Skip to content How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2 Oct 12 · 25 min ...more
How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2
October 12, 2026 · 25 min
Do you know someone who is struggling right now? Depressed, feeling defeated? Chip reveals how you can bring out the best in those you love, by following a few simple steps.
Series Building Authentic Community
Chip Ingram is an American Christian pastor, author, and teacher. He is the founder, teaching pastor and CEO of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry.
October 12, 2026 · 25 min · Building Authentic Community
Do you know someone who is struggling right now? Depressed, feeling defeated? Chip reveals how you can bring out the best in those you love, by following a few simple steps. ...more Show the full description Show less Do you know someone who is struggling right now? Depressed, feeling defeated? Chip reveals how you can bring out the best in those you love, by following a few simple steps.
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In this video 0:00 Four Keys to Bringing Out the Best in Others12:00 The Call to Sexual Purity18:00 Overcoming Sexual Sin20:20 Affirmation Followed by Correction22:40 Applying the Four Keys of Inspiration
Four Keys to Bringing Out the Best in Others 0:11 Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.0:14 Is there someone in in your life that has tons of potential, but they just aren't quite living up to it? Would you like 4 keys to bring out the very best in someone you love? Well,0:26 stick around. I'm Dave0:27 Drewy, and this is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. You know, nobody wakes up and decides to be mediocre, but plenty of good people get stuck there anyway, just waiting for something to change or0:39 somebody to believe in them. Today, Chip opens his Bible to 1st Thessalonians chapter 4, where the Apostle Paul hands us a short practical approach for helping somebody become who God made them to0:51 be. It's part of our series, Building Authentic Community, How to Lift Up Those You Love. Well, here's Chip with today's message titled, How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others.1:02 We're going to learn that there's 4 keys to inspiring others, to bringing out the best in their life. The 1st 1 is you got to motivate them. Motivation is not enough though. Motivation without1:14 education is what is hype. You got to raise the level, and then you have to give instruction and teaching, so they can fulfill God's agenda. Apostle Paul1:26 is going to do that. He's writing to a group of people that are in a incredibly secular, I mean really secular world. Now it is a place where sexual purity1:38 is unheard of. So notice what he says, verse 3. For it is God's will that you should be sanctified. The word means set apart, be holy, pure, undefiled. And then he
1:50 elaborates, namely, that you should avoid or abstain sexual immorality. Verse 4 he says, each of you should learn to control his
2:02 own body or vessel in a way that is holy and honorable. He states it positively. Notice the negative side. He goes on to say, not by contrast in passionate lust like the heathen,
2:14 who do not know God. And so he tells it like it is, and he tells it with conviction. Why? Because God's a prude, because we're puritanical, because we haven't come out of the ice age. No.
2:26 It's because God cares so much. In verses 6 through 8, he's going to give us 3 specific reasons why this is the smartest, most logical, beneficial thing for you and all the people you're
2:38 trying to help. In verse 6, he's going to teach us that why is because it harms others. In verse 7, he's going to say, it's going to harm you. End of 7,
2:50 he's going to say, it's inconsistent with your high calling. So let's look at it. Reason number 1, verse 6. And in this matter What matter? In the matter of sexual purity, no 1 should
3:01 wrong, it means trespass, sin against his brother, or take advantage of him. That means defraud. See, Paul had this holistic view about life unlike us.
3:13 He had this picture that, okay, there's all these men, there's all these women. If I get involved in immorality or you get involved in immorality, and you sleep with this person, that person, this person, that person,
3:23 and that person, and they sleep with this person, that person, and that person, the day is going to come when they marry someone. And when they marry that someone, God's plan, because sex is holy and sacred, and he's
3:34 actually for it. Don't let this out, he invented it. And he invented it for pleasure, procreation, and the joy of his children. It's not dirty. It's not evil. It's not bad. God's really pro sex.
3:46 But when you have it with other people, then the person who shows up at wedding night with someone else that you've had sex with is a used commodity. You've defrauded your brother.
