Skip to content Beyond I Do Night with Pastors Adam and Ashlee Mesa || Patria Fresh Start Jun 5 · 56 min ...more
Beyond I Do Night with Pastors Adam and Ashlee Mesa || Patria Fresh Start
June 5, 2025 · 56 min
Series Patria Sermons June 5, 2025 · 56 min · Patria Sermons
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Adam Mesa is Lead Pastor of Patria Church and speaks to a congregation of 12,000 about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings purpose to every life. Patria
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0:00 Thanks for joining us. I'm a have some friends join us up here right now. Ashley and I will share a little introduction of what tonight is because it may be your0:11 first time to a Beyond I Do night, which is, just a little bit different. We've been doing them once a quarter, and we do them on particular topics. You may not be familiar with Beyond I Do, but that's, our marriage0:23 and relationship podcast that's connected to Patria that Ashley and I do every week. And we really just talk about marriage, life, singleness, dating, blended families, everything under son, and talking0:35 about how that deals with our faith. And so tonight, in particular, as it's a Beyond I Do night, we're talking about messy marriage. And I know if there's anyone married here, by a show of hands, anyone married by a show0:47 of hands, even if you were once married, you know, you may be new season. So look. Okay. About 90 percent of room we got any single people? Any single people? Raise your hand. If you're single, stand up. Let's do that.0:59 Stand up if you're single and and turn around and, and and and make some eye contact with somebody right now. Alright. Let let you sit down real1:11 quick. We're gonna do this real quick. If if if you are between 20 and 39 singles, stand up. 29 20 to to 39 singles,1:23 stand up. 20, 39. Okay? Don't look at me. I don't wanna look at you. Look at each other. I have no desire. Don't don't check me out. Look at the people around. Why are you sitting already? Why are you nervous?1:34 Look around. K? Alright? Okay. Here's what I'm saying. Sometimes I even forget, I forget about our property. Here's okay. Wait. Hold on. I'll get there in a second. Okay? If you1:46 are 40 and above, okay, 40 and above single, stand up. Stand up. Okay? Just stand up. 40 and above. 40 and above single. Okay? Here we go.1:58 Turn around. Look around. Look around. This wasn't planned. Here's what we're gonna do tonight. Alright? Let's all agree. Tonight, south side fire2:10 pits, not north side. South side fire pits. The 2 so even if you're watching us outside, if you're sitting there, it's okay for right now. When service ends, I'm gonna need you to2:21 vacate the south side of the fire pits because I know there's people sitting watching service right now by the pickleball court. Okay? The 2 fire pits over there, we're gonna call2:33 that the singles connect tonight. Alright? So if you're single and you wanna mosey when this ends, south side. Okay? So south side fire2:45 pits. Here's the thing. If you're married, they're not see you near the south side fire pits. Okay?2:52 We'll bring you guys some snacks.2:54 Yeah. Yeah.2:54 We'll get some s'mores, and you guys can Do2:57 we have s'mores? Can we do that?2:58 We'll we'll make it happen.2:59 Oh, wow. Okay. She's got an army. You know? Yeah. Guess so. She got we'll figure out something. If she3:04 said it, it's gonna happen.3:05 Let me make we work. So Southside fire pits, meet up after service, hang out. Okay? Don't be weird, though. Alright? Just be like, hey. You can exchange Instagram and stuff, but don't get too3:17 excited. Alright? It's just a mixer. Okay? So go thereafter. Alright? Fellas, don't don't don't hide. If you're a single guy, go over there because there's gonna be 90 single women. We need to we need to put some3:29 guys in there. Okay? Just look. It'd be you know, it's it's easy catching fish over there. There's gonna be 10 single guys and 90 single women. So look on the bright side. You'll either make some really great single3:39 women friends, or you may meet your future husband. Okay? And if you meet your future husband, you gotta get proposed here on stage. Okay? So