# Raising Coachable Kids: Lessons From Youth Sports and Pro Athletes Pastor Adam Mesa tells how his 7-year-old felt he lost a championship his team won, and what sports teach kids about character, roles and being coachable. Source: Pray.com — https://www.pray.com/articles/raising-coachable-kids-lessons-from-youth-sports-and-pro-athletes Author: Adam Mesa Category: Faith & Wisdom Published: 2026-10-22 Last revised: 2026-10-22 --- ## Key takeaways - **Character comes first:** Pastor Adam Mesa says his goal for his young son in sports is character development. - **Team wins can feel like personal losses:** A child can be taught to step out of himself and celebrate with the team. - **Roles are earned by work:** Accept the role you are given, and if you want another one, put in the practice. - **Coachable kids stand out:** Attitude, punctuality and how a player handles losing matter as much as skill. - **Give God full effort:** Mesa tells athletes to give God everything with whatever opportunity they have. - **Me-first thinking is everywhere:** Mesa sees individualism shaping sports, work and even the church. ## A championship win that felt like a loss The conversation on this episode of Beyond the Letter began with Mesa's oldest son, Matthias, who is 7. Matthias plays defense on a soccer team that has now won the championship two years in a row. This year the team started poorly, worked its way through the bracket and won the final 5 to 0. Mesa's wife, Ashley, a former professional soccer player, is one of the team's coaches. Matthias had a quiet game in that final. He played his role consistently, but he had no big moment, and he was pulled out in the last quarter. Mesa said every other player had been rotated out too, but Matthias had not done that math. He cried, and he did not want to take a picture with the trophy or celebrate with anyone. Mesa pulled him aside. He told his son that sometimes a player can lose personally while his team wins, and that this was one of those days. In Mesa's words, sometimes "you lose as a player, but you win as a team." Matthias needed to pull himself out of that mindset and go celebrate. He took the pictures, and within about ten minutes he was out on the field playing with his teammates. ## Resilience starts when it is not your turn Mesa said the aim of those conversations is bigger than soccer. As he put it, "For me, it's character development." People often ask him what he wants for Matthias in sports, and that is his answer. He believes the moment a child gets upset is the moment you find out what is in him. He also shared a story from Joseph, a member of his church staff team. Joseph's 14-year-old daughter's team had gone undefeated all season without anyone scoring on them. The day before their championship game, an opponent scored on them and held a lead for the first time, and the girls cried on the sideline and nearly fell apart. They still won on penalty kicks. Mesa said sports teach kids that it is not always their turn, and they learn how to respond when they strike out. He added a note of nuance. If he sees his son pout over not getting to show his effort again and again, that may call for a different path rather than discipline. Mesa grew up running cross country and track, and he knows some children are wired to carry their own results in an individual sport. ## Your role, and the work to change it Mesa described a common scene on the sidelines: parents who want every child to be a striker, because goals are what people celebrate. He said Ashley regularly gets pushback when she places a child on defense or in goal. He and Ashley told Matthias plainly that he is not a good striker, but that he is a great defender who does not let the ball get past him. They also told him that if he wants a different role, he is free to practice in the backyard, and they will coach him more. There are three kids on the team who are better strikers right now, and Mesa asks his son what he wants to do about that. Mesa said his own father had the same conversation with him: if you want it, work for it, and I will invest with you, but I will not open the door for you. He believes these talks prepare kids for adult life, where job interviews and restructuring bring the same questions. A child who learns early to play an assigned role well, and to work toward a different one, has a healthier picture of success. ## What makes a kid coachable Another voice at the table raised the question of whether a child is coachable. A scout might pass over a talented player who cannot take correction, because the next level of competition looks at attitude and body posture as well as skill. Mesa's own checklist is practical. He looks at whether a player comes to practice on time, communicates in the plays, stays attentive in the huddle and encourages teammates after a loss. He sees the same traits in the workplace. Some people, he said, are strong performers, but "when you lose, you suffocate the room. And then when you win, you take all the glory." He described people who pout after the team wins because their idea was not picked or they did not get the time or role they wanted. One of the others shared a story about a three-point shooting contest with a younger brother who played professional basketball for ten years. The brother made every shot, yet kept getting frustrated, because he was working on his footwork for a tired body and a loud crowd. The point was that a coachable player attends to fundamentals, not only to the result. ## Becoming the man before choosing the career Asked whether he would let his sons skip college for the pros, Mesa said it would depend on the situation. A degree can come later, and he said the larger issue is what kind of person they become. For about four or five years he served as a chaplain at an athletic training center that prepared football players for the draft. He described 21-year-olds whose agents covered their expenses, who arrived in leased luxury cars and lived in a bubble. Some had good heads on their shoulders, and others needed the kind of talking-to a parent would give. For his own sons, he said, the question is "what type of person are you going to become." He also tells a story at football chapels. A running back, second string on his team, had been a college star and acted like a first-stringer. He showed up late to film and unprepared to practice. The coaches finally cut him. Two weeks later the starting back was injured, the third-stringer moved up, and that team won the Super Bowl. The man who had been cut never played again. Mesa's lesson to those teams is direct: "whatever opportunity you've been given, give God 100 percent of it." He said the young man missed out over basic duties, such as watching film and arriving on time. He is one decision away from everything he has prayed for, Mesa told them. ## When "me first" reaches the church The conversation widened when one voice noticed that many of the best NBA players now come from outside America. Mesa connected that to what he sees in church life. He said American individualism has crept into sports, work and faith. He described people who expect a church to do everything exactly as they want and pastors who will not partner with other churches or community groups. He pointed to Korea, Brazil and parts of Africa as places where the church conversation is now looking. In his view those cultures are more communal, more willing to play a role behind the scenes as long as the team wins. He also said college athletes who earn big money and appear on billboards can start to say, "This is me," and lose sight of the team. ## What this means for you If you are raising children, Mesa's examples invite a few honest questions. When your child is upset about a role, do you rescue them or help them see the team? Do you coach them to work for what they want, or to wait for it to be handed over? Mesa also spoke about legacy. He said his greatest hope is that his sons keep their relationship with God through whatever success comes, and that, as he put it, "they don't succeed on the graveyard of other people." He does not see his children's success as something he is owed in return. Seeing them thrive in the land God has given them is his legacy. You may find the same questions apply to you. Where do you feel you lost while your team won, at work, at church or at home? Can you step out of yourself and celebrate anyway?