmm. That that's why I really I I love what you guys are talking about as far as just praying scripture17:33 over your spouse. It mean it makes me think about, you know, Ephesians 5, you know, 20 the verse 26. So, you know, in verse 25, you know, we're being told to sacrifice17:45 for for for our wife is Christ his sacrifice. But it has always fascinated me where then in verse 26 where it's talking about of with with our wife to really wash her with with that17:57 scripture, to wash her with the the word. What are some of those specific scriptures that you love to pray then over over your spouse in over each other? In18:09 what difference do you see that that makes? Like, what what how does it impact you guys when you're praying certain scriptures over 1 another?18:17 Yeah. I mean, it's funny you mentioned Ephesians 5 because we have a whole section on that, in the book and the many different aspects of it. There's so much there about self sacrifice. There's there's so much there18:28 about sanctification. There's there's there there's so much there about humility and service. And and that passage is is is phenomenally useful. I think another place that we would go18:40 for prayers about each other and that we'd we would we'd lift up 1 another a lot of is is certainly the Psalms. And, thinking about those prayers that we pray with each other in mind18:52 and asking that God would make us, realize the promises that are in the Psalms. I know Melissa recently has been working herself on on Psalm 1, and the promises there about the person who meditates on the law of GodScripture Prayers for Protection 19:03 and rest in that will prosper in all that they do, like a tree planted by streams of water. And certainly, you know, we'd want that for for 1 another. And and I think this is what's so powerful about praying over19:15 scripture is that it gives you just concrete, terms and and images and and vocabulary to pray rather than saying generically, god bless my spouse, help my spouse. You you can19:27 say make them like that tree. Right? Mhmm. Give them deep roots. Give them give them strength and and, stability that their work may prosper and be blessed. And so I think that that's what the scriptures do. And that's19:39 really what makes this book unique is that it's not there's lots of books on prayer. Right. But but but but but a book that really roots you in scripture while you pray, I think, is is really gonna be tangible for19:49 people.19:49 Yeah. I I'd love that. What do you see as the impact? So instead of just simply praying for 1 another or or praying together, which is all good Mhmm. But when you're really praying that20:01 scripture over 1 another, how have you guys seen that that impacts your marriage?20:07 I just think I've realized. I pray for a lot bigger things. I I think what sometimes, when we're just praying circumstantial, I think we're actually just pray we're asking for too20:19 little. You know? He he owns the cattle on 1000 hill hills, and we're we're play praying for circumstantial change or or things like that. And the lord invites us to do that. We can pray for our daily bread. We can ask20:30 for those things. But the lord can work miracles in our spouse and in us, and the lord can really bring change in ways I can't. And and it gives me eyes to20:42 see the lord has done it, not, my heart being on on on Mike to change in a particular way or me nagging or Mhmm. You know, or me having a20:54 better argument about, oh, this is why you should do this or or something like that. It just allows us to to take whatever it is and lay it before the lord and rest. But then as I'm praying21:06 scripture for another person, it gives me bigger prayers. Oh, may the eyes of your heart be open that you may know the wonders of who god is. Please pray that for me.21:18 Mhmm. I I wanna be more aware of who God is. You know? Please pray that I would be loving and joyful and peaceful and patient and kind and self controlled and gentle. You know? These are things21:30 we all want, and sometimes we forget to pray and ask god for the bigger prayers. And 1 thing you mentioned, I I think this does often, fall on men, and they21:41 feel like, oh, I'm not doing this enough with my wife. And 1 encouragement I would give to wives is just to ask your husband. I mean, like, I we always laugh. Mike is so happy to pray with21:53 me anytime I ask him. But what's really hard is if I'm sitting around mad that he hasn't asked me. Mhmm. You know? Sometimes I'll be like, how can he not see? I need him to just pray for me. Yeah. Well,22:05 sometimes we just need to say, hey. Will you pray for me? And