if that happens, if you meet your future, alright, it means you gotta propose3:51 90 days later here on stage. Okay? 90 day fiance is what we're gonna do. Alright? So tonight, what we're talking about particular topic, our first beyond the letter or beyond I do night, we4:03 spoke about we spoke about raising godly children. That was a topic we spoke about last time. So tonight, we're gonna be talking about messy marriage. These are everyone on the stage is a leader in our4:15 church. They're either an elder, deacon, staff member, been here in the church really long time, either have spoken into our discipleship process at Patria or have4:27 been a part of the discipleship process at Patria. And none of which are on staff except for Phil here on the far left. And so everyone here is what we would call4:39 lay leaders in our church. So just like you. You know? And so, in that regard, what they're gonna share tonight is wisdom, experience about how god has used maybe some messy4:50 things in their marriage, how God has used their journey to bring them closer to God, but also bring them closer to 1 another. Okay? So what we're doing tonight is hopefully5:02 here to minister to you guys and give you hope and encouragement. Have you ever felt like you were in the thick of a storm and then you heard about someone else's storm and then you look at your spouse and you're like, I5:13 think we'll be okay. You know? It's like that that's that that that's what we hope, to share with you a little bit tonight. Ashley, do you wanna share anything else on that?5:21 No. You did enough.5:22 Okay. You're get you're you're you're working on snacks right now? Have you started5:24 texting me? I'm working5:25 on snacks.5:26 Basket of snacks.5:27 Basket of snacks. Okay. Well, let's just do this first. Let's go ahead and introduce, our couples that are gonna be sharing tonight, and they're gonna just share a little bit about them first, and then Ashley and I are5:38 gonna jump into some questions. So we'll start over here. Well, closest to me with the Montgomery's. Go ahead. Share some things about us about you, to all of us.5:47 Hi. I'm Alicia Montgomery. This is my husband, Darius Montgomery. We have been married for 31 years, and we've been here at Patriot for 28. Yes. We have 3 sons and5:59 2 daughter in loves and 4 grandchildren.6:02 Wow. 4 grandchildren. We're home.6:05 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright.6:08 Let's go next to the Atkins.6:10 Hi. My name is Renee and this is my gorgeous handsome husband Clay.6:16 Oh, she6:17 can do it. We've been married for 33 years. It'll be 33 years in July. Wow. Have 1 son.6:28 He's 28. We don't have any grandchildren, and, he's still single. So He'll6:36 be on the south side fire pits. Give him6:38 a text.6:38 I hope so.6:39 Send him a text. Yeah. We'll send a helicopter his way. I'm gonna have the next couple up. That I don't I don't know. Pastor Nathan said that. If you said if there's any children in here, you might wanna send them to6:51 Children's Church. Okay? Because because did we say that, Nathan? We didn't. We forgot that. Okay. So it's not that we're gonna purposely try to be inappropriate, but everyone guards their children differently. And so7:02 there may be some intimacy talk somewhere. If you're talking about messy marriage, you're talking about intimacy. Alright? That's in the conversation. So if you want any of your children to maybe not hear that7:11 conversation, you can bring them over to kids ministry. They'll they'd love to to have them over there. Alright. Go ahead, coders. Continue.7:19 My name's Angie, and this is my husband, Phil. We have been together 21 years, and married going on 11 years this year.7:28 11 years married?7:29 11 years married. 21 years together. This year.7:31 Yeah. This year, 117:32 11 years.7:33 Years married. That's amazing.7:35 Have 5 kids.7:37 Yes. We're Ages? Throw throw some ages our way, Angie.7:43 Yes. So Jacob's 20. Teresa's 12. 