3:58 You've defrauded your sister. 2nd reason is not only does it harm others, but notice the next line, it will harm us. He goes on to say, the Lord will punish men for all
4:10 such sins as we've already told you and we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately. Don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual relationship because there's a price tag. I'm just telling you.
4:21 God is holy. He's not going to change his character. He loves you. He will forgive you. He's merciful. But people that have sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded. They damage future
4:33 relationships. They ruin families. You know what? It's like gravity, you don't have to believe this. But once you jump off that 5th story building, the
4:45 pain when you hit the pavement is about the same whether you believe in it or not. God is a holy, just God, and this command is to protect you. Notice the 3rd compassionate reason, verse 7, for God
4:57 did not call us to be impure, but to live holy lives. He says, it's just inconsistent. God is holy. How can you live an impure, unholy life? Because you're called, you're 1 of his. He wants you to reflect
5:09 his love and his nature and his character. It would just be I mean, how could you do it? It's so inconsistent with your calling. And then notice verse 8, the summary. It
5:21 says, therefore, he who rejects this instruction what instruction? About sexual purity? It's a rejection of God who, notice present tense, gives you his Holy Spirit.
5:33 At this point, there may be some of you that are saying, oh boy, might have been a good morning to sleep in. You know
5:45 like, oozing. I know in a group this size, there's some people that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels, and pornography.
5:57 I know in a group this size, some of you are involved in extra marital affairs. I know in a group this size, some of you single people are living with someone else. You need to hear compassionately,
6:09 but with conviction. What you're doing is wrong. What you're doing is sin. And God loves you too much, and he's saying today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not
6:21 like quitting, you know, smoking. You know, I'm I get 3 packs, and I get down to 2, and I get down to 1. You know, this isn't 1 of those where you say, you know, I'm sleeping around, 3 or 4 times a week. I'll cut back to
6:31 2. I'm really making progress. This isn't 1 of those. This is 1 where you say, today, I'm going to break off the relationship. I won't see her or him again. I won't do it in person because if you do it in person,
6:43 you'll be right back into it. 1 phone call, 1 letter, that's it. I'm sorry. This means we're going to figure out how do we live apart. And don't give me that we can't afford to live separately. You can afford to
6:55 live under the judgment of a holy God, but you can't afford to live separately. Go to your closest friends and say, hey, if you love 1 another and it's the right person for you, can I live with you for a while? We need
7:05 to figure out how to court and get our lives pure and right, so we can get married. I don't know what you need to do, but you must take a drastic step. This is the kind of sin that Jesus
7:17 said when he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, poke it out. Now he didn't mean literally because you can sin with the other eye. He needs to be as
7:27 drastic as you need to be to deal as radically as you need to, because it will eat you up. Let me give you 3 very specific ways to
7:39 respond to this, and grow, and overcome it. Because there's victory. 1st, get honest. Get honest.
7:51 Of all the areas, boy, 1st couple, 3 years of my Christian life, oh man. And not that I don't still struggle, but not in the same way. I go out with some girl and do some things I knew that was wrong.
8:04 I'd think some things and be involved in some things and go some places. Oh, 0 God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. 2 days later, oh God, please forgive me. Take it
8:15 away. Take it away. I'm just so sorry. 4 hours later, Oh God. You know, and it's it's driving me nuts. And I remember getting down, you know, thinking maybe if I kneel. Maybe if I kneel, he'll hear me better. You know.
8:28 Oh God. You know, and I'm kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and my lust, and going over boundaries with girls that I know are wrong. And I didn't have a
8:40 mystical experience, and I don't think it was an audible voice from God, but I heard the Spirit's prompting is clear. Hey Chip. Hey Chip. You don't want to quit.