rather rather than being upset that they haven't thought of that. It's kind of like the wife's like, why haven't you brought me flowers? Why haven't you taken22:15 me out for a date night or whatever? Well, sometimes we just need to ask Mhmm. And say rather than expect it of our spouse. We're all we're all trying. And so but but I find, if if as a wife,22:27 if I can just say, hey. Can we just pray about this? He always just meets me with such a, yes. Absolutely. Let's pray right now. And sometimes, I think as as wives, we just, you22:39 know, want our husbands to do everything how we want them to do it without ever taking the time just to ask, will you join me in this?22:46 That's good.22:48 What would you guys say to that couple that's just stuck? They've never really prayed together. They've never it's definitely haven't prayed scripture over each other. What would that23:00 first step be? I know you said ask, but beyond that, how would they go about that?23:06 Yeah. My my my advice on that level is is to to realize that the the first steps are gonna be small and that you need to sort of have sort of,23:17 reasonable expectations and goals for what that progress will look like. I think whenever we we feel like we haven't done something as as a couple or a family or what have you, the idea is always, well, we'll fix that.23:28 And we we we get this monumental plan together, and we're we're gonna we're gonna pray for an hour every day, and it's gonna look like this, and it's gonna be like that. You know, the real world doesn't work that way.23:39 And so, you know, I would set the bar at a point where you can say, look. Let's just take the next step in a way that we don't feel like we have to, you know, find, goals that you could never reasonably meet. So rather23:50 than trying to say we're gonna pray for an hour every day, let's just stop and pray for 10 minutes, every day and let those patterns start. And so 1 of the things Melissa and I continue to go back to is that we're not24:01 shooting for perfection in these things. We're shooting for patterns. We're shooting for a general trend line. And I think the the trend line is what we we want so that even if we don't pray that particular week all that24:12 we wished we had, we still have a trend line. It's like the stock market. You know? You're you're the stock markets have ups ups and downs. They have good climbs and descents. But over the long haul, it's a general trend24:23 line you're hoping. Right? And that's the way, prayer and lots of things in marriage are gonna work. Because they're gonna have fits and and starts and stops and and lags, but but, over the long run, you want there to be24:34 a continuity there. But I think that comes from setting reasonable goals and taking little steps to start with and not trying to sort of do everything at once.24:40 That's good. Mhmm. And it's it's such a powerful realization just to we're not gonna do this perfectly. Let's look for these trend lines. Let's let's just keep doing this even when we forget 1 night or don't do24:52 it 1 night. Let's just keep going. Well, you guys thank you so much.24:56 Mhmm. I24:57 mean, this is the the power of praying scripture over your spouse, I mean, that that that's such a wonderful habit to get into. So thank you for the25:08 encouragement and just the the practical way that we can really do that. So we appreciate you guys joining us, and and thank you for your ministry and what you guys are doing.25:19 Mhmm. Thank you. Great to be with you.25:21 Thanks for having us.25:23 Wow. What a powerful conversation with Mike and Melissa Krueger. Mhmm. I know for me, it was just a a good reminder that certainly praying together is an important thing.25:35 But but praying specifically certain scriptures25:38 Mhmm.25:39 Over your spouse, well, that that takes it to such a deeper level.25:42 Yeah. I love that. And their book, 5 Things to Pray for Your Spouse, super small, simple, and it lists different scriptures. I just I love it. I think it's gonna be a great resource. So make25:54 sure to listen to the rest of the episode wherever you get your podcast, or you can just simply click on the link below.Small Steps to Lasting Prayer 26:01 Yeah. And if you enjoyed this video, don't forget that we have weekly videos uploaded to this channel. So don't forget to like and subscribe because we wanna see your family thrive in Christ.In this video 0:00 Bigger Prayers from Scripture9:18 Praying with Humility First14:00 Fruits of the Spirit in Marriage19:00 Scripture Prayers for Protection26:00 Small Steps to Lasting Prayer
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