Skip to content Finding Healing After an Abortion with Camille Cates Nov 5 · 24 min ...more
Finding Healing After an Abortion with Camille Cates
November 5, 2026 · 24 min
Series Pray TV November 5, 2026 · 24 min · Pray TV
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0:04 No matter how this happened, this baby is a gift from God. So how can we steward this pregnancy to the glory of God? We love you. We love you.0:16 We love you. We love your baby. You know, we're gonna get through this together.0:29 Camille, welcome to Focus on the Family. It's good to have you here.0:31 Oh, thank you so much for having me.0:33 You know, and it's kind of subdued. You know, usually we're starting with energy, but this is such a serious subject. I read your story. It will unfold as we talk with you, But, man, my heart was heavy just hearing0:44 everything you dealt with. And for the viewers, the listeners, you just wanna kick back here and listen to this story because it is tragic, moving, and redemptive, kind of all at the same time. But,0:56 you know, it's amazing what the Lord has done in your life. Let's let's set it up for those that haven't heard your story, don't know your story. You grew up in a Christian home. You're... I did. I don't even know if1:06 that's accurate. I mean, the home is not Christian. It's your parents Right. Who are Christian. And you were kinda, you know, moving along. You weren't quite sure. Just describe those early years and what it meant to1:18 have Christian parents, and then what was your expectation about your spiritual journey?1:24 Yeah. So my parents were very involved in church. My mom was the preschool director at our church, and my dad, really helped out our deacons. So, I like to say I was there,1:36 pretty much every time the doors were open. So I really grew up knowing a lot, hearing a lot about Jesus, but it wasn't till I was about twelve. I went to a youth camp, and I really truly came1:48 to know Jesus as my Lord and savior. And I don't doubt that experience. I really remember just having a heart of worship and being thankful for what2:00 Jesus did on the cross to pay for my sins. But I went back home and entered high school years and began dating relationships and my parents just really didn't2:12 have a whole lot of discipleship, especially in how to navigate those tricky dating relationships. So I didn't have a biblical foundation for that even though my parents were, Christians. So2:24 I ended up becoming sexually active. By the time I was fifteen And by the time I was sixteen, I had become pregnant. And, my parents eventually found out. My2:36 mom came to me and she said, Camille, do you wanna have an abortion? And I was shocked, coming from my parents. I knew I shouldn't have been having sex outside of marriage, but, I really2:48 just thought of abortion as being wrong, and I can't do that. And I just said, no. You know, mom, I wanna keep my baby. And2:55 Yeah. Let me let me break into that because we're gonna, you know, unfold this a little bit. But the, you know, this idea about your parents maybe not doing enough. I mean, you don't know what3:07 would have happened if they sat you down once a week and said, well, listen, hon. I know you're in high school now, and you're gonna have these attractions. I think being older now, how would you coach your parents, if3:19 you could have, to have done that better? And the reason I'm asking this question is for all the parents that have teens right now.3:25 Sure.3:25 Or grandparents that are listening to have teen grandchildren. What is something that you think, in your experience, would have been helpful? It's a powerful3:37 attraction. It is. I mean, to be educated enough to say no, that takes a lot of input and a lot of character on the child's part as well. So thinking back to that, what's a helpful3:49 hint you would give to parents today?3:51 Yeah. I think, you know, and I've phrased my own, adult children now and navigating those, years with them. And so looking back, thankfully, I was able to take a little bit different approach, but4:03 leaning in obviously to ministries like focus on the family are great way to kind of equip yourself as a parent, but really, you know, we grew up hearing that you needed to have the talk with your children and4:15 it really needs to be an ongoing conversation, because their questions are going to grow and change as they grow in today's society. There's so much coming at them through social media and4:27 what they can get onto in the internet. And if we're not taking the time as parents to go back and spend that dedicated time as awkward as it may be, to just push past that awkwardness and have that4:39 conversation on a regular basis, especially when things come up with their peers or even in the headlines and the news. Being able to make those talking points with your children and then bringing it4:51 back to God's foundation for that and why we are to save sex until marriage.4:57 The importance of that. Yes. No. I appreciate that. And, you know, something we did with the boys, Trent and Troy, they, you know, we tried to reinforce the fact that life will be easier, more5:08 rewarding, spiritually, in a good place if you can, you know, finish school, get married, and have children in that order. And that is statistically true. You know, you will be capable5:20 of shalom, God's peace, if you do it in that order. And there's a lot of chaos when you don't.5:26 And I think too, you know, going back to... For parents to be able to teach their children, even if you have sex outside of marriage, if you get pregnant, that baby... Being pregnant with that baby is not a sin.5:38 Well, let