# How to Keep Faith Boundaries With Catholic Family After Converting Pastor Adam Mesa and Ashley talk about loving Catholic family while staying true to your own convictions, from communion at weddings to criticism at Christmas. Source: Pray.com — https://www.pray.com/articles/how-to-keep-faith-boundaries-with-catholic-family-after-converting Author: Adam Mesa Category: Love & Relationships Published: 2026-10-22 Last revised: 2026-10-22 --- ## Key takeaways - **The hurt is real.** Pastor Adam Mesa says there is no way to keep family disapproval from stinging when you follow Jesus out of the church you grew up in. - **Jesus names two families.** Your biological family matters, and so does the family of God. - **Observing is different from participating.** You can attend a Catholic wedding with respect and still decline the sacraments. - **Saying you don't care has a limit.** Adam means he will not let a relative's judgment shape his heart, and he keeps loving the person. - **Keep the door open.** Keep inviting, keep showing up, and let your peace do the talking. - **You don't need every answer.** A new believer can say that they don't know and keep following Jesus. ## A question from new Christians with Catholic families Co-host Ashley opened this episode of Beyond I Do with a topic several listeners had sent in. These are married women who have recently become Christians, while their parents and relatives still practice Catholicism or still call themselves Catholic. Some of those relatives have drawn a line: don't bring your Christianity into our Catholicism, and we won't bring ours into yours. Ashley described one friend whose mother invited her family to a Catholic event. The friend's kids loved it, became Christians, and were baptized. The friend goes to mass in support of her mom, but when her daughter wanted to be baptized, her mom said she would not come. The friend asked how she could respect her mother's beliefs without letting her own feelings get in the way, when respect only seems to run one direction. ## Why it hurts, and what Jesus said about family Adam did not offer a way around the pain. People ask him how to keep this from offending or hurting them, and he told them it will not feel good. He then pointed to a moment in the Gospels when Jesus finished teaching and someone told him that his mother and brothers were waiting. > But he answered him who spoke to him, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” He stretched out his hand toward his disciples, and said, “Behold, my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother.” > > ([Matthew 12:48-50](/bible/web/matthew-12/#v48), WEB) Adam read in that scene a clear picture of two kinds of family. In his words, "you have blood, and then you have the family of God." Following Jesus does not cancel the first, but it does mean a second family exists, made up of people who are hungry for God. ## Guests in someone else's worship Much of the conversation was practical. Adam said he has been to Catholic weddings and services and does not mind that he cannot take communion there, since he is not Catholic. When offered a blessing, he says no thanks, because he is there to honor a covenant between two people and God. He sees the Catholic Church as a body whose differences with Protestants fall within Christianity, because both affirm the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, and he said he believes there are saved Catholics. He drew a harder line with groups such as Mormonism and Jehovah's Witnesses, which he called different religions, and said he would not worship in those spaces. He also separated observing from participating. Watching worship as a friend or a student of religion is one thing, and joining in is another. To show how a guest should behave, he described conservative churches where lifting hands or clapping is discouraged. His answer there would be to restrain himself or step out, and to respect the culture of the room even where he disagrees with it. Ashley applied this to a woman who took communion at a Catholic wedding and was called out by her cousin. Ashley said she herself does not take communion in a Catholic church, because it is not where she worships. Then she told the woman how she handled the same kind of comment: "everyone can have their own opinion. Everyone can have their own conviction. Thank you for sharing yours. I'm good with mine." Adam added that if the critic is a practicing Catholic, a humble apology as a guest is fitting. ## What "I don't care" really means Adam said the phrase "I don't care" many times, and he spent time explaining it. He argued that the people most eager to judge are often not practicing their own faith, and he said practicing Catholics have more standing to speak about differences than people who identify with a religion without living it. Either way, he does not want judgment to set the tone of his heart. He was careful about what he meant: "So when I say don't care, I'm not saying don't care for them." He said Protestants often feel real grief for Catholic relatives who seem full of religion with little personal relationship with Jesus. What he refuses to do is let their disapproval steer him. As he put it, "I'm not going to let your religion get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. I'm not going to let your hate get in the way of my peace." The two also talked about how family tries to provoke. Adam said Ashley came from a background of rage bait and passive aggression, while he came from a stoic family, so when someone pokes, he answers calmly and does not take the bait. Ashley wondered aloud whether some relatives are looking for a moment to catch an outspoken believer in a mistake. ## Keep loving, keep inviting, keep your peace When relatives pull away, Adam's advice was to keep loving them and keep extending the invitation. He said he would show up at Thanksgiving and Christmas and keep inviting family to church events and a child's baptism. If they refuse, he would not hit back. Family knows you will not quit, he said, so they often hit hardest, and he does not feel he needs to punch back. He would say he is sorry they feel that way and that he will be in church Sunday if they want to join. You cannot change anyone's mind, he said. What you can do is "walk in integrity and peace and character and love," which he connected to the fruit of the Spirit. > But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. > > ([Galatians 5:22-23](/bible/web/galatians-5/#v22), WEB) Adam said that change may take months or decades, and that some people never come around. He believes the calmer you are, the more family may notice something different in you, while anger shows that you have not found peace. ## Small things, and not having all the answers Adam also shared a lighter side of the transition. Former Catholics in his church thank him for the mass, ask him to bless their baby, or call his sermon a homily. He is glad to pray blessings over people, since that is biblical, and he tells them gently that his church says service and sermon, though they are welcome to use their own words. He said people bring whatever they have learned with them, and new believers need people to walk beside them while they learn new language and practices. He told new Christians they do not have to have everything figured out. If a relative presses a theological question, it is fine to say that you don't know yet. He said it is also fine to ask about a grandmother's faith before deciding what to say, because some Catholic grandmothers love Jesus, and some practices drift into things he considers pagan, which calls for a more direct conversation. Adam closed with a note about raising kids. When his seven-year-old asked to be baptized, Adam asked who Jesus is, and he wants his son to understand salvation before he is baptized, instead of repeating words after his dad. The same goes for everything in family faith: he wants his children to know why they do what they do. ## What this means for you If you are the first believer in a Catholic family, or in a family from any other background, expect some pain and plan for it. You are allowed to feel it. You do not have to answer every criticism or argue every point, and you do not have to pretend the tension is not there. You can honor the people you love, show up to their celebrations as a respectful guest, and stay clear about your own convictions. Then let your peace speak. A calm, steady, loving life is hard to argue with, and it keeps the door open for the day a relative is ready to ask what changed.