10, 6, and 7.7:51 There we go. We get we got through it. Okay. Yeah. And so, we have we have the CODAs. We have the Atkins. We have the Montgomery's. And so, we're going to, just begin to8:03 ask some questions. But actually, the first 1 that I wanna talk about, because I'm gonna I'm gonna have it start at first with with Angie and Phil over here, is you mentioned your your8:15 children, which which is 5. But talk about 11 years ago, you guys got married, but you got married in uncommon conditions. So just share really8:27 briefly, Phil, about why you and Angie ended up getting married because you guys were living together. Right? Hadn't met Jesus because you only met Jesus 8 years ago. Not only. 8 years is quite some time, but you've been8:39 married 11 years. So a few years married without him ever meeting Jesus, ever stepping foot in a church, and you were dating and living together much longer. So just tell us why did you guys decide to get married?8:51 Sure. So the short answer is we were in the process of adopting our oldest daughter, Teresa. And the courts9:03 called us and told us the only thing that9:04 was Why9:05 were you adopting her? Well, it's that is Angie's sister passed away. She was 26 years old and the baby was 11 months old when that happened. So9:17 we came in and tried to do the process. This is happening from Utah, the state of Utah to California. We did a whole bunch of paperwork and meetings and all that. And they came back and9:29 told us the only thing that's holding us back from doing that was we needed to get married. So we did that. We I I left work and I said, let's let's go do it today. So we did it that9:41 same day. But it wasn't a conscious decision of we're so in love and we're gonna get married. It was like I mean, we were in love, obviously. We were with each other for9:53 9 years or something. 10 years9:55 at the time. Like, let's walk down the aisle. Let's save some money. Let's let's celebrate our vows and our love. We went to the court.10:03 We went10:03 to the court. Was I wanna support you getting your daughter's We wanted to the baby. Sister's daughter.10:08 We wanted to get the baby. That's what it was.10:10 Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. Well, number 1, it's that's absolutely incredible that that you guys did that. And then Darius and and10:21 Alicia, why why did you guys get married?10:25 We don't have time for all that. Yeah.10:27 Yeah. I'll give you a short version.10:28 Give us the AI summary. It's a10:30 very short version. Yeah. I was in a troubled relationship. I prayed and God answered my prayer. And then I met her 2 weeks later. I went to Somalia, came back in May. We got pregnant in June,10:41 the big 1 up over there, and we got married in September.10:46 3 months. Oh, wait. So wait. I think we missed it. 3 months. You guys got pregnant in June.10:50 Yes. June 19 93.10:52 As boyfriend and girlfriend.10:53 Oh, we were10:54 we were just10:56 oh, we was met.10:56 We was we was You had10:57 just met.10:58 We was in the bed together. That's made it happen.11:00 So because you glossed over that. You're like, oh, I found the love of my life. I met her at a club and got pregnant.11:07 When I met her, I said,11:08 I know that story. So that's what I'm hello? Give us a story.11:13 Don't do that on the south side. Right.11:15 Yeah. On the11:16 south side.11:16 Yeah. Yeah.11:16 So Yeah. We're gonna send you to the south side. You do something like that.11:21 That took our mess. Yes. And he made it into something because we did. We met a club.11:26 Club metro back in the day. What I'm trying to11:28 show you Wow.11:29 Club metro.11:30 Some of you know. There's way too many people that got inside into Wait. Wait.11:34 I wasn't supposed to be there.11:35 Yes.11:36 Because I was I was in 29 Palms and they told11:38 me not to leave the base. But I left to be with some marines that I knew was gonna get11:42 in trouble. Get in trouble. Then I saw And I walked up to11:45 her I said, we getting married. And she's like if you catch me. Yeah. You know I'm a fisherman.11:49 The first night.11:50 Yeah. First night.11:52 He was like I'm gonna marry you. And I was like yeah, if you can catch Yeah.11:55 That's that's a military guy just trying to spit game.11:58 He got fun.11:58 So yeah. So June 9312:00 we got pregnant. September 93 we got married. And May of 94, we were about to get a divorce. Yes. Papers were signed and everything.12:08 Okay. So