8:53 Hey get real Chip. It's not that you what you don't like is the guilt and the consequences, but you not only don't want to quit, you like this sin, Ingram. In fact, you really dig it. In fact,
9:05 you're getting addicted to it. Now let me tell you something Chip. The moment you get honest and you really want help, I'll help you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray prayers. Oh
9:16 God, God. Get honest. Ruthlessly honest. The 12 step people have much to teach us here. Get to the point where you realize, hey, I can't do this. And that's step 2.
9:28 Get honest, then get desperate or broken. Get desperate. I mean, will power does not have the power to deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome pornography or lust or
9:40 romance novels or cut off an affair by, okay, I'm going to do it. You can't do it. It's too strong. But when you get desperate and say, oh God, I remember I got the point, I said, God, I can't
9:52 lick this. And I could almost sense heaven say, oh great, we're finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't lick this. But when you get desperate
10:04 and admit you can't do it, then you say, will power? No. Grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help
10:16 is number 3. I don't believe you're designed to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's breakfast talked about 1st sharing his pornography problem straight up with his wife. And they
10:28 began to pray about it as a couple. See, what happens is he's humbling himself, isn't he? When you humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace always flows towards humility. God is always opposed to the proud.
10:39 Biblical axiom. And then after that, he got together with 3, 4, I mean, key guys, and he said, I just put it on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm at. And he
10:51 said, 50 percent of the struggle was gone when I got honest with a group of other men. And he says, now they keep me accountable. He actually went very you talk about cutting off your hand, he changed
11:03 shops. He said, I I'm not traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on. I won't do this. It's a it's an addiction. I'm not gonna travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do you need to do?
11:17 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and we'll continue today's message in just a moment. Quick reminder. Do you have the Chip Ingram app on your phone yet? It puts Chip's daily teaching along with
11:29 years of past series, daily guided bible studies, and tons of other faith building tools right in your pocket. It's completely free, and it only takes a minute to download wherever you get your apps.
11:41 Check it out today. Now back to our message.
11:44 Don't leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened if you're in sexual sin, because it's big and it's heavy, because you matter so much. He loves you so much. He doesn't
11:55 want those consequences for you. And you know what? It's not like you're enhancing His reputation. You know, when you've got those issues and then you tell someone about Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess
The Call to Sexual Purity
12:06 what their opinion is? Yeah, that's what I thought Christians were like. There's a lot at stake. I encourage you before you walk out the doors today, determine what
12:18 you will do before the creator of the universe about being sexually pure and clean, and you can leave forgiven, restored, and get tied in with others to help you gain victory. We're all in this boat
12:30 together. Moving on. You motivate, you teach, now notice he affirms them. And by the way, you you need to hear this. He affirms them where? At the point of their
12:42 greatest progress. And what I love too is that, you know, we don't often think about how could you talk about people struggling with sexual purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah. Because you know what? Sexual
12:54 purity isn't the worst sin in the whole world. It's not a good 1, and there's great consequences. But you know, I've got a good, good friend who's discipling a gal right now. And boy, she comes from just a pagan pagan
13:05 background. And she's really starting to grow spiritually, and she's in the Bible, and she's growing, and it just came out here after quite a time. She says, you know, I'm starting to get the feeling that God may not
13:15 want my boyfriend and I to live together. Praise God. You know, we're in journey, we're in process, so look what he says. He says, now about brotherly love, we don't need to write you, for you
13:27 yourselves have been taught by God how to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia, yet we urge you brothers, do so more and more. Do you get this? Right after By
13:39 the way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give right after you've had to do a hard teaching. Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific. He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and I
13:51 hear some good reports. He takes the most valued behavior and their point of greatest progress, and he specifically says, you are loving well. Man, am I proud of you. Your love is awesome. Way to go, Thessalonians.
14:02 Wouldn't it be good to hear that after someone just busted you right between the eyes spiritually, and you realize, wow. I mean, I'm not even on 1st base actually, in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian.