me let me go to that part of the story because that was one of the powerful things I pulled out of your book. And it's a quick read, you know, it's just a little over eighty pages. I mean, but it's powerful.5:49 Oftentimes that's the case, right? The quick reads are the better ones. But when you and your parents talked about you being pregnant at sixteen, seventeen, they were leaning6:00 toward an abortion for you, and your response was powerful, especially given, you know, you were, what I would say respectfully, a kind of Christian lite as a6:12 teenager. You're not totally integrated. But in that context, what did you say to them about, wait a minute. I mean, killing my child is worse.6:23 Yeah. I just... I I couldn't fathom that outcome. I just thought, you know, this is... I know I shouldn't have been doing these things, but abortion's wrong, and I don't wanna do6:35 that. I wanna I wanna keep my baby, and I'm safe6:37 for phenomenal to me because it's such character to be able to say that. I really applaud you that you knew that distinction. Of course, you knew this was wrong, but then that seems to be6:49 totally unacceptable. Yeah. And that... For that age, that was amazing. So what happened with that child?6:56 So thankfully, my parents were supportive, which I think is key, for for people that find themselves in an implant pregnancy. They were supported. They were really worried that I wasn't gonna finish school, So, we7:08 pushed through. I graduated, high school a year early and I started college two weeks after my daughter was born, that summer and so, you know, here I was trying to find things. I was in this7:19 situation that the father had been out of the picture, didn't want anything to do with us. So I was really raising her as a single mom, but I still had this desire to be7:31 a family. You know, God places that in our hearts. And so I wanted, a father for my daughter. I wanted a husband. I wanted a family. So I began dating again, after she was7:43 about eight months old and, but I hadn't been discipled again. I hadn't been given that foundation so I went back to what I knew and how to have relationships became sexually active and7:55 got pregnant again.7:56 And and this is how old are you at this point?7:58 I'm seventeen almost eighteen, I guess, at that time. Very short, short amount of time. So she was only about two months old when I started having this dating relationship, got pregnant again.8:10 Yeah. And this... I mean, this is where people need to lean in a bit. And something happened. Your mom came to your work site and Yeah. Told you something. What happened?8:20 Yeah. So I, my boyfriend was watching my daughter. I was up at work, working one of my part time jobs. She came in and she said, Camille, you've gotta go to the hospital. Something's happened to Lauren. And8:32 so we... I shut things down. We went up there. And within the course of about twenty four hours, had discovered that my boyfriend had sexually assaulted and shaken her to death,8:44 in his care. And, my world just crumbled. And, here I was, I'd lost my daughter, had been betrayed by this man that I thought I cared about, thought cared8:56 about both of us. And here I was pregnant with his baby. And my parents knew, they had known a few weeks before, this all happened that I was pregnant and we... I hadn't hit9:08 the parking lot, to leave the hospital. And they were on me about, you know, we really think you need to have an abortion. You really need to have an abortion.9:16 Well, I mean, there there is so much in that. I can't imagine someone with their back up against the wall any more so than you in that spot. I mean, that that is so tragic in every9:28 direction.9:29 It was. There was a lot of trauma, and I think a lot of people still think of abortion as a stereotypical, like, some girl got pregnant in high school or college. But in working with women for the past9:41 thirty years, there's so much trauma that can be surrounding that decision that just makes it that much harder, for them. And so I really wrestled, you know, I knew abortion9:53 was still wrong. But I think when we don't have that good foundation in god's word, you know, my my theology started to shift a little bit. You know? Oh, well, I'm unique. I have10:05 this unique situation. God's gonna make this okay just this one time. And and I started to rationalize. Looking back, I know that God would have helped me get through that time,10:16 but we just believe that there was no other way and rationalized. And so I ended up having an abortion four days after we buried my daughter. So it was it was a hard time.10:28 Well, our guest today on focus on the family with Jim Daly is Camille Cates, and, we're so grateful for her vulnerability. And, there is more to the story, but we have resources and help for you if,10:40 we're describing or touching on anything that you're experiencing or have experienced. And, you can find details in the episode notes in the program description or give us a call, eight hundred a10:52 family. Family. And, Camille, it seems... I mean, from a human perspective, like, you had no options there. I I I can't imagine. But what what emotions were you experiencing11:04 beyond grief, or or was grief like everything at the moment?11:09 I think, you know, grief was the biggest, thing. And I I remember after the abortion, going home and just laying down in11:21 bed at night and praying that God would just take me, you know, just that despair that you have. And and it was compounded with with the grief of losing my daughter. But,11:34 you know, I struggled a lot with anger, especially at first feeling the betrayal of somebody