pregnant in 92,12:10 you In 93.12:11 90 So 12 months later.12:13 Not even 12 months.12:14 Not even 8 months.12:15 It was like December of 93 we're we're separated.12:18 Sign divorce papers.12:20 Oh yes. I had to force her.12:23 I didn't want it.12:24 She didn't want it.12:24 He wanted the divorce.12:26 But I told her this because I was leaving to go to open Iowa for a year. I said, God want us to be married? We'll never see these papers again. Right. I turn them in and we never saw them again.12:35 Wow. Yeah.12:36 Yeah. It was God. It was truly God.12:38 Yeah. And Yeah.12:39 It's it's wonderful how God can, like I said, take our mess, our messiness.12:46 Forgetting this.12:46 And he can really do something wonderful for someone else.12:50 You know12:51 what I mean? Just for it because it's not our testimony, it's for someone else.12:53 Because it's not how you start,12:55 it's how you finish.12:56 How you finish. Good. Yeah.12:58 If you guys don't mind double click on that a little bit. What what was what was the pressure that that caused you to say, hey, divorce may be the answer at first?13:08 You really wanna do?13:09 It's okay.13:10 Yeah. Well, you're on stage13:11 for a reason there.13:13 She caught she caught someone in13:15 our in our apartment in December of13:17 19 It was infidelity.13:18 Yes.13:19 You you use the word infidelity. You caught someone in her part.13:21 I'm Yeah. He's trying to use friendlier ladies.13:24 I'm healed.13:25 You know13:25 I mean?13:26 And God, like I said, he can heal. He basically healed me because he said before I change him because I was crying. He said I need to change you. So God had to work on me and change13:38 you.13:38 But I gotta add this13:39 as she was driving down. She said the holy spirit told her, somebody gonna be at your place.13:43 Audibly and there was only 1 time I heard audibly and the Lord, the holy spirit, he did tell me that. He said, there's gonna be a woman in your house, but you're gonna be okay.13:55 Cause I was like 7 months pregnant.13:57 Yeah. Wow. Yes. With your second.14:00 With our first.14:01 Oh, your first. Okay. Wow.14:03 Yeah. It's truly like I said, it's truly Lord. And you have to know when God is speaking to you. You have to know Yeah. That there's a loving God and we have to forgive. And we have to know that14:15 Yeah.14:16 You can't hold on to things. You know what I mean? If God is loving us and forgiving us, who are we not to forgive?14:22 Yeah. Yeah. So if that was 30 years ago14:27 31.14:28 31 years ago, about how long did it take before you felt like that burden was released? You know? You know, I'm sure it's years. Like, give us a little, you know, like14:40 at what point did you feel like, you know, it it it became a scar? Not no longer an open wound? Nothing like, I know it's there, but I don't feel it. It's you know? How long?14:49 It took a while.14:50 I can14:50 tell you the exact moment, but go ahead.14:52 It it took a while. I'm not saying it was overnight. It took some years. It took some years, a lot of crying,14:59 a lot of pain.15:00 So from 93 to o 4.15:02 Yes.15:03 It took some years, but we're all in progress. And Yep. It yeah. It's not a bed of roses.15:08 You know what15:08 I mean? Oh, yeah.15:09 A song could come on. You know what I mean? But then you have to remind the enemy, you know what? I've been washed and clean. I'm not gonna sit here and have a a session with you devil because my God healed my mind15:21 and healed my heart.15:22 Yeah. Yeah.15:23 So15:23 And and just and and to put clarity, you know, every believer is responsible for forgiveness, but not every believer has to restore, has to have restoration. So you15:34 chose both forgiveness and restoration, which which is beautiful. But Darius, tell us about you said, I remember o 4. Like, what what are you referring to? I was in15:46 a play and I told her I had to kiss this young lady on stage. She didn't like it.15:50 Because you're an actor.15:50 Yes.15:51 People may not know. Yes. So15:52 And that night, we had our opening night. I called her and told her we were gonna hang out. She was like, do what15:58 you gonna do. And I was like, okay.Show more
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