14:15 But you know, God's working in my whole life, and I'm going to deal with that. But that doesn't mean God doesn't care. And it doesn't mean Paul's down on me. It means He wants me to be the man or the woman for God's
14:26 glory and my good that I can be. Affirmation then is followed by correction. And as we move to this last little section, this grows out of
14:38 a misinterpretation and miscommunication possibly of some teaching the Apostle Paul did on the end times, on the return of Christ. And he taught, Jesus is coming back. Jesus is coming back. Just as he ascended,
14:50 so he'll return. Well what happened is, at least part of the group heard this and thought to themselves, you know, it could be today. Well that's right. It could be tomorrow. And then they looked
15:02 around and thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean, whenever you have a need, people just step up and take care of you. You need a meal? They give you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting to grow said,
15:11 you know what? There's no use going to work today because Jesus may be back, and I want to be kind of ready. And why go to work when all these other loving Christians can take care of me?
15:22 But notice how correction comes after affirmation. By the way, that's a good way to do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then correction needs to be do you
15:34 remember? You need to correct any attitude or action that is thwarting their spiritual progress. That means there's a lot of things you don't correct, parents. Chip.
15:47 That means there's a lot of things that, you know, it's really not that big a deal. It just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an action that is thwarting their progress, then you correct. And when you correct, how do
15:59 you do it? Do it after you affirm them. How do you do it? You do it practically, positively, and specifically. Paul's correction is, be responsible. Make an
16:10 impact. He could have said, hey man, what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers, you did not go into work, you misinterpreted what I've said. Man, I'm up to here with you guys, get a job. Now that would have
16:22 been true. That would have been true. But that's not how he did it. Notice how positively he does it. He says, verse 11, make it your ambition to do 3 things. Lead a quiet life. 2,
16:34 to mind your own business. And 3, to work with your hands, not highly esteemed in that day. Just as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now the 1st little thing here about their ambition, leading a quiet life doesn't
16:46 mean that they shouldn't talk anymore. The opposite or antonym of this word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish ambition. So he says, it's not quiet like, don't say anything. It's quiet
16:57 in terms of get your life focused on God's agenda instead of this restlessness that comes in trying to fulfill your own all the time. Secondly, he said, mind your own business. And that doesn't mean that, you know, you
17:08 don't talk to other people and help them out. It says, hey, basically, you know, pay your own bills, take care of your own house, get your own life under control. And 3rd, he gives them a practical way to do it. Get a
17:18 job. And you know, not not not just the jobs that you think are up here or there. He said, hey, he gives great dignity to working with your hands. Now why? Why does he do that? Says there's 2
17:30 reasons. In order that, or so that, our daily life may win the respect of outsiders. Our testimony's on the line. Yes. Amen. And so that you will not be dependent on anyone.
17:41 Hey, don't suck the life out of the group of the church. Get a job, support yourself. And, you know what? People who don't show up, people who don't work, people that are idle, that's not a good testimony. And so you see
17:53 this inspirational encourager, the apostle Paul, and he sees this group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees them in this black pagan culture, and he motivates them, and he helps them see beyond their
Overcoming Sexual Sin
18:05 horizons. And then he teaches or instructs them in their most strategic area of need. And then he affirms them in their area of greatest progress. And then finally, he corrects them. Wouldn't it be great
18:17 to be the person that someday someone in a small group or across the coffee table or in a restaurant, in casual conversation, would say your name, and then behind it
18:29 say, they're the ones that made the big difference in my life. I wouldn't be here today without them. I had a big decision about such and such, and such and such, and they told me the truth. I didn't like it
18:41 at 1st, but they cared enough to correct me. They helped me see things I never dreamed I could do, and now I'm not only doing them, but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great? And it's possible,
18:53 if we would become inspirational encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I think there's an order that's important. And the order is is that you need to motivate
19:06 before you instruct. People don't want to learn until they see the vision. Next, we need to instruct before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching and the behavior
19:18 when they respond to the Lord and to scripture. 3rd, we must affirm before we correct. People need to know their love. Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth goes
19:30 on. And then finally, we need to correct with the motivation in view. Ultimately, what where did Paul He started with, you live lives pleasing to God. And he ended with,
19:42 live a life so that your daily life would be a testimony to others. What? That you're pleasing God. What a thought today that every person in this room, by the grace of the Lord
19:54 Jesus, can please the eternal God of the universe. 2 questions before you leave. Who's the person that you could be a
20:05 mentor to, who needs your inspiration? And for some of you, who's the person you would like to be like, that you might ask this week to help you grow? Even if they can only meet once a month with you, to ask
20:17 them. Would you help motivate and teach and affirm and correct my life? And then finally, you can't impart what you don't possess. Where's God spoken to you today?