that, you know, is supposed to love you and care for you and, would do something like that.11:45 And yeah, just get really confusion. I really... My life spiraled for a good couple of years and turned to a lot of drugs and alcohol and other relationships, which11:57 just compounded, the pain with more sin.12:01 Well, and that's an escape mechanism. You know, counselors will tell us that that we're looking to soothe that pain. In that context, you're describing in the book, coming to the12:12 end of yourself. So many people are in that spot, Camille, that are... You know, it may not be the abortion topic. It could be anything, a divorce, infidelity, whatever.12:22 Right.12:22 It's just destroyed their life, and they're sitting on that couch saying... You know, saying to themselves, what what do I do? How is the Lord speaking to you at this point? I mean, it12:34 probably is a weird thing in that it feels like he's a thousand miles away because of your circumstances, yet he's right there sitting next to12:42 you,12:43 so to speak. What did it feel like for you in that context?12:47 He's so faithful. Really, when the Lord started to bring me out of that time of just darkness, spiritual darkness. I remember going on a12:59 date with a former, boyfriend and, he was taking me home and, I knew that he wanted to be sexually active and there was just something that the13:11 Lord did in my heart, and my heart just kind of snapped. And I said, I I know where this leads, and I don't want this anymore. So I I left left that relationship,13:23 and I remember going into my house and throwing myself on the bed and just saying, crying out to God. Like I have chased every single relationship in my life, but the one I have with you13:35 and I am done and I'm ready to pursue this life with you. And my life changed radically.13:41 The insights that, hopefully, you've gained in that in that way, how how do you coach somebody in that grief place? Let's talk about abortion. There's so much grief13:53 and guilt that comes with that. If a woman... You know, again, it could be a Christian or a non Christian, but their circumstances seem to14:05 indicate there's no way out. I've got to do it this way, and they made that decision. Yeah. And it was most likely a blind decision. Obviously, there are other ways, but they didn't have somebody in their life14:17 to say there is a better way to go, whether it's adoption or keeping the child, but not terminating the life of that baby who did nothing to deserve death.14:31 But how do you speak to that woman, and men too, about the guilt of a bad decision, a horrific decision, and then giving that to God? I mean really14:42 giving it to God. Speak to that process.14:46 It it can be a really long process for some people. They just wear guilt like a shroud over them. And, you know, to know that14:59 the punishment for our sins fell on Christ on the cross and being able to turn to him to take that guilt, to take the regret. You know, the Bible talks15:10 about godly sorrow and worldly sorrow. God wants us to take our godly sorrow to him and say, confess. This was a sin and not just the act of abortion. There's there's something15:22 behind that. There's a heart behind the act of abortion and it it is always related to idolatry one way or another. Like, we didn't want something to happen or we wanted something to happen. So we15:34 felt like this was the only way, that we could do that. So really bringing your heart to the Lord and that guilt and letting Jesus take that guilt on for you in15:46 exchange for his righteousness. And that's the only way some people get so stuck in, feeling like God could never forgive them, but Jesus went to the cross to die15:58 for all sin. So when we don't receive that, it's like we're telling Jesus what you did wasn't good enough. I have to somehow, you know, pay my own penance, which16:09 is just a life of works and misery. That's miserable. Christ died for our freedom. So being able to exchange that guilt for his righteousness and receive his grace16:21 and mercy and to walk in that newness of life is really incredible.16:25 And, again, kind of the path to redemption is full of potholes, and you experienced that. You, met your future husband, and that was difficult because of16:37 what had happened to you. Yeah. Describe how you met Troy and then the, you know, the early days of courtship and your feeling about it. It's pretty pretty amazing.16:48 Yeah. It is. I mean, he he's amazing. So we grew up in church together, and Troy and I had always been friends. Our families were friends growing up in church. And so we hung out with17:00 each other. He knew everybody in my hometown knew what had happened to Lauren. It made headlines. So, I knew that he knew that that part of my past, he had just come home,17:12 from seminary, was looking, to go into youth ministry and he found me and we started hanging out again. And one night he shared that he had feelings for me and I just thought, gosh, he's17:24 going into youth ministry and I have this checkered past and, he doesn't need a girl like me, going into that with him. And I think he sensed my hesitation. He looked me in the17:36 eyes and he said, Camille, I know about your abortion and I love you anyway. And I just... It freaked me out a little bit, honestly. And,17:45 I... Describe that feeling, though. It's so important for people to get it. What was the freak out?17:49 Oh my gosh. Just like, what... How does he know about my past and what, why, why is he okay with this? Why does he love me anyway? And I just felt like I had to get out of the air. And so18:01 I left, I went home and on the drive home, I just got such