# ADHD and School: What One Couple Learned Raising a Son With ADHD Pastor Adam Mesa and his wife Ashley talk about their son's ADHD diagnosis, how school made Adam feel, and why they believe discipline and patience belong together. Source: Pray.com — https://www.pray.com/articles/adhd-and-school-what-one-couple-learned-raising-a-son-with-adhd Author: Adam Mesa Category: Love & Relationships Published: 2026-10-22 Last revised: 2026-10-22 --- ## Key takeaways - **Wait for confirmation.** Adam and Ashley chose not to label their son until the diagnosis was confirmed. - **Advocate for your child.** A teacher told Ashley she had to speak up for her own son, and the family moved from "he's just a boy" to getting him tested. - **Different is not wrong.** Both parents want their son to know nothing is wrong with him, even though school can make a child feel that way. - **Discipline still matters.** Adam believes ADHD should never become a crutch or an excuse, and that parents have to keep structure in place. - **Medication is a real question.** Adam is not against it, and he and Ashley urge listeners to talk with their own doctors. ## A New Year's conversation that turned to ADHD On the January 1 episode of Beyond I Do, Pastor Adam Mesa and his wife Ashley started with resolutions: starting a master's degree together, cutting back on snacks, and a new campus in Newport Beach. Then Adam brought up something they had not yet shared on the show. Their oldest son, Matthias, had recently been officially diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, the same kind Adam has. They are choosing a non-medicated route for now. Their youngest son does not have ADHD, and Adam described him as very attentive. Adam said looking at Matthias is like looking in a mirror, so patience comes more easily to him. Ashley is the one learning the most right now. ## Not speaking a label over your child too soon Adam said he and Ashley decided not to speak anything over their son unless it was confirmed. They did not want to say he had ADHD for ten years and then find out he never did. Adam added that he meets people who say they have it when he doubts it, and others who may need to look at their options. Ashley described how hard the decision was. Many people told her he was just a boy, and she wondered whether he was being defiant, even though their home is disciplined. She noticed that Matthias stands up or paces while doing homework, picks at his fingers, and can zone out until someone touches him. His grades were still good, but second grade was asking more of him. His teacher gave her a look and said the testing would help him more than it would hurt him. She also told Ashley to advocate for her own son. Ashley left that meeting and felt something within her pushing her to call Adam right away. As she told it, "I think it's time for us to get Matthias tested." She felt comfort from the Holy Spirit and told both of their families. ## What school felt like for Adam Adam said he has a lot of issues with education, and he was clear that he does not blame the people in it. He understands that schools build for most of the room. Still, he described how it felt to live on the other side of that design. He never had a summer without summer school, from elementary school through high school. He told about the 250-question Bible quiz required to finish his bachelor's degree. It was timed, with fill-in-the-blank questions and dates, and he said even four hours would not have helped him. He failed it more than once. At 22, he thought he should keep running his marketing company and simply love Jesus as a lay Christian. He said no professor encouraged him; he was processed through like cattle. Finals did the same thing: he could go in with an A and finish the week with a C. As Adam put it, "All I know is it didn't make me feel great in school." He said extra time can send a quiet message that a student was too dumb and needed longer than everyone else, though he is grateful for schools that create real opportunities for students with ADHD. ## Different, not wrong Both parents said they refuse to treat their son as if something is broken. Ashley said Matthias is created differently, and that he is very smart. Adam said society, and school in particular, can make someone with ADHD feel that something is wrong with them. He pointed to the drive and determination in many entrepreneurs and CEOs with ADHD. They want their son to hear a different message early. Ashley also found that his diagnosis changed how she speaks to him. She said her own tone is always at a level 10, so her son cannot tell the difference between something big and something small. She now tries to be patient and clear. She also said it was painful to look back at times she could have communicated better when she told him to sit down and calm his body. She did not want fear or a label to decide for her. In her words, "I want to help my kid the best way I know how," and that includes educating herself as his mother. ## Why discipline still matters Adam was firm that ADHD is not an excuse. If Matthias said he did not do something because of his ADHD, Adam said he would tell him that it is not a crutch. He also said that ADHD is a chemical difference. "You can't discipline that out," he said, so parents have to change how they communicate and parent. He warned against changing so much that a child finds a loophole. Parents should still decide bedtime, diet and how a child talks to people. Adam said the first conversation with a parent should not only be about what accommodations to ask for, but also what level of discipline to keep. He sees parenting as preparing a child for adulthood. He applies the same standard to himself. He said Paul tells believers to discipline the flesh, and he does it. As he said, "I discipline my flesh." He tells himself to finish a task, stretch his legs for ten minutes, then go back to it. When he has nothing to do, his ADHD shows most. A friend once told him he did sixty things in twelve minutes in his backyard. Adam said no career is closed to someone with ADHD, though a job that demands sustained attention will take a lot of discipline. ## Open questions about medication Adam said he is not against medication, and he said some people may need it. He took it in college and was getting papers done, but he felt it was taking away the creative, artistic side of him. He wonders where a condition is a brokenness that came with sin in the world, and where it is simply part of how God made someone. He said he would like to ask God about that, along with whether ADHD or OCD are healed in heaven. He also said he plans to reach out to a well-known doctor to talk about where the line is. Both of them reminded listeners that they are not trained medical professionals and encouraged them to consult their own doctors, physicians and therapists. ## What this means for you If you think your child may have ADHD, this conversation does not give you a diagnosis. It does show a few steps a family took: listen to the teacher, ask for testing, and avoid labeling your child before you know. Ashley asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom, and you can bring the same question to prayer. It also shows that you can hold two things together. Your child may be wired differently, and you can still keep the structure, speech and habits that help them grow up well. If you have ADHD yourself, Adam's story is a reminder that a hard season in school does not decide what you can do. Adam said he talks about this often because so many people live with it, or have children who do, and do not know what to do. After he spoke openly on another podcast, he received hundreds of messages from leaders. If you are carrying this quietly, you are not the only one.