Affirmation Followed by Correction
20:30 And for many it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of bring it back. You can't do for anyone else until God does something radical in you. So if you need to
20:42 confess your sin, need to repent, need to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do it right now. Because 0.5 hour from now, it will be foggy. And you'll
20:54 have 9 reasons why it's sorta okay. Right now in this room, the spirit of God is working, and you know what's right. Do it. Just take the 1st step, and God will give you the grace to take the next 3.
21:06 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and a message titled how to bring out the very best in others. Right now, we're in a series called Building Authentic Community, How to Lift Up Those You Love. And
21:18 if you ever want to revisit 1 of these encouraging lessons, just go online to living on the edge dot org. You can also get these daily lessons downloaded automatically by subscribing to the Living on the
21:30 Edge podcast wherever you listen. And if you wanna hear the original full length sermons, subscribe to the Chip Ingram sermon podcast. Bringing out the very best in someone only works if you
21:42 genuinely love them enough to do the work Chip talked about today. Well, that's exactly the kind of love Chip explores in his book, I Choose Love. As Victor Hugo once wrote, the greatest happiness
21:54 of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved in spite of ourselves. And Chip shows that this kind of love, what the Bible calls agape love, isn't about warm feelings or good intentions.
22:06 It's a decision to sacrifice for somebody else's best interest. The same love scripture promises never fails. Get your copy of I Choose Love at a special price today at living on the edge dot
22:18 org slash offers. If today's message brought out something in you, consider doing the same for somebody else by supporting this ministry. Become a monthly partner or make a generous 1 time gift
22:30 right now by going online to living on the edge dot org or by calling us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3. You can also send your gift by mail to Living on the Edge,
Applying the Four Keys of Inspiration
22:42 PO box 3007, Suwanee, Georgia 3 0 0 2 4. Well, now here's Chip Ingram.
22:50 Webster says inspiration is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate, to impel to some creative or effective effort. He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate, or motivate
23:02 by a divine or supernatural influence. Now what we've been examining together is a model of inspiration that comes right out of God's word. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing this letter,
23:14 and he gave him some good doctrine. But what we see here is 4 keys to inspiration. And so as we close our time, let me give you the cliff notes on this. Alright? You wanna inspire someone. You wanna help someone really
23:25 reach their full potential. Number 1, motivate them. Don't assume they're gonna be motivated. Motivate them. Get give them a shot in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose. Say you can do it
23:37 and and set the bar high. Number 2, teach them. So often we motivate but we don't take the time to really teach people the what, the specifics of what they need to
23:49 do, the skills they need to master in order to be successful. That takes time. Don't skip that. Number 3, affirm them. Every time you see people making progress, you need
24:01 to literally jump up and down, give them a pat on the back, verbally affirm them. Your kids, your friends, people can reach their full potential, but they've got to believe that someone believes in
24:12 them. You can be that person. And number 4, correct them. This is a tough 1, but you need and I need to step in when they get off the mark, make it brief, be to the
24:24 point, be specific, and correct them. And you follow these 4 keys of inspiration, moms and dads, I'll tell you what, your kids want to do what's good. So what do you do?
24:36 Motivate, teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this little profile to inspire people.
24:45 Join us next time when Shipp continues our series on building authentic community right here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and
24:56 sponsored by Living on the Edge.
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