a picture of the gospel, a fresh and a new and that, you know, here he was this guy, he was a18:13 virgin. He was going into youth ministry. Here I was with this simple past and he loved me and wanted to be with me anyway. And you think about God, he's holy. He's pure. He's righteous. We're sinners.18:26 We have depravity, and yet he sent his son Jesus because he loves us, and he wants to be with us anyway. So it's such a sweet picture of the gospel.18:35 It had to be. Camille, let me ask you, the man's side of this. You had a great story in the book about seeing it through the eyes of the of the man.18:47 Mhmm.18:47 Describe that story and the impact it had for you.18:51 A friend of mine was telling me, sharing about her, experience with the man who had had an abortion with her. She had, really been healed, touched by19:03 the Lord, and worked through her abortion experience, and she wanted that for him too. And so they met together, for coffee and, chatted about it. She got to share Christ with him.19:15 And towards the end of their their time together, he goes to pay for the coffee, and he pulls out a receipt out of his wallet and hands it to her, and it's the receipt for her abortion. You know, twenty,19:26 thirty years ago, he had carried with him and kept and held on to. So abortion deeply impacts men. Our society's kind of cut them out of the picture saying it's a woman's body and19:38 it's her choice, but it's their baby. God used both of them to create this baby. And so some men, you know, they kind of fall into one or two categories. Some men,19:51 press and and pressured for the abortion, and they can feel guilt for that later. And then some men didn't have a choice. And their their girlfriend, their partner went ahead and had the abortion. They're devastated. So20:03 it deeply impacts. I've had, friends who've shared their testimony and said elders, have come up to them after sharing their testimony and said, you know, I have an abortion in my past. I've never told anyone,20:15 and I cannot go to my church on sanctity of human life Sunday because it's so painful. So, you know, we really as the church, I'm hoping that we can speak in such a way on this20:27 topic where people who are sitting in the pew find that hope and healing in Christ. They... A lot of them know Jesus has forgiven them, but they don't know the extent of healing that they can experience20:39 through his word.20:40 Yeah. You know, I'm thinking right at the end here. What's so critical is the way we respond as Christians, mature Christians, the church community. And I'm thinking of your parents too, and,20:52 it seemed like they really wanted to do the right thing for you and to help you, but they seemed a bit, you know, confused as well, and what's the remedy that's the fastest to get our21:04 daughter to a healthy place and protect her? And I think in all of that, the question I'd like to end with and for you to talk about is just starting with the parents.21:16 When you sit down at the table and it comes out, mom, dad, I'm pregnant, and they're sixteen, seventeen. Yeah. What is the most important thing21:29 for those parents in that moment to remember?21:31 Yeah. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love your baby. You know, we're gonna get through this together, and, Jesus loves you.21:44 And, you know, no matter how this happened, this baby is a gift from God. So how can we steward this pregnancy to the glory of God?21:55 That's so good. Best thing to remember. And, you know, there's no sin that the Lord cannot cover.22:02 That's right.22:02 And, you've lived it even though it's been difficult, right, to go through that, the many, many potholes, the tragedy of all of your story, and yet probably22:14 responses from those that you cared about like your parents and the people in the church and your husband Troy, it helped you get through it to know that you are cherished, you are loved. Yeah. And they demonstrated that22:26 to you. That's how God feels about you in even more significant ways, right, than we can do humanly. Yes. His love is profoundly out of this world. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's great.22:38 Your story is encouraging, even though devastating. So thank you for being with us.22:43 Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.22:45 Hey, man. I'm feeling the emotion. I mean, if you're in that spot, we're here for you. This is one of the core things that we do. It's not just about telling people the right thing to do. It's the the spiritual,22:57 the emotional connection of all this. The Lord loves you. He cares for you. Call us if you need us, and we can provide resources that will put you on a better path. You will23:09 feel that love, I do believe. Mhmm. And step out of your comfort zone and get the healing that you need by getting in touch with us.23:17 Mhmm. Yeah. We've got details about our counseling team and a way you can set up a counselor referral call free of charge. That contact information is in the program description below. We23:29 also have, copies of Camille's book, Moving Forward After Abortion, Finding Comfort in God. And you can tell she has found comfort and peace in God. Get a copy23:40 of this today, and, we'll be happy to send that out to you for gift of any amount. So reach out to us. Let us help you, whatever point of need you're at. And again,23:52 the details are in the program description or our number is eight hundred, the letter a, and the word family. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daley. I'm John24